Sometimes It’s Good To Take A Trip Down Memory Lane

I have this box that I keep cards in. These are cards that I’ve received from Christmas, from birthdays, from students, from my wedding, from my engagement, etc… There are so many cards in there. I actually was beginning to wonder if I should throw some of them out. But since I’m me, and I always do things thoroughly, I took them out one-by-one to read through them.

I couldn’t throw any of them out. Those cards are filled with so many memories.

There are cards from past students who reminded me what an amazing teacher I was, and that they were sad I had to leave. There were even cards of apologies for things they knew they had done but wanted to do better. The cards asked me not to forget the students who created them. How could I?

There are cards from big moments in my life and memories of the people I shared it with. Well wishes, and in-depth personal moments of advice from these big moments, celebrations with close family and friends, and large milestones marked in history with people I loved around me. I can’t forget those.

There are cards that wanted to make me cry because they are from people who I will no longer have the opportunity to receive anything from again. My step sister who sent a few cards over the years, but whose last signature I have from the Christmas before she took her life. And my step great grandmother whose last signature I will bear from my wedding. I couldn’t even stand to think of getting rid of those because those are the little pieces of them that I have left.

I have meaningful cards from people who are no longer a part of my life. Some due to unfortunate situations, and some due to the stupid fact that all adults warn you about: After school, people separate. You spend so many years of your life building relationships with people day in and day out, and yet when the responsibility of adulthood calls you to different places, those relationships often begin to dissipate. Sometimes being an adult isn’t all it’s kicked up to be.

These cards represent major parts of my life, people who have been cheering for me all along, and people who have cheered with me at least part of the way. I can’t give up this stuff. I needed that trip through Memory Lane, and I recommend one for you too. It will make you smile, it will make you laugh, it may even make you cry. But the one big thing it does well is to remind you of where you came from and who was there with you along the way. Those memories are something nobody can take from you; they are yours to keep.

As always, hold your loved ones tightly and never let them go. Life is simply too short, so make sure you let the people who matter to you most know that they are loved.

Day 15

I felt much better today. I definitely slept better last night!

I didn’t eat anything until after our assembly this morning. I had an organic vegan chocolate coconut granola bar. I am so addicted to them! They are so delicious!

For a snack, I tried these different variations of oranges. They were quite possibly the juiciest oranges I have ever had, but they were almost flavourless, like bursting pods of water. I was not impressed. I waited awhile and then had a coconut cream Larabar.

At lunch, I ate 3 organic bananas. I don’t know if I could ever get sick of bananas.

While running a couple errands after work, I stopped and got a veggie burrito and tater tots. I was craving those tater tots pretty badly actually. I gotta stop craving grease! But on the flip side, I was thinking heavily of burgers and ice cream. Oh some habits die hard! So in a way, my meal was a mental success. I also had my last chocolate coconut granola bar. I told you, they are good!

We were supposed to go to the gym tonight, but that just didn’t happen. I did eat some organic blue corn chips with some salsa and some nutritional yeast flakes sprinkled on top.

Day 12 – An Unplanned Write-Off

This morning I woke up so dehydrated! So right away, knowing I caused damage last night, I drank some water.

But problems started right at breakfast. I actually tried to sit down and eat this red papaya I had. I noticed it smelled a little funny when I cut it open, but went on to eat it anyways. The very first bite, I spit out within two seconds. I don’t know what happened to this papaya, so of course I went looking for something else. I didn’t really feel like eating after the awfulness of last night, but of course, I want that stuff out of my house, then rationalized that I couldn’t waste all that money, so I finished last night’s leftovers. Awful, terrible, don’t even want to talk about it. The biggest key to success is to not even bring it in the house. I’ve gotta learn!

At the gym, I went for a gruelling 35 minute stationary bike ride. I kept raising the difficulty every two minutes and it took so much work. I was so happy when I was finally finished the last 10 minutes. I was beginning to think I should lower the level, but I managed to stick it out! I was so thirsty and drank a ton of water when I was done. But I was happy.

I finished my workout with some lunge stretches, walking high kicks, and my chiropractor’s exercises. It felt good to get things done in the morning for sure.

I don’t even want to speak about my lunch, but to be accountable, I must. Remember those brownies from last night? Well, let’s just say they got finished, topped with some vegan coconut milk yogurt. I should have just eaten the yogurt, but I can officially say all the junk is out of my house again. I just feel awful and need to get to the point of throwing stuff out rather than risking my health, and not ordering it in the first place. It’s back on the proper mental train.

