The Write-Off Day – Healing Journey Day 23

Journal:
So, today was a planned write-off. Yes, I planned it as a write-off. Now that the day is over, am I regretting it? Yes, actually I am. I feel like I just started cleansing the little bit of cooked food out of my system thoroughly with my banana day and my juice day, and I’ve filled myself with stuff that may stuff-up my digestion all over again. And since today was a planned write-off day, I made a few mistakes that I will explain.

This morning, I had to get up at 6:00 am to get a shower and get ready to leave. I received four pears in my latest Organic Box that looked ready to go. So I figured they would be an easy breakfast to eat quickly. However, I don’t think they were ripe enough because the one pear that I did eat was not good. So I only managed to eat half before throwing it out. That did not work. I did manage to pack some red grapes and a plum for the drive, but between being tired and talking, I only managed to eat about a cup of grapes before arriving for our day-long meeting.

So why didn’t I just take juice with me on this day? Well, being that the meeting was in a church, I didn’t feel right taking a large bottle of juice in with me. That being said, I only have one small water bottle to take with me and that would not last me the day. Yes, I could have left juice in the car, but if it was hot, the juice could have gone bad. And not just that, I didn’t take my own car as I carpooled with someone else so I would have had to bother them for the keys each time I needed to refill my bottle. So that is why I allowed myself a write-off day. Again, if I could go back, I would have put in the extra effort to take the juice, but we live and learn… right? I’m making these mistakes for you so you can learn from me. That’s the whole purpose of sharing this journey with you.

So during the meeting, I started getting hungry. They had given us a new bottle of water, but I didn’t eat enough in the morning to concentrate for four hours until lunch. So I dug around in my bag and found a crunchy peanut Clif bar. Was it good? It was alright. It actually was probably just like I remembered them: good but with a zing that is not my completely favourite part. However, it held me over until lunch.

For lunch, they had a catering company come in. I actually have had the food from this company before during one of our conference-wide teacher’s meetings. I had bean sprout salad, tomatoes, cauliflower, broccoli, rice-filled cabbage rolls, corn, steamed veggies, sautéed veggies (could have done without this one), a whole-grain bun and some vegan meatballs in a sweet and sour sauce. There were no vegan desserts, so I did not indulge in that. I mean, the food was an awesome break from the sweetness of juices. It was definitely a savoury meal. BUT I lost interest about halfway through the meal and wished I had my juice. Man, it’s so weird learning how my body has changed. It really is. I was not tempted whatsoever by the non-vegan items there (again, they don’t serve meat but a lot are vegetarian so dairy is an issue). And even though I’ve been wanting savoury things for such a long time, a little goes a long way.

Following lunch, we had another four and a half hours of meeting. Thankfully, I got a lot of work done while the meeting was going on as I had brought work with me. So really, it was not a total waste of a day. I at least was being productive! Naturally, I was not hungry whatsoever as this food was heavy in my stomach. I didn’t even finish the plate… I honestly couldn’t. I can’t eat what I used to!

When the meeting was finally over, we headed over to what used to be the ABC store. They recently changed the name of it and I honestly can’t remember what it is! But either way, they sell all kinds of vegan and vegetarian food items as well as books and all kinds of music and kid’s things. It’s one of my favourite stores. Since we didn’t have a lot of time and I was also catching up with a friend in the store, I grabbed a quick treat of vegan jerky for the trip home. Now this is something I shouldn’t have done. I didn’t really need it. This is when I discovered that old habits die hard! Even when I have a “write-off” day, I need to remember that just because I can have something doesn’t mean I have to. It’s better not to stuff yourself with junk that you will regret later. Really decide if it’s worth it instead of just doing it. Again, learn from me.

We didn’t get home until 7:00 pm. It truly was a late day. In my e-mail, a few days ago, I received a coupon for a free 6″ sub at Subway. So I decided that I would get supper from there. I had a 6″ veggie sub with almost all the veggies, a bit of mustard and some sweet onion sauce. I know it may sound weird, but it’s actually good. It was much lighter than lunch so it sat a little better in my stomach. Still, I’m looking forward to my juice day tomorrow. How weird is that?

