Multi-Day Mono-Juice Feasting – Healing Journey Day 7

Journal:
Wow! Today marks a week. After suffering with that awful – weird – stomach pain/aching last night, I am happy to wake up feeling good again. I slept solidly through the night, only quickly waking up once and not remember falling asleep… haha. My body was tired. What more can I say.

I woke up happy and ready to take on the day. I had a dentist appointment at 9:00 am so my morning was dedicated to getting ready. And what did I find this morning that had to go away before I went to the dentist? My tongue covered in white again. Yuck. If this really is toxins leaving my body, then my body was very toxic. Of course I’m just saying this because I’m not a professional on the subject, but the stuff looks and tastes disgusting. I don’t even have to look in the mirror to see if it’s there. I can taste it. It’s not good. So before the dentist started getting too inquisitive, the tongue had to be scraped off and brushed. I haven’t really told anybody around me about my healing journey. I’d rather them see the results and ask themselves, just not the yucky results like a white-covered tongue.

After I got dressed, I did my usual check in the mirror. Believe it or not, I had to stop myself. I’m wearing yoga pants with a tank top and a light cardigan-type thing over top, and for once in absolute months, I did not have to adjust my pants to hide my stomach just the right way. Yes, clearly I’m still overweight, but my stomach fat is not as bloated as it used to be. It almost looked flat from a head-on view. I have the worst self-image so this is a huge thing for me. When I weighed my lightest a few years ago – coming in at 129 lbs – I still looked in the mirror and saw fat. I liked my face at the time and the leanness around my neck/collarbone, but I carry my fat in my stomach (it’s the last to go) and so I couldn’t help but still see how fat I was in the mirror. Having bad self-image is a plague, it really is. But becoming vegan has helped me realize I need to focus on my health first and then everything else will fall into place. And this journey has only helped solidify that way of thinking. So today, I celebrated… with apple juice.

Yes. Today is day 2 of 3 that I am having only pure apple juice.By doing this, I am being easy on my body as it adjusts to having an energy source available again. My body doesn’t have to work on figuring out how to digest many different kinds of sources, it only has to figure out the one making it a much easier process. There’s no confusion, my stomach acids can settle in one place to digest the one ingredient. It’s the absolute easiest way you can come back from fasting.

My dentist appointment went well. I hate getting cleanings done. I really do. Every single time they always ask me if I floss, but it honestly is a part of my nightly hygiene routine to floss. I know that teeth can also have hereditary issues, so perhaps I’ve inherited my father’s awful teeth. But either way, aside from getting more regular cleanings, I’m not sure what to do. If you have any tips, definitely leave them below.

Aside from the regular cleaning, they reviewed a tooth that was supposed to be on watch from two years ago. I had completely forgotten about this. Underneath a filling from 10+ years ago, I had a spot forming that they couldn’t confirm two years ago as it would have required them to take out the filling to inspect. It was very small. Today, according to my x-rays, the spot has gotten a little bigger. Not hugely, but it is bigger. It now can be confirmed as a cavity. Again, since it’s under my filling, it’s going to require taking out my old filling, fixing it, then refilling again. Now, I’ve been looking into healing cavities naturally, and I believe it can be done. But when the dentist told me that if it grows more that it will get to my root (and showed me on the x-ray) that it will require a root canal and not just a filling. I have to admit, a root canal scares me. So against my better wishes, I have an appointment again for next week to have the cavity fixed. I had really bad teeth when I was younger (no doubt related to the way we were allowed to eat) and had many cavities all the time, so having one cavity in two years that honestly already existed before isn’t so bad. It’s progress. I’ve only been vegan for 1 year and even so did not eat healthy all the time. So now I know better what to do and I honestly can’t be eating any healthier than I have been this past week and it’s going to continue for quite some time.

I didn’t do a whole lot after the dentist appointment. I did go grocery shopping with my housemate/friend. The possibility of buying so much food was there, but yet again, I made it through with no mishaps. I was also invited to another free corn boil to which – this time – I declined. Not because I didn’t want to be tempted, but because I knew it was going to get cold again at night and I just didn’t want to be outside for a few hours in the cold. Really it was just personal choice. Plus, the main purpose to be there is to eat and if I’m not going to be eating, then there is less of a reason to go. This really was an event for the students of our school (the older ones that I don’t teach) so it wasn’t like I was denying a true social event with friends.

