When Your Spouse Is Your Manager/Business Partner

I hate to admit this, but today, my husband and I had a run-in. I’m not proud of it, I’m not proud of the way I acted, and it definitely was a huge series of miscommunications. But I’m sharing this for anyone else out there who may struggle with the same thing.

Now, my husband is not my manager nor my business partner. He’s really more of my personal trainer. But the aforementioned names popped up from a tv series I sometimes watch called, “The Divas”. If you haven’t seen it before, the “Divas” are the females of the WWE. The show more or less follows their lives, no different than the Kardashians or some other show. Anyways, one of the “Divas”, Eva Marie, has her husband as her manager, which seems to work well most of the time. However, in one episode, she was struggling with something, and she yelled at her husband saying that sometimes he just needs to be her husband and not always her manager.

Now, imagine the struggle. Their lives are literally personal and work intertwined all the time. There is definitely a need to draw the line of when it is appropriate to be a husband, and when it is appropriate to be a manager. Work does take up a majority of people’s lives, but it’s important to just be with each other and forget work for awhile.

Thankfully, my husband is only my personal trainer at the gym. And quite honestly, though we’ve struggled training together in the past, I’ve really enjoyed training with him the past week and a bit. I will admit, I complain every once in awhile about too many sets or reps, or exercises that I absolutely hate, but overall, it’s been good. I’ve actually had fun with him and he’s done so well at learning to ignore my complaints because that just tells me I need to do it regardless of what I think. It works for me. I need that tough attitude in the gym sometimes.

However, today was a different story. I put in a HARD leg workout on Monday. We then stupidly worked out after midnight last night doing chest, and I was a little upset that he made me change my grip and I know my chest didn’t get the same stretch that it usually does, plus my shoulders were more tired today from the odd grip. So let’s just say we went to bed around 2 in the morning.

We were back in the gym by 11 this morning. I was tired, not feeling 100%, and my legs are so sore. We get to the gym, and the first thing he tells me to do is more squats. I was a little ticked because he knows my legs are killing me already. But I didn’t throw that much of a fuss (ok, a small one), and stormed off and did them. I actually was thankful for doing them by the end, not that I wasn’t a stupid kind of sore, but my form felt better than it has in awhile for some reason. So it actually was ok.

After squats, we began the back workout, except he started me right off with one set of deadlifts with the heaviest weight I could. Now mix tiredness with soreness with already knowing my body is not in tip top ability shape. Had I done 1 or 2 more reps than I did, I’m pretty sure my back would be seriously injured. That just set me off. And for some reason, instead of ignoring me today, my husband wanted me to tell him what was wrong. So I told him about the squats and then thanked him, but then told him about the deadlifts and how I should have built up rather than going to my heaviest right away, and then told him how back day was too close to leg day because I could tell it was affecting my workout. This did not go over well, and I was more than visibly upset for the rest of the time in the gym.

Towards the end of our workout, when I was doing my bicep exercises, my husband came over and apologized to me. I still was in a bad mood though because by this point, not only was I feeling everything else I mentioned, my back was a little tender, my rib problems were annoying me, my wrists were cracking, my forearms were sore, and I literally felt like I had nothing left to give in the gym; I was honestly on “zombie” mode. My brain had shut out a long time ago. My body was just going on its own. My form suffered, I had to lift lighter, and when I finally was doing my last set of barbell curls, I only made it to 7 reps at a lower weight range than normal, ended up dropping the barbell and ran to sit down to hide my face to stop myself from crying. I literally had nothing left to give. My body was done.

Now, my husband didn’t know I was on the verge of crying; he just knew I was ignoring him, wouldn’t look at him, and he left to go to the car. I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t want to cry at the gym.

There are so many things that went wrong in this story. There are miscommunications, there was the fact that bringing up things at the gym is one thing my husband asked me not to do because it’s his stress-free place, and I definitely and visibly did not make it stress free today. There’s also the fact that of any day, I wish my husband would have been more of my husband today and realized that it’s been awhile since I’ve been at the gym, and my body is not up to the recovery level it used to be. Just so many things gone wrong…

The thing is, we came home, we talked it out, and everything is ok again. My mood was just too toxic to have a healthy conversation at the gym. I needed to replenish some of the energy stores in my exhausted body, and he needed to cool down from the attitudes he received from me. We’re ok. It’s just learning the fine line of what we each expect, what we want, and how to know when to be that personal trainer, manager, or business partner, and when to be the more sensitive husband. I will admit, it’s not the easiest, especially when I ask him to not give in to me at the gym. Today was just a different story.