Or… let’s just add fuel to the fire. My husband and I eventually got ready and headed into town. We’re due for our weekly groceries, and he had no food to really eat left. So we stopped to get him food. Instead of not getting anything like I should have, I did make a vegan decision, but a bad decision as far as eating when I wasn’t hungry. I had a green onion cake, and I would have been just fine if I hadn’t had it. Ugh… The moral of all of this is just stop. Just don’t indulge in things you KNOW are going to make you feel awful. It starts a huge train wreck that you have to try and reset yourself from. Learn from my terrible, bloating, sick-feeling, stomach-turning mistakes. I have not done my job in taking care of my body.

So, I’d like to say the rest of the day finally went better. To some minor extent, it did. But honestly, I snacked on Veggie Chips, organic limeade, and that’s about it. I was going to make baked bananas, but found out I had forgotten I was out of tin foil.

Today was a bad day, and a prime example of why the avoidance of eating junk is so important. Because I ate so badly all day, I had huge cravings for candy tonight. That’s a sure sign that I did not eat enough fruit today (or any) and it’s just a wreck. I’m thinking of doing a completely raw couple of days to help flush out my system. Let’s see if I have the mental power to do it!

Day 9

I woke up several times through the night last night, each time feeling like I was ready to get up and start my day. Something is going on with my sleep and somehow I need to get down to the bottom of it.

I had a later breakfast this morning, well after I got to work. I drank 1.75L of pulpy orange juice.

The juice ended up being both my snack and lunch. I was handed back my students’ PATs to grade for myself, something I had not done in past years. If you can imagine my students writing stories and newspaper articles for 2-3 hours each, and then me trying to get these graded… it’s taking forever!

As an afternoon snack, I ate my last mini red banana, two small tangerines, and two small apricots.

By the time the day was done, I was drained. And yet I looked at my grading table (overloaded), and I looked at the PATs that were only half-graded, and my pile of ESL papers I was returned to also grade. There’s no way I should leave it like this. So I spent an hour and a half finishing the PATs, grading Bible books and Spelling tests. I even managed to get Handwriting books graded. But after that, I left knowing my mental capacity was seriously about to break.

Meanwhile, as I was dying mentally, I started thinking of all the fast food places I could go. I started thinking of Wendy’s, of Subway, of tonnes of places. I even started thinking some ice cream and a nice big burger would be so good right now. I must have spent a good 20-30 minutes grading and trying to talk myself out of going somewhere and just eating at home. My mental exhaustion was getting a bit extreme.

Somehow, I drove myself straight home. I defeated all of those tempting thoughts I had. I sat down to some corn chip crumbs mixed with some salsa. I also took out the fresh mango cake I made last night and ate about a quarter of it. I also had got this Natur-a Cappuccino Soy Beverage. Oh my goodness. So good. I’m going to finish this thing tonight! I also wanted something not so sweet, and there weren’t enough chips left to satisfy me (literally crumbs left), so I made some popcorn with salsa on it. This is when I realized how hard it is to give up dairy. That was the only reason I couldn’t do vegan before. I like butter and cheese. But I’m doing it for my health and the welfare of animals, so I have to keep my mental battle going.

I went to the gym and did an awesome circuit of jump rope, overhead squats, walking lunges, push-ups and planks. I did my chiropractor’s exercises and left feeling amazing.

After returning home, I finished that Natur-a Cappuccino Soy Beverage. Oh yum! Wish I had one of these every day!

As a last meal, I blended up my last 4 organic bananas from my first Organic Box. They were pretty much as ripe as they could be before they started going bad. I blended them with some unsweetened almond milk, 2 medjool dates, and a tablespoon of organic coconut palm sugar. It was a yummy, filling way to end the night.

Day 6

I had a terrible sleep last night. I apparently was hitting my husband throughout the night (woke up screaming the past 2 nights… don’t remember a thing), and was wide awake at 5:00 a.m. when I didn’t have to be up until 6:15 a.m. It was just one of those mornings…

I was in a rush because I also had to iron my husband’s new shirt for his new job. This took much more time than I first thought. So I literally ran around to shower and get ready.

I managed to drink a bottle of water once I got to work. Then a little later, I was able to juice my oranges that were starting to go tough and drink that. I only had one mini red banana that was ripe today, so that made a tiny snack.

