A couple years ago, I was invited by a friend to join a group of Facebook. Upon reviewing the group, I found that it was indeed Christian focused and designed specifically for women. I thought, “Great! Another way to get … Continue reading
Journal:
I woke up so cold today. This is the coldest I have felt yet. I honestly haven’t struggled with the desire of wanting something hot to eat yet, but I’m wondering if the colder temperatures will get me yet.
I actually was on the ball this morning. I was up and ready faster than normal. It has been my week to do worships at work, so I had everything ready to go and was even at work at my earliest time yet. I was impressed with myself today!
So, I have been thinking about ways I can get in more calories throughout the day, and today I knew that not only did my class had Reading Buddies with another class, it was my turn to have that time off. During Reading Buddies once a week, we take turns on which classroom the students go to and it is the duty of that classroom’s teacher to supervise while the other gets a short break. It really works nicely because what teacher doesn’t like a little bit of an extra break? I know I always have a ton of things to do, so a little extra time is nice.
While they were outside at morning recess, I quickly went to the kitchen and made a smoothie from three peaches, some water, and three frozen bananas. It actually was really good and I was able to drink it while my students were with their Reading Buddies.
I honestly don’t know where these giant mugs came from, but they were in our school’s kitchen so I’ve been using them. I seriously want to invest in one because they are the perfect size to sip away on a smoothie while still looking somewhat professional.
Throughout the rest of the day, I managed to eat two Mandarin oranges. It wasn’t a lot, but I definitely felt better after having that smoothie in the morning. If I could just figure out a way to make a smoothie each day, I’d be winning!
I ended up with two impromptu meetings after school. Following those meetings, I came home and put my dog outside. The sun had come out and had raised the temperatures to a nice, snow-melting temperature. So I figured my dog better enjoy it while he can.
Once he had been outside for awhile, I brought him back in, gave him some food and a treat, and hit the mall. I was on the hunt for white slippers to go with my pyjamas for Pyjama Day tomorrow. Do you think I could find what I wanted in any store in the mall? Absolutely not. It is a 2-floor, multi-level mall, and yet had nothing that I wanted. I then drove to another store and spent forever in there trying things on to change my outfit. But honestly, it all was to little avail. I came out with a new pair of pyjama pants that were on sale and only half-heartedly looked forward to tomorrow.
So amidst the hours of stress, fast-pace walking, jumping in and out of clothes, I managed to eat the apple I had stashed in my pocket. It was another Fuji apple that thankfully was delicious, but honestly it did little to fuel the calories I was burning off throughout the evening.
I ended up stopping by Subway to pick up a pre-chopped salad. I hadn’t eaten my nightly supper yet, and it would have taken too long to make my usual dressing and chop up all of the salad ingredients. I’m already not getting enough sleep and am preparing for a long day tomorrow as we have a staff meeting after school. So, I decided that assistance would be nice on this particular day.
The Subway lady was really nice. It was a half hour before closing (to give you an idea of how long I was running around), but she brought out her freshly washed tools to chop me up some tomatoes, cucumber, bell peppers, red onion and lettuce. Instead of choosing a regular dressing, I had guacamole on top (essentially mashed up avocado). I then took it home and added some chopped up mushrooms and made my dressing. Now, I didn’t know this before, but I definitely know it now. I do NOT like rosemary. Oh my word. I almost had to choke down my dressing (hence why it is in the bowl on the side). I would have much rather enjoyed the salad with just the guacamole. And do you want to know something? I actually finished this salad in less than an hour (it went down a lot easier once the dressing was gone…) AND I could have eaten more. I actually liked it simple. My tastebuds are improving!
As you’ll notice, the dressing looks a little chunkier than normal; that’s because it was. The amount that I used, according to the recipe, was just enough to fit under and around the blades of the Vitamix . Even when I added a Roma tomato to the blender to see if that would help, it just built up along the walls of the blender. So… yes… a little chunky.
If you want the original recipe, here it is (I think this is another Fully Raw Kristina recipe.. if you like rosemary, I’m sure you’ll love it):
-2 Cups Mango
-Handful of Dates (Approx 10)
-Handful of Fresh Rosemary
So tomorrow, the plan is to try and get a smoothie made first thing in the morning again. If I don’t wake up early enough, then I won’t be having a smoothie until lunch time which could still work. I will just have to eat some Mandarin oranges in the morning and have the smoothie in the afternoon. I will also take an apple or two to have during our staff meeting so I don’t eat all the chips and snacks they usually bring out. This will be probably my first staff meeting without indulging in junk… so here we go!
Review of Symptoms:
-Acne still bad… very bad…
-Hair is so soft, shiny and beautiful.
-Energy is still holding up despite everything going on.
-Eyes seem to do better when not on the computer as much.
Weight at the end of the day = I’m so sorry. I didn’t stay awake long enough to weight myself.