The weird thing about coming home after Subway though was my spurt of energy. I just had so much energy that I went out to my stairs and did 2 sets of 10 step ups for each leg on them. Random energy bursts to exercise? I support this! And I wasn’t even done yet…

I went and sat down for a few minutes, but decided I still had some more energy to go. So I put on some good music and did a “Fight Club Workout”. It went something like this:
1. Warm-up: 5 minutes of a basic left and right punch
2. 12 Lunges with Front Kicks (each side)
3. 1 minute of the warm-up
4. 12 Turn, Block, and Punches (each arm)
5. 1 minute of the warm-up
6. 12 Head Crushers (each side)
7. 1 minute of the warm-up
8. 12 Push-Ups (on my knees)
9. 1 minute of the warm-up
Repeat circuit one more time.

Man, it was such a fun workout. I was a bit worried as I heard quite a bit of “snapping” as I threw punches (I’ve had absolutely no training in this area) but I don’t think I injured myself so it’s all good!

After the fun workout, I made a mango smoothie. Oh my goodness! I wasn’t going to take a picture today because I try not to encourage eating the food that shouldn’t be eating yet (aka I should be on juices and thus should only show juice pictures) but these mangoes were DELICIOUS! I bought these 14 mangoes about a week ago and they were hard as a rock. Only 4 of them have softened so I’m still waiting for the others. But these 4 were so good and made such a delicious drink. Now these I could eat all day. I’m really beginning to think that if I had properly ripened fruit in the right seasons, this journey would be going a lot better than it is. But we do the best with what we got! I mean, do you see the colour of this thing? So good…

After drinking my super satisfying smoothie, I got ready for bed. It has been a long but good day. I’m hoping this will be the start of a slightly easier work week!

Review of Symptoms:
-Acne is the same.
-Digestion on hold… again…
-Heavier stomach feeling from eating so much.
-Thick saliva again.
-Hair is so-so greasy feeling today. Still a little better than normal.
-Energy was awesome today.
-Very productive.

Weight at the end of the day = 182.6 lbs (up 8 lbs from yesterday! Woah!)

Total Calories = approx. 2560 (56% carbs, 21% fat, 23% protein… I ate a lot today! I’m actually surprised the macro split isn’t worse than this!)

Multi-Day Mono-Juice Feasting – Healing Journey Day 7

Journal:
Wow! Today marks a week. After suffering with that awful – weird – stomach pain/aching last night, I am happy to wake up feeling good again. I slept solidly through the night, only quickly waking up once and not remember falling asleep… haha. My body was tired. What more can I say.

I woke up happy and ready to take on the day. I had a dentist appointment at 9:00 am so my morning was dedicated to getting ready. And what did I find this morning that had to go away before I went to the dentist? My tongue covered in white again. Yuck. If this really is toxins leaving my body, then my body was very toxic. Of course I’m just saying this because I’m not a professional on the subject, but the stuff looks and tastes disgusting. I don’t even have to look in the mirror to see if it’s there. I can taste it. It’s not good. So before the dentist started getting too inquisitive, the tongue had to be scraped off and brushed. I haven’t really told anybody around me about my healing journey. I’d rather them see the results and ask themselves, just not the yucky results like a white-covered tongue.

After I got dressed, I did my usual check in the mirror. Believe it or not, I had to stop myself. I’m wearing yoga pants with a tank top and a light cardigan-type thing over top, and for once in absolute months, I did not have to adjust my pants to hide my stomach just the right way. Yes, clearly I’m still overweight, but my stomach fat is not as bloated as it used to be. It almost looked flat from a head-on view. I have the worst self-image so this is a huge thing for me. When I weighed my lightest a few years ago – coming in at 129 lbs – I still looked in the mirror and saw fat. I liked my face at the time and the leanness around my neck/collarbone, but I carry my fat in my stomach (it’s the last to go) and so I couldn’t help but still see how fat I was in the mirror. Having bad self-image is a plague, it really is. But becoming vegan has helped me realize I need to focus on my health first and then everything else will fall into place. And this journey has only helped solidify that way of thinking. So today, I celebrated… with apple juice.