For lunch, I had 2 mangoes. It’s not really that much, and I’m not really sure why I’m not hungrier than this. But I want to avoid the feeling of force-feeding myself (something I got myself into when counting macros), so I’m going to let my body sort this out. If I want more later, I have 5 more with me to eat so I am prepared.

I didn’t eat anymore mangos throughout the day, but I did have an IT meeting after school. They had some chip selections and an awesome juice that I indulged in.

The meeting took longer than we thought, and my husband needed more clothes for his new job, so I immediately went home and picked him up (no changing or anything) and went to the mall. It was almost at the end of the two hours before I stopped just as we were leaving the mall to get some more of those Korean potatoes. I also got a fresh kale, carrot and apple juice (may have had other things in it) that was amazing. I was full, and ready for another long sleep tonight.

Week 12 Day 7

So today was supposed to be the last day of the challenge, but things didn’t quite work out the way I wanted. I have two workouts to get done, and pictures are actually officially due by the tomorrow, so I’m going to try and get as much as I can done today, and use tomorrow if necessary, first thing in the morning completing the rest.

I got in a cardio session first thing this morning. I woke up just like the day before: wide awake and ready to jump out of bed. I had a couple hours before getting ready for church, so I just decided to go for a bike ride. It was a good start to my day!

I came home, got ready for church, and went. It was a phenomenal church service. And the best part was, I was able to see one of my students play his guitar for worship service. He had actually invited me to go, he just wouldn’t tell me why. But I knew better, and I knew he played instruments. So as “tough” as he may have tried to be while asking me, I knew he wanted me there. And I made sure I was there!

After church, we came home. We didn’t do much for several hours, but when sunset came (the end of Sabbath) we got ready to go to the gym. Unfortunately, we had no idea what we were in for.

We went to our regular gym which is usually open until 8 on Saturdays, but for some reason was closed very early today. So we went to the sister gym, around the corner and down the road but it too was closed early. Then we went back the opposite direction to a Gold’s Gym at a mall, but found out it would be $60 just for the two of us to drop in for the evening. There is no way we are paying that! So we then went back again, much further in the opposite direction to a YMCA only to be turned around once again because my husband didn’t have his wallet with ID because I was driving and not him. By the time this happened and we were walking out to the car, we decided we might as well drive the 1/2 hour to our old, faithful gym. And of course, it was open, reasonably priced as always, and to top it all off, wasn’t busy. They always keep great care of their equipment, and we fell in love with it all over again.

I completed a hefty back workout and another cardio session. I didn’t have the energy to do the leg workout right after the back workout, so it looks like I’ll be going to the gym first thing in the morning in order to get the last workout in before pictures.

We decided to go to eat, and go to a movie afterwards. We laughed very hard at our movie, and it was simply a great way to end the night.

Week 12 Day 1: Squat Victory and Tips!

I can’t believe this is the last week of the challenge. Oh man. And you know, I started this challenge with the mindset of: I have to win! I’m proud to say I’m finishing this challenge with the mindset of: I don’t care if I win, I’ve come so far in my mentality and strength. I’m happy!

Today was another low-key day. It’s warmer outside, (-25 C) but still not something you want to go take a walk in.

More household chores got done (I’m so productive in the morning!), and we went out for groceries. We also stopped by the school to see if my car would start. Now, keep in mind that car has been sitting in deep snow, not plugged in, for 3 days. Absolutely frozen. Yet, what did that car do when my husband turned the key? Started as if it were a warm, summer day outside. Man, I love that car! I can understand its initial shock to the temperature and storm on Friday. I can sympathize about that. But it got used to the fact the weather is here, and it amazed me by starting and running without a problem! What a car!

We went home after our errands to eat before the gym. My husband just happened to fall asleep and took a nap. And it just so happened that a girl posted a couple squatting videos that were about 45 minutes in total. The videos reviewed everything that you should do right and everything that you could do wrong when it comes to squats. It literally broke the whole process down step by tiny step. It was so convenient these videos were posted today because I had to do squats today. I took many mental notes, and looked forward to trying this out. After all, squats have been a 3-year frustration for me.