What did I drink today? As I mentioned above, apple juice again; the same kind I drank yesterday. However, I only consumed about 3-3.25 L compared to the ~3.75L I drank the previous day. I do have a sneaking suspicion that the quality of this Simply Apple juice is not quite the same as the organic ones I bought and may actually be the reason for some extra not-good feelings in my stomach. Time will tell.

Review of Symptoms:
Stomach still acted up throughout the day, always getting worse in the evening. Acne seemed to have a little less “tiny bumps” than yesterday. Otherwise, it seemed to be around the same. Stomach was looking a little less bloated. Tongue was covered in white “gunk” again that needed to be scraped.

Weight at the end of the day = 179.8 lbs (down a total of 9 lbs in 6 days)

Total Calories = 1326 (99% carbs, 0% fat, 1% protein)

God Cares, Even About the Small Things

I know, for myself, and possibly for others, it is so easy to retreat to our knees to ask God for help in the big things, but not always such a normal thing to go to our knees over small things. I’ve heard some people say that God doesn’t need to be troubled with our little things. But here’s the deal: God cares about it all, big and small.

Last week, I was on track to be at least 5 minutes late for my chiropractor appointment. In fact, with all the lights and traffic in the city, there should have been no way to even make it on time.

However, I prayed. Not on my knees, but in my head as I started out the driving, looking at the clock on my dash, realizing I was in trouble. And you know what happened? I hit every green light along the way (around 6), and even had a parking spot in a very non-parking friendly area. And the best part about it was: I even had 7 minutes to spare! There is now way that should have been possible. Especially not driving through a heavy pedestrian area. I couldn’t believe it!

So moral of the story, God cares about even the small things. Anything that seems important to us is important to God. He may not always have the answer we want (because God knows best), but He does have THE answer. Pray, no matter what!

When I Realized My Grandfather Really Wasn’t Coming Back

Something happened today that really jarred my memory and brought me to write this post. I saw the following picture on Facebook and it got me thinking about my grandfather.

It took me right back to the moments where I can remember thinking about him and instantly started crying. Even now writing this, I can feel the water filling up in my eyes. I know many of you will say that you have/had an awesome grandfather to, but I’d like to take a minute to tell you about mine, and how special he truly was.

I guess it starts when my mother became pregnant with me. My parents were not married. I guess my grandfather liked my dad, but he was very upset about the whole situation and didn’t talk to my mother for days. However, being the man that he was, he still bought her a crib and everything she would need for me, even though he wasn’t talking to her. He was always that way, taking care of things even when he was upset.

Of course, as soon as I was born, he was completely smitten. My mother is a child of two, but lived very much a single child’s life. She never met her brother as he died on a surgery table a few months after he was born. That meant, I was the first and only grandchild.

My parents didn’t stay together very long. They did get married after I was born, but separated when I was about 4, officially divorcing when I was around 5. Where do you think we went back to? My grandparents. In fact, their home was very much “home base” my entire life.

My grandfather always spoiled me (and later my other siblings). I have pictures where my toys barely fit in the picture with me. My father told me that I would get tired of opening gifts because there were simply so many. I had this 6″+ man wrapped around my tiny finger. There’s no denying he loved me.

My grandfather was a used car salesman. In fact, it was my mother’s company that he worked for her since she dropped out of college to be home with me. The company was even named after my sister and I. But eventually he took over the company and changed its name since he did become the only one running the business.

I used to love visiting him at his office. My grandmother and I would get lunches for him, he would let me sit in his office chair, I would be called his “Number 1 Dudette”, and I loved the fact that everywhere we went, people always knew and respected my grandfather, and thus treated me as if I was a special person. I had never met anyone who didn’t know or like my grandfather.

If you could imagine the biggest realistic playground in the world, that would be my grandfather’s car lot. He gave me access to all the keys and vehicles in his lot. I can still remember the amount of fun we had pretending to drive the cars, and especially in exploring the only RV I remember him having. Only once did he ask me to backup a truck into a corner spot. My mother sat in the passenger seat with me, and I remember learning really quick to use my mirrors. I was so scared I would mess up his vehicles in this tight spot. But I did it! I still can’t believe he trusted me…

If I could compare him to anything, it would very much be the godfather. I’m not joking when I say that everyone seemed to know who he was. He was an amazing man when he was happy, but he was always a man you feared when he was unhappy. I don’t remember him every getting mad at me, but it was a general rule that when he came home, the remote control to the television had to be in the right spot for him to lay on the couch and watch what he wanted. He became upset if the remote went missing. There were just certain things you knew not to do.

