And I Fell Back… – Healing Journey Day 48

Journal:
This morning, I woke up extremely tired but excited again. I had so much good knowledge in my brain from the convention the day before, and I couldn’t wait to tell everyone about it!

I didn’t get a chance to make a smoothie first thing in the morning, but I did make a smoothie at lunch time that was simply bananas and Barlean’s strawberry-kiwi green powder. This greens powder is DELICIOUS! I highly recommend getting that brand and flavour if you’re looking for a good greens powder. I went through that smoothie fairly quickly.

School went so well! The programs I wanted to start implementing were taken on by my students and they ran with them! I was so impressed! I’ve made a pact to not yell in the classroom, and I had several students come up and tell me they didn’t want to yell anymore either. I had a student use a tool in PE class when I haven’t even a poster to show for anything in my classroom. I was being impressed left and right and am getting others in the school motivated to make changes too. I’m taking on the personal challenge of changing the way our school teaches and disciplines. Pray for me and/or wish me luck!

After school, I had a meeting for an evaluation that our school is getting done, so I didn’t get to make another smoothie until after 5:00 pm. When I finally was able to make a smoothie, I made it out of bananas, peaches, celery, and romaine lettuce. This was interesting… I don’t think celery and banana are my favourite mix. But I drank it anyway.

Now, after this smoothie was our monthly ladies’ craft night at school. I had not brought enough fruit with me because I’m still having an issue with bananas not ripening. And of course, this set me up for a bad-eating night. Mind you, my housemate who got me into crafting in the first place, made a vegetable and pasta dish with no dairy whatsoever just so I could have some. So I ended up eating some of that along with some chips and hummus and salsa. Ugh… I actually think it would have been better if I had just skipped the chips alone. But I could tell the next day was not going to be good…

After our craft night, I went to bed. We almost always stay late, talking to each other and hopefully getting some type of crafting done. Some people bring work and just enjoy the social aspect. It’s honestly a great time, but next time, I gotta fix the food situation. It can be conquered!

Review of Symptoms:
-Acne is improving!
-Stomach feels like a rock is sitting in it after cooked foods…
-Tired
-Happy and motivated.
-Hair is doing SO WELL!

Weight at the end of the day = 173.2 (up 2 lbs from yesterday… I thought it was going to be worse than this)

Total Calories = 2295 (79% carbs, 14% fat, 7% protein… honestly not bad!)

A Flying Smoothie Day – Healing Journey Day 28

Journal:
I gotta be honest guys, I didn’t sleep more than 30 minutes throughout the night. You know how you hit that point of tired where you aren’t really concentrating very well resulting in things taking twice as long to do? That was me, resulting in a delayed time even getting to bed. Oh well. I definitely made it to the airport on time.

So I didn’t get a chance to make a mango smoothie before I left, so in order to save the fruit that I still had at home, I had some work to do. For the mangoes, I simply put them in the fridge to slow down the ripening process hoping that they will make it until I get back. For the bananas, I peeled them, chunked them up, and put the in the freezer. Perhaps there shall be some banana nice cream in my future! But of course, since I didn’t have time to make a smoothie, that meant I had to find breakfast at the airport.

Now, I’ve traveled on the national side of the airport often, but I have not traveled on the international side more than once, and that one time was only flying back from the states so I didn’t even get to see what stores and restaurants were on the international side. I honestly didn’t know what to expect. Well, let me just start off by saying that travelling on a smoothie day is not the easiest thing to do. Of the 5 places that serve food on the international side, none made smoothies out of just fruit. But, good ol’ Starbucks had the Odwalla smoothies so I decided to take a look at them. Thankfully, the Mango Tango flavour only has fruit in it. No, Odwalla is not organic and yes it does have additives to help it last longer, but it seriously was the best option I had in this situation. It was either that, or the choice of water fasting today and I’m not feeling a water fast at the moment.

How much did a 450 mL bottle of Odwalla Mango Tango smoothie cost? Well, I bought two and it was over $10. I don’t typically spend this much on a meal, but I’m trying to be dedicated guys! So I did what I had to do. And to be honest, this smoothie actually tasted sweeter than I remembered so tastebud sensitivity is still there. I thoroughly enjoyed them.

I pretty much slept through my first flight. I guess my 20-30 minutes of sleep during the night wasn’t enough… (insert crying/laughing face here)! I had around 2 hours to sit at the second airport and actually found a place that makes all fruit smoothies! However, I have limited US funds on me, and I will be arriving at my final destination at lunch time, so I held off to get something with my husband.

Once I finally landed, I joined my husband and we both went to a juice/smoothie place. I got a what was called a Marathon smoothie which was made from orange juice, frozen bananas and frozen strawberries. It was ok. It actually was missing some flavour because the lady put ice cubes in with it, but I ate it regardless because it was the only smoothie place in town.