When we got to the gym, I did my quick 5-minute warm-up on the treadmill. I then got ready and headed straight for the squat rack. I did my first set of 15 with much lower weight than normal (65 lbs) focussing on all the tips for my squats. I felt really good about them, but of course it’s always easier for someone to watch you and critique. So I went and got my husband. I simply did one rep, and my husband freaked out that I did it perfectly! I then explained to him what I had watched, the step-by-step of what I did, and just was so happy. 3 years of frustration, finally, finally fixed.

It took a long time for me to finish my 4 sets of squats. I was so focused on making sure my squat was in proper form, and adding weight each time. I was so tired and sore by the time I was done, and yet I had 8 more exercises to do. All of them were 4 sets today of 12-15 reps. I fought crying so many times. I could barely walk. But somehow, I managed to get through the workout, and went home without an ounce of energy to spare. It was killer. Cardio wasn’t even a thought today. I was dead.

We did go home, and we ate and got ready for bed. My poor body was used and needed the rest. What an awesome, awesome workout.

**If you are interested in watching these videos as well, here are the links:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPNmkTIQTpM&feature=youtu.be

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtPN-ftmxG8&feature=youtu.be

Week 2 Day 3 : A Hard Day

For the first time EVER, I woke up at 4:30 and went straight to the gym! I completed my circuit training and was able to make it home in time to help my husband get ready for work as well as do some laundry and take care of our animals while still getting ready and making it to work on time! What a morning! I also took delight in cooking and eating my breakfast at home, something that rarely if ever happens.

Of course, once I made it to school, I realized the pit in my stomach. My Jewel was leaving today. I was filled with sadness, anger, and several different emotions. I really am trying to stay positive about my neighbours, but I really have little good to say.

The day turned into an incredibly long day. I was at work from 7:30-6:20 in meetings and not accomplishing half of what I needed to. I estimate there are at least 5-7 hours worth of grading waiting to be done and huge paperwork deadlines for the end of the month that I have not had time to do.

Of course with the longer hours, I did not have enough meals with me to fill that time span and I was extremely hungry and tired.

I then became quickly stressed as I knew we were meeting my dad, my sister, and her boyfriend for her birthday supper and also so that my dad could take my baby. The only bad news is I couldn’t get ahold of my husband who was supposed to be coming with me. It was a couple hours before I could reach him.

I ended up packing up the dogs myself, and drove in my car to the restaurant, noticing along the way that I had forgotten some items Jewel needed for the flight and having to make a pitstop.

I was the last one to arrive, and we put the dogs in my husband’s truck with the windows down as people have a habit on calling Animal Patrol on all people, especially with dogs in the vehicle regardless of how they are prepped. In my husband’s tall truck, it is less likely people will climb it to see in the windows.

Supper was good, the food was excellent. I ordered a salad as you can always pick and choose the toppings: get a good chicken breast for protein, a couple nuts for fat, lots of greens and other veggies, and I also had quinoa on my salad for that extra carby protein. The salad was excellent!

We had a good time, but when it came time to say good-bye, I had a hard time. My baby was leaving and this was it. We took pictures, I went through thorough instructions, and did all that I could to say good-bye.

On the ride home, I went alone. My husband had the dogs with him in his truck, and I wept driving in my car. I began reflecting on life and how it seemed such a mess. I thought about how my husband and I are living in a city that we both don’t like, beside unfortunate neighbours, and things seem to be getting ripped away from us without us having any control. We’re both not happy where we are, as busy as we are, with the rules we have to face. The only thing in my life that seems to be somewhat controlled is my diet and the gym. That honestly is all I have control of. The government restricts my husband from school over a paper they refuse to admit they lost. The government restricts me from my babies that I never planned on having but have adapted and made my own sacrifices in order to keep and take good care of them. Those higher than me in my career control the amount of meetings and extracurricular activities I must do which take up more time than I would like to allow with no financial compensation. My husband’s job is controlled by the journeymen he works with and has to work the hours they set out each day. We are stuck in a city where jobs are more abundant to ensure that our bills can be paid since my husband cannot advance in his career without the government papers and thus needs a company that can take him on for now. Everything about my life seems to be controlled by someone or something else. I’m stuck. I’m a mess. The one thing I have is the gym.

And so even though it was late when we got home, we unloaded the dogs, sat for a minute, and went to the gym. The man at the desk recognized me from earlier that morning when he was ending his night shift and mentioned how shocked he was to see me twice in less than 24 hours. I smiled and continued to walk. The gym is the one thing people cannot take away from me. And so my cardio became complete; 12 minutes of HIIT on the stairclimber. And the day was done.