Why God?

I wish I could accurately describe what my life has been like the past while. However, no matter how hard I try, I cannot come up with a truly accurate description. The best I can do is tell you that …

Summer Days of Fruitrition 3/7 – Healing Journey Day 65

Journal:
We are back on track! I woke up super tired. I definitely went to bed too late, but the menu was completed and sent so that my family could buy their groceries today. I am praying for them!

So, something happened this morning that I have not talked about in this blog. But I believe this part is crucial for FEMALES who may be embarking on a journey similar to mine, so I will comment about it as of today. Today, I got my period. Yes, I know, that seems like no big deal. But it is a big deal when I tell you that I haven’t had my period for 94 days. I knew I wasn’t pregnant, and I knew it could happen because of my change in diet. Although I enjoyed not having it for so long, I was prepared for it to come back at any time. I do the fertility awareness method (check it out here: http://www.tcoyf.com) but had slacked for awhile so even though I could have probably been able to tell when it would come, my lack of tracking made it slightly more difficult to tell. Was I worried when I didn’t get my period? No. If something was really wrong, I would have noticed something different. But I didn’t notice anything different; I felt great, didn’t feel like I was lacking anything except water, and it is fairly common for people who go raw. I’ve also done some research online of people who even question how “normal” a typical period is and I must say it is fascinating. I encourage you to do some research of your own. 🙂

So this morning, I went with the Summer Days of Fruitrition Wednesday schedule. That meant blending up some strawberries and mangoes this morning to make a “fruity soup.” I didn’t follow the exact proportions, but it really did turn out so good. I could see making this soup throughout the summer regularly.

For lunch, I chopped up 6 bananas and blended up 1 lb of strawberries to pour over the bananas as a strawberry sauce. It was honestly so simple, but so good.

Because I got in a bit of a “rush” to get to the gym and back, I indulged in a bit of rice. I am figuring out that part of my issue is prep time. No, I know I don’t seem to be “fixing” everything as quickly as expected, but part of the ability to fix things is to understand why they are happening. My last meal was going to be chopped up mangoes and tomatoes eaten in cups of lettuce. That’s a lot of prep whereas rice you just throw in a pot. Perhaps if my primary food was a different fruit, I wouldn’t have to spend as much time to eat. But, I’m going to keep going.

I had a superb workout. I did a full body workout, hitting each muscle group with at least one exercise. I finished up the session by doing some HIIT cycling. I felt SO GOOD. I missed the gym. I loved being back. But, they did rearrange the whole gym set up, so it took awhile to adjust my bearings and find all the equipment and benches I needed. But I did it, and I loved it.

After the workout, I was dangerously hungry… which led me to pick up a salad on the way home. Guys, this is huge. I easily could have picked up a sub where I would have had bread for the same price, but I went with a salad, no bread included. I am honestly so proud and amazed at myself that I’m picking such better food than I normally would have. I have changed, big time!

However, it fell apart – a bit – once I got home. Salads that you buy are usually much smaller than what you would make for yourself at home, and so, it didn’t fill me up. So as soon as I got home, I made some peanut butter dates, rice, and junk (aka finished the vegan ice cream in the freezer). I was ravenous! Crazy. Honestly crazy. If I was a binger, this would have been my binge. But, it’s over and I’m not replacing these junk foods that I’m eating. So, if they aren’t in the house, I won’t eat them. And that’s going to be a strategy going forward.

Review of Symptoms:
-Acne is bad.
-Hunger was ravenous after the gym.
-I actually got my period after 94 days!!
-Can tell I need to drink more water.
-Excellent strength and endurance in the gym.

Weight at the end of the day = 167.4 lbs (same as yesterday)

Total Calories = 2739 (87% carbs, 8% fat, 5% protein… I ate a lot!!)

Fruit w/Salad Supper Day 7 – Healing Journey Day 44

Journal:
Well, today has been an interesting day. It started off with some wonderful glasses of fresh-pressed orange juice mixed with blueberry juice. I honestly could drink variations of fresh orange juice every single day. I could NEVER grow sick of it.

I did the dishes after I finished drinking my juice, and started getting ready. Our first soccer game was at 5:45 pm and I had stuff to get done before then. Since tomorrow is a fully green juice day, I had to go get the green juices I ordered. This involved two stops: One at Splash Juicery and one at Glow Juicery. I picked up my 6 juices and hopefully will have enough for tomorrow. If not, I will be arriving back at Splash.