Total Calories = 1175 (89% carbs, 5% fat, 6% protein… still not yet enough food but slowly I’m getting there!)
I’m going to cut right to the chase because I know we live in a world where everyone cares about themselves. So let’s take a good hard look at this: we are soon going to have no free clean water left. Which actually means, we will have no clean water left. Any water we will drink will have to be cleaned, filtered, treated, etc… How’s that for a hard fact?
I know, I know. Having clean water is a basic human right that us in first world countries should always have access to while we try and help those in third world countries get access to it. But the reality is, the water in our own countries is getting worse, much worse. Why are we going to be out of clean water? Keep reading.
For starters, it’s been in the new for quite awhile that Nestle has been in British Columbia, leeching every bit of fresh, clean water that they can get for a steal of a deal. Meanwhile, they are turning around and selling it to us to drink. In fact, the CEO of Nestle stated that he doesn’t believe water should be a human right. He believes that everyone in the world should have money to pay for water of which he in turn will become rich from. How’s that for caring for fellow humanity? I don’t know about you, but Nestle got knocked down in a big way in my books. I’ve been on mission trips and seen how bad it gets to have any water in third world countries. Do we want it to become like that around here too? Aren’t we supposed to be helping those less fortunate than us because we have plenty? I think we’re on our own way downhill faster than you think.
Secondly, have you done any research on the condition of our oceans and seas? Not to mention, have you ever just driven down the roads or looked in parking lots in the cities? Humanity has no concept of keeping things clean! People throw out their garbage everywhere. There are islands of birds and sea creatures that are dying because of the pollution and garbage in the waters. We are killing the very species we all love to see. Why? Because we waste so much and don’t contain where our waste goes. Did you know that some sea animals (including birds) can’t even tell the difference between garbage and actual food anymore? That’s how messed up we’ve made the world!
Thirdly, and this is where this conversation has arrived from. In one day, in 3 or less stores/restaurants, I had to turn off running taps, left running full blast, 4 times. What is wrong with people? I mean, these are ADULTS. And we can’t even have enough value to turn off clear running water? Are we really that stupid? Are we really that wasteful? Are we asking to be in a third world country? This angers me so much. A simple, MANNERISTIC activity of turning off the tap when you are done. It’s not that hard. In fact, listening to your parents growing up, it’s the right thing to do. And if you are terrified of getting germs from the tap, then grab a piece of paper towel and turn it off with that. There’s no excuse. Take responsibility for the world we’re living in!
*Deep breath* Ok. This issue bothers me a lot, as you can tell. What are your thoughts? Does it bother you like it does me or am I alone in this feeling? Leave it in the comments below!
The title may not be quite what you are thinking. I’m not even going to touch on the fact of the extra paperwork that comes with switching grades, the hours of preparing for something you would have otherwise not had to prepare so much for, and of course the task of learning a new curriculum. All of those make changing grades difficult, but that’s not what I’m focussing on today.
Today was our first day of school, and as you’ll read in my next post, I didn’t quite have the start to the year that I had planned. However, for all the preparations I did, today is what shook me up the most.
A little background for those who don’t know, I’ve essentially taught grade 6 for the past 5 years. That whole pre-teen mentality is what I’ve become accustomed to and primed to deal with. I loved it. But with an expanding school and a new principal, some changes were made, and I was asked to take on grade 2. I’ve been wondering if I would regret it ever since.
Everything went well. To be honest, it went way better than I thought it would. Surprisingly, the grade two students actually listen better than the grade sixes… go figure! But, when I walk into the hallways, and I see my previous students, I see the students that I had grown to know over the last year in anticipation of teaching them this year (before my assignment change), I can’t help but feel out of place. I feel like a skeleton of a person, just doing the job because I know how to do it, but not because I’m actually supposed to be there. It’s weird. Even my previous students stopped me and said they still didn’t picture me as a grade two teacher… because I’ve always been grade six to them! It’s just a strange feeling…
As I said, the day actually went very well. But there is so much to get used to. Grade two thinking is on a much more basic level than the complex conversations we would have in grade six. It takes them much longer to figure out problems and what I could consider simple tasks than the speed and accuracy my grade sixes could accomplish. I have never really had to teach reading before, nor spelling on such a basic level. I was a little shocked and blown away with the amount of help I needed to provide the students while creating an “About Me” booklet. It’s just so different from what I am used to.
I had a minute to talk to last year’s grade 2 teacher who is now teaching high school. She mentioned that after her first day in high school, she missed the grade 2 class. For her, the change was the opposite of mine. She missed the love and hugs you get from the younger children, and the kindness they speak to you in. Whereas high school students are very standoffish and can be rude in their talk. It’s completely different for her as well.
Are you a teacher that has switched grades? Do you know the “out of place” feeling I’m talking about? I’d love to hear your experience below and even suggestions on what you did to feel more “in place”. I’m sure time will help, but any extra advice is definitely appreciated!