Sometimes, my grandmother and him would fight. I’m sure there’s not a couple in the world who has not at least had one argument. Sometimes, or maybe more than sometimes, this meant he would stay at his office for the night. It was a conveniently built, small building that contained 3 rooms and a tiny hallway. One room was “the office”. The second room was of course a washroom. And the third room was his bedroom. It contained only a tv, a bed, and a mini fridge. It pretty much had everything he needed if he needed a night away. So it was a fairly normal occurrence for him not to come home sometimes.

The best thing about my grandfather was that he was always there for us. There was a time when we didn’t have the most money, and work was slow. My grandfather always provided what we needed, and then some. Most of you know that I have moved like 20 times with my family, not including on my own. The one person who was always there, regardless of where we were, was my grandfather. He never missed an opportunity to come and stay with us. (Of course I should say my grandmother always came with him as well, but I will dedicate a post to her another day.) He was honestly one of the biggest constants in my life.

When my family made the official decision to move from the east coast to the west coast, my grandparents offered to bring my sister and I out at the end of summer so that we could spend the extra time with our father. It was a fair bit of a long drive, but even then my grandfather trusted me with reading the map (before GPS systems). I almost think his belief in me helped me grow to the independent woman I am today. I have a lot to credit him for.

They stayed with us at our new place for a few days. Early in the morning, him and I would get up and drive to a hotel or another homey restaurant to eat. He was not a chain-restaurant type of person. Even back in the town he worked, he had one particular restaurant he preferred to eat at, and everybody knew his specials and what he enjoyed eating. He always preferred the homestyle cooking. In fact, he met my grandmother while she was waitressing at such a type of restaurant. My family and I have visited that restaurant a few times and imagined what it must have been like. They still have the juke boxes and the old stools. Sometimes it’s nice to preserve history rather than to embrace change.

We then took a trip to the “big city” so my grandparents could see it before they left. We had a lot of fun. At one point, we lost my grandfather in the big mall. I’ll never forget him driving around on those motorized scooters for people who can’t walk well. He had even gotten an orange smoothie and I guess spilled it all over the machine. If you knew my grandfather like I did, you would picture him using colourful language for the time he was mad, then acting like nothing ever happened.

I don’t remember how we ever found him, but I can tell you it was one of the hardest good-byes of my life.This wasn’t just moving a few hours away, this was a four day drive across the country. Of course they would come visit again, but the visits would never be as frequent as before. What I didn’t know was that my tears would get worse before they ever got better.

Literally two or three days after we returned to our new home, I got a call from my grandmother. It sounded like her for sure, but something was a little different. She asked to speak to my mom pretty much right away, so I gave my mom the phone and sat on the landing of the stairs. My mother took the phone into her room which was at the top of the stairs. The next words I heard told me pretty much everything I didn’t want to hear. She said, as she began crying, “Oh Mom!”.

My grandparents had been involved in a car accident on their journey home. An impatient driver went in their lane to pass a semi-truck and didn’t see my grandparents van coming at them. My grandmother was in the hospital, a little bruised but otherwise ok (she would later need nose surgery to correct the alignment). My grandparents’ friend who was helping them drive home had so many broken bones, including ribs and shoulder, and would also need counselling for what happened (he was driving at the time – completely not his fault). But my grandfather didn’t make it.The speed they were traveling on the highway, and the impact of a completely head-on hit left the vehicle in shambles and took my grandfather with it.

Immediately, we packed and drove back to the city. I thankfully had a great aunt and uncle who lived just outside the limits and welcomingly invited us in until we could all make arrangements to fly home. My mother was able to fly right away to be with my grandmother, but there were 4 more of us to fly, and we had to wait for a cheaper ticket to afford it.

It was so strange when I got home. Being in my grandparents house seemed so normal. I mean, I was only at my “new home” for less than a week. I had no attachments to it and didn’t even have to act like it was supposed to be my new home. I had come home and it felt like life should be normal again.

