Fruit w/Salad Supper Day 2 – Healing Journey Day 39

Journal:
This morning I was really wishing I had time to make some homemade orange juice. However, I didn’t have ample time so I took some Fuji apples with me instead.

Throughout the day, I managed to eat four of the Mandarin oranges, and one of my Fuji apples. In total, it was less than 300 calories. This week has been insane and I literally am not even getting time to eat. Today, itself, was a day from… well, nowhere good. But, enough about my day. Tomorrow is a new day and I’m hoping for better.

So when I finally got home (after having a meeting after school), I noticed I had a letter from Animal Control that my dog’s registration expired. So, I had to go deal with that immediately. I then came home and started working on tonight’s salad.

For veggies, I chopped half of a romaine heart, two stalks of curly kale, some English cucumber, a Roma tomato, two radishes, and some white mushrooms.

saladveg

I can’t remember exactly where I got this dressing recipe from, but I’m thinking it may have been from Fully Raw Kristina. Definitely check her out if you haven’t before. The recipe goes as follows:

Strawberry Vinaigrette:
1-2 Cups Fresh Strawberries
2-3 Large Navel Oranges
Half to 1 Cup Pitted Dates
Handful of Fresh Basil

I tweaked it a little bit by using about 3 cups of strawberries, only 2 large Navel oranges, 10 pitted dates, and the fresh basil. Oh my goodness. After I blended it and took off the lid to smell it and taste it, it was so heavenly. This dressing definitely won me over compared to the dressing I had yesterday. Here’s what it looked like on my salad:

saladsauce

You know, I think back to the days of being so careful of how much dressing you put on your salad in fear of all the fatty calories you would be consuming. To give you a comparison, most Ranch dressings are anywhere from 7-14 grams of fat per tablespoon. It’s very high. This dressing had 1 gram of fat and I had more dressing than I even needed.

Now, like yesterday, I got through about half of the salad and started losing my taste for this salad. I don’t understand what is going on exactly. I’m not eating near the calories I know I should be, and yet my body doesn’t wolf through the salad like I think it should. Perhaps it’s just the readjustment of consuming a lot of veggies again; perhaps it’s the volume and not the caloric density. I’m not really sure to be honest. But I do know that I would definitely make this dressing again; it was super tasty.

Because it took me a little over two hours to eat this salad (it seriously takes me so long to finish these salads), I didn’t end up going to the gym again. I really need to figure out how to rearrange my time again because I do want to be in the gym. The goal is to make it tomorrow. Stay tuned…

Review of Symptoms:
-Acne still bad.
-Energy good.
-Digestion starting to move.
-Hair is looking so shiny and healthy! It really struck me today.
-Muscle cramp early this morning in my calf. Ouch! Perhaps I’m missing a nutrient…
-Still not eating enough, but better than yesterday.

Weight at the end of the day = 168.4 lbs (down 0.2 lbs from yesterday)

Total Calories = 1007 (89% carbs, 3% fat, 8% protein… still need to eat more)

It’s So Easy When You Feel God Around You… But What About When You Don’t?

I just got back from a large trip with my students. They are in the school’s choir, and we just completed a Fine Arts Trip where we put on three performances. Our students are actually very talented, and were given admiration left and right. Our kids truly are blessed.

But as I was sitting watching this heavenly-voiced choir of my students, and thinking about how perfect and wonderful they sound and are representing their God on stage in front of so many people, a thought struck me that I hadn’t really processed before: When you feel like you are in the presence of God, it is so easy to “behave”… to be “good”. But when my students and other people in the world leave a place where you can undeniably feel God’s presence, and you walk into the world of sin that is so easily seen around you, it all of a sudden becomes way too easy to “misbehave” or to be “bad”.

Why is this? Why can my students, or people in general, be so respectful and so Christ-like in a church or when performing in the name of Christ to hopefully show others the deepest love of all, and yet be so different when they leave that setting? What is it about the world that is so “pulling” on us in the wrong direction? What is it about being at church or in a Christ-promoting atmosphere that makes it so easy for us to do what we know is right?

I wish so much people were able to freeze the moment: freeze the feelings and the thoughts at the time when they were so easily attained and hold onto them when the rest of life comes in. Why aren’t we capable of doing this? Even when I was younger, I can remember going to spiritual retreats and feeling so connected with God. Yet, a few weeks pass and I feel that connection fading. Why is this? Why can’t we be on a “spiritual high” all the time?