Supporting you husband… this is not always an easy topic. Sure, when you’re getting along and all is right in the world, it is easy to do things for your husband – happiness just works that way. But what about the times he’s upset you? What about the times he seems so selfish and careless towards you or doesn’t take the time to appreciate anything you do? It’s not so easy then… That’s when bad thoughts start seeping in… “Don’t appreciate me doing your laundry? Do it yourself!” “Do you have to drink out of 10 glasses a day? Do you own dishes!” “Leave your stuff all over the house? I quit!” “This is the third year you’ve done nothing and ‘forgot’ our anniversary? Why are we even married?” Ok… so hopefully it doesn’t get to the point of the last one, but you get the point.
I can honestly say I’ve had my fair share of these kinds of thoughts, but I know it’s wrong and really fight against them. However, I’m human and still fall short of my respecting goals at times. So what do I do?
Well, lately I’ve been returning to the Bible. I cannot tell you how much I admire the women I’ve seen that honestly seem to respect their husbands no matter what. I mean, you can never really tell what goes on behind the scenes. But those women who clearly put their husbands first inspire me so much! So the Bible, the ultimate tale of love, is where I turn to. And you know what happens? I begin to realize how I need to act again.
My husband and I had a so-so night last night. Parts of it were good, but he’s struggling with a few things and handles it differently than I would. So of course, I want to set him straight, to tell him how to fix things and how to do it “my way”. Even now as I’m writing this, that’s starting to sink in… it’s my way. Wow… I’m trying to make him do things MY way. Me. It’s all about me. Ugh… sometimes reality really results in humility. He’s not me.. He shouldn’t have to do everything MY way. Ugh…
Anyways, after going out for supper, we came home, and he wanted to nap before going to the gym because he was exhausted. Of course, both him and I knew this meant he probably wouldn’t get up to go to the gym, but I didn’t make a deal about it because I’d rather him feel better than not. I was not as exhausted, and woke up at 1:30 a.m. I had the option to stay in bed and sleep, or realize that he doesn’t have any clean work shirts for tomorrow, and that would really start his day off badly if he did not have any clean work shirts to wear. He’s in the sales business and looking good is part of the job. So instead of rolling over and going back to sleep, I quietly snuck out of the bedroom, careful not to wake him up, and came downstairs to do a couple loads of laundry. Now, he didn’t treat me like something great last night, and quite frankly, there are some nights I’m glad he goes to sleep so we can wake up and start a new day, but that doesn’t negate the fact that I still love this man and I married him for a reason.
I think too many of us forget that part. We get too caught up in the stresses of life and whether we want to admit it or not, neither our partners nor us are perfect. We just aren’t. We don’t always treat each other like we should. Jobs get in the way. Responsibilities get in the way. Bills and money issues hugely get in the way. And that’s even without raising children in the picture! But it doesn’t hurt to take a step back every once in a while and truly think about why you even married that person in the first place. Make a list of the things you have liked/still like about that person. Focus on the good, and not the bad.
My husband works long hours to try and support me. He took a risk changing careers which hasn’t wielded all the results he expected it to right away which is a lot of his stress lately. I know he deals with it badly because he wants to be the breadwinner, he wants to be able to get me anything in the world that I could want. I so admire him for that. And to be honest, I don’t just admire him for that, I know that he puts in more hours than anyone else he works with and I believe that he will get to the level he wants just because he tries so hard. He’s incredible that way. He also was brave enough to even take a risk, one that I don’t think I would have had the guts to do. He’s not afraid of bugs and handles them for me, but not like anything you’re probably thinking. My husband taught me a dear lesson in life, and that’s the fact that just because bugs are annoying, they still were given life as a gift too. My husband will NOT kill bugs unless he needs to. If it’s just a housefly in our house, he will catch it and release it outside. That goes for moths, larger bugs, etc… He humbled me. He is also extremely trusting. I know a lot of men who handle all of the household finances, and the wives essentially ask for permission to use certain monies and never get involved with the family’s finances. It’s the opposite for us. I’m a little OCD when it comes to money because I’ve had to support myself when there was little to support myself on. Literally, a $1 bag of Crispers from the discount store would be a meal because that’s all I could afford. So when it comes to debt and bills, I need to know what’s going on and need to see progress being made. My husband trusted me enough to hand over that responsibility. It took stress off of him when we became a united household, and I get my ability to do what I need to do. I mean, seriously, how many men would do that? Even writing these few things renews the appreciation and love in my heart for my husband. He may have some habits I don’t like, but that’s not what matters. What matters is we are here in life and love to handle the situations life throws at us together. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
So ladies, and husbands if you’re reading this, stop complaining, stop griping, stop being so negative towards each other. Understand that you do not have to agree on everything. You can agree to disagree and be happy. Just sit back and remember why you fell in love in the first place, and never stop putting each other first.