I know I cried a few times, but I remember just having the attitude and thoughts of “My grandfather is just at his office, staying the night like he usually does. Sometime he’ll come home.”

I still remember it as clear as yesterday: My mother and I were sitting in the living room, on separate couches, not talking much as we didn’t for a while, and her saying the exact same thing that I felt – that Grampy was just at his office and sometime he would come home. And it hit us right then that we had to realize it was wasn’t true, that Grampy really wasn’t coming back. I broke down (just like I am again now) because he was always there, for everything! How could he not come back this time! How could the one stable thing in my life not come back! It was so hard to accept.

Sitting in his house, seeing all of his old stuff, going to his office, it was all so hard to do when you realize the person who has always been there for you, the person who has loved you your whole life was suddenly gone. My nickname would never be used again, except when telling stories of him. My promise from him of giving me my first car would never come true. My life was drastically left with an empty hole that I’m not sure was ever filled again. Nobody could take his place, and I could never have been prepared for that instant change in time.

Life is not fair, and it never will be. The devil is waiting for any opportunity to attack and make a mess of things. He knows which strings to pull and he knows how to make things hurt you more than anyone else. He knows he can damage us and take away everything that means the world to us, which is why it’s so important to turn to God when you’re hurting, to let Him hold you and tell you that everything is going to be ok, because one day, it will. One day, when Jesus returns and we are taken to Heaven with Him, there will not be anymore pain, there will not be anymore death, there will not be anymore tears. I don’t know what my grandfather’s relationship with Christ was like. I know he sort of had a falling out at one point, but he insisted my mom make sure she took us to church. So I only hope and pray that he had a good relationship with God, because it would be so nice to run into those loving arms I miss so dearly, the loving arms that were missing during both of my graduations and my wedding, the loving arms that were taken away from me way too soon.

I miss this man more than anything, and truly just thinking of how much I miss him brings me to tears almost instantly. Hold your loved ones close and make sure you let them know how important they are to you. You never know which instant will take them away.

And… Patience is Tested Again!

So we got up nice and early, prepared everything necessary for the Immigration interview, and even landed a perfect downtown parking spot and made it inside the building half an hour early. We took the elevator to the second floor only to be shocked that there were approximately 30 other people in line ahead of us. Oh well, we’re here, this is the day, we’re going to get it done no matter how long it takes!

Once they finally opened, it took awhile for them to reach us in line. We finally reached the window after at least an hour and were able to register that we were there. Everything went well except my husband’s pictures were a little too big. This turned out to be alright though because they had another photographer on the first floor and there was obviously ample time to go get them done.

We took the elevator back downstairs, and got his pictures done. This only took a few minutes. In our stress throughout the morning, we did not eat anything. Knowing how big the wait was (or estimating), we went to the basement food court for some breakfast. My husband had a fresh cinnamon bun and I had a delicious chicken and pecan salad with a hard-boiled egg. This helped my stomach sit a little better going back upstairs.

We got back upstairs, and quickly found that all of the seats had been taken, and we resorted to sitting on the floor with others. We waited for quite awhile until a woman came out and announced that their computer systems went down and they weren’t able to get them back up. So they were calling people in one-by-one to get phone numbers to arrange for an appointment later on.

At first, I was so frustrated. It was in fact, my husband who put it back in perspective: we now get to spend a day together! So I snapped out of it, and after he gave them his phone number, we headed off to the mall.

We didn’t buy anything, but we just enjoyed some leisure time, walking around the mall and ate lunch at Moxie’s.

After we came home, we discovered a message on his phone. Immigration had called saying they were starting to interview people again at 1:00 but that they wouldn’t be able to take everyone since obviously they were trying to fit a whole day’s worth of appointments into a couple hours. We didn’t go.

I was a little upset, except my husband explained to me again that the end of the message also said “or we will arrange an appointment hopefully next week”. So on Friday, we got another letter saying that we have an appointment this Thursday again. Oh boy. Here go the nerves again. But this time, we will be an hour early. Praying that God continues to hold this whole situation in His hands.

Week 10 Day 2: You Are Capable Of More Than You Realize

Well, this morning was nothing short of a little rushed. My car has not been looked at yet, so my husband had to drop me off at work on his way. This was not a big problem, except he underestimated how much I have to get done in the morning. It was truly my fault we weren’t out the door sooner because I didn’t sleep last night. Honestly, this teaching thing has a way of consuming you. I need to get a grip on this thing!