Now, later in the night, we wanted to eat again. My husband did not want another smoothie, but instead wanted real food. By the time he would have gotten food and gotten his dessert from the place he wanted, there would have been no time to drive over to the other side of the city to get another smoothie from the same place. And sadly, it was the only smoothie place in this city. So I was left with a decision: I could either continue on with my smoothie thing by drinking the “fake” smoothies  like I had in the morning (fake as in hardly any fibre and seeming more like a thick juice than a full smoothie), or postpone my smoothie days by another day and eat a cooked meal with my husband. Since I am not trying to do fake smoothie days, and didn’t really feel like I was totally completing a smoothie day while using pre-made smoothie drinks with additives in them as a primary source of food, I decided that after a month and a half of not seeing my husband, we could eat together.

My husband listed a bunch of places to go, so we compromised with the healthiest option: Genghis Grill. At Genghis Grill, you get to choose the size of stir fry you want as well as you get to choose what goes in your stir fry. Because I was thinking about how awful my stomach felt after the cooked food last night, I almost backed out of eating there as we went in. But I decided to give it a go and ordered the smallest size I could. I put in mostly veggies and fruit (spinach, bean sprouts, broccoli, pineapple, clementines, baby corn) as well as a tiny bit of tofu. I had it served with some steamed rice and a bit of sweet and sour sauce on top. It tasted pretty good, though I must say, it was way sweeter than I had every remembered it being. The tastebuds are still in full effect.

After supper, we decided to go shopping for some fruit so I can make smoothies the rest of the weekend when we go home. While shopping in Sprouts, I found something I had never seen yet! I saw Let Thy Food’s Chile Con Queso! It’s a vegan chile con queso or Mexican cheese dip. I was actually going to save it and take it back home with me to wait for the day that I can eat stuff like that again, but instead of waiting, my husband and I decided to eat it tonight as a snack. To be honest, it’s been nice to have a date night with my husband and to do things with him again.

If you’re eating junk foods, I highly recommend this cheese sauce. It is so good with a kick. But of course, more than anything, this means I’m back 100% for the next 3 days. I don’t have a scale, but I can guarantee I went up a few pounds again especially considering I had chips with the dip. So here goes the clean-eating again tomorrow.

Review of Symptoms:
-Energy is good
-Tired from not sleeping
-Really not feeling the cooked and junk vegan foods
-Throat actually feels dry from too much salt… needing to drink lots of water.
-Face is not good. Junk food is definitely an acne trigger!

Weight = Don’t have a scale in the hotel so cannot report on the weight until we go back to my mother-in-law’s tomorrow.

Total Calories = approx. 2766 (72% carbs, 20% fat, 8% protein… that was a lot of food!)

Multi-Day Mono-Juice Feasting – Healing Journey Day 8

Journal:

I am really enjoying my mornings. I always wake up feeling so good and didn’t even wake up once last night. It’s so nice to feel “normal.”

Today is my last day to consume apple juice. Although I have found that it is much easier to survive off of juice than I thought, I am getting tired of apple juice. I’m ready to try something else. That being said, today I changed my apple juice. I officially begin my organic juices today. Here is a picture of what I drank today:

Now, let me pause and discuss my thoughts here for a moment. This juice was physically easier on my stomach than the Simply Apple. I’m telling you people, it pays to buy the organic, small-company, pressed juices. The best is to do it fresh yourself, but if you’re in a situation like I am and that just isn’t possible, then this is second best. Upon researching the full process that Simply Apple uses, they separate things in the apple juice then fuse them back together. Here is an article from the Chicagoist that explains the process they use in their orange juice for your personal consideration:

http://chicagoist.com/2013/02/10/simply_orange_is_anything_but.php

So today, I got up, got ready and went to church. Yes, the tongue needed scraped again. This is an unpleasant side effect; I’m not going to lie. Everyday having the same bad taste in your mouth is terrible. Luckily enough, it is easy to fix through scraping so I have to remember that it could be a lot worse.

Today’s church service was a dedication to our school and the staff within it; it was wonderful. It’s nice to be uplifted, prayed for, and appreciated.

After church, I knew there would be a potluck. I drove with my housemates and packed a bottle of apple juice just incase they wanted to stay. They did, which was absolutely fine (though the smell of amazing vegan meatballs and rice were tempting). I stuck with feeding the baby (he’s becoming an excellent time-filler) and drinking my apple juice. Honestly, I didn’t take enough apple juice (note that for future reference). But since hunger and I aren’t that distant of friends, I was able to hold off until we came home.

I honestly did NOTHING the rest of the day. I stayed home, drank apple juice, rested, and at 8:00 pm (after Sabbath) watched The Olympia. It’s a tradition that my husband and I watch it every year.