Mark 10:9 – “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Proverbs 21:19 – “It is better to live in a desert land Than with a contentious and vexing woman.”
Colossians 3:18 – “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”
Ephesians 5:22 – “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”
Proverbs 14:1 – “The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.”
Ephesians 5:33 – “Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”
Titus 2:5 – “to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.”
And of course, read Proverbs 31 for the great description of a woman in Christ.
I hope this helps you all! If you have any marriage advice, I would love to hear it below. ❤
I’ve delayed in writing this blog post. The past few days have been a whirlwind for me. Not because I’m cleaning up my classroom, preparing for a new grade, but because the world has changed ever so quickly, and I needed to make sure my own emotions were not mixing and leading my thoughts but that rather my beliefs were the driving force behind my words.
When I decided I wanted to turn vegan, I thought what better place to learn than to join vegan groups on Facebook where people are continuously discussing ways of doing things better and on improving lifestyles. What better place would you get a mix of people who are starting out in their vegan adventure, as well as though who are tried and true veterans to the lifestyle. I did enjoy these facts, but I wasn’t prepared for what was coming.
As many of you know (and if you didn’t, I don’t know how you could have missed it), but the states have just legalized same sex marriage. To some people it’s no surprise, to some people it’s a reason to lash out, and to some people it’s a reason to celebrate. I was prepared for those reactions. What I wasn’t prepared for was the anger backing people’s responses. And it took a few days for me to truly understand what was going on.
Unfortunately, one of my vegan groups posted about this legalization and stated that you will never find a “homophobe vegan”. A man simply stated (though not in words I would have used) that he was not a “phobe” by the meaning of the word “phobia” as in being scared. He simply was using Biblical pieces to back-up the point that he did not support the movement. The backlash he received was incredible. And as I noticed he was the only one defending his beliefs, I decided to try and approach the conversation in a loving but understanding way. You see, I’ve noticed people are very quick to criticize Christian beliefs as being old and not modern day. But I knew that this is often because Christians have made a bad name for themselves.
I once saw a conversation where Christians were attacking an atheist. I could see where her comments and attacks were coming from. I couldn’t stand Christians reacting in this kind of way so I entered the conversation as well and simply responded to her questions and comments in a loving, non-judgemental way. It took quite awhile, but believe it or not, she thanked me for talking to her the way I did and explaining things the way I had. Of course she assured me she wouldn’t become Christian anytime soon, but that wasn’t the point of my discussion. The basis of my discussion was love.
So I figured that maybe if love was presented the right way in this vegan conversation, then maybe the hatred I was seeing would dissipate and the group could go back to the original purpose of becoming vegan and standing for animal rights. However, I’m sad to say it did not work that way. No matter how many times I reassured that none of the Christians in the conversation weren’t hating them nor judging them (all 2 of us), they served critique after critique back. No matter how many times I assured them that Christians should be focused on loving and loving all people, hate was served back. No matter how much love I tried to show about loving people but not supporting decisions they make, I was not supported. I even told them that the God of the world, Himself, has given us the power to choose what we do, regardless if we choose sin or not, and thus everyone in the world should have the power to choose what they want without anybody telling them otherwise, I was still considered judgemental. I brought up how I have a great uncle who has been a married gay my whole life and how I love him dearly and will never treat him otherwise, but that I do not support his lifestyle, I was still considered a “homophobe”. I was called a jerk, ingenious, told to take a nap, told I have mental sickness, that somehow someone loved me but in the same sentence told me everything I am is a sin, that God was going to send me to hell to burn for eternity, etc. And I was reminded again and again how listening to a 2000 year old book is so wrong.
I was not prepared for the hardness of hearts I was presented with. This is why I did not write this blog when I first thought of it. In fact, it’s been sitting as a tab for the past however many days since the law was passed. I’ve changed the name 3 times. I needed time to sort through what was going on, and to make sure my emotions were in check. And now I think I’m ready to help explain where I think things have gone wrong.
There happens to be a girl many years younger than I who was feeling the same way I was – being attacked by so many people, being pushed with no rest, exhausted from having to defend herself. The message came clearly in her Facebook post and the response from someone questioning the selection of beliefs, specifically pertaining to the lack of support on the same sex marriage issue.
I really thought about it before I posted this time, and I provided a very prominent issue among different Christians about the “clean” and “unclean” foods. I stated it as the fact that many Christians don’t support eating pork. Some claim that because it is an Old Testament law, that we no longer have to follow that distinction. Although many Christians disagree on this issue, we don’t hate our own family members just because they eat differently than ourselves. The best way to influence anyone in a positive way is through a loving manner. I also added that I grew up as a hunter’s daughter. When I turned vegetarian, my grandfather was convinced I would die. In fact, for the almost 10 years I was vegetarian, the very first question he would ask me is if I was healthy and had gone back to eating meat yet. The amount he would try to sneak meat onto my plate was crazy. He did not support my eating habits whatsoever. But he never stopped loving me. In fact, I can’t recall a day in my life where I did not feel loved by my grandfather, and that’s the way it should be.