So ladies and gentlemen, remember that even if you do ever get into some type of work-related situation with your spouse, make sure you know when to be that loving spouse, or when to act in a business way. It’s important and necessary to keep your relationship functioning in a healthy way.

Week 13 Day 3: Extended

Today was a different day. It’s amazing how much a change in diet can change how you feel. But I expected this, and I knew it was coming.

I woke up feeling alright. In fact, I woke up feeling pretty good, especially because I got so much sleep. I love sleep!

The school day went alright, nothing out of the ordinary. And I actually didn’t have any meetings tonight, so I stayed for about an hour to keep up on the grading, and then went home.

It was once I got home that it started kicking in. I was hungry, but not for any more protein. All I ate all day was protein since I’m on such few carbs. But when I got home, I immediately went for two stalks of celery and filled them with Nuts N More Toffee Peanut Butter which is filled with protein as well as healthy fats. It was so good! But as we neared the time to go to the gym, I knew my body was starting to fade. I knew this was not going to be an easy workout. But I drank a coffee to help and we went on our way.

My husband designed my workout this evening. He had me do shoulders, chest and triceps. I did a lot better than I ever thought I would, even when eating my normal diet, in the beginning. But towards the end, it was almost all I could do to keep going. And I have my body to thank for the continuation of the workout because mentally, I was really weak by that point. In fact, I was at the point of being really grumpy with my husband. But my body just goes on autopilot and it does what it knows it needs to do.

I came out of that workout aching from basically head-to-toe. My body is tired. It’s not used to the low macros. And I simply just went home, ate, and went to bed.

Week 11 Day 6

I didn’t want to let my husband go to work this morning. The storm continued over night and the snow is well over a foot and a half deep. It’s almost -40 C and I know the road conditions are going to be terrible. But my husband still got up and went off to work.

On the way to work, he took me over to get my car from the school. He shovelled (for as long as the cold would allow him before freezing) to get my car out of the snow, and let it run for a few minutes. I told him to go on ahead to work, but he refused until he saw me drive the car out. Well, let’s just say, my husband is smart. For the first time ever, my car would run for a second and shut off. I would start it again, and it would shut off. My car was absolutely refusing to run in the cold. The poor thing. So, my husband took me back home before going to work, and I rescheduled all of my appointments again. Taxis are not required to have winter tires, and I refuse to either get in an accident or be stuck on the road in a taxi. Everything will have to wait for another day.

My husband ended up coming home early. If they dared to stop, the work van would have been stuck. So they basically did a loop from home to the shop to the site, kept on driving back home. It was so nice to know he wasn’t on the road and he could be home safe and sound.

We only went two places: GNC for some things I needed. Black Friday sales were on and we got an awesome deal on lots of goodies!

We also went to the gym. I did an excellent shoulder workout. My shoulders burned so badly. I didn’t take the time to do cardio though, because even though I had the day off tomorrow, my husband didn’t, at least not yet that we knew of. So I left with a satisfied shoulder burn!

I’m ready to go home and sleep well in a warm house tonight!

Week 11 Day 4

God knew I’d need my car this morning. He knew my husband needed it to work last night. Because for the first time ever, my husband got called into work very early and I had to drive myself. The best part was, I was up so early so he could drop me off as per normal that I had time to eat, and take my time getting ready. I can’t lie, it was actually kind of nice!

Work went well today. It was busy, but everything seemed to be good. It was after school when things got crazy.

We had our second after-school tutoring session today and it seemed like a bigger mess to me this time than it did the first time. My head was swimming with names, grades and subjects trying to match up the tutors and tutees, and trying to make sure that everyone had someone to help them. We also had a few problems arise that we now have to address, but hopefully everything will run smoothly once those problems are dealt with.

When the students left, my room was a mess. Papers and pencils were everywhere, chairs all out of place, bins of books knocked over; it looked like a tornado had come through! I had to take a few minutes to clean it before I even decided to go home without any other school work. My mind couldn’t handle it tonight.

I got home (late) and expected to go to the gym right away. However, my husband was sleeping and did not wake up easily. In fact, we did not end up going to the gym until 2:30 in the morning! I know, we’re crazy; dedicated, but crazy.