Following the juices, I had to stop at the grocery store to pick up a few things in preparation of the three green smoothie days I will have following my green juice day.

I finally came home and had just enough time to make some food and get ready for the soccer game. This is what I made, as simple as it was:

Vegetables are really so pretty! Anyways, my dip tonight contained one avocado, one stalk of celery, one Roma tomato, two stalks of green onion, the juice of half a lemon, and three florets of cauliflower. I later added some fresh dill to it to boost the flavour, but I probably could have used some extra lemon as well.

I was not able to finish all of this before the soccer game, so I finished it after. There was a mix-up, so I was unable to play the game anyways. But following the game, I did have a Fuji apple to eat on the way home.

Now, I believe I have mentioned Spud on this blog before, but I am bringing them up again because they are such an awesome company. In anticipation of the smoothie days coming up, I ordered a case of bananas from Spud. Spud is a local organic delivery service. You go on their website, select what you would like to buy, pay online, and voila: It shows up on your doorstep on delivery day. It’s wonderful. But not only is this company good with their selection and service, they also do extra things for their customers, such as writing hand-written thank you notes, or throwing in a free gift with your order. With my last order, they threw in a bag of sweet potatoes. Now, I won’t be eating sweet potatoes for quite a long time, so I took my sweet potatoes upstairs to my housemates and offered them to them. I then seized the opportunity to share where they came from and what an awesome company Spud is. So if you want to check out their services, click on www.spud.ca.

So that pretty much sums up my night. I’m actually looking forward to my green juice day tomorrow and I’m interested to see how my tastebuds have changed in regards to the less sweet flavours of so many greens.

Review of Symptoms:
-Energy is good, though slightly tired today. Haven’t been going to sleep before midnight, so that may have something to do with it.
-Acne is good and not good at the same time.
-Cauliflower FILLS MY STOMACH UP!
-Hair is still good on day 7.
-Need to drink more water.
-Skin needs exfoliated badly.

Weight at the end of the day = 168 lbs (up 0.8 lbs from yesterday)

Total Calories = 1333 (73% carbs, 17% fat, 10% protein… a little low in calories, a little high in fat)

Fruit w/Salad Supper Day 4- Healing Journey Day 41

Journal:
I woke up feeling really unwell this morning. As a matter of fact, it was stemming from my stomach. It felt very upset, and actually left me considering whether I would even make it through the work day or not. However, it was Pyjama Day at school, so I still managed to get up and get ready. I can at least say that for a day when my stomach was upset, pyjamas were truly the best outfit.

Believe it or not, Pyjama Day was a phenomenal day in my classroom. It actually brought my students down to a level where they were much more teachable (meanwhile students in other classes were falling asleep). It was amazing. I could handle a weekly pyjama day, but that would be a stretch.

Throughout the morning, I only managed to eat one Mandarin orange. It wasn’t until lunch time that I finally got to make my peach and banana smoothie that I absolutely loved.

After school, we had a Staff Meeting. I had a choice to make. I could prolong my food schedule and indulge in some chips, or, I could take two apples with me and eat those during the meeting. For real, this was a struggle. I mentally battled it for probably 10 minutes before I finally took my apples out and ate them. Once I ate the apples, it honestly made it easier to avoid the chips. Plus, I thought of everyone who was watching me to see what I would do. I’m trying to be a role model for others.

After I finally got home, I took a quick look through my fruit and vegetables to see what was ripe; it guided my decision as to which dressing I was going to make today. My avocados were perfectly ripened, so I jumped on the chance to use them before they went bad!

For vegetables, I chopped up some Romaine lettuce, curly kale, white mushrooms, a Roma tomato, English cucumber, and kiwi berries.

The dressing recipe I used was this (inspired by Fully Raw Kristina or Rawvana I believe):

Avocado dressing:
1/2 small avocado ( I used 2 small avocados)
2 stalks of celery (I used 3-4)
1 strip green onion (I used 2)
1/2 lime juice (I used a full lime’s juice)
smalll bunch of cilantro

It was honestly so good, although I think I would do without the kiwi berries next time and just stick to a savoury salad. The dressing came out thick, very much like a guacamole. It was really, really good. No, I probably wouldn’t make a habit of eating two avocados a day, but when they are perfectly ripe, you use them!

So that pretty much sums up my day. I didn’t have time to make it to the gym by the time my meeting was over and my salad was made and eaten. But, I don’t work tomorrow so I will be on that!