To go a little further than that, she said she was going to put it bluntly and ask how same sex relationships is one law we believe from the Old Testament, but there were a host of others such as wearing jewelry, having tattoos, and premarital sex were things most Christians don’t follow anymore, yet we can choose to not stand for the same sex marriage issue.
This is where it truly sank in. The reason I believe that most people are so angry with Christians and our beliefs is because we have compromised on so much! Seriously, look around at your churches. I know for a fact that people drink, do drugs, party, have non-marrital sex with people regardless of being married or not, have problems with pornography, steal, cheat people out of money, etc, etc… There are people in almost every church who are the kings and queens of gossip. Churches are seen as judgemental because they’ve become that way. What have we done to ourselves?
Now, I’m not saying that all churches or even all people are this way. I do believe we have the sweetest, loving Christians still on this earth, and unfortunately that’s something we desperately need more of. But when Christians in themselves are out in the world claiming to be Christian and yet are caught in such horrible acts, what else is the world to think of us? Can you really blame people for hosting anger when they grew up in a church but like my sister, left because people were judging the clothing she wore? Do you really think that made her feel at home rather than winning her over with love? Personally, I’m ashamed at some of the things we’ve done to people. We should be opening our doors and welcoming, not just greeting, but truly welcoming people into our midst with the goal of letting love take over. When Jesus saved the prostitute, or sat with the tax collectors, you don’t see Him attacking them. He loved them and that’s what created the difference. Why can’t we do the same?
Of course I’m not saying we should kick out all of the people who are having problems either. What better place to receive help with healing than a church family, as long as we are being just that – a loving and supportive family.
Now, I know my beliefs may differ from yours, and that’s ok. Like I said, I have no judgement. The Bible, unfortunately, is not the most easily understood book at times, and some is left to our interpretation though hopefully somewhat unfolded with divine help (always pray before reading the Bible!). So yes, topics like jewelry and tattoos are a little more difficult to defend for some. However, I know the Bible clearly points out that our bodies are the living temples for the Holy Spirit, and we are to take care of them to the best of our abilities. Putting needles unnecessarily into my body, causing a stain that God did not put there in the first place that is ridiculous to remove, and putting holes all over my body does not seem like preserving the “holy temple” as God stated it. To me, that is clear enough definition as to why those are not the best idea. Jewelry that does not require holes (such as necklaces, rings, and bracelets) are a little more in the grey area. However, if you look at history, you will see that only the rich, and those who placed themselves above others wore jewelry. So at the time, it made total sense that jewelry was a way to separate the classes of people, and as far as I’ve read in my Bible, God doesn’t view us that way, nor does He want us to develop an attitude of being better than others. So to me, that makes sense. When it comes to premarital sex, it’s a no-brainer to me. You don’t need a Bible to tell you it’s not the best idea. Look up science reports and the reactions in the brain with sex. Look up psychology reports. The more sex you have before marriage, the less you are bringing to your marriage. Imagine if everything was brand new coming into your marriage. No past relationships to discuss, no past comparisons to make, nothing bad to bring into your forever relationship. I think in a way, we’ve lost sight of how sacred and special marriage was supposed to be. It was a union, a joining of two people. And in Mark 10:9, it states clearly, “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” We say vows, vows that are actually supposed to mean something. God blessed the union between husband and wife and specifically said that NO MAN (that means nobody on this earth) should be able to separate that union. I don’t know about you, but there are an awful lot of divorces going on. A lot of “man” separating what God told us not to. And that’s in the New Testament, not even the old.
Again, I hope you are not taking offence to this. I am the product of a divorced family who married other divorced people. Divorce is around me, and although I love my family more dearly than anything, I will fight with all I have to preserve my marriage union because I believe that is what is right. (I may continue this conversation at another time. It’s a whole separate Bible study.)
So those are my thoughts. I’m not sure if Christians will ever recover. If we’re going to stand for our beliefs, we need to learn not to compromise. No, it’s not easy being criticized. If anything, becoming vegan has opened my eyes to a whole new way of being criticized (not enough protein, not losing weight fast enough, not going to be healthy, etc…). But if you truly believe in something and seek to receive the rewards at the end, then you need to stand for whatever it is. But remember to stand in a loving way. Hate is fuel to the fire, but love (usually) softens the hardest of hearts. So speak to and treat each other in love, regardless of what a person chooses, but stay strong to yourself and don’t compromise on the beliefs you hold. Nobody in this world has the right to force their beliefs on people. But rather, keep an open ear and seek to find the Truth, and once you have the Truth, hold on to it. As humans, we are master justifiers, master liars, and master convincers. Don’t let someone talk you out of being yourself and believing what you’ve sought to be true.
