Summer Days of Fruitrition 3b/7 – Healing Journey Day Day 66

Journal:
I did not plan on taking two days to do the Wednesday schedule. But as you can tell from yesterday’s blog post, I never did finish the day. So today ended up being a catch-up day. And in the end, I only ended up eating two big meals which is extremely odd for me, but it worked and tomorrow will be day 4.

This morning, I made the mango tacos. It’s done simply by chopping up some mangoes and tomatoes and eating them wrapped in lettuce leaves. For this, I used Romaine lettuce. It was decent. My mangoes are not the greatest quality which is providing it’s own issues. Tommy Atkins mangoes are just not my favourite.

A while later, I felt peckish, so I ate the snack from day 4 which was figs. Again, since we do not have fresh figs at this time, I had to eat dried figs which were really good on their own.

Now, my eyes were really bothering me today. Again, spending way too much time working on the computer and Skyping with family lately. I’m also still not sleeping as much as I should be, and my eyes are suffering. So this afternoon, I took my dog on a longer walk and spent some time laying in bed just resting my eyes.

By the time supper came around, I could either continue on Day 4, or leave the 3 main meals to do a real day 4 tomorrow. So that’s what I decided and ate some rice for supper. The good news is, I’m almost out of rice. In fact, there may only be one serving left. And once it’s gone, I won’t eat it anymore. But to ensure success for tomorrow, I made sure to prep the mangoes for tonight. I am good to go! Day 4, here I come!

Review of Symptoms:
-Acne is bad.
-Tired.
-Eyes are exhausted.
-Chest is sore from workout yesterday, but in a good way!
-Felt “off” today. Drank lots more water than normal, but not 100% sure why.

Weight at the end of the day = 167.8 lbs (up 0.4 lbs from yesterday which actually surprises me though it may be the extra water I drank since my body is finally getting what it wants)

Total Calories = 1972 (91% carbs, 2% fat, 7% protein)

Something Happened Today…

Something happened today that has evoked a whole bunch of emotions and thoughts. I feel this is something that should be shared and not kept internal for it is a true display of the vast differences in humanity.

Since becoming vegan almost a year ago, I have followed so many vegan YouTubers, Instagrammers, and joined several vegan FB groups. Though these groups have encountered their fair share of trolls sabotaging the pages, what I saw today has troubled me the most.

Personally, I cannot stand to watch the animal cruelty videos. I cannot stand violence. I know I couldn’t sleep, eat, or do anything if I were to sit and watch these videos, so I avoid them. If a YouTuber is playing a clip in their videos, I tilt my computer screen down or skip ahead in the video. I simply cannot handle it.

Today, I refreshed my NewsFeed, and the post that greeted me was the most gruesome picture of a cows head being held by the horns by a human. Blood was everywhere, sprayed all over the walls and poured all over the floor, obviously showing a slaughterhouse. It was violent, it was gruesome, it was gory, and it was unnecessary. While in shock, I first thought somebody must have had an awful story to go with it, but instead, the caption stated, “This makes me want a steak.” My heart broke.

This poor creature, his death being displayed as if his life was a joke. The murderers proud of the work they had done in bringing this living being to his brutal death. It was a scene from a nightmare.

Of course, people had already called out the admin of the group, and people had begun yelling at the poster with a variety of tactics which of course simply entertain the poster. I will never understand how people have fun causing others misery. But as I was sitting here tonight, thinking of how I may have responded in the situation, I don’t believe it would have been as the others. Because as angry as it makes me that somebody would do that to purposely instigate drama, the action speaks loudly about who that person is. Getting angry is only what the person wants. Retaliation is what the person is seeking. That speaks so much about the person’s character.

To me, this picture and comment is heartless. To do it purposely in a vegan group shows such unbelievable ignorance. It’s disrespectful, it’s selfish, and it’s menacing. It paints a terrible picture for this person. The thing is, I often wonder how much heart people actually have left. To me, you would have to be fairly hard-hearted to do something like this, to cause so much pain to so many people. To me, only someone lacking heart could look at such a devastating picture and feel that way. There is no sympathy left. There is no compassion left. Simply stated: heartless.

What is wrong with humanity? How have some of us become this way? Why is violence something we enjoy? Dog fights, cock fights, animal abuse, domestic abuse, violent video games, even as far as the UFC. Young, elementary students are playing adult-rated video games as if it’s no big deal. And yet we wonder where our society gets some of their ideals from. Why are we so disconnected from reality?

To me it all comes down to love. That’s what our purpose should be. We should love one another. We should love and care for the creatures of this earth rather than treating them like objects. Seriously, we have to stop being so selfish. We endanger the lives of so many just to get what we want. I can’t help but shake my head. Maybe if we put ourselves in the shoes of others, in the shoes of the animals, we would for once realize the effect we have. Maybe society would realize the horrors that these fully aware animals and people are living because of us. Maybe, just maybe, then we could live in a much more caring world where violence would finally be realized as an intruder rather than an accepted friend.

Think before you act. Reflect when you’re done. Make changes for the good of all.

From Feeling “Trapped” to Feeling “Free”

My husband and I (and our pups) just spent the last two days driving back up to Canada from the states. The past two weeks in the states have been phenomenal to say the least. I’ll write a post stating more of what we did later, but I experienced something tonight that I needed to feel, something I didn’t know would be possible for a very long time.

In high school, I lived in the “big city”. It was nice for the duration I was here, but when I left, I swore never to move back. I am a small town girl, and the big city is just not my scene.

When I graduated from university, I was able to get a job for the first year in a small town. Bingo! But when that maternity leave position ran up, so did my other plans.

I received a phone call from my superintendent that I had an interview scheduled in the “big city” on such-and-such a date at such-and-such a time. I hadn’t even been asked, I had simply just been told.

On that day, I drove to the city, did my interview, and of course, got the job. I couldn’t believe what was happening. The one place I never wanted to end up was the one place I was being told I had to be. I was angry for a very long time.

Eventually, I got to the point where I simply went around saying “God certainly has a sense of humour!” But my one year employment turned into two, then three, and currently on year four.

Reflecting on it, I knew God wanted me to be here. There were certain situations I had to encounter as a teacher to grow. There were painful moments I had to experience to become wiser. There were children who needed someone to advocate for them, and there were relationships built with students who just needed someone to listen that wouldn’t judge them. I was able to fill that place. As much as they think they have learned from me, I learned ever so much from them.

This year, when my big change from 6th grade to 2nd grade came, I couldn’t believe it was happening. As much as 6th graders stressed me out, I loved the counselling aspect; I loