Summer Days of Fruitrition 3/7 – Healing Journey Day 65

Journal:
We are back on track! I woke up super tired. I definitely went to bed too late, but the menu was completed and sent so that my family could buy their groceries today. I am praying for them!

So, something happened this morning that I have not talked about in this blog. But I believe this part is crucial for FEMALES who may be embarking on a journey similar to mine, so I will comment about it as of today. Today, I got my period. Yes, I know, that seems like no big deal. But it is a big deal when I tell you that I haven’t had my period for 94 days. I knew I wasn’t pregnant, and I knew it could happen because of my change in diet. Although I enjoyed not having it for so long, I was prepared for it to come back at any time. I do the fertility awareness method (check it out here: http://www.tcoyf.com) but had slacked for awhile so even though I could have probably been able to tell when it would come, my lack of tracking made it slightly more difficult to tell. Was I worried when I didn’t get my period? No. If something was really wrong, I would have noticed something different. But I didn’t notice anything different; I felt great, didn’t feel like I was lacking anything except water, and it is fairly common for people who go raw. I’ve also done some research online of people who even question how “normal” a typical period is and I must say it is fascinating. I encourage you to do some research of your own. 🙂

So this morning, I went with the Summer Days of Fruitrition Wednesday schedule. That meant blending up some strawberries and mangoes this morning to make a “fruity soup.” I didn’t follow the exact proportions, but it really did turn out so good. I could see making this soup throughout the summer regularly.

For lunch, I chopped up 6 bananas and blended up 1 lb of strawberries to pour over the bananas as a strawberry sauce. It was honestly so simple, but so good.

Because I got in a bit of a “rush” to get to the gym and back, I indulged in a bit of rice. I am figuring out that part of my issue is prep time. No, I know I don’t seem to be “fixing” everything as quickly as expected, but part of the ability to fix things is to understand why they are happening. My last meal was going to be chopped up mangoes and tomatoes eaten in cups of lettuce. That’s a lot of prep whereas rice you just throw in a pot. Perhaps if my primary food was a different fruit, I wouldn’t have to spend as much time to eat. But, I’m going to keep going.

I had a superb workout. I did a full body workout, hitting each muscle group with at least one exercise. I finished up the session by doing some HIIT cycling. I felt SO GOOD. I missed the gym. I loved being back. But, they did rearrange the whole gym set up, so it took awhile to adjust my bearings and find all the equipment and benches I needed. But I did it, and I loved it.

After the workout, I was dangerously hungry… which led me to pick up a salad on the way home. Guys, this is huge. I easily could have picked up a sub where I would have had bread for the same price, but I went with a salad, no bread included. I am honestly so proud and amazed at myself that I’m picking such better food than I normally would have. I have changed, big time!

However, it fell apart – a bit – once I got home. Salads that you buy are usually much smaller than what you would make for yourself at home, and so, it didn’t fill me up. So as soon as I got home, I made some peanut butter dates, rice, and junk (aka finished the vegan ice cream in the freezer). I was ravenous! Crazy. Honestly crazy. If I was a binger, this would have been my binge. But, it’s over and I’m not replacing these junk foods that I’m eating. So, if they aren’t in the house, I won’t eat them. And that’s going to be a strategy going forward.

Review of Symptoms:
-Acne is bad.
-Hunger was ravenous after the gym.
-I actually got my period after 94 days!!
-Can tell I need to drink more water.
-Excellent strength and endurance in the gym.

Weight at the end of the day = 167.4 lbs (same as yesterday)

Total Calories = 2739 (87% carbs, 8% fat, 5% protein… I ate a lot!!)

Summer Days of Fruitrition Day 1/7 – Healing Journey Day 60

Journal:
I was actually a little excited about today. I absolutely loved my last PD session, and instead of going on my own, I got to be with colleagues for this one. That made it that much better!

The first thing I did was made some breakfast. Since I ate my Day 1 breakfast yesterday, I swapped it for that one banana and spinach smoothie that I did not finish during the Rawsome Healthy guide. So, I used the snack of today and the smoothie together to make a huge breakfast. Because I didn’t blend it the proper way (spinach and water first before adding in the bananas and strawberries), it came out looking like a Christmas smoothie. It was actually quite pretty!

That smoothie definitely filled me up this morning (I had a mug and a half as shown above PLUS my large smoothie cup that I took with me).

Now, I swapped Monday’s lunch with Tuesday’s lunch as it would have been much harder for me to prepare mangoes at a workshop than it would have been to eat figs. I also could not find ripe figs anywhere, so I brought a lot of water to go with dried figs. I did quickly find out that dried figs were not my favourite, though I did manage to eat 12 of them. However, I was still hungry. I didn’t expect to find anything more than a raw veggie tray for me to eat from in the hallway where they served lunch. However, they surprised me by having rice paper rolls! I know the rice paper wasn’t raw, but they were completely vegan and and because rice paper is so thin, it was so minimal compared to the heavily-breaded sandwiches they had for everyone else. I was so delighted! Veganism is making its way in the world! I loaded up!

When I got home, I did something bad and started “snacking.” I have been IN LOVE with arugula, but was eating it on toast, only making one at a time until before I knew it, I had eaten 3. Seriously, food addiction is no joke. I’m figuring out the power it holds even though I may have thought I was invincible. I share these things with you to be honest about the demise there is with food and how the unhealthy things are the things that grab us. So having bread in the house is a bad idea. If I didn’t have it, I wouldn’t eat it.

I finally got around to making my supper which was a soup made from mangoes, tomatoes, and celery. It was ok, though my mangoes are not as ripe as they should have been. I paid almost $2 a mango (not in season) and though they looked decent, they were not truly ripe. I have them sitting in front of a heater to try and help them ripen, but it’s not working a miracle. Either way, the soup was ok but I could not finish it. I ate about half and packaged the rest for tomorrow.

I went to bed stuffed and I could tell right away that was the wrong thing to do. Whenever I go to bed stuffed, I wake up the next morning with an uncomfortable stomach. But, I completed my first day, and that was a success. I just ended up adding “extra” which needs to be whittled out.

I did not go to the gym, but I did 5 ab exercises at home that was also helping to strengthen my lower abs which feed into my hip flexor issue. It did get sore after awhile, but I think it was good. Here goes the start of rehabilitating that “kicking” pain.

Review of Symptoms:
-Tired. Can’t sit for forever without moving.
-Ate A LOT today.
-Hair is not feeling great. Too much cooked food and junk is showing in my hair.
-Feeling bloated after eating everything today.
-Acne still bad.

Weight at the end of the day = 169 lbs (up 0.3 lbs from yesterday)

Total Calories = 2869 (84% carbs, 9% fat, 7% protein… good macros!)

Green Juice Feasting – Healing Journey Day 45

Journal:
I actually woke up excited for today. Some people may think that today wouldn’t be so great because I’m going back to juicing instead of having actual food, but honestly, I have come to really enjoy juicing as a form of giving your body a break from digesting food. It definitely provides a cleansing day.

Now, today I tried to space out my juices because not only are juices generally lower calorie, but because they are green juices, they are even lower calorie due to the greens content. So here is the schedule in which I drank the juices:

8:00 am – Skinny Glow (melon, apple, cucumber, spinach, celery)

9:40 am – After Glow (spinach, cucumber, celery, kale, apple, parsley)

11:10 am – Glow Boost (spinach, kale, cucumber, broccoli, mint, pomegranate)

1:40 pm – Ener-G Glow (pear, spinach, cucumber, celery, chlorophyll)

3:00 pm – Sky Glow (pear, cucumber, kale, lemon, mint)

5:00 pm – Peak Performance (apple, cucumber, kale, spinach, lemon, parsley)

6:45 pm – Emerald City (spinach, apple, celery, cucumber)

8:30 pm – Everglades (cucumber, celery, cilantro, lime, apple)

Why were some of my juices called “Glow”? Because I purchased them from Glow Juicery. It is an awesome place where they made cold-pressed juices that are raw and unpasteurized. They also make smoothies and raw foods to eat. I love this store and highly recommend you check them out!

The last three juices I drank were from a place called Splash Juicery which is also an amazing, organic, cold-pressed juice place. They also serve smoothies, raw desserts and raw meals. I just recently found out about this place and I’m so thankful I tried them out! Absolutely recommended as well!