For another pastor’s perspective, I found this to be a good, well-written, loving read with Biblical back-up.
http://todaychristian.net/a-detailed-explanation-of-why-christians-dont-accept-gay-marriage/
Something happened today that really jarred my memory and brought me to write this post. I saw the following picture on Facebook and it got me thinking about my grandfather.
It took me right back to the moments where I can remember thinking about him and instantly started crying. Even now writing this, I can feel the water filling up in my eyes. I know many of you will say that you have/had an awesome grandfather to, but I’d like to take a minute to tell you about mine, and how special he truly was.
I guess it starts when my mother became pregnant with me. My parents were not married. I guess my grandfather liked my dad, but he was very upset about the whole situation and didn’t talk to my mother for days. However, being the man that he was, he still bought her a crib and everything she would need for me, even though he wasn’t talking to her. He was always that way, taking care of things even when he was upset.
Of course, as soon as I was born, he was completely smitten. My mother is a child of two, but lived very much a single child’s life. She never met her brother as he died on a surgery table a few months after he was born. That meant, I was the first and only grandchild.
My parents didn’t stay together very long. They did get married after I was born, but separated when I was about 4, officially divorcing when I was around 5. Where do you think we went back to? My grandparents. In fact, their home was very much “home base” my entire life.
My grandfather always spoiled me (and later my other siblings). I have pictures where my toys barely fit in the picture with me. My father told me that I would get tired of opening gifts because there were simply so many. I had this 6″+ man wrapped around my tiny finger. There’s no denying he loved me.
My grandfather was a used car salesman. In fact, it was my mother’s company that he worked for her since she dropped out of college to be home with me. The company was even named after my sister and I. But eventually he took over the company and changed its name since he did become the only one running the business.
I used to love visiting him at his office. My grandmother and I would get lunches for him, he would let me sit in his office chair, I would be called his “Number 1 Dudette”, and I loved the fact that everywhere we went, people always knew and respected my grandfather, and thus treated me as if I was a special person. I had never met anyone who didn’t know or like my grandfather.
If you could imagine the biggest realistic playground in the world, that would be my grandfather’s car lot. He gave me access to all the keys and vehicles in his lot. I can still remember the amount of fun we had pretending to drive the cars, and especially in exploring the only RV I remember him having. Only once did he ask me to backup a truck into a corner spot. My mother sat in the passenger seat with me, and I remember learning really quick to use my mirrors. I was so scared I would mess up his vehicles in this tight spot. But I did it! I still can’t believe he trusted me…
If I could compare him to anything, it would very much be the godfather. I’m not joking when I say that everyone seemed to know who he was. He was an amazing man when he was happy, but he was always a man you feared when he was unhappy. I don’t remember him every getting mad at me, but it was a general rule that when he came home, the remote control to the television had to be in the right spot for him to lay on the couch and watch what he wanted. He became upset if the remote went missing. There were just certain things you knew not to do.
Sometimes, my grandmother and him would fight. I’m sure there’s not a couple in the world who has not at least had one argument. Sometimes, or maybe more than sometimes, this meant he would stay at his office for the night. It was a conveniently built, small building that contained 3 rooms and a tiny hallway. One room was “the office”. The second room was of course a washroom. And the third room was his bedroom. It contained only a tv, a bed, and a mini fridge. It pretty much had everything he needed if he needed a night away. So it was a fairly normal occurrence for him not to come home sometimes.
The best thing about my grandfather was that he was always there for us. There was a time when we didn’t have the most money, and work was slow. My grandfather always provided what we needed, and then some. Most of you know that I have moved like 20 times with my family, not including on my own. The one person who was always there, regardless of where we were, was my grandfather. He never missed an opportunity to come and stay with us. (Of course I should say my grandmother always came with him as well, but I will dedicate a post to her another day.) He was honestly one of the biggest constants in my life.
When my family made the official decision to move from the east coast to the west coast, my grandparents offered to bring my sister and I out at the end of summer so that we could spend the extra time with our father. It was a fair bit of a long drive, but even then my grandfather trusted me with reading the map (before GPS systems). I almost think his belief in me helped me grow to the independent woman I am today. I have a lot to credit him for.
They stayed with us at our new place for a few days. Early in the morning, him and I would get up and drive to a hotel or another homey restaurant to eat. He was not a chain-restaurant type of person. Even back in the town he worked, he had one particular restaurant he preferred to eat at, and everybody knew his specials and what he enjoyed eating. He always preferred the homestyle cooking. In fact, he met my grandmother while she was waitressing at such a type of restaurant. My family and I have visited that restaurant a few times and imagined what it must have been like. They still have the juke boxes and the old stools. Sometimes it’s nice to preserve history rather than to embrace change.
We then took a trip to the “big city” so my grandparents could see it before they left. We had a lot of fun. At one point, we lost my grandfather in the big mall. I’ll never forget him driving around on those motorized scooters for people who can’t walk well. He had even gotten an orange smoothie and I guess spilled it all over the machine. If you knew my grandfather like I did, you would picture him using colourful language for the time he was mad, then acting like nothing ever happened.
I don’t remember how we ever found him, but I can tell you it was one of the hardest good-byes of my life.This wasn’t just moving a few hours away, this was a four day drive across the country. Of course they would come visit again, but the visits would never be as frequent as before. What I didn’t know was that my tears would get worse before they ever got better.
Literally two or three days after we returned to our new home, I got a call from my grandmother. It sounded like her for sure, but something was a little different. She asked to speak to my mom pretty much right away, so I gave my mom the phone and sat on the landing of the stairs. My mother took the phone into her room which was at the top of the stairs. The next words I heard told me pretty much everything I didn’t want to hear. She said, as she began crying, “Oh Mom!”.
My grandparents had been involved in a car accident on their journey home. An impatient driver went in their lane to pass a semi-truck and didn’t see my grandparents van coming at them. My grandmother was in the hospital, a little bruised but otherwise ok (she would later need nose surgery to correct the alignment). My grandparents’ friend who was helping them drive home had so many broken bones, including ribs and shoulder, and would also need counselling for what happened (he was driving at the time – completely not his fault). But my grandfather didn’t make it.The speed they were traveling on the highway, and the impact of a completely head-on hit left the vehicle in shambles and took my grandfather with it.
Immediately, we packed and drove back to the city. I thankfully had a great aunt and uncle who lived just outside the limits and welcomingly invited us in until we could all make arrangements to fly home. My mother was able to fly right away to be with my grandmother, but there were 4 more of us to fly, and we had to wait for a cheaper ticket to afford it.
It was so strange when I got home. Being in my grandparents house seemed so normal. I mean, I was only at my “new home” for less than a week. I had no attachments to it and didn’t even have to act like it was supposed to be my new home. I had come home and it felt like life should be normal again.
I know I cried a few times, but I remember just having the attitude and thoughts of “My grandfather is just at his office, staying the night like he usually does. Sometime he’ll come home.”
I still remember it as clear as yesterday: My mother and I were sitting in the living room, on separate couches, not talking much as we didn’t for a while, and her saying the exact same thing that I felt – that Grampy was just at his office and sometime he would come home. And it hit us right then that we had to realize it was wasn’t true, that Grampy really wasn’t coming back. I broke down (just like I am again now) because he was always there, for everything! How could he not come back this time! How could the one stable thing in my life not come back! It was so hard to accept.
Sitting in his house, seeing all of his old stuff, going to his office, it was all so hard to do when you realize the person who has always been there for you, the person who has loved you your whole life was suddenly gone. My nickname would never be used again, except when telling stories of him. My promise from him of giving me my first car would never come true. My life was drastically left with an empty hole that I’m not sure was ever filled again. Nobody could take his place, and I could never have been prepared for that instant change in time.
Life is not fair, and it never will be. The devil is waiting for any opportunity to attack and make a mess of things. He knows which strings to pull and he knows how to make things hurt you more than anyone else. He knows he can damage us and take away everything that means the world to us, which is why it’s so important to turn to God when you’re hurting, to let Him hold you and tell you that everything is going to be ok, because one day, it will. One day, when Jesus returns and we are taken to Heaven with Him, there will not be anymore pain, there will not be anymore death, there will not be anymore tears. I don’t know what my grandfather’s relationship with Christ was like. I know he sort of had a falling out at one point, but he insisted my mom make sure she took us to church. So I only hope and pray that he had a good relationship with God, because it would be so nice to run into those loving arms I miss so dearly, the loving arms that were missing during both of my graduations and my wedding, the loving arms that were taken away from me way too soon.
I miss this man more than anything, and truly just thinking of how much I miss him brings me to tears almost instantly. Hold your loved ones close and make sure you let them know how important they are to you. You never know which instant will take them away.
Most of you have followed the extensive and complicated journey my husband and I have had with Immigration. From the amount of research we’ve had to do, to the amount of paperwork, to the discrepancy amongst government opinions and directions, to losing our papers. However, we now have announcements for the next chapter.
On Wednesday evening, my husband checked his e-mail and he had not one, but two letters from the government. The first one said he had been approved for his permanent residency application and would be contacted for further instructions. The second e-mail gave us a one week’s notice for an interview (happening this Thursday) that we both need to be there for. It was easy enough for us both to get the day off, although not ideal. But as I kept reading, I realized that should either of us be late or not show up, our paperwork may be tossed. He also needed to bring a copy of the letter with him, needed to bring new PR pictures (which we had to get done) AND pay the “Right of Permanent Residence Fee” of $490 BEFORE the interview so that we could bring a copy of the receipt. Oh my goodness… one week to get $490 that I didn’t really have. It’s not like that added any stress or anything…
So that’s where we sit. I’m incredibly nervous although everything is printed and ready to go. We both have our days booked off and really have nothing else to prepare that I know of. But I’m incredibly nervous. He’s supposed to know whether he’ll be a resident after this interview or not. Of course I’m praying HEAVILY that he is. This has been such a long journey. I would completely break down if it didn’t go well. But have you heard the same things I have heard about this interview?
I’ve talked to others, and they have told me that they were separated and asked questions with such minute details such as: What colour is your partner’s toothbrush? Where do they squeeze the toothpaste (i.e. middle, roll from the end, etc…)? I have no idea what they’re going to ask us, but I hope we can prove to them that we are not simply a marriage of convenience, but that we are married because we love each other. Ah! Please pray for us!
Do you have any details about a permanent residence interview you had experienced? I would love to hear from someone about what happened in your situation!
It has been such an emotional week for me this week. After an incident that occurred last week, the decision was brought down from Academic Standards Committee as to what would occur as punitive and redemptive actions in this situation. Of course, I had to write the e-mail, and then answer the questions that later ensued as to what had actually occurred as well as the details of the final decision.
So far, parents have seemed understanding and supportive. It’s the students that I worry about the most.
I hope one day my students understand
The reasons why I had to do what I did
The amount of punishment I suffered with them
The fact that I wanted to erase the event and the consequences with it
The reasons why I couldn’t
The reasons why I had to follow through even when I didn’t want to
The reasons why I can seem so harsh
Only because I want them to see their own potential
I hope one day my students understand
How much I cared and wanted them to succeed
The tears I’ve cried and the time I’ve spent
The lasting effects of memories
I hope one day my students understand
That I tried to do the best I could
A year is short in the grand scheme of life
There is no time to waste
I have to do what I can each day
Even if it means correcting mistakes
I hope one day my students understand
That it wasn’t just to “get them in trouble”
My care is genuine, much deeper than that
I hope one day they’ll see it.
To any other teachers reading this blog: Do you ever feel this way? I’m finding truth in the fact that it’s usually the more difficult students, the ones you spend so much time trying to “fix” or “correct” that grow on you the most. Since I have no children of my own, these students essentially are my children. And I think that just makes it worse when things go wrong.
I know I’ll get through this, it’s just another bump in the road. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. It’s so hard not to reach out and want to take all of their pain and hardships away. It’s hard to watch them learn the difficulties of life. But you have to, or they’ll never learn the difference between what is right and wrong. And so it is my prayer each night, that no matter what happens, they’ll someday understand and see how much I care. I hope one day my students will understand…
This morning, I absolutely did not want to get out of bed. I don’t know what’s going on. Maybe it’s the dread I have for parent-teacher interviews this evening. No matter what, I always get nervous. But either way, they must be done!
The work day was short, and even further shortened by the fact we had our Student Association speeches and elections today. It went very well, and I believe the students selected very good representatives for our school.
After the students left, instead of going out to lunch with my colleagues, I stayed at the school to prepare. Preparing for parent-teacher interviews is not easy. You have to re-read your comments, review the student’s work, select examples of student work to show, etc. I also like to have pen and paper ready to go in order to write down notes of what we talk about and suggestions that were made.
When it finally came time for parent-teacher interviews to start, I felt better but as always, like I couldn’t be prepared enough. Either way, the 13 interviews I had scheduled all in a row began. I was surprised how well the parents accepted some hard information, and how willing they were to work as a team on their students. As any teacher reading this will know, it’s a very relieving feeling to know that you can work as a team with parents and that you can support each other for the betterment of the students; something I appreciate so much!
It was a long evening, and I didn’t end up leaving the school until after 8:00 pm. I also hadn’t eaten much as I didn’t have any breaks since 2:00 pm when the meetings started. When I came home and ate, the carbs hit my system and I started fighting to stay awake. I didn’t want to take naps anymore as they always seem to make me feel worse instead of better. But when I’m sitting and trying to talk to my husband, yet my eyes keep shutting on me, I know I might even fall asleep on the 2 minute drive to the gym, and who knows if I might fall asleep at the gym? It hasn’t happened before, but it may.
So, we took a nap. But when the alarm went off, my husband looked at me and said he was too tired to get up. I can’t drive his truck and my car is still not running. So unfortunately, this meant no workout. But on the other hand, I got extra sleep. I will be playing catch-up with my workouts, but I can do that. My husband’s health is equally as important as mine and so I wasn’t going to argue, though I felt like it. I know love is not just said, but must be shown, and I’m not always good at that part. But tonight, my husband slept and I will definitely catch-up in the gym when he’s awake and ready to go!
Calm in Christ and Fitness 