I hope my students, and all people of the world, will notice this difference as I have. I hope they will take more seriously and hold on more dearly to those quickly fleeting moments. If we choose to surround ourselves with the biggest influences all the time, maybe we could live our lives a little louder.

What do you guys think? Leave a comment below.

Sometimes Life Doesn’t Go The Way You Think

It’s without a doubt you’ve had some experience with this. It could be that everything seems to be going great one minute and then falls apart the next. It could be that everything is aligned to go a certain way and still it derails before your very eyes. Whatever the case may be, I’m sure you’ve experienced something like this at least once in your life.

Tonight I had one of these experiences and unfortunately I’m not up to sharing it right now. But it blind – sided me; totally took me by surprise.  It literally broke my heart and sent me into a downward spiral. And incase you’re wondering, no my husband and I are not getting a divorce. I wouldn’t have the strength to write you if that was the case. But this event that happened tonight reminded me that no matter what, I can’t live this life on my own. I have to be in close contact, holding the hand of my heavenly father every step of the way. I get blind – sided,  but He doesn’t.  I fall down and break apart but He doesn’t.  I sometimes feel like giving up on everything,  not seeing the point in anything. But God never gives up. And He sees the point in everything.  And therefore, I am reminded that I need Him daily, hourly, and each second.

I had a friend talk to me for the first time in a few weeks and she asked how I’ve been. So I updated her on the events of only the last week. Her question that followed was the same I get from many people,  “Is your life ever boring?”. It’s so true! I don’t have a chance to be bored. My life is either actively going in the right direction or I’m left scrambling to pick my life back up and put the pieces together enough to function again. I don’t get a break. It NEVER ends.

The more I sat and thought of this, the more I was reminded of things people have told me and things that I believe.

#1: God has me in my life for a reason and as much as I may not like it, it’s because He knows I’m the one who will somehow battle through it and develop the strength from previous events to tackle the increasing grandeur of future events. I seriously look over my past, the fears, the unknowns, and through God’s grace, I made it through stronger than before. But shortly after comes an event of larger size that once again breaks me down until through God’s grace once again, I build greater endurance and strength to overcome again. I mean I’m only in my early twenties,  and through the small amount of stories I share with my students at school, I have parents that have come to tell me I’ve been through more things that most people twice my age. I’m always scared of sounding like a know – it – all because I’ve moved so much, travelled some, been through extensive amounts of situations I can give info on so many different things. Students often come to my classroom to talk or to get advice because they know I’ve got something.  And maybe that’s part of the purpose, so that I can counsel others.  But it’s still an excruciatingly painful process with many scars that unfortunately get carried along.

#2: The devil attacks those He’s afraid of. Quite often, I’ve been reminded that the devil doesn’t waste his time on those who already deny God. His goal is to get us as far away FROM God as possible,  so he would only spend his time attacking those who try to regain for Christ’s kingdom, those who love God and try to follow Him the best they can. I’ve been told that when life is going seamlessly great, you have to question why the devil is not after you.  Again, not great news, because it basically guarantees life is going to be rough. But at the same time, God never guaranteed an easy life. He simply promised that those who endure on Earth will be rewarded in Heaven.  He promised that whenever we asked, He would help us. And that’s how we get through the worst parts of life, with God carrying us part of the way.

Tonight has not been the easiest night, but I know that God is here with me and is holding His hand over my heart, whispering that everything will be ok because He has this whole world in His hands. And I will cling to His embrace knowing that He is the reason I’m here and the reason I continue to survive through each thing I encounter. God is literally my all.

Sometimes It’s Only Going to Be You

This post comes after a difficult day. I’m not going to go into many details, but I’d just like to reflect upon something that I think many of us struggle with; some of us daily.

The thing is, you can’t please everyone. There is no way possible you can do that. There is always somebody that is going to be upset with the way you do something or the way you think about things. Even when you think you are doing your best, there are people who will pick apart all of the little things that they consider wrong.