So even though I did nothing, I do think I figured something important out. I think the bulk of my stomach discomfort is coming from the fact that I “think” I’m hungry and I drink more juice. I haven’t been drinking much water because I know there is water content in the juice. But I seriously think that even though I’m consuming very reasonable calories still, I need to break up my juice drinking. I don’t think my body is ready to digest all of those calories yet though I want to make sure I’m not consuming too little calories that I’m feeling weak again. The reason I am thinking this is simply because as the night went on, I had a determination to finish that jug of juice. I paid roughly $15 just for that jug and didn’t want to waste any of it. But the more I tried to finish in the evening, the more “blocked” my throat and stomach began to feel. The more I tried to finish, the more of that acid reflux/heartburn feeling I was getting. The more I tried to finish, the more unsettled my stomach was becoming. So sadly, I backed off and did not finish the whole thing. Slightly less than 2 cups of juice remained but I just wasn’t willing to suffer for it. So with my decision made, I went to bed.

Review of Symptoms:
– Tongue covered in white again; needed scraped.
– Acne slightly more subtle.
– Felt true hunger again today.
– Slept through the night last night.
– Figured out that I may be forcing myself to drink too much juice which is causing the upset in the evenings.

Weight at the end of the day = 181 lbs (up 1.2 lbs from yesterday)

Total Calories = 1856 (100% carbs, 0% fat, 0% protein)

When “Pushiness” Goes Too Far…

I really dislike pushy people. This is part of the reason I hate car shopping. I don’t mind going to look at cars at night, and actually, that’s why my husband compromised and did with me this last time. I fear having a pushy salesman come out who only sees me as a dollar sign. I would rather take my time, make sure that I am putting my investment into a vehicle I actually like rather than making a rash decision and end up hating my vehicle.

Now, I’m not saying that all salesmen are pushy. My very first car purchase was wonderful. I don’t remember the guy being pushy at all, even after presenting him an odd situation. It was my first car, and I didn’t know how to drive a standard. I was terrified of test driving a vehicle, so my boyfriend (now husband) did the test driving with me while I was a passenger. The difference between standard and automatic was a world of difference and I knew I wanted a manual. However, I couldn’t drive it. But, I was determined to. So I bought the manual, and my future husband drove it home.

So many nights I spent on the back roads of town, conquering that first gear. Everything else seemed easy, but that first gear threw me for a few loops. Eventually, after a few stalls and squealing tires later, I fell all the more in love with my vehicle, seeing it as more of an extension of myself when driving. It couldn’t have been a better purchase from a very calm salesman who was ready to do what I needed but not ready to just push a vehicle on me, to a financial advisor who was up front and honest, even though he was profiting from selling me the vehicle. He told me right away that vehicles are the worst investment anybody could make because they deteriorate and are hardly ever worth what you pay. The honesty of this place was astounding and they will forever have my respect. The salesman even sent me a card later thanking me for my purchase and adding a P.S. of “Hope you’ve learned to drive your vehicle!” Those are the kind of people I like dealing with.

In my next car purchases, I’ve said no as soon as the salesman got pushy. I don’t live in the same place where I had bought my first vehicle or else I would have bought from there again.

So to avoid speaking about cars the whole time, I’m going to go through something I experienced a few weeks ago when I went to try a new gym.

I have a student who is interested in working out and has been asking me for a workout plan. So in order to help her, I decided I would go check out her gym to see what was available. I also planned on working out there that night since I was already going to be there instead of going to my own gym. It was a bit out of my way, but I didn’t mind doing it to help her.

I was more than prepared to pay for the session. However, I saw an ad that advertised a free gym trial. So I filled out the information, got a call, and arranged a time to come in. It required meeting a manager, getting a tour, filling out paperwork, etc. I also saw an ad with their ad that stated their gym fees were $15 biweekly. It was quite a bit cheaper than my own gym, so this kind of piqued my interest. I actually was interested in learning about these low fees, especially now that I’m here on my own and this is a female-only gym. I was open to the suggestions.

The whole walk-through, discussion, etc. went well. But it came down to the end when she began throwing membership papers in front of me that I politely told her that I am not comfortable with signing up that night. I explained to her that I wanted to check out the gym for myself, to experience what it is like being there in the atmosphere with the other members, with the equipment – to actually use it – and to really be part of the atmosphere. When it comes to a gym, this is crucial to me. I have been working out regularly for years, so I don’t want to put myself in a gym where I don’t feel “pushed” or as “free” to do what I want, especially if you don’t like some of the equipment or how it is set up, which you truly can only experience by doing your workout and feeling the flow of the design.