So the odd thing was, I start getting a headache just before I started drinking my second juice of the day. I never get headaches. My eyes have been giving me some really bad troubles in the past week, and I fear I may be headed to some trouble I don’t want. I’ve pretty much stopped wearing my sunglasses so I can get as much Vitamin D to my eyes as possible, and I still need to cut down on the computer time. I can’t lose my vision… it’s time to get serious. I think some extra sleep would also help my case.

The headache feeling did go away, thankfully. I made it through the rest of the day pretty well, though I was unusually hungry. It’s amazing what happens when you’re used to eating a huge volume of vegetables and fruit so the compact amount of green juices. I can’t wait to eat again!

I did make it to the gym today and had an awesome workout (yes, even hungry and with only consuming green juices). I did squats, lunges, jump squats, dumbbell pullovers, bench push-ups, lateral raises, standing scarecrow, cable hammer curls, and cable tricep extensions. I then finished up my workout with 20 minutes on the stairclimber. Wowee! It felt so good to workout again. I honestly love being in the gym.

And that pretty much wraps up my night. I’ve got a lot of work to do in order to meet a deadline tomorrow (two papers that need completed), so I gotta get finishing those. I just have my Everglades drink left to finish, and then that’s it for me today. Tomorrow begins days 1 of 3 days drinking green smoothies and I’m excited!

Review of Symptoms:
-Acne is bad.
-Hair is good, but scalp needs exfoliated/massaged.
-Energy is really good.
-A little tired, but due to lack of sleep.
-Eyes are not good… too much computer and not enough sleep.
-Hungry!!
-Digestion is getting better again.
-Endurance is good!

Weight at the end of the day = 168 lbs (same as yesterday)

Total Calories = 1329 (84% carbs, 6% fat, 10% protein… these are STELLAR macros!)

Sometimes Your Special Belongings Weren’t Meant to be Yours

Today was primarily a cleaning day. Not of my house, but my classroom. Seriously… you’d think a teacher’s job could be easily conquered and finished right after school’s out, right? Wrong! I’m still not done.

Anyways, I was looking for some cleaning clothing to wear, and decided on jeans and this brown shirt my husband gave me awhile back. On it states, “One Classroom At A Time.” The shirt is actually from a group with a mission of building classrooms in foreign countries, particularly those that have low support of female education, as well as low education ratings overall. It got me thinking about a shirt I once had…

During Christmas Break of my grade 12 year, my sister and I, as well as our youth group went on a mission trip to Peru. We were going to complete a church project, as well as sightsee a little while we were there. We spent months packing little gifts to give to the locals, fundraising, and creating a team name/logo. We called ourselves TYMES (Today’s Youth Missionaries of Edmonton South), and we were fortunate to have a graphic designer as one of our leaders who created these fantastic shirts. It was the only time that name would be used.

Of course we were all very fond of our shirts and took them with us to Peru. We loved our time working on the church and playing with the local children. In fact, we may have gotten in trouble for playing too much… But these kids were the happiest kids. They lived in cardboard lean-tos, knowing they could be kicked off the land at any time. And for the whole community of cardboard living spaces, the children had one ball. That’s it. No extra toys, just one ball. I couldn’t believe it. Rows and rows and rows of these cardboard things, so many children, and one ball. Even the sand had garbage and feces and hair mixed in with it, but these kids still smiled. Wow… that took me a few steps back… You really have no idea how lucky you are until you see firsthand what a third world environment is truly like.

The last day came of our time in this area. The church was completed, and we were attending the very first service with the locals. Of course, our neighbourhood children were there too, sitting on our laps, and just happy for a secure shelter over their heads. Saying goodbye to them was hard. They worked with us, sang with us, played with us, and even taught us a little Spanish. Thankfully, we were able to create big smiles with stickers, pencils, notebooks, lollipops, and little toys. But what really mattered was the extra we decided to give.

I don’t remember who started it, but I’m thinking it wasn’t me. Somebody in our group gave his/her shirt to one of the kids. As I said before, a shirt we were fond of, that would never be printed again. But I knew in that moment, that as special as that shirt was to me, it would mean so much more to these children. Yes, because they were poor and a new, good quality shirt would be wonderful to them, but also because they would always be able to remember the people who came and brought them gifts, even though we had no idea who they were.

It was then that I realized the truth: Everything in this world shall pass. God tells us so. We won’t be taking that shirt to Heaven. I won’t be taking my diamond rings to Heaven. Everything in this life will not be going to Heaven (objects… let me clarify!), but for the time we are here, we can make the most of what we have. Sometimes it will hurt out pride, absolutely. Sometimes, we may never get another chance at whatever item we give away. Sometimes, it may not even change a person’s life like we may have thought it would, but we can only do the best we can with what we have and what we know.

I don’t know if giving my shirt away made a world of difference in the child’s life. I have no idea. But I do know that at that moment, the smile and laughter and hugs I got in return were all that I needed to know for sure my shirt was going to the right place.

The Penalty of Standing Out

I hate the way the world works sometimes. I hate seeing people in pain. I hate watching people getting picked on or bullied. I hate sin and wrong-doings in this world.

When I was going through my university years, completing my education degree, I had a desire to work with special needs children. It wasn’t because I looked forward to the extra work that often comes with special needs children, but because I wanted to make a difference. I knew special needs children were often put down and sometimes stared at as if the were a circus sideshow. I knew I could step up and be the voice of those children, and I knew that I could help those children feel as important as they are. But that’s not what happened.

At first I ended up teaching at a Native School. It took me awhile to learn the different dynamics needed to teach students who come from a history of anger. It was a definite learning curve in understanding the culture, the behaviours, and the thoughts about different things. But one of the things I found is that my classroom was often their safe place. My classroom was the one place they could count on someone being there to love them. I was a safe place for these kids.

Now as much as I loved being in that position, time would have me change again. This time, to a place where I wasn’t such a safe place. These kids did not need me (or at least felt like they didn’t). The attitudes were indifferent, the gratitude was gone. I really struggled at first to see how in the world I could make a difference when my students were convinced they had everything the needed.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t my first year that I figured it out. It was my second and my third that really opened my heart. I realized that maybe I wouldn’t be able to reach all students, even though I try. But there is at least one in each class who needs someone they can trust; someone they can break down their barriers and let them truly see the inside that they keep.

It broke my heart when the first student really let me in their life. The amount of background some of these kids hide is disheartening. It sometimes makes you wonder how they even function. It’s no wonder some of them put up a tough-front at school. Some of them are simply caught in that worldly struggle: the one where they are fighting between being good and doing what they know is right, and doing what the world expects and wants them to do. Absolutely the struggle gets worse as the generations get older. It’s sad in the very least, but it does, unfortunately, exist.

I witnessed something that brought this whole thing up in my mind. A situation that brought up a whole slew of memories.

One of my students is running for class rep in the upcoming school year. She’s an awesome student, wonderful in both academics and her Christianity. Unfortunately, she is one in very few that does not struggle with desires to be popular. She will not swear because others are doing it. She does not talk about inappropriate things because she has no interest. She knows what she believes and she sticks to it. She knows what is right, and that is what she does. And it has made her unpopular in her class.

Today, the vote was completed. And though she almost perfectly fits the description of the position she is running for, more votes were left blank than were voted in favour. My heart sank and my blood boiled a little. If there were legitimately good reasons for not letting her have the position, then I would accept that. But I know it’s because they are upset the one person they wanted to run wasn’t able due to his grades. Whether it’s an expression of bitterness or anger, is it right to decline someone that not only wants the position, but is ready, willing and capable of doing it well?

I don’t know what the right solution is. After all, voting is an expression of your opinion. But my heart aches in knowing that the reasons behind the reactions are wrong. And that bothers me. Someone who perfectly is capable of doing something so well, being held back by unpopularity, is wrong. It takes me right back to my whole philosophy of teaching, and that is that students are capable of more than they are doing, and standing up for those who don’t have as much of a voice.

I grew up in public schools where situations are much worse than I have ever experienced in my years of private school. I have seen “losers” beat up for simply not being good enough for others. I have seen the separation and isolation of those who needed the extra pull-out help and did not think like the others. I have seen students dragged from classrooms because they were acting out in anger about their situations. It’s not pretty.

One year, we did a fundraiser where the boys provided a lunch, and we bid on these “anonymous lunches”. When the bidding was done and every girl had her lunch, then the boys would reveal themselves and we would share lunch with them. I just happened to get one of those classmates that was always taken out for extra help, and who had problems with his anger, reacting from the situations he was in and the way he was treated.

I will forever regret the way I treated him.

I didn’t say anything mean, but that’s simply because I didn’t say anything at all. I was silent the whole time. And now I cannot even go back and apologize for being “snobby” because he was killed in a car accident several years ago (I think I was still in high school). That’s guilt that I have to live with, and guilt that started to change the way I reacted to people.

The one girl that was dragged from our classroom was probably the lowest person in our class. She didn’t always take showers, and she didn’t come from the most well-off family. In fact, I actually don’t know how she was treated at home. But what I do know is that people didn’t like her and daily made fun of her. I will never forget the one day she came up to me and told me that I was her role-model. I didn’t try to be anyone’s role-model, I just tried to talk to her and be nice when others wouldn’t. And look at the difference that made on her life. The simplest of acts I could have done, and it literally changed her world.

Now I’d like to say others followed, but they didn’t. I’d like to say her life changed for the best, but it didn’t. I did manage to get in contact with her again during university, sadly to find out she was pregnant and the baby’s father wanted nothing to do with her as soon as she became pregnant. As a matter of fact, he ran out with another girl and married her very shortly afterwards. And to make matters worse, he called social services claiming she was an unfit mother and had her baby taken away. In no way did her life get better.

I’m sad to say I’ve lost contact with her. My only method of contact no longer seems to work. I do pray for her, that things work out and she’s able to have her baby back in her life. I know she was fighting hard for him. But I pray God’s love surrounds her and God-willing, I will be able to connect with her again.

I truly, truly do hate the world treats people that are different – people that stand out from everybody else. I had the position of popularity and I misused it once. But I promise to do my best to never misuse it again. When a situation arises where someone needs a voice, I wish to be that voice for them, to stand up on their behalf. Just because you don’t think the same as everyone else or do the same things everyone else does is not a reason to be treated so badly. Stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves. Make a difference in someone’s life. Even if it’s just one person you’ve helped, you’ve literally just changed a person’s entire world. Do what you can and don’t delay. You never know the good you can leave behind.

Week 13: Day 4 Extended

I REALLY did not want to get out of bed this morning. I was tired, my body was tired, my body ached all over, and I was just in bad shape. The warm shower really helped with all of those symptoms, except for the fact I was running late, again.

School went well. We had tutoring after school and that was a little bit crazy, but overall it went good again. We’ve finally made plans that after Christmas break, the three of us supervisors don’t need to be there every week, and one of us can do it at a time. That saves me about 3 days of work per month! I can handle that!

I stayed after school to get some grading done. I think I will appreciate later the fact that I’m getting work out of the way so that when deadlines approach, I won’t have quite as much to do. No more procrastinating!

After I went home, I had my celery and protein peanut butter again. Oh my goodness, how I look forward to that treat! As low as my calories are, that specific combination is a taste of paradise. Yum!

My husband was hungry and so we went out to eat. I had just enough macros to save for my protein shake after my workout and a salad with a chicken breast on it while eating with my husband. That way, I didn’t have to watch him eat. Though his burgers did look really good…

Tonight’s workout was hard at the beginning but in a way kind of got easier. I started off with a massive lack-of-food headache and had to have a coffee to get my body and mind in the game. Squats killed me. But I successfully completed the leg workout with 20 minutes of HIIT afterwards. Oh how was I ready to drink that shake and go to bed!

Week 13 Day 1: Extended

So I did just what I said. I woke up bright and early, and got ready for the gym. I completed a harsh leg workout, but I ended up splitting the workout. I had only finished squats, hack squats and one-leg jumps before my husband woke up and wanted to come to the gym. So I finished up this round with 12 minutes of HIIT and went to get him.