Yes. Today is day 2 of 3 that I am having only pure apple juice.By doing this, I am being easy on my body as it adjusts to having an energy source available again. My body doesn’t have to work on figuring out how to digest many different kinds of sources, it only has to figure out the one making it a much easier process. There’s no confusion, my stomach acids can settle in one place to digest the one ingredient. It’s the absolute easiest way you can come back from fasting.

My dentist appointment went well. I hate getting cleanings done. I really do. Every single time they always ask me if I floss, but it honestly is a part of my nightly hygiene routine to floss. I know that teeth can also have hereditary issues, so perhaps I’ve inherited my father’s awful teeth. But either way, aside from getting more regular cleanings, I’m not sure what to do. If you have any tips, definitely leave them below.

Aside from the regular cleaning, they reviewed a tooth that was supposed to be on watch from two years ago. I had completely forgotten about this. Underneath a filling from 10+ years ago, I had a spot forming that they couldn’t confirm two years ago as it would have required them to take out the filling to inspect. It was very small. Today, according to my x-rays, the spot has gotten a little bigger. Not hugely, but it is bigger. It now can be confirmed as a cavity. Again, since it’s under my filling, it’s going to require taking out my old filling, fixing it, then refilling again. Now, I’ve been looking into healing cavities naturally, and I believe it can be done. But when the dentist told me that if it grows more that it will get to my root (and showed me on the x-ray) that it will require a root canal and not just a filling. I have to admit, a root canal scares me. So against my better wishes, I have an appointment again for next week to have the cavity fixed. I had really bad teeth when I was younger (no doubt related to the way we were allowed to eat) and had many cavities all the time, so having one cavity in two years that honestly already existed before isn’t so bad. It’s progress. I’ve only been vegan for 1 year and even so did not eat healthy all the time. So now I know better what to do and I honestly can’t be eating any healthier than I have been this past week and it’s going to continue for quite some time.

I didn’t do a whole lot after the dentist appointment. I did go grocery shopping with my housemate/friend. The possibility of buying so much food was there, but yet again, I made it through with no mishaps. I was also invited to another free corn boil to which – this time – I declined. Not because I didn’t want to be tempted, but because I knew it was going to get cold again at night and I just didn’t want to be outside for a few hours in the cold. Really it was just personal choice. Plus, the main purpose to be there is to eat and if I’m not going to be eating, then there is less of a reason to go. This really was an event for the students of our school (the older ones that I don’t teach) so it wasn’t like I was denying a true social event with friends.

What did I drink today? As I mentioned above, apple juice again; the same kind I drank yesterday. However, I only consumed about 3-3.25 L compared to the ~3.75L I drank the previous day. I do have a sneaking suspicion that the quality of this Simply Apple juice is not quite the same as the organic ones I bought and may actually be the reason for some extra not-good feelings in my stomach. Time will tell.

Review of Symptoms:
Stomach still acted up throughout the day, always getting worse in the evening. Acne seemed to have a little less “tiny bumps” than yesterday. Otherwise, it seemed to be around the same. Stomach was looking a little less bloated. Tongue was covered in white “gunk” again that needed to be scraped.

Weight at the end of the day = 179.8 lbs (down a total of 9 lbs in 6 days)

Total Calories = 1326 (99% carbs, 0% fat, 1% protein)

Something Happened Today…

Something happened today that has evoked a whole bunch of emotions and thoughts. I feel this is something that should be shared and not kept internal for it is a true display of the vast differences in humanity.