She did not take that explanation well. She immediately started asking me why I was changing my mind (which I hadn’t), why I possibly couldn’t want to change right away, then started asking what she had done wrong (this could have been a good self-assessment question had she not presented it the way she did), and wouldn’t even let me workout that day. I even explained to her that I wasn’t sure what I was doing this summer (two months away, my gym requires one month’s notice for cancellation) so I would have to discuss it with my husband. But the one thing that I will never forget, aside from her tone and change of discussion, was her face. She had been so smiley and happy to show me around the gym. But the minute I said I wasn’t prepared to sign papers that night, her whole countenance changed. I was given much more pressure, and even the cold shoulder towards the end. As I said, she wouldn’t even allow me to workout at the gym that night. She wrote me a card for a specific time the next day (not even a one day pass to go at my convenience) and made sure I had to see her when I got there. That’s when I knew that I wasn’t coming back.

Now, I know they make their livelihood out of people joining the gym. I would not be upset with her at all for being a little upset I wouldn’t sign up that night. But there is a huge difference between being a little upset and completely being rude in a controlling manner. I did not feel welcome as a visiting person.

Now, some people may feel like I’m just complaining and whining about something that was no big deal, but that is not my intent for I know there are many people who struggle with this. There are people who absolutely hate pushy people, and there are people who need to also work on their person skills. In this case, it is excellent to showcase all the benefits of the gym and be excited for another member. But if the visitor clearly has good reasons for wanting to check the gym out and get a feel for it first, then the manager should be more than welcoming. After all, they do advertise a free trial. The person should feel like they are definitely welcome to use the facility, to get a feel for it, and without the pressure of signing up right away, especially before even being allowed to try the gym for themselves. A position in customer service (any career where you deal with customers) is one in which good training needs to take place. I say this, because I deal with children, adults, teenagers, and every age in between every day. I converse with all personalities, teach all personalities, and have to maintain the healthiest relationships possible across the board. It takes some learning, but words, facial expressions, etc. need to be watched and guarded by self in order to build those great relationships. And this is no different in any other career.

So if you are in customer service, I pray that you will take care to be attentive to yourself and how you are reacting to others. Just because someone else is not doing what you want, doesn’t mean you have to be rude in exchange. Be the respectable person so that nobody will have anything legitimate to complain about. And if you are the type of person who gets turned off by pushy people, do your best to understand their motives, but also know it’s ok and you are not alone. Seek to find another person for there are definitely less pushy people out there.

Something Happened Today…

Something happened today that has evoked a whole bunch of emotions and thoughts. I feel this is something that should be shared and not kept internal for it is a true display of the vast differences in humanity.

Since becoming vegan almost a year ago, I have followed so many vegan YouTubers, Instagrammers, and joined several vegan FB groups. Though these groups have encountered their fair share of trolls sabotaging the pages, what I saw today has troubled me the most.

Personally, I cannot stand to watch the animal cruelty videos. I cannot stand violence. I know I couldn’t sleep, eat, or do anything if I were to sit and watch these videos, so I avoid them. If a YouTuber is playing a clip in their videos, I tilt my computer screen down or skip ahead in the video. I simply cannot handle it.

Today, I refreshed my NewsFeed, and the post that greeted me was the most gruesome picture of a cows head being held by the horns by a human. Blood was everywhere, sprayed all over the walls and poured all over the floor, obviously showing a slaughterhouse. It was violent, it was gruesome, it was gory, and it was unnecessary. While in shock, I first thought somebody must have had an awful story to go with it, but instead, the caption stated, “This makes me want a steak.” My heart broke.

This poor creature, his death being displayed as if his life was a joke. The murderers proud of the work they had done in bringing this living being to his brutal death. It was a scene from a nightmare.

Of course, people had already called out the admin of the group, and people had begun yelling at the poster with a variety of tactics which of course simply entertain the poster. I will never understand how people have fun causing others misery. But as I was sitting here tonight, thinking of how I may have responded in the situation, I don’t believe it would have been as the others. Because as angry as it makes me that somebody would do that to purposely instigate drama, the action speaks loudly about who that person is. Getting angry is only what the person wants. Retaliation is what the person is seeking. That speaks so much about the person’s character.

To me, this picture and comment is heartless. To do it purposely in a vegan group shows such unbelievable ignorance. It’s disrespectful, it’s selfish, and it’s menacing. It paints a terrible picture for this person. The thing is, I often wonder how much heart people actually have left. To me, you would have to be fairly hard-hearted to do something like this, to cause so much pain to so many people. To me, only someone lacking heart could look at such a devastating picture and feel that way. There is no sympathy left. There is no compassion left. Simply stated: heartless.

What is wrong with humanity? How have some of us become this way? Why is violence something we enjoy? Dog fights, cock fights, animal abuse, domestic abuse, violent video games, even as far as the UFC. Young, elementary students are playing adult-rated video games as if it’s no big deal. And yet we wonder where our society gets some of their ideals from. Why are we so disconnected from reality?