Review of Symptoms:
-Felt awful this morning.
-Energy good throughout the day.
-Digestion is decent.
-Enjoying my food.
-Hair is great.
-Acne is terrible… as always…

Weight at the end of the day = (Guys, I apologize. This is 2 days in a row that I just crashed. It has been an exhausting week. Didn’t weigh myself again.)

Total Calories = approx. 1467 (71% carbs, 21% fat, 7% protein… a bit high in fat, but I’m not regretting those avocados and the calories are slowly growing!)

Mono-Juice Feasting (Nectar)- Healing Journey Day 12

Journal:
You know, everyday I write this blog post to keep you up-to-date on my journey, I can’t believe how much time has gone by since I’ve actually taken a bite of something. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that I would do something like this. It’s totally out of my comfort zone, but I am truly benefitting from amazing self-discipline along the way. This is truly an incredible journey.

Today was a rough day. Today was the kind of day where it would have been better to just stay in bed. But with a lot of prayer and God’s ever-loving kindness to me, He gave me enough strength to get through the day. The only problem was, my dream of getting home at the end of the day and just relaxing was short-lived as I was late getting home and my dog gave me grief for the rest of the evening. I did not get any reprieve today. But even so, I do have one big thing to celebrate, and that was what I drank today.

I will soon be actually taking a bite of fruit!!!! It’s coming!! So in transition, I made today a little different than the regular juice. I, instead, had a nectar; apricot nectar to be specific. Now, remember how I had been dreading drinking more juice because it just seemed to get sweeter and sweeter? Well, this stuff was like a little piece of heaven, and it wasn’t even organic. Oh, if only I could describe what it was like to you. The thing is, I’m pretty sure I’ve had this apricot nectar before but it didn’t taste as good to me then. Now, it was perfection. Such a reprieve from anything that was too sweet before, yet still sweet enough to be satisfying. The liquid being thicker than the normal juice was also something I loved. I can tell the food is coming!!

Now, what would be interesting to find out is whether the ingredients made this more to my satisfaction. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until the end of the day that I noticed they added sugar. It amazes me that the regular juices with no added sugar would taste sweeter than this with added sugar. It’s definitely something to think about. I’ve always found it interesting to see how our body reacts to unnatural things.

I didn’t go to the gym today, but I did do a workout at home. I had a pair of 10 lb dumbbells that I used to do squats, pushups, tricep kickbacks, bicep curls, hamstring curls, lunges, shoulder press, upright rows, and wall sits. I got in a very decent workout and it helped me feel a bit better after the day I had been having.

I finished the day with a candy assembly line as we made variety bags for an upcoming softball tournament. They smelled great and for someone who hasn’t had candy in a long time, looked appetizing as well. But not once did I slip. It was a success.

How much did I drink today? 3L with no issues. In fact, I probably could have drank more… There’s got to be something to this added sugar. It’s got me thinking…

Review of Symptoms:
-Acne is pretty much the same. Perhaps a little duller, but still patiently waiting for a noticeable improvement.
-Tongue did not need scraped this morning. So happy!
-Felt good except one little stomach upset feeling that lasted about 5-10 minutes at the very end of the night. Still unsure as to what causes this.
-Energy kept up through my incredibly NOT GOOD day and even into everything I did in the evening.
-Strength was better than expected during workout.
-Elimination was good today. Perhaps my transition to nectar is also kickstarting digestion again.

Weight at the end of the day = 178.2 lbs (up 1.2 lbs from yesterday)

Total Calories = 1,536 (99% carbs, 0% fat, 1% protein)

Focus Change: From Weight to Health

I’ve almost been vegan for a year. Can you believe it? Time has gone by so quickly, and I don’t regret a second of it! So I thought I’d fill you in on my progress, and something that switched mentally along the way.

When I first went vegan, in the end of June/beginning of July 2015, I went through a week of major withdrawal; not from animal products, but from cheese! My husband ate nachos almost daily, and the smell of melted cheese would be ever so tempting. So how did I combat it? By having a piece of fruit in my hand and shoving it in my mouth… lol. You do what you have to do.

From there, it got easier. However, since I was so excited about this vegan world, I started looking for everything vegan in the grocery stores. I subscribed to a local Organic Box delivery which was the greatest thing because then I was able to select organic produce to be delivered weekly so that I always had fruit and veggies available. But as the fall came, things changed.