School went fairly well, but I did notice my shoulders were very tired/sore. I was simply lifting papers out of the huge stack I had graded, and handing them back to the students. They must have gotten a good back workout yesterday (shoulders must have taken a brunt of it).

My students were fairly good today, though they did seem a little more active than normal. Then again, we did a practice for our language arts PAT today (2+ hours of writing), so I guess I can expect the pent-up energy.

After work, I had to wait for my husband to come pick me up, which was totally fine because I was able to get some more things done at work, and when he finally came, I absolutely refused to take work home with me tonight. After taking over my life so much, I needed a night off. This was a phenomenal feeling.

At home, my husband straight-up told me that I had to take a nap before the gym. I chose not to argue, and simply told him I need to eat first, because in the rush of the morning, I had not packed food, and therefore was only able to eat the organic and natural carrot/curry/coconut soup that was in my fridge, as well as two containers of Greek yogurt. I was not running on anything much for fuel.

Strangely enough, this is where it hit me: I was craving healthy food! In fact, with all of the things in our house, I wanted fruit, cottage cheese, and pumpkin spice Nuts n’ More peanut butter. Seriously! I was in love and so happy this is what my body was craving.

My nap turned into a 4-hour sleep. And I felt awful when I woke up. My body ached so badly, my limbs barely functioning to move, and my eyes could barely stay open. But this is when my body hit autopilot, and somehow, I changed my clothes and made it downstairs.

On the way to the gym, I did something I never do, nor do I usually advise doing. I had my usual iced coffee, but also a doughnut. I researched ahead of time, and picked a doughnut that was lower in fat, and mediocre in carbs. The reason for my decision was the simple fact that my body was in need. It needed a carb that would energize me quickly (gym was only 2 minutes away). The truth is, I didn’t even want a doughnut. I try to avoid a lot of sugar like that. I wanted to stop eating it after two bites, but I knew it would help. So yes, I ate a doughnut.

We got to the gym, and I expected to feel worse than yesterday; the mental battle, the lack of ability, but I was totally wrong. Tonight was legs, and I normally hate, no, despise leg workouts. But today, I loved it! I don’t know where the energy and motivation came from, but it was undeniably there. I killed my workouts, things seemed easier, I felt stronger and I was smashing my records. Here are some of the things that were different:

1. I normally struggle with 70 lbs on prone leg curls. It seemed so semi-easy tonight!
2. I was mentally thinking that 90 lbs was the weight I used for seated leg curls last time, curled it, found it easy, only to find that the most I had used was 85 lbs in the past!
3. For the first time ever, I did smith machine lunges. Wow, these killed me, but I could tell were working my legs well.
4. I normally hate barbell walking lunges, and tonight my coach wanted us to drop the back knee twice each time instead of the normal once when walking. I dreaded them before I did them, did them and LOVED them!
5. Normally, I find leg press heavy. I don’t know how else to describe it than that. I completed my regular presses with 120 lbs, thinking that was bigger than normal. But for some reason, I was in a stellar mood and decided to do another set with 180 lbs. I ALMOST got my husband to spot me, in fact I even walked over to him, but then decided I need to do this on my own. Well, let me tell you, I did it! Every single rep, and it was not as hard as I thought. So I decided to do more. And I raised it to 230 lbs. And you know what? I did it for 10 reps! Oh my goodness! I was so happy, so ecstatic. Almost double the weight I’ve been using to train, and yet I am so much more capable. I was SO happy!

And again, we went home, and what did my body crave? Cottage cheese, fruit, raw veggies, and pumpkin spice Nuts’ N More peanut butter. Honestly, what more could I ask for? I crave a healthy diet, I’m growing increasingly stronger, and I feel great. My body may not be losing the fat I want, and as a matter of fact, quite a few of my clothes seem to be fitting tighter, but when I consider the shape my body is taking, the progress I’ve made both mentally and overall personally, I’m so happy! I’m obviously going to keep my fat in check, and will be monitoring it, but this strength is such a boost in self-esteem; I’m loving it!

Week 4 Day 3

Two words come to mind when describing today: exhaustion and stress. It was so hard to get out of bed this morning. My body aches, my mind needs more rest, I’m nothing short of totally exhausted.