Since becoming vegan almost a year ago, I have followed so many vegan YouTubers, Instagrammers, and joined several vegan FB groups. Though these groups have encountered their fair share of trolls sabotaging the pages, what I saw today has troubled me the most.

Personally, I cannot stand to watch the animal cruelty videos. I cannot stand violence. I know I couldn’t sleep, eat, or do anything if I were to sit and watch these videos, so I avoid them. If a YouTuber is playing a clip in their videos, I tilt my computer screen down or skip ahead in the video. I simply cannot handle it.

Today, I refreshed my NewsFeed, and the post that greeted me was the most gruesome picture of a cows head being held by the horns by a human. Blood was everywhere, sprayed all over the walls and poured all over the floor, obviously showing a slaughterhouse. It was violent, it was gruesome, it was gory, and it was unnecessary. While in shock, I first thought somebody must have had an awful story to go with it, but instead, the caption stated, “This makes me want a steak.” My heart broke.

This poor creature, his death being displayed as if his life was a joke. The murderers proud of the work they had done in bringing this living being to his brutal death. It was a scene from a nightmare.

Of course, people had already called out the admin of the group, and people had begun yelling at the poster with a variety of tactics which of course simply entertain the poster. I will never understand how people have fun causing others misery. But as I was sitting here tonight, thinking of how I may have responded in the situation, I don’t believe it would have been as the others. Because as angry as it makes me that somebody would do that to purposely instigate drama, the action speaks loudly about who that person is. Getting angry is only what the person wants. Retaliation is what the person is seeking. That speaks so much about the person’s character.

To me, this picture and comment is heartless. To do it purposely in a vegan group shows such unbelievable ignorance. It’s disrespectful, it’s selfish, and it’s menacing. It paints a terrible picture for this person. The thing is, I often wonder how much heart people actually have left. To me, you would have to be fairly hard-hearted to do something like this, to cause so much pain to so many people. To me, only someone lacking heart could look at such a devastating picture and feel that way. There is no sympathy left. There is no compassion left. Simply stated: heartless.

What is wrong with humanity? How have some of us become this way? Why is violence something we enjoy? Dog fights, cock fights, animal abuse, domestic abuse, violent video games, even as far as the UFC. Young, elementary students are playing adult-rated video games as if it’s no big deal. And yet we wonder where our society gets some of their ideals from. Why are we so disconnected from reality?

To me it all comes down to love. That’s what our purpose should be. We should love one another. We should love and care for the creatures of this earth rather than treating them like objects. Seriously, we have to stop being so selfish. We endanger the lives of so many just to get what we want. I can’t help but shake my head. Maybe if we put ourselves in the shoes of others, in the shoes of the animals, we would for once realize the effect we have. Maybe society would realize the horrors that these fully aware animals and people are living because of us. Maybe, just maybe, then we could live in a much more caring world where violence would finally be realized as an intruder rather than an accepted friend.

Think before you act. Reflect when you’re done. Make changes for the good of all.

Why the Name “Christian” Can Cause Such Anger

I’ve delayed in writing this blog post. The past few days have been a whirlwind for me. Not because I’m cleaning up my classroom, preparing for a new grade, but because the world has changed ever so quickly, and I needed to make sure my own emotions were not mixing and leading my thoughts but that rather my beliefs were the driving force behind my words.

When I decided I wanted to turn vegan, I thought what better place to learn than to join vegan groups on Facebook where people are continuously discussing ways of doing things better and on improving lifestyles. What better place would you get a mix of people who are starting out in their vegan adventure, as well as though who are tried and true veterans to the lifestyle. I did enjoy these facts, but I wasn’t prepared for what was coming.

As many of you know (and if you didn’t, I don’t know how you could have missed it), but the states have just legalized same sex marriage. To some people it’s no surprise, to some people it’s a reason to lash out, and to some people it’s a reason to celebrate. I was prepared for those reactions. What I wasn’t prepared for was the anger backing people’s responses. And it took a few days for me to truly understand what was going on.

Unfortunately, one of my vegan groups posted about this legalization and stated that you will never find a “homophobe vegan”. A man simply stated (though not in words I would have used) that he was not a “phobe” by the meaning of the word “phobia” as in being scared. He simply was using Biblical pieces to back-up the point that he did not support the movement. The backlash he received was incredible. And as I noticed he was the only one defending his beliefs, I decided to try and approach the conversation in a loving but understanding way. You see, I’ve noticed people are very quick to criticize Christian beliefs as being old and not modern day. But I knew that this is often because Christians have made a bad name for themselves.

I once saw a conversation where Christians were attacking an atheist. I could see where her comments and attacks were coming from. I couldn’t stand Christians reacting in this kind of way so I entered the conversation as well and simply responded to her questions and comments in a loving, non-judgemental way. It took quite awhile, but believe it or not, she thanked me for talking to her the way I did and explaining things the way I had. Of course she assured me she wouldn’t become Christian anytime soon, but that wasn’t the point of my discussion. The basis of my discussion was love.

So I figured that maybe if love was presented the right way in this vegan conversation, then maybe the hatred I was seeing would dissipate and the group could go back to the original purpose of becoming vegan and standing for animal rights. However, I’m sad to say it did not work that way. No matter how many times I reassured that none of the Christians in the conversation weren’t hating them nor judging them (all 2 of us), they served critique after critique back. No matter how many times I assured them that Christians should be focused on loving and loving all people, hate was served back. No matter how much love I tried to show about loving people but not supporting decisions they make, I was not supported. I even told them that the God of the world, Himself, has given us the power to choose what we do, regardless if we choose sin or not, and thus everyone in the world should have the power to choose what they want without anybody telling them otherwise, I was still considered judgemental. I brought up how I have a great uncle who has been a married gay my whole life and how I love him dearly and will never treat him otherwise, but that I do not support his lifestyle, I was still considered a “homophobe”. I was called a jerk, ingenious, told to take a nap, told I have mental sickness, that somehow someone loved me but in the same sentence told me everything I am is a sin, that God was going to send me to hell to burn for eternity, etc. And I was reminded again and again how listening to a 2000 year old book is so wrong.

I was not prepared for the hardness of hearts I was presented with. This is why I did not write this blog when I first thought of it. In fact, it’s been sitting as a tab for the past however many days since the law was passed. I’ve changed the name 3 times. I needed time to sort through what was going on, and to make sure my emotions were in check. And now I think I’m ready to help explain where I think things have gone wrong.

There happens to be a girl many years younger than I who was feeling the same way I was – being attacked by so many people, being pushed with no rest, exhausted from having to defend herself. The message came clearly in her Facebook post and the response from someone questioning the selection of beliefs, specifically pertaining to the lack of support on the same sex marriage issue.

I really thought about it before I posted this time, and I provided a very prominent issue among different Christians about the “clean” and “unclean” foods. I stated it as the fact that many Christians don’t support eating pork. Some claim that because it is an Old Testament law, that we no longer have to follow that distinction. Although many Christians disagree on this issue, we don’t hate our own family members just because they eat differently than ourselves. The best way to influence anyone in a positive way is through a loving manner. I also added that I grew up as a hunter’s daughter. When I turned vegetarian, my grandfather was convinced I would die. In fact, for the almost 10 years I was vegetarian, the very first question he would ask me is if I was healthy and had gone back to eating meat yet. The amount he would try to sneak meat onto my plate was crazy. He did not support my eating habits whatsoever. But he never stopped loving me. In fact, I can’t recall a day in my life where I did not feel loved by my grandfather, and that’s the way it should be.

To go a little further than that, she said she was going to put it bluntly and ask how same sex relationships is one law we believe from the Old Testament, but there were a host of others such as wearing jewelry, having tattoos, and premarital sex were things most Christians don’t follow anymore, yet we can choose to not stand for the same sex marriage issue.