To me, the worst part is that sometimes these are the very people you love, the very people that are in your family, even your closest friends. It’s unfortunate that the people closest to us are sometimes the ones that abuse the power they hold of being able to uplift or destroy you. What makes it the absolute worst is when they don’t even see it; when they see nothing wrong with what they are doing. Can you think of someone in your life who is like this? Someone whom you feel you love so completely and yet you can’t understand why they choose to hurt you over and over again? Someone whom you try so hard to please but seem to always fall short of their expectations?

Maybe you have support of great friends and family. If you do, I completely commend you to grasp these resources. Just be sure to filter through your resources and have pre-arranged support that will view from a fair and just perspective because as we all know, every story has two perspectives, whether we see it that way or not.

Some circumstances request minimal resources, sometimes none. Sometimes you have nobody to run to, no support to back you up, and that’s how I’m feeling tonight. If you ever feel this way, please know that you are not alone. When the horrible words, the wrecking ball that tirelessly slams itself into your heart, beating you over and over again waiting for you to crumble, please know that you are not alone. If you need to cry, do it. If you need to walk away, do it. Find the place where you can be totally vulnerable and alone, and pour your heart out. Pour your heart out to the Man who has never left you once, who’s sitting with you in these moments of deepest pain, holding you in His arms, telling you that everything is going to be ok.

You see, sometimes nobody will be there to support you. Sometimes nobody will be there to pick you back up, and that’s when it becomes up to you. And sometimes, it really is only going to be you. You, alone, to make the choice whether you are going to keep fighting or give up. You, alone, to choose whether or not you will rise above the ashes or fall to dust. Even if you don’t have the strength to do it alone, you just have to make that choice. You see, God doesn’t actually promise that He won’t give us more than we can handle. In fact, that verse (1 Corinthians 10:13) actually says,

“No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able…”

The famous verse that people always refer to as “God will not give you more than you can handle” actually only speaks about temptations. If you’re anything like me, your burdens are not simply what you’ve been tempted by but rather situations that seem to have placed themselves upon you; little to no temptation at all. The type of situations that most people would look at you and say, “It’s just a rough time, you’ll get through it”.

Knowing the truth, that God does not actually promise we won’t be burdened with more than what we can handle alone, it’s easy to see that God actually has never intended us to handle these burdens alone. When you sit there, cry, bearing your heart and your problems, it’s what you’re supposed to do. You need to, even have to let God know that you need His help. He wants you to ask Him to help you. He wants you to expose your pain freely to Him and open your heart completely, allowing Him the freedom to enter it and help you. God wants to carry your burdens. When you’re tired, worn out, not sure where to go, God has made you a promise. Isaiah 40:31 has this promise and is a verse I refer to all the time. It says,

“…but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Wow. What a promise. In the moments of our deepest despair, when we have nowhere left to turn, God provides us with that promise. We won’t be left in our darkest hole, we won’t be left with our bleeding hearts. He evens goes further to give us another promise just as powerful as that one. In Matthew 11:28, Jesus says,
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
Did you know that? God doesn’t want you to carry your burdens. He wants you to realize that sometimes you have too much to handle. Sometimes the pain and suffering you are experiencing actually are too much for you. The people around you that are filling your head with the ridiculousness that you’re not good enough, you’re work isn’t good enough, you’re not working hard enough, you’re not pretty enough, you’re not strong enough, whatever it may be. All of those daily burdens and the pain that goes right along with them really is too much to bear, despite the fact that people in your life will sit there and openly tell you that you’re making a big deal about it and you can handle. God, Himself has said that you can’t always do that. He knows you will grow tired trying to accomplish everything that others want you to do. He knows you will be weary from trying to please everyone. He knows your load will sometimes become too heavy for you, and He, Himself wants to carry that load for you. What an awesome God He is to love us that much!
I’m going to leave you with a quote. A quote that quickly became my background on my computer and I have not changed it yet. I would also like to leave you with a prayer that I found so powerful I have placed it on my wall as a note. These things are always there so whenever I need a reminder that I am not alone and that God will help carry my burdens, it’s there. I encourage you to write it down and keep it available for yourself. You never know when you need the extra encouragement.
Quote – “When you’ve done everything you can do, that’s when God steps in and does what you can’t.”
Prayer – “Dear Righteous Father, I will not forget Your benefits as daily You help bear my burdens. Though I’m facing seemingly endless difficulties, I will not throw in the towel. I will set my eyes upon the hills and look forward with confidence of the future You have prepared for me; through Jesus Christ your Son our LORD. Amen.”