We came back to the gym and I finished the remainder of my workout. For the first time ever, I enjoyed doing deadlifts. I felt strong and in control and I loved it! I almost cried doing 20 and 2s between prone leg curls and leg extensions. It really, really hurt. I also pushed super hard with leg press, using heavier weights again than usual. And as crazy as it was, I finished with my final and last 12 minute HIIT session. I’m completely done the challenge. All workouts and the equivalent for 4 cardio sessions a week completed. What a feeling!

I had taken some pictures two days ago of some ab outlines that I saw! I was ecstatic! And yet when I finished everything today, my pictures did not turn out the same way. I don’t know what I did! I was so depressed and almost ready to call the competition quits when I noticed someone had asked when the pictures were due, and our coach has given us an extra week to get pictures in! This was the hope I needed!

I’m going to monitor my diet very closely this week and try and get a picture to show the hard work I’ve done. I know my pictures won’t reflect the same fat loss I’ve seen from others, but I do want to be able to show what I’ve accomplished, and for whatever reason, my body does not reflect that today. So I’m going to take advantage of this week, and be watching for the opportune moment. It’s going to happen!

For the rest of the day, we didn’t get to the mall to shop for Christmas like we wanted, but we did go to a Mexican restaurant that we haven’t been to in a long time (I didn’t eat very much) and then we spent some time at Chapters. We absolutely love books and I was able to purchase my new agenda (what I used to write down my workouts) for the new year. It was a good night, and a day filled with hope. My husband is more or less in charge of my food and workouts this week, so let’s see how these pictures will turn out! The best part is, I don’t care if I win. It would be nice, but it’s ok if I don’t. I just want to see that hard work show!

Week 12 Day 7

So today was supposed to be the last day of the challenge, but things didn’t quite work out the way I wanted. I have two workouts to get done, and pictures are actually officially due by the tomorrow, so I’m going to try and get as much as I can done today, and use tomorrow if necessary, first thing in the morning completing the rest.

I got in a cardio session first thing this morning. I woke up just like the day before: wide awake and ready to jump out of bed. I had a couple hours before getting ready for church, so I just decided to go for a bike ride. It was a good start to my day!

I came home, got ready for church, and went. It was a phenomenal church service. And the best part was, I was able to see one of my students play his guitar for worship service. He had actually invited me to go, he just wouldn’t tell me why. But I knew better, and I knew he played instruments. So as “tough” as he may have tried to be while asking me, I knew he wanted me there. And I made sure I was there!

After church, we came home. We didn’t do much for several hours, but when sunset came (the end of Sabbath) we got ready to go to the gym. Unfortunately, we had no idea what we were in for.

We went to our regular gym which is usually open until 8 on Saturdays, but for some reason was closed very early today. So we went to the sister gym, around the corner and down the road but it too was closed early. Then we went back the opposite direction to a Gold’s Gym at a mall, but found out it would be $60 just for the two of us to drop in for the evening. There is no way we are paying that! So we then went back again, much further in the opposite direction to a YMCA only to be turned around once again because my husband didn’t have his wallet with ID because I was driving and not him. By the time this happened and we were walking out to the car, we decided we might as well drive the 1/2 hour to our old, faithful gym. And of course, it was open, reasonably priced as always, and to top it all off, wasn’t busy. They always keep great care of their equipment, and we fell in love with it all over again.

I completed a hefty back workout and another cardio session. I didn’t have the energy to do the leg workout right after the back workout, so it looks like I’ll be going to the gym first thing in the morning in order to get the last workout in before pictures.

We decided to go to eat, and go to a movie afterwards. We laughed very hard at our movie, and it was simply a great way to end the night.

Week 11 Day 3

I battled between being mentally happy and mentally unhappy in regards to missing my workout last night. However, I decided to remember my body needed some rest to recover. There was just no way I was going to miss the gym tonight!

School went well. We started watching one of my favourite video sermon series by Louie Giglio, where he shows the grandeur of God in comparison to astronomy. It’s absolutely amazing and I highly recommend it!

We were supposed to finish our Planets presentations today, but instead only completed 5. Unfortunately, these were students that did not put as much time into their presentations as others, and we had to have a conversation about plagiarism, as most of the students were stumbling over the words on their presentations, some words more sophisticated than I would use in our Science study. This unfortunately made for a long end of the day.