I had a leg workout today and it didn’t quite start out the way I wanted. I had worked my squats back up to 95 lbs, even though it’s still a struggle. My form just is not right. But I’m tired of fighting my form and not being able to raise my weight.

Tonight was different because my husband came over to watch and give me constructive criticism. My form is terrible. I did more squats than normal, changing my foot placement, changing the placement of the bar on my back and shoulders, and making tons of different modifications to see what would help. It was more squats than I wanted to do, and we didn’t figure out the solution to my problem. But it was nice to work with my husband again, and more squats can never hurt… right?

The rest of the workout went well though it drained every ounce of energy I had. Between leg curls (prone and seated), leg extensions, leg press, bench jumps, calf raises (both seated and standing), plus several other exercises, you can bet I was walking funny by the end and knew the pain would be coming soon. It was a tiresome workout, but a good one.

I doubt I’ll go to sleep since we’re leaving the gym at 5, but we’ll just have to see what happens. One thing I know for sure is I’m leaving the gym STARVING and will be eating before I sit down at home. I have to feed this tired, muscle growing (I hope) body.

Week 10 Day 2: You Are Capable Of More Than You Realize

Well, this morning was nothing short of a little rushed. My car has not been looked at yet, so my husband had to drop me off at work on his way. This was not a big problem, except he underestimated how much I have to get done in the morning. It was truly my fault we weren’t out the door sooner because I didn’t sleep last night. Honestly, this teaching thing has a way of consuming you. I need to get a grip on this thing!

School went fairly well, but I did notice my shoulders were very tired/sore. I was simply lifting papers out of the huge stack I had graded, and handing them back to the students. They must have gotten a good back workout yesterday (shoulders must have taken a brunt of it).

My students were fairly good today, though they did seem a little more active than normal. Then again, we did a practice for our language arts PAT today (2+ hours of writing), so I guess I can expect the pent-up energy.

After work, I had to wait for my husband to come pick me up, which was totally fine because I was able to get some more things done at work, and when he finally came, I absolutely refused to take work home with me tonight. After taking over my life so much, I needed a night off. This was a phenomenal feeling.

At home, my husband straight-up told me that I had to take a nap before the gym. I chose not to argue, and simply told him I need to eat first, because in the rush of the morning, I had not packed food, and therefore was only able to eat the organic and natural carrot/curry/coconut soup that was in my fridge, as well as two containers of Greek yogurt. I was not running on anything much for fuel.

Strangely enough, this is where it hit me: I was craving healthy food! In fact, with all of the things in our house, I wanted fruit, cottage cheese, and pumpkin spice Nuts n’ More peanut butter. Seriously! I was in love and so happy this is what my body was craving.

My nap turned into a 4-hour sleep. And I felt awful when I woke up. My body ached so badly, my limbs barely functioning to move, and my eyes could barely stay open. But this is when my body hit autopilot, and somehow, I changed my clothes and made it downstairs.

On the way to the gym, I did something I never do, nor do I usually advise doing. I had my usual iced coffee, but also a doughnut. I researched ahead of time, and picked a doughnut that was lower in fat, and mediocre in carbs. The reason for my decision was the simple fact that my body was in need. It needed a carb that would energize me quickly (gym was only 2 minutes away). The truth is, I didn’t even want a doughnut. I try to avoid a lot of sugar like that. I wanted to stop eating it after two bites, but I knew it would help. So yes, I ate a doughnut.

We got to the gym, and I expected to feel worse than yesterday; the mental battle, the lack of ability, but I was totally wrong. Tonight was legs, and I normally hate, no, despise leg workouts. But today, I loved it! I don’t know where the energy and motivation came from, but it was undeniably there. I killed my workouts, things seemed easier, I felt stronger and I was smashing my records. Here are some of the things that were different:

1. I normally struggle with 70 lbs on prone leg curls. It seemed so semi-easy tonight!
2. I was mentally thinking that 90 lbs was the weight I used for seated leg curls last time, curled it, found it easy, only to find that the most I had used was 85 lbs in the past!
3. For the first time ever, I did smith machine lunges. Wow, these killed me, but I could tell were working my legs well.
4. I normally hate barbell walking lunges, and tonight my coach wanted us to drop the back knee twice each time instead of the normal once when walking. I dreaded them before I did them, did them and LOVED them!
5. Normally, I find leg press heavy. I don’t know how else to describe it than that. I completed my regular presses with 120 lbs, thinking that was bigger than normal. But for some reason, I was in a stellar mood and decided to do another set with 180 lbs. I ALMOST got my husband to spot me, in fact I even walked over to him, but then decided I need to do this on my own. Well, let me tell you, I did it! Every single rep, and it was not as hard as I thought. So I decided to do more. And I raised it to 230 lbs. And you know what? I did it for 10 reps! Oh my goodness! I was so happy, so ecstatic. Almost double the weight I’ve been using to train, and yet I am so much more capable. I was SO happy!