To me it all comes down to love. That’s what our purpose should be. We should love one another. We should love and care for the creatures of this earth rather than treating them like objects. Seriously, we have to stop being so selfish. We endanger the lives of so many just to get what we want. I can’t help but shake my head. Maybe if we put ourselves in the shoes of others, in the shoes of the animals, we would for once realize the effect we have. Maybe society would realize the horrors that these fully aware animals and people are living because of us. Maybe, just maybe, then we could live in a much more caring world where violence would finally be realized as an intruder rather than an accepted friend.

Think before you act. Reflect when you’re done. Make changes for the good of all.

Classroom Adventures

Every morning, a teacher comes in assuming the classroom is the way he/she left it. That is, with the exception of being cleaner because of the amazing custodians who do their part in keeping the chaos sane. If you haven’t ever thanked your janitors, thank them now! They deal with a lot of work that we often take for granted, and seldom do people remember to thank them. But what happens when you come into your room and it’s not the way you left it? Maybe something is missing or some form of destruction has taken place. Well, this is what happened to me when I came back to my classroom one Thursday morning.

As sometimes happens (less than I would like), I was early to work! I’m normally “on time” but seldom early enough to actually conquer some things before our staff worship begins. But this Thursday, I was early enough to get a few things out of the way.

As per usual, I came in the back door, walked through the Library, and opened the lock to my classroom door. But when I opened my door, I could see – even in the dark – that my carpet went darker as it proceeded to the one corner. It then hit me that I could hear water rushing. I turned on the lights, and 1/3 of my classroom floor was soaked in water (carpeted floor).

My thoughts immediately rushed to thinking that a water pipe had broke. But thankfully – though still unfortunate – the handle to the water fountain had simply been stuck on, leaving the fountain to run and overflow all night long.

Anybody could have made this mistake. Students were in my room practicing for concerts that night, the janitors may have even taken a drink and not noticed the handle had stuck on, there is nobody to really be upset at. In fact, I wasn’t really upset at all. The damage was minimal. Aside from some students’ gym shoes that were soaked, the only thing that really suffered was the carpet itself. Everything else in the area was moveable.

But of course that left us with a bit of a situation. It was still an instructional day, and I had students coming soon.

Administration got on it right away. They had a shop vac to suck up the majority of the water, they had fans and heating lamps going, but to say the room was crowded was an understatement. When you move the furniture from 1/3 of your room to the already filled other 2/3s, there literally was the most minimal of space. Not to mention the smell. Soaked, old carpet. I think it explains itself…

Instead of being upset about the situation, I completely changed my plans, and made it so that we could have class in the Library. The students actually enjoyed the change (for the most part). Our Library has couches, big, comfy chairs, and lots of tables for students to work on. There are large sections of carpet to lay down while you work. It was a shift from the normal, but it was fun.

Of course, there were some parts we had to come into the room for, like lunch. No food is allowed in the Library (for good reason) so I squished all of the desks together and sat the chairs in rows like a theatre. The students then were able to eat their lunches while watching a video for lunch. The only problem was, with the industrial fans they brought in, and the heat of two heat lamps, my room was nothing short of loud and felt like a sauna! It was a little bit ridiculous.

All in all, it was a good day. We had fun, even out of the norm. I challenge you to take the moments of adversity and change them to moments of triumph. It was a relationship-building day for my students and I as we learned to work with each other in a space that didn’t have all of the conveniences as our regularly, set-up classroom would have had. We had to run back and forth quite a bit, but we did it. It was a fun, learning experience!

From Feeling “Trapped” to Feeling “Free”

My husband and I (and our pups) just spent the last two days driving back up to Canada from the states. The past two weeks in the states have been phenomenal to say the least. I’ll write a post stating more of what we did later, but I experienced something tonight that I needed to feel, something I didn’t know would be possible for a very long time.

In high school, I lived in the “big city”. It was nice for the duration I was here, but when I left, I swore never to move back. I am a small town girl, and the big city is just not my scene.

When I graduated from university, I was able to get a job for the first year in a small town. Bingo! But when that maternity leave position ran up, so did my other plans.

I received a phone call from my superintendent that I had an interview scheduled in the “big city” on such-and-such a date at such-and-such a time. I hadn’t even been asked, I had simply just been told.

On that day, I drove to the city, did my interview, and of course, got the job. I couldn’t believe what was happening. The one place I never wanted to end up was the one place I was being told I had to be. I was angry for a very long time.

Eventually, I got to the point where I simply went around saying “God certainly has a sense of humour!” But my one year employment turned into two, then three, and currently on year four.

Reflecting on it, I knew God wanted me to be here. There were certain situations I had to encounter as a teacher to grow. There were painful moments I had to experience to become wiser. There were children who needed someone to advocate for them, and there were relationships built with students who just needed someone to listen that wouldn’t judge them. I was able to fill that place. As much as they think they have learned from me, I learned ever so much from them.