This is where it truly sank in. The reason I believe that most people are so angry with Christians and our beliefs is because we have compromised on so much! Seriously, look around at your churches. I know for a fact that people drink, do drugs, party, have non-marrital sex with people regardless of being married or not, have problems with pornography, steal, cheat people out of money, etc, etc… There are people in almost every church who are the kings and queens of gossip. Churches are seen as judgemental because they’ve become that way. What have we done to ourselves?

Now, I’m not saying that all churches or even all people are this way. I do believe we have the sweetest, loving Christians still on this earth, and unfortunately that’s something we desperately need more of. But when Christians in themselves are out in the world claiming to be Christian and yet are caught in such horrible acts, what else is the world to think of us? Can you really blame people for hosting anger when they grew up in a church but like my sister, left because people were judging the clothing she wore? Do you really think that made her feel at home rather than winning her over with love? Personally, I’m ashamed at some of the things we’ve done to people. We should be opening our doors and welcoming, not just greeting, but truly welcoming people into our midst with the goal of letting love take over. When Jesus saved the prostitute, or sat with the tax collectors, you don’t see Him attacking them. He loved them and that’s what created the difference. Why can’t we do the same?

Of course I’m not saying we should kick out all of the people who are having problems either. What better place to receive help with healing than a church family, as long as we are being just that – a loving and supportive family.

Now, I know my beliefs may differ from yours, and that’s ok. Like I said, I have no judgement. The Bible, unfortunately, is not the most easily understood book at times, and some is left to our interpretation though hopefully somewhat unfolded with divine help (always pray before reading the Bible!). So yes, topics like jewelry and tattoos are a little more difficult to defend for some. However, I know the Bible clearly points out that our bodies are the living temples for the Holy Spirit, and we are to take care of them to the best of our abilities. Putting needles unnecessarily into my body, causing a stain that God did not put there in the first place that is ridiculous to remove, and putting holes all over my body does not seem like preserving the “holy temple” as God stated it. To me, that is clear enough definition as to why those are not the best idea. Jewelry that does not require holes (such as necklaces, rings, and bracelets) are a little more in the grey area. However, if you look at history, you will see that only the rich, and those who placed themselves above others wore jewelry. So at the time, it made total sense that jewelry was a way to separate the classes of people, and as far as I’ve read in my Bible, God doesn’t view us that way, nor does He want us to develop an attitude of being better than others. So to me, that makes sense. When it comes to premarital sex, it’s a no-brainer to me. You don’t need a Bible to tell you it’s not the best idea. Look up science reports and the reactions in the brain with sex. Look up psychology reports. The more sex you have before marriage, the less you are bringing to your marriage. Imagine if everything was brand new coming into your marriage. No past relationships to discuss, no past comparisons to make, nothing bad to bring into your forever relationship. I think in a way, we’ve lost sight of how sacred and special marriage was supposed to be. It was a union, a joining of two people. And in Mark 10:9, it states clearly, “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” We say vows, vows that are actually supposed to mean something. God blessed the union between husband and wife and specifically said that NO MAN (that means nobody on this earth) should be able to separate that union. I don’t know about you, but there are an awful lot of divorces going on. A lot of “man” separating what God told us not to. And that’s in the New Testament, not even the old.

Again, I hope you are not taking offence to this. I am the product of a divorced family who married other divorced people. Divorce is around me, and although I love my family more dearly than anything, I will fight with all I have to preserve my marriage union because I believe that is what is right. (I may continue this conversation at another time. It’s a whole separate Bible study.)