In the colder weather, I wanted cooked foods all the time. No problem, really. You can easily be a cooked food vegan. But, with a few complications in starting up my next school year, I started grabbing denser calorie, fast food. This meant hitting much too much of the shelves and freezers in the grocery stores. Not only was I excited that so many things were vegan, but I was able to try so many vegan products. Let’s just say, I was not paying attention to the macronutrient breakdown in any of them. My diet was very high in fat.

Now, I was already mentally transitioning from a person who had heavily counted calories, starved myself to lose weight, and pretty much obsessed with being thin to someone who was just concerned about being healthier for myself and doing what I felt God was calling me to do. That didn’t make it any easier when I found my weight still climbing. I was eating all that I cared for, reaching a state of being full but not being stuffed. I felt pretty well, but I knew the weight gain was not what I wanted. However, I continued on because it was easy to do.

Christmas came, and I was so excited to travel to the states to try some new vegan restaurants. They were AMAZING. But it hit me when my mother-in-law had to ask my husband if she should even bother asking me if I wanted to sort through some clothes of hers before she donated them. That told me right away everyone noticed my weight gain. I started to feel pretty bad.

The following two months presented me with some of the greatest stress I have had in quite awhile. My husband left for school in the states, I moved our entire apartment myself, making appointments to sell items along the way. As soon as things were finally moved, I had to prepare report cards. As soon as that was over, I had to prepare for parent-teacher interviews. Needless to say, I got really sick after that. I literally did not have a single break, and as happy as I was to be leaving our old place, I hit the point of nostalgia as it was emptied and I was doing it alone. Emotional ups and downs, zero rest, and not eating was a recipe for disaster, and a time to hit my highest weight. I knew things had to change.

I was not giving up veganism, that was not an issue. Veganism had made me feel better about pretty much everything. In fact, when I was not reminded about my weight gain, I actually felt amazing. But I knew I could do better.

With my husband in school, and I taking on all of our bills, the money was cinched tight. I had/have a very small budget which meant all those vegan junk foods were few and far between. I actually had to start cooking again! And you know what? I felt even better than before. I found out that my greatest eating pattern is eating raw throughout the day (mostly fruit) and eating a cooked meal in the evening. The cooked meal ranges from pasta to potatoes to veggies and vegan proteins, to vegan sushi, to cream of wheat, to sandwiches. They are not complicated at all, and are whole-food based. I feel vibrant and amazing and have even found a 6-day pattern of attending the gym again. And that’s when it happened: I started caring less about my weight gain.

I knew I was bigger than I wanted to be, but I chose to trust the system. People have been through this before; I’m not the only one. God’s original diet for us was the fruits of the earth, and I was closer than ever to following that diet. I began to pray for God to not only bless my food before I ate it, but to bless my efforts in trying to eat the way He designed for us, and for my results to show to others that this is His design as well. I began to pray before workouts for the same thing. And then I continued to eat when I was hungry and stop when I was full, except this time, it was whole plant foods from home.

You know what? In less than two months, I am down 14 pounds from my heaviest. Did I cut calories at all? No. In fact, I have been logging my food everyday just to see how much I’m eating. Some days, I’m not very hungry and I only eat around 1500 calories. I don’t like to go lower than this, so that does involve an some extra food I probably wouldn’t have otherwise eaten. Some days, I’m super hungry and can eat over 3000 calories. I’m not starving my body anymore. I’m giving it the healthy nutrition it needs, and it’s working.

I’ve always worked out which you’ll see if you have followed this blog for quite awhile, so that has not changed. I’m currently doing 3 full-body circuits a week with 3 cardio sessions between and 1 rest day. I’m getting stronger, and my endurance is better. I absolutely love it.

So I’m continuing on my vegan journey, in love with it greatly. My father has started his own fitness journey and to my surprise, displayed a picture of a blender with raw vegan protein powder. He’s been making banana/protein smoothies. It’s a huge step! My mother has been trying to cut down on the animal consumption within the house, and a coworker of mine has just begun her own vegan journey as well. More and more I’m realizing that people are waking up to the reality of how great a vegan diet is, for health reasons, beliefs, ethical and environmental reasons. It is truly the greatest. And though weight loss is awesome, it beats nothing to knowing your body is healthy and going to last you a little longer. When you eat healthy, the body releases the fat that is not good. It’s a slow process, and already within the two months, I’ve had over a week of being stalled on the exact same weight. But I continued nonetheless, and it paid off with a lower weight break in the end. So take courage. If I can do this, you can too. Start researching and be awakened to the world of truth that is out there. It’s truly amazing how deceiving the world is. Get to the nitty gritty and find out for yourself; the only regret you’ll have is that you didn’t do it sooner.