Following the end of school, the teachers quickly dismissed and met at Moxie’s to celebrate one of our coworker’s upcoming wedding. It was a great time of just getting away from work, being able to socialize and celebrate. As usual, I looked up the food before I went. I couldn’t believe how much fat was in EVERYTHING at the restaurant! I did find a side menu they had to give healthy hints. So I followed one of the healthy hints, and ordered the fish tacos with grilled fish instead of fried, and had a small green salad as my side. This restaurant did seem to be pretty compliant with anything you requested of them, so in that way it was very nice.

After quite a bit of extra time (oops), we came back to the school, and I waited for my husband to come get me. He hadn’t had time to finish my car because he was putting his new mirrors on his truck! It’s so exciting to have mirrors again, and not just new mirrors, but brand new tow mirrors that he got for a third of the price since they were considered new after someone had purchased them and then exchanged them. It is my suspicion that God knew ahead of time our mirror would be broken, and provided these incredible mirrors just for us. I love a God that can see ahead.

I don’t know if it was the rush of trying to get some things caught up at work or what, but my eyes bothered me really badly today. They were watering, painful, almost doing that blurry thing they sometimes do, and I had to resort to wearing my glasses for the first time in two months. So when I went home, and could sit and be mentally awake, but physically had to close my eyes, my husband told me to go rest in bed while he made his food, ate, and changed the battery in my car. He didn’t have to tell me twice today. My eyes had said enough.

When he woke me up, I did not want to get up. In fact, it was the last thing I wanted to do. But I knew I had to workout. I couldn’t miss again. So somehow, with my husband’s persistence, I made it out of bed and got changed to go to the gym.

I had a coffee, which helped some. But I was just plain tired.

I had a back workout tonight, and I cannot contain how happy I am. My weights keep rising every week, my strength is increasing all the time. I’m so in love with my body’s reaction right now. No, I’m not seeing the fat necessarily disappear like I’d like. No, my clothes don’t fit me as loose as I’d like. But the number on the scale is not rising either! In fact, it has been in the exact same place for at least two weeks. And for someone who hasn’t been counting macros, and instead have just been listening to my body’s needs, that’s amazing!

Someday I will cut again to get rid of the fat, but for now, I will go to bed content that my body is the strongest it has ever been, and perhaps the healthiest as well. My mental state is in one of the best places it has ever been and my relationship with food is one where food no longer controls me (for the most part). And that’s much better to me in this moment. I’m happy.

Week 4 Day 1

It felt so good to sleep in, but my body is still so sore. And even though we spent a few hours at the mall yesterday, we decided to go back today! You see, we weren’t just walking any ol’ mall, we were walking the West Edmonton Mall, the (second?) biggest mall in the world. The evening before we conquered the bottom floor, and today we did the top floor. So a lot of walking was done again!

Today I had a “slip up” with my diet. I managed to make it fit my macros, but I completed decided it wasn’t worth it afterwards. I used to enjoy watching Cake Boss. His Italian family and him make cannoli for their shop. I LOVE cannoli but have only ever been able to find the pre-made ones, not the delicious homemade. And aside from them not being the greatest, they are particularly difficult to find around here. So when we went to an Italian caffe stand in the mall and I saw a cannoli, I bought one. All $5+ for ONE. The price alone should have told me no. But I ate it and it was… not good. It was starting to get soggy, the flavour was not bursting, the two candied orange slices at the end were definitely not my favourite… it wasn’t worth it.

You see, I follow a IIFYM (if it fits your macros) food plan (not diet!) because it is kind of like living on a budget. You have so many grams of protein, carbs, and fats that you have to use everyday. But in order to stay healthy or stay in your budget, you can’t go over any of those categories either. IIFYM is a type of budget where you need to use what you got or else it doesn’t carry over into the next day, but if you go over what you have, then you’ll get bad results. That cannoli was a terrible use of my macro budget.

Later that evening, we went to the gym. It was a gruelling workout (especially on already sore legs), but it was completed. The workouts this week seem to have gotten slightly harder, but only because of the types and amounts of exercises. We’re still in a 4-day a week, circuit weight training with 4 cardio sessions a week.

Shortly after the gym, we went home and went to bed. Nothing like allowing a sore body to get its rest!