So those are my thoughts. I’m not sure if Christians will ever recover. If we’re going to stand for our beliefs, we need to learn not to compromise. No, it’s not easy being criticized. If anything, becoming vegan has opened my eyes to a whole new way of being criticized (not enough protein, not losing weight fast enough, not going to be healthy, etc…). But if you truly believe in something and seek to receive the rewards at the end, then you need to stand for whatever it is. But remember to stand in a loving way. Hate is fuel to the fire, but love (usually) softens the hardest of hearts. So speak to and treat each other in love, regardless of what a person chooses, but stay strong to yourself and don’t compromise on the beliefs you hold. Nobody in this world has the right to force their beliefs on people. But rather, keep an open ear and seek to find the Truth, and once you have the Truth, hold on to it. As humans, we are master justifiers, master liars, and master convincers. Don’t let someone talk you out of being yourself and believing what you’ve sought to be true.

For another pastor’s perspective, I found this to be a good, well-written, loving read with Biblical back-up.
http://todaychristian.net/a-detailed-explanation-of-why-christians-dont-accept-gay-marriage/

Sometimes Life Doesn’t Go The Way You Think

It’s without a doubt you’ve had some experience with this. It could be that everything seems to be going great one minute and then falls apart the next. It could be that everything is aligned to go a certain way and still it derails before your very eyes. Whatever the case may be, I’m sure you’ve experienced something like this at least once in your life.

Tonight I had one of these experiences and unfortunately I’m not up to sharing it right now. But it blind – sided me; totally took me by surprise.  It literally broke my heart and sent me into a downward spiral. And incase you’re wondering, no my husband and I are not getting a divorce. I wouldn’t have the strength to write you if that was the case. But this event that happened tonight reminded me that no matter what, I can’t live this life on my own. I have to be in close contact, holding the hand of my heavenly father every step of the way. I get blind – sided,  but He doesn’t.  I fall down and break apart but He doesn’t.  I sometimes feel like giving up on everything,  not seeing the point in anything. But God never gives up. And He sees the point in everything.  And therefore, I am reminded that I need Him daily, hourly, and each second.

I had a friend talk to me for the first time in a few weeks and she asked how I’ve been. So I updated her on the events of only the last week. Her question that followed was the same I get from many people,  “Is your life ever boring?”. It’s so true! I don’t have a chance to be bored. My life is either actively going in the right direction or I’m left scrambling to pick my life back up and put the pieces together enough to function again. I don’t get a break. It NEVER ends.

The more I sat and thought of this, the more I was reminded of things people have told me and things that I believe.

#1: God has me in my life for a reason and as much as I may not like it, it’s because He knows I’m the one who will somehow battle through it and develop the strength from previous events to tackle the increasing grandeur of future events. I seriously look over my past, the fears, the unknowns, and through God’s grace, I made it through stronger than before. But shortly after comes an event of larger size that once again breaks me down until through God’s grace once again, I build greater endurance and strength to overcome again. I mean I’m only in my early twenties,  and through the small amount of stories I share with my students at school, I have parents that have come to tell me I’ve been through more things that most people twice my age. I’m always scared of sounding like a know – it – all because I’ve moved so much, travelled some, been through extensive amounts of situations I can give info on so many different things. Students often come to my classroom to talk or to get advice because they know I’ve got something.  And maybe that’s part of the purpose, so that I can counsel others.  But it’s still an excruciatingly painful process with many scars that unfortunately get carried along.

#2: The devil attacks those He’s afraid of. Quite often, I’ve been reminded that the devil doesn’t waste his time on those who already deny God. His goal is to get us as far away FROM God as possible,  so he would only spend his time attacking those who try to regain for Christ’s kingdom, those who love God and try to follow Him the best they can. I’ve been told that when life is going seamlessly great, you have to question why the devil is not after you.  Again, not great news, because it basically guarantees life is going to be rough. But at the same time, God never guaranteed an easy life. He simply promised that those who endure on Earth will be rewarded in Heaven.  He promised that whenever we asked, He would help us. And that’s how we get through the worst parts of life, with God carrying us part of the way.

Tonight has not been the easiest night, but I know that God is here with me and is holding His hand over my heart, whispering that everything will be ok because He has this whole world in His hands. And I will cling to His embrace knowing that He is the reason I’m here and the reason I continue to survive through each thing I encounter. God is literally my all.