Something Happened Today…

Something happened today that has evoked a whole bunch of emotions and thoughts. I feel this is something that should be shared and not kept internal for it is a true display of the vast differences in humanity.

Since becoming vegan almost a year ago, I have followed so many vegan YouTubers, Instagrammers, and joined several vegan FB groups. Though these groups have encountered their fair share of trolls sabotaging the pages, what I saw today has troubled me the most.

Personally, I cannot stand to watch the animal cruelty videos. I cannot stand violence. I know I couldn’t sleep, eat, or do anything if I were to sit and watch these videos, so I avoid them. If a YouTuber is playing a clip in their videos, I tilt my computer screen down or skip ahead in the video. I simply cannot handle it.

Today, I refreshed my NewsFeed, and the post that greeted me was the most gruesome picture of a cows head being held by the horns by a human. Blood was everywhere, sprayed all over the walls and poured all over the floor, obviously showing a slaughterhouse. It was violent, it was gruesome, it was gory, and it was unnecessary. While in shock, I first thought somebody must have had an awful story to go with it, but instead, the caption stated, “This makes me want a steak.” My heart broke.

This poor creature, his death being displayed as if his life was a joke. The murderers proud of the work they had done in bringing this living being to his brutal death. It was a scene from a nightmare.

Of course, people had already called out the admin of the group, and people had begun yelling at the poster with a variety of tactics which of course simply entertain the poster. I will never understand how people have fun causing others misery. But as I was sitting here tonight, thinking of how I may have responded in the situation, I don’t believe it would have been as the others. Because as angry as it makes me that somebody would do that to purposely instigate drama, the action speaks loudly about who that person is. Getting angry is only what the person wants. Retaliation is what the person is seeking. That speaks so much about the person’s character.

To me, this picture and comment is heartless. To do it purposely in a vegan group shows such unbelievable ignorance. It’s disrespectful, it’s selfish, and it’s menacing. It paints a terrible picture for this person. The thing is, I often wonder how much heart people actually have left. To me, you would have to be fairly hard-hearted to do something like this, to cause so much pain to so many people. To me, only someone lacking heart could look at such a devastating picture and feel that way. There is no sympathy left. There is no compassion left. Simply stated: heartless.

What is wrong with humanity? How have some of us become this way? Why is violence something we enjoy? Dog fights, cock fights, animal abuse, domestic abuse, violent video games, even as far as the UFC. Young, elementary students are playing adult-rated video games as if it’s no big deal. And yet we wonder where our society gets some of their ideals from. Why are we so disconnected from reality?

To me it all comes down to love. That’s what our purpose should be. We should love one another. We should love and care for the creatures of this earth rather than treating them like objects. Seriously, we have to stop being so selfish. We endanger the lives of so many just to get what we want. I can’t help but shake my head. Maybe if we put ourselves in the shoes of others, in the shoes of the animals, we would for once realize the effect we have. Maybe society would realize the horrors that these fully aware animals and people are living because of us. Maybe, just maybe, then we could live in a much more caring world where violence would finally be realized as an intruder rather than an accepted friend.

Think before you act. Reflect when you’re done. Make changes for the good of all.

Vegan Journey Update

Ok. I have LOVED seeing everyone’s vegan success posts! I fully believe in a vegan lifestyle and have taken much backlash for it. I began my vegan journey in June/July 2015. I had a week’s transition where I was battling cravings for cheese. Who knew I’d hit severe withdrawal over a food.

At first, I was leaning towards a more RawTill4 version, but found also that I had addictions to cooked lunches. So then it was more of a raw breakfast with cooked meals afterwards.

I did alright until the fall when I started teaching again and began buying a lot more pre-made vegan foods and trying more vegan junk foods.

Prior to all of this, I had won a fitness competition at my lowest weight of 129 lbs (I believe… my husband seems to remember a different number in the 120 lbs range). I won free coaching for two months and did fairly well continuing to stick with an extremely low carb, higher protein and moderate fat meal plan but my results stalled and as I started avoiding meals just so I didn’t have to keep eating the same things, my results started to reverse.