The school day went fine, and I had to stay after work for another 2+ hours for a meeting about a tutoring program that we’re trying to start up at the school. This alone was not necessarily stressful, but extremely tiring when you’re already exhausted.

After the meeting was over, I didn’t even go home. Our dogs were out of food, our skinny pig would be out of food soon, and my husband needed some “sick foods” replenished. So I went to the mall. What should have been a half hour trip turned into an hour and twenty minutes or so.

First, there was a homeless (or maybe not so homeless) man standing outside the grocery store. He was asking people for food or change. Now, I’m all for providing people with food because I know it will go to good use. I’m usually a little more cautious with money in fear of feeding an alcohol or drug addiction. He didn’t specifically ask me, but I heard him asking others as they went by. As I’m sure God would have it, I went inside, kicked myself, and walked back out, asking if I could buy him a sandwich or something he liked. He looked so surprised and happy and told me his preference of cheese and mayo (simple) and that he would really enjoy some milk. I’m not sure about you, but it has been my experience that if someone has dropped to the level of begging for food, that person has passed the level of humiliation. It is not easy to be someone who is at the point of standing by the grocery store door begging for food. And so, with this in mind, I went in and found a loaf of bread, a package of cheese slices, a jar of mayo and a jug of milk. He didn’t mention any meat so I was unsure as to whether he even ate meat (knowing a lot of vegetarians myself). But I got the bulk items so that this man could not just have food once but several times. And I did not pick the cheapest items because I know the blessings the LORD has given me. What pride if I shared some of my gifts with someone in need. Am I rich? Far from it. In fact my husband and I are in the middle of trying to balance our budget and get rid of some of our debt. By many financial standards, we are just getting by. But by someone, like a homeless man’s standard, we are doing well. And so I wanted to give this man not just quantity but also quality and selected items that were a little better than others while still trying to think simplicity to ensure he liked what I gave. When it came to the milk selection, however, I went organic. Not necessarily for the health option, but also because it was the only milk that came in a jug instead of a carton, and not knowing how far he had to go, a jug seemed like the better carrying option.

Either way, the whole point of that whole tangent of a story is not simply to boast about something I did, but rather to encourage you to pass on some good will. I don’t know the man’s story. I don’t know if he was really homeless, but the fact is that I’m not supposed to be the judge, God is. And so I can only do what seems to be the right thing. If I was hungry enough to beg for food, I can only imagine how thankful I’d be for someone to share with me. It’s definitely something to consider the next time.

So after that little time block of a detour, I went back into the grocery store to find the things my husband needed. I had a list, so it wasn’t really that bad. What was bad were the line-ups. It was like several busses had come and dropped everyone off. Plus they had like 3 promotions going on at the same time so the transactions took twice as long.

Finally, I got the stuff to my car. By this time, I’m starving, I can tell my blood pressure is low, and I’m not feeling good at all. So I made a bad choice. I bought a small package of candy and a small chocolate bar. Was it quick carbs to elevate my sugar levels? Yes. But were there better things I could have chosen? Absolutely. This was a weak moment. I moment that caused me to over my macros for the day. A moment I would go back and change. It didn’t even taste as good as I thought. This was a food fail.

I went to the second store, finished buying the things I needed, but tried to carry everything without a cart (14 kg dog food bag, skinny pig food, bag of hay, dog bones). Needless to say, this did not work so well. I ended up leaving the stuff and getting a cart. Lines were long again, and eventually I made it to the car.

But this particular mall has a parking lot challenge. It seems to contain many impatient people. I almost got hit a few times. For example, as I was leaving and slowly backing out of my spot, a car flew behind me, barely squeezing between my car and the car parked behind me. There was no thought of waiting until I had finished pulling out. Those kinds of things.

When I finally got home, I was so happy. So exhausted, tired, and just worn out. It felt so nice to be home. I was going to make today a rest day, but my husband really wanted to go to the sauna. So while he sat in the sauna, I did 25 minutes of steady state cardio on the elliptical.

To be honest, I feel really bad about the food. I know better than that. But I guess this is a reminder, a lesson to remember. There are better choices and I made a bad one. But this is a reminder to prepare even for the worst situations. And should the event arise where things take longer than expected, I can make a better choice.

Off to bed and a better day tomorrow!