This year, when my big change from 6th grade to 2nd grade came, I couldn’t believe it was happening. As much as 6th graders stressed me out, I loved the counselling aspect; I loved the difficult questions. I felt like a stranger in grade 2. But of course, as time went on, it became easier and I was able to find aspects I liked. But I couldn’t help thinking, is this really where I’m supposed to be? Is this really what I’m still supposed to do?

I can’t really say it’s teacher’s burnout (though I’m sure some things are similar). It’s just the feeling of being “stuck”. No matter how many ways I looked at our situation financially, I could see no better opportunity to survive than where we were. We both hate living in the city, though I’ve come to see good parts about it and don’t hate it as bad as I used to. But when I can hear parts of my neighbour’s conversations, when my neighbours that I strive to be so nice to turn around and stab me in the back, and when I no longer see a way that Canadians are nicer than Americans anymore (sad reality from what I see here in the city), I know we aren’t really happy here. It’s not where either one of us want to be. So that’s when I realized something this weekend.

When we were finally finishing our drive, doing the same maneuvers through the city as we had done for years, we had come to the house, walked in, and I suddenly felt like I was in someone else’s house. I felt like a stranger walking into someone else’s life. It was a strange feeling. My husband did not experience the same thing, but for some reason, it was like I was that “spirit” looking at someone else’s world, an outsider looking in. Of course that feeling is over now, but that wasn’t the only feeling that came.

After driving for 2 days, we absolutely did not have the energy to go grocery shopping. So we went out for supper (our fridge is bare). On the way home from supper, it hit me. This city is no longer my jail. I no longer feel like I strapped to this city, unable to move. I no longer feel like the city is the pit that is going to swallow me whole to keep me here with no escape. I suddenly realized, with options my husband, my mother-in-law, and myself had talked about after Christmas break, the world is at our fingertips. It may not be a fun ride to make change, but to get out of the rut of tiredness, depression, and feeling “stuck”, a few months of painful change would be so worth it. It’s no longer an impossibly large, looming, unattainable vision, it is now a totally possible, difficult but doable task. And taking those chains off was the best feeling I could have ever experienced.

I know this post is kind of vague, but this year is a huge year of change. I cannot leak more information than is timely, but I can assure you this year is going to difficult but good. Stay tuned!

I Wonder If I Argue Too Much…

Sometimes I take a minute to sit back and reflect over what I do, whether it’s the direction my life is going in, or the way I handled a situation.

Recently, I’ve started thinking about my part in online discussions or arguments. In the past, I was the child who never spoke out. It was so bad, I would even have my younger sister go to the counter of a restaurant to get something they forgot to give me (even something as small as ketchup!).

When I first became (seriously) Christian, it was the same way. I was too scared that I didn’t know enough to speak out, or that I would be ridiculed because of information I didn’t have the answer to.

When I became vegan, it was the same thing. I didn’t feel I knew enough to speak out because I wasn’t the most “educated” or didn’t know “all the right answers”.

But as I continued to watch everyone else, I realized that you will never know everything. And besides, the best argument you have is your personal testimony, no matter whether it’s veganism, Christianity, or anything else. Nobody can argue what you’ve experienced. They can only argue facts and somehow even opinions (though I think everyone should be allowed an opinion).

The very first argument I ever felt brave enough to enter was between an atheist and a Christian. I couldn’t stand the picture of Christianity that the Christians were displaying that I felt compelled to go in and clear up the awful view. No, I was not trying to convert the atheist, I simply was explaining things she clearly had questions about and had been given a bad taste and picture of previously. By the end of the hour+ long conversation, she actually thanked me, and though she said she would not be considering becoming Christian at the time, she thanked me for being so understanding and being patient with my answers while explaining things in a different light than she had previously been shown.

To me, that should be the point of an argument or discussion. It shouldn’t be to fight or to prove one side better than the other. Of course I believe Christianity is the way, but I’m not going to force it down other peoples’ throats. God gave me my freedom of choice, so who am I to take it away from others? I can only present information and leave it up to them.

The next argument I ever went in on was not the same way. In fact, I got told to go take a nap along with being called many names. My whole point in that argument was that you can love people without supporting their actions. For example, you can love your child without supporting their drug use. You can support them for the good things, show them outwardly love, and even include them in normal things. But when an action they are doing goes against your beliefs or causes harm to either them or others, you don’t have to support that action. In no way does that mean you stop loving that person. But the group, or at least some people in that group, couldn’t accept that. I don’t know if I didn’t explain myself well enough, but I was in that conversation for several hours. It came to the point that I understood Christians were not going to be supported in that vegan group, and I respectfully excused myself from the group.

I don’t intervene in everything I see on the internet that I disagree with, but when it comes to things that harm others, when it comes to peoples’ health, or when it comes to slandering Christians, I try to go in and paint a different picture. Some people are accepting, some people will never be kind no matter what you say. I’ve been called a heap of names and been criticized against sometimes it seems like anything I say. Even when I’m remaining as polite as I can and stating again and again that nobody has to believe the same as I do, and that I will respect what they believe just as I would expect them to respect what I believe. It is possible to live in harmony without believing the same things (just look at the conversation with the atheist and I). But for some reason, I’m finding more and more people who cannot leave it that way.