I found a group on FB with a coach that designed his own workout plans and diet. Many people have seen results on his plans, so I decided to enter this challenge as well. About half way through, I was tired of being tired. I was tired of being unhappy with my food. I was tired of always restricting. And when I finally asked the coach why I was no longer losing weight, he told me to cut my calories down even more. I think I thought about it for two days before deciding that I’m not doing this anymore and I’m going to “intuitive eat”.

Now, my intuitive eating was not a binging session. I don’t think I’ve ever binged. But I did start eating whatever foods I wanted with no regards to macro counting. Obviously this included more cheese for my cheese addiction. Needless to say, I started gaining weight.

After awhile, I started being so unhappy because I knew something was wrong and that there had to be something better for our bodies than this. With my dissatisfaction, and being vegetarian for many years before entering the bodybuilding/fitness world, I started looking at being vegan. I researched for days, watched YouTube videos by the hour. I finally had found what made sense to me. Hence my journey began in June/July 2015.

Though I’ve enjoyed the success stories, I’ve always wondered what was going wrong. When I first switched to vegan, my weight slowly kept creeping up until I hit my all-time high over Christmas at 196 lbs. Sure, it’s easy to say you shouldn’t worry about the weight, but from winning my competition at 129 lbs to gaining up to 196 lbs, I’m sure you can understand the mental troubles this can give you, especially when your husband thinks your current diet is to blame.

Deep in my heart, I knew this was the right way to eat so I didn’t give up. Sure, I indulged a little in junk over Christmas Break since we went on vacation to Colorado, but I never quit being vegan, and at home I have been cooking more than before and eating as much whole, plant-based foods as possible.

Since Christmas, I just wanted to see the scale move down into the 180s. That’s not a huge fat loss, but enough for some confirmation. Since Christmas, I have found my all-time best routine. I get up at 4 am, go to the gym, do my workout fasted: usually 1 to 1 1/2 hours of weights and 30 minutes of cardio, come home, eat breakfast because I’m usually starving after the gym, take care of my dogs, get stuff ready for my husband, get myself ready for work, go to work (elementary teacher), come home or stay at work after and do what needs to be done. It honestly gives me so much energy for the day. Yes, physically I have felt a difference for sure! No more coffee, never tired except for at night, no stomach issues, etc.

Yesterday in the gym, while doing lateral raises, I thought I noticed a slight difference in my chest/shoulder area. My shoulder muscles are starting to show again like they used to (though there is still fat covering them that needs to go). Then when I was doing shrugs, I noticed the top half of my stomach area (chest down to “love handles”) is actually slim (I carry all my fat in my bottom part of my stomach). For once, I could see/vision myself athletically fit and not stare at myself with criticism. However, I will say that until this point, the scale had barely moved (though I do not check everyday).

This morning, and yes, I know the scale isn’t everything, but what I saw was confirmed. I am back on the 180s side at 189! 7 1/2 months of keeping faith that this is the right way, and I’m finally starting to see results and not just feel them. I am so happy!

I just wanted to share my story for anyone else who may get frustrated that their weight is not coming off. Being active and eating whole foods is honestly the best way to go. You will feel the results first, and that’s what counts. The physical results will come later. I haven’t had a blood test done yet to make sure all of my levels are ok, but that is on my to-do list. All I know is I feel great, my strength and endurance have actually increased in the gym, and I will never eat/live another way again!

Looking at the World Blindly

This world is one of deceit. This world is unfortunately filled with fakeness. This world cannot be taken for face value.

When I think about growing up, I think of food. Food is a huge part of life that nobody can deny. Without food, life eventually stops. There are family foods that nobody can recreate. There are traditional foods associated with different ceremonies and celebrations. There are comfort foods that are there for you when life goes downhill. And there are “healthy” foods that we are all told we need.

I used to be a dairy-aholic. In my family, the more cheese the better. Take a block of cheese out of the fridge, tear a chunk off, put it back and be merrily on your way. That was my upbringing. A pound of bacon for breakfast? You bet! I was oblivious to the truth.

As I grew up and got to where I am now, I have realized how blind I really was.

When we listen to the things people have told us without investigating for ourselves, we are leaving our entire lives in their hands. When we watch dairy commercials that promote the goodness of dairy and yet never look into the fact that some of the biggest dairy drinkers have the worst arthritis, we may end up the same way. The way dairy is designed causes inflammation in our bodies. The extra calcium actually leaches calcium from our bones, not into it. Milk cows have drastically cut their lives down because of the constant pregnation, something we fight to stop in third world countries because of the deaths and complications it has caused human women. Baby bulls are sent to slaughter because they are worthless in the dairy industry and treated as such from the moment they are born. Calves are pulled from their mothers within 24 hours of birth so as not to drink all of the milk that can be sold to humans. The dairy industry is disgusting.