And again, we went home, and what did my body crave? Cottage cheese, fruit, raw veggies, and pumpkin spice Nuts’ N More peanut butter. Honestly, what more could I ask for? I crave a healthy diet, I’m growing increasingly stronger, and I feel great. My body may not be losing the fat I want, and as a matter of fact, quite a few of my clothes seem to be fitting tighter, but when I consider the shape my body is taking, the progress I’ve made both mentally and overall personally, I’m so happy! I’m obviously going to keep my fat in check, and will be monitoring it, but this strength is such a boost in self-esteem; I’m loving it!

Week 9 Day 1: Had Some Fun

Today was a pretty awesome day.

First of all we slept in. I love sleep. If someone had only been able to convince me at a young age how much I’d value sleep later on, I think I would have slept more.

Then we got up and went to the Canadian Finals Rodeo: Championship Sunday. This was so much fun! Going through the Expo, watching all the finalists; it was a blast! I’ve loved horses for as long as I can remember, and my husband and I really seem to have picked up the rodeo circuit. We absolutely love it!

After the rodeo, we went to one of our favourite restaurants, Azucar Picante that has traditional Peruvian food. Now here’s a funny story. The ONLY South American country I’ve been to is Peru. I went on a mission trip with my church’s youth group, TYMES, during my grade 12 year. My husband’s uncle married a Peruvian woman and so his cousins are familiar with only Peru as well. Small and strange, but a definite connection here!

As always, the food was great! I was able to get a shredded chicken, rice, potato, and some delicious sauce dish that was amazing. I can finally eat soft food! But I did try something crunchy earlier and winced in pain. So no hard foods yet.

Following the restaurant, we came home and took a nap.

After the nap, we got up and went to the gym. Today’s workout was a three circuit workout of mainly shoulders mixed with some abs. Oh boy. Did I have fun playing with poses and the lighting at the gym. I have not felt like I’ve been losing much fat lately, but seeing how some of my muscles were popping out tonight, that encouraged me a little bit. At least changes are happening!

Now I’m home, working on grading again. Of course, taking an intermission to write this blog. I’m going to work much harder to stay on top of these daily posts. Thank you guys for your support this whole time! Life is a journey with many ups and downs, but it has been and always will be my focus to stay on the happier side! Night everyone!

Week 8 Day 4

I woke up in such discomfort this morning, I actually considered calling in sick. But I sucked it up and went. Only when I got to work did I realize I forgot my bottle of painkillers at home. Ugh! Thankfully, there is a teacher’s reserve bottle in our medicinal/First Aid area at work.

I’ve been avoiding taking my tray off. My teeth hurt enough already with it on. And when I had talked to a previous student about how much it hurt (he has them too), he said the worst is when you take it off because it releases all the pressure. Then when you put it back on, the pressure goes back, and it’s all that extra movement that hurts the worst.

My plan for the day was to drink what I could. There was no way I was chewing anything. Soup was my best friend, but unfortunately even this had to be cool because Invisalign cannot handle hot things.

At lunch time, I did it. I took the tray off, went into the Staff washroom, and brushed my teeth. If only I could describe to you the pain. He was right. I honestly wondered how I was going to survive the rest of the day. But thankfully, I only talked when necessary and my kids treated me alright today. So somehow, I survived.

My meeting was very mini after school today, thankfully. I just wanted to go home and take a nap. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel hungry. But I guess the pain probably took that out of me.

I went to the gym tonight to catch up on yesterday’s workout. I honestly felt horrible, but did get an iced coffee to help. It was another three circuit workout focussing on shoulders, triceps and abs. I also finished up with HIIT cardio. But I discovered that when your teeth hurt, cardio makes them pulse. I know people keep telling me the pain will go eventually, and I’m trying to be as patient as possible. I will say that the desire to take it off has been a little less today, but it’s still driving me insane! Sleep cannot come soon enough!