I had a fellow Christian follow one of these conversations and eventually tell me that I should just end my conversation because the others (the main of which was apparently Hindu) was just going to keep coming up with every slandering thing and continue saying the worst possible portraits of Christianity they could. I just found it so sad. Sad that first of all, someone had views like that of what can be the most amazing faith. I know a lot of Christians call themselves Christian while living a very different life. Sad that also, someone who was a self-proclaimed “vegan” that is supposed to be filled with so much love could be so hateful towards Christians who honestly had done nothing wrong in this conversation but speak of the original diet in the Garden of Eden (vegan diet!). But as the other Christian woman suggested, I quit responding, despite the fact I continued to get blamed for things and called names in further comments.

I think about that conversation, and I continue to think of how I could have done it differently, what I might have done wrong. But the thing is, in every comment, I approached it in a very much “my experience was…” manner. I didn’t say that her beliefs were wrong, and I never discriminated against her, even telling her that I would continue to respect her and her choices. I don’t really want to continue the conversation, and I won’t, even though it’s hard to know that my name has been continued on in the conversation very negatively. I just don’t get it.

It makes me think… is there a point to me joining in these conversations? Is there a point when I’m just going to be downgraded and slandered by so many people? But then I also think of the vegan community who promotes standing up for those who are voiceless. I do think if you’re passionate about something, you shouldn’t just remain quiet about it, whether through actions or words. So do I just hold back my passion now that I finally feel brave to stand up for people? I mean, Christians in some of these groups literally get POUNDED into the ground by others, called every name in the book, their faith literally ridiculed up and down. I guess I feel like just by saying something (though again, not in a forceful way, often in a soft, from experience type of way) that they at least know someone is in their corner with them. I’m not afraid of being Christian. I’m not afraid of being vegan. I’m not ashamed of the things I believe. So if I get called names, it really doesn’t bother me. I don’t get as “heated” about these things as clearly others do. Temper control is not an issue for me in these conversations and part of me wonders if that’s what makes some people so mad. I don’t swear, I don’t believe in calling people names, I’m not that kind of person.

I don’t know… is it worth it or is it not? I guess I have just come to a place in my life where I’m content… maybe even more than content. For non-Christians, I know they won’t understand this, but for Christians who have experienced God saving their lives, they will know what I’m talking about. I can honestly say I’m filled with the joy of the LORD which makes everything surmountable. Months when we have less income, I don’t freak out anymore, because when I had no idea how we were going to survive before, God provided the money. I’ve totalled 2 cars, one that I in no way should have walked away from, but God protected me. I used to be so scared to face my mistakes and of punishments I may receive, but through God I know I have the strength to face whatever comes my way. I use to be so OCD about making sure everything was a certain way, but now I’m ok if things change. Even at work, when a wrench gets thrown in my plans, I don’t care. I’ve learned that nothing can be set in stone, but whatever may happen, God always provides. There is honestly little that upsets me. And why wouldn’t I want others to know that same feeling? Can you imagine a world where there was no stress, no worry, no panic? Can you imagine how much happier everyone would be? Can you imagine the amount of stress-induced illnesses that could be prevented? How can people not want a life like that?

Again, I’m not trying to force my lifestyle and faith down peoples’ throats. I always approach it in a way that I can share my experience and they can make their own choices past that. If that’s so wrong, then I don’t know how any conversation can take place. So I don’t know… what do you guys think? Is it worth the interjection in hopes that two fighting groups can maybe be a little more understanding and live in harmony? Or is it just a waste of energy? Maybe I try to play the “peacemaker” a little too much… I don’t know. Tell me what you think in the comments below.

Judgment: I’m Guilty of It Too

I’m going to make this post a lot shorter than I originally  intended. Mainly because I’m not quite as heated up about it as I was at the time I wanted to write about it.

A student asked me this week if I would rather have 15 hour days or 34 hour days. I have no idea why those two numbers were picked, but I would definitely rather have the 34 hour days because then I would have more time to do things AND more time to sleep. I see it being a double win!

Anyways, I was part of another conversation on Facebook, a couple different ones I guess. And one thing I noticed is that people were very quick to judge who I was, especially if they didn’t agree with my opinion. I got called a hypocritical vegan, racist, a selfish person, etc. And that’s fine if it were true, and maybe somewhere in my actions, I don’t realize I am slightly those ways, but here is what the people didn’t know, and I called them out on this.