And yet it’s not just the dairy industry. So much of what we are told is a lie. The media skews what it wants us to see. The meat industry will not let you into their slaughterhouses to see the abuse. The scientific studies are often revokable and untrue. Industries pay off publishers to post results that they want people to see. Our world is treacherous and ruthless.

So my question to you is this: Are you going to keep believing everything that you see? Everything that people tell you to believe? Or are you going to find out for yourself?

From Feeling “Trapped” to Feeling “Free”

My husband and I (and our pups) just spent the last two days driving back up to Canada from the states. The past two weeks in the states have been phenomenal to say the least. I’ll write a post stating more of what we did later, but I experienced something tonight that I needed to feel, something I didn’t know would be possible for a very long time.

In high school, I lived in the “big city”. It was nice for the duration I was here, but when I left, I swore never to move back. I am a small town girl, and the big city is just not my scene.

When I graduated from university, I was able to get a job for the first year in a small town. Bingo! But when that maternity leave position ran up, so did my other plans.

I received a phone call from my superintendent that I had an interview scheduled in the “big city” on such-and-such a date at such-and-such a time. I hadn’t even been asked, I had simply just been told.

On that day, I drove to the city, did my interview, and of course, got the job. I couldn’t believe what was happening. The one place I never wanted to end up was the one place I was being told I had to be. I was angry for a very long time.

Eventually, I got to the point where I simply went around saying “God certainly has a sense of humour!” But my one year employment turned into two, then three, and currently on year four.

Reflecting on it, I knew God wanted me to be here. There were certain situations I had to encounter as a teacher to grow. There were painful moments I had to experience to become wiser. There were children who needed someone to advocate for them, and there were relationships built with students who just needed someone to listen that wouldn’t judge them. I was able to fill that place. As much as they think they have learned from me, I learned ever so much from them.

This year, when my big change from 6th grade to 2nd grade came, I couldn’t believe it was happening. As much as 6th graders stressed me out, I loved the counselling aspect; I loved the difficult questions. I felt like a stranger in grade 2. But of course, as time went on, it became easier and I was able to find aspects I liked. But I couldn’t help thinking, is this really where I’m supposed to be? Is this really what I’m still supposed to do?

I can’t really say it’s teacher’s burnout (though I’m sure some things are similar). It’s just the feeling of being “stuck”. No matter how many ways I looked at our situation financially, I could see no better opportunity to survive than where we were. We both hate living in the city, though I’ve come to see good parts about it and don’t hate it as bad as I used to. But when I can hear parts of my neighbour’s conversations, when my neighbours that I strive to be so nice to turn around and stab me in the back, and when I no longer see a way that Canadians are nicer than Americans anymore (sad reality from what I see here in the city), I know we aren’t really happy here. It’s not where either one of us want to be. So that’s when I realized something this weekend.

When we were finally finishing our drive, doing the same maneuvers through the city as we had done for years, we had come to the house, walked in, and I suddenly felt like I was in someone else’s house. I felt like a stranger walking into someone else’s life. It was a strange feeling. My husband did not experience the same thing, but for some reason, it was like I was that “spirit” looking at someone else’s world, an outsider looking in. Of course that feeling is over now, but that wasn’t the only feeling that came.

After driving for 2 days, we absolutely did not have the energy to go grocery shopping. So we went out for supper (our fridge is bare). On the way home from supper, it hit me. This city is no longer my jail. I no longer feel like I strapped to this city, unable to move. I no longer feel like the city is the pit that is going to swallow me whole to keep me here with no escape. I suddenly realized, with options my husband, my mother-in-law, and myself had talked about after Christmas break, the world is at our fingertips. It may not be a fun ride to make change, but to get out of the rut of tiredness, depression, and feeling “stuck”, a few months of painful change would be so worth it. It’s no longer an impossibly large, looming, unattainable vision, it is now a totally possible, difficult but doable task. And taking those chains off was the best feeling I could have ever experienced.

I know this post is kind of vague, but this year is a huge year of change. I cannot leak more information than is timely, but I can assure you this year is going to difficult but good. Stay tuned!