Week 7 Day 3

It was nice to wake up back in my own bed. But I was still tired from the weekend’s activities. Nevertheless, I had picked up my food from the gym last night so I at least didn’t have to cook anything. It did hit me that this was my last week to have Fresh Fit Foods supply my meals! I’ll have to look at meal ideas later…

The day went alright. We had a presenter come in and show us replicas of Roman armour and related it to the Armour of God. It was an excellent presentation done by a man named Dick Stenbakken. You should really look him up. He created all of the pieces himself, and they’re amazing.

Of course, today the kids had so many questions about so many things, and I feel as if we did very little curriculum work. But when their questions are for good reasons, I really don’t mind.

I took a nap when I came home. I was just too tired. But my husband and I did make ourselves get up and go to the gym. Tonight was a mix of three circuits focussing on my shoulders, triceps and abs. I finished the workout with 25 minutes of steady state cardio. And when I came home, I very quickly headed back to bed.

Week 6 Day 1: My Sincerest Apology

Hello guys.

First of all, I would like to send you my sincerest apologies for not keeping up with my blog the past two weeks. Things have gotten so insane with my life that I just haven’t had the energy nor the time to post. That being said, I know a lot of you have been following my fitness challenge journey, and I think it’s important for you to understand the hard work and the ups and downs that come with a fitness challenge. So I’m going to do my best (with the help of my workout journal) to update you.

This day was a pretty normal day. Trying to get some housework and some school work done while managing to get to the gym. Today’s workout consisted of three circuits, focussing on shoulders, chest, triceps and abs. I finished my workout with 25 minutes of steady state cardio.

Week 5 Day 5: The Revelation

Sorry guys. I realized I had made a mistake and quickly changed it! Yesterday was not the revelation day, today was and somehow I mixed up the names! Sorry about that. It’s now fixed 🙂

So every Thursday at work, instead of a normal worship, we have “Thankful Thursdays” where we go around saying the appreciations we’ve had. It’s a great thing to do, and one of the things I reflected on was my class this year. Not that they are perfect, not that they are always easy, but that I’ve seen maturity in them, even in the way they accept their consequences. I am so proud of them and look forward to helping them the rest of this year.

Following worship, we went about the usual day but I was so happy to welcome them into my classroom this morning. And when they went to gym, I sat and reflected on something that completely dawned on me: I’ve been happy, truly happy. I don’t know why, I don’t really know anything about it other than I felt completely and totally happy. Can I just say WOW? What a feeling! To be honestly happy. It’s amazing. I know my food and workouts have been going great, I’ve been taking care of all the medical issues, there have been major improvements, my husband is working and hopefully we’ll get his FBI check soon so he can have residency soon, I’m still in debt, but I’m happy. And that says something!

The day went well. We were planning a surprise wedding shower for our principal and it went amazing! We had a million laughs, and come to find out, this was their only shower, and she had never been successfully surprised before! We did awesome!

Now of course you’re probably wondering about my food choices while at this shower. So here is what I did. I ate half of one of my meals before I went. I then allowed myself a small selection on a small plate. I normally would have tried some of everything, but I limited myself. I was hungry for seconds, but I only allowed myself a plate of veggies. I did very well! Though in hind sight, I would have been alright white a lot of those things. They didn’t even seem worth it. Way too much sugar after being without refined sugars. I will know better next time.

We also had a staff meeting afterwards which of course meant that it was a late work night. But I still made it to the gym and had an awesome workout! Tonight was a circuit of shoulders, arms, chest and abs followed by 12 minutes of HIIT.

And of course, here are my meals for the day:

Meal 1

I had to cook this one a little more at home. I like my meat well done. This is a potato mash with egg whites, steak and a tomato.

Meal 2

I ate this one before I could get a picture last time. Homemade hummus with carrots, celery and rice crackers.

Meal 3

A tuna salad wrap with apples. Absolutely yummy!

Meal 4

So apparently I ate this one before a picture was taken. Sorry! It was cottage cheese with cinnamon and a very fine chop of honeydew and cantaloupe.

Meal 5

I didn’t take a picture of this one because you saw it yesterday. But since I don’t eat pork, the other option was to have the same chicken salad I had yesterday. I was so happy to eat it again. Yum!