They didn’t know that I’m not a hypocritical vegan. I grew up eating meat. I was vegetarian for many, many years and only went back to eating meat because of getting into bodybuilding and fitness. I then became so miserable that I went to what I thought was only natural and the best for you – vegan. Since then, I’ve educated myself and now refuse to buy anything related to animal products. I research everything and to any of my knowledge do not buy animal-based products, even to the extent I refused to buy a new vehicle with leather in it! I only buy vegan make-up products, self-care products, and even now that my blowdryer just died after 11 years, I’m researching vegan blowdryers. Hypocritical? I really don’t think so…

Now racist and selfishness came in the same conversation with the ever trivial topic of the Syrian refugees. My point was to be careful with who we let in. I wasn’t saying to never let any Syrians in, I wasn’t saying to ban all Middle Eastern people, I was simply saying to be careful. It’s no different with any other race in any other country. I mean, there are WHITE people from North America that have joined ISIS. Am I going to say we should let them come back to our country just because they’re white? Absolutely not. My entire point was to be careful, to do the proper screening so that we can assess who really needs help from those that are actually terrorists that are trying to sneak in, because regardless of whether we like it or not, we live in a time where things like fake passports are easily available, some that are not even distinguishable from real ones. But back to what they didn’t know.

They didn’t know that in high school, I willingly gave up Christmas to go to Peru on a mission trip and give my time, my labour, and gifts to other people much more needy than myself. And no, my parents did not pay for that trip. They may have helped some, but most of that was fundraising and my own high school job that helped pay the thousands of dollars to go and give some more. They didn’t know that throughout high school and university, I spent extensive amounts of time gathering things for those less fortunate, and serving the homeless through things like soup kitchens and simply setting up tables in the middle of the homeless areas downtown for them to come get coats and other warm items to wear. What they didn’t know is that when I see people begging outside of grocery stores or gas stations in need of food or gas money or whatever, I stop and ask what it is that they need and pay for things for them. What they didn’t know was that in university, I was on a Choir trip to California, and the group of us (50+) were walking the streets of San Francisco where a homeless man was holding out a hat for money. Some rude boy walked by (not from our choir) and threw the money all over the ground. The homeless man was disabled and was having an extremely difficult time trying to reach the money. So regardless of how many countless people I saw walk by him, I stopped and picked up the money for him to which he was extremely grateful for and ended up handing me a Christian pamphlet. I will never forget that. What they don’t know is that even though I’ve become much too busy in my life to do as much as I want to help others, my heart aches when I see the disasters and injustices going on in this world. I cry about it. I pray about it. I cannot wait for God to return and wipe out all of the evil there is. Yes, things are not fair and I hate that it has to be that way.

But these are all the things these judgmental people didn’t know about me because they didn’t take a chance to know where I come from. Am I guilty of this sometimes? Absolutely. I will never profess to be perfect because sometimes you make judgement calls in the heat of the moment. But more and more I am consciously trying to take a step back, learn abut the person or situation, and then take a stand. Too often we are too quick to jump on something that we think is right without knowing the whole truth at all.

Take the time to be educated before jumping to conclusions.

God Doesn’t Give Us More Than We Can Handle… Except, He Does

If you’re anything like me, you’ve heard the same things I’ve had, time and time again. The phrase goes like this, “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.” However, the Bible doesn’t say that.

The verse is 1 Corinthians 10:13 and it says (NLT):

The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you can endure.

It doesn’t say we won’t be given more than we can handle, but we won’t be tempted more than we can handle. It’s a bit of a change in words.

I actually like to know that God may give me more situations than I can handle, but before you freak out on me, here’s why.

If I knew that I could handle everything in life, I wouldn’t need God. If I could solve all of my own problems and deliver myself from evil, I wouldn’t need God. If I could walk around loud and proud because I knew I could conquer anything, I wouldn’t need God. I would be easily self-sufficient. But that’s not the case.

Because I’m given more than I can handle, I fall to my knees in prayer. Because I’m given more than I can handle, I seek God to come and rescue me, to save me, and to surround me in love. Because I’m given more than I can handle, I remember to thank the LORD for everything He has ever done for me and continues to do for me. Because I’m given more than I can handle, I know through the tears that it won’t be me saving myself, but it will be my God who will be my strength and my endurance to bring me through whatever situation it is.

It takes me back to the picture/poem of Footprints. Where two pairs of footprints started, eventually one pair of footprints wanders alone. When the person asks God why He left him alone, God replies that He did not leave him alone, instead He carried him part of the way.

If we weren’t given more than we could handle, there would always be two sets of footprints, and potentially only one as we slowly forget that we need God in life. But instead, we have an amazing God who does allow us to be burdened with more than we can handle so that we remember that it is only through Him that we conquer what we do. It is only God who can deliver us from everything we get immersed in. It is only God who can handle everything we’ve been given.

And knowing all this, this verse means so much more. I hope it does for you too.

If you have any other views of this verse, or have a story of how much this verse means to you, I’d love to hear it. Leave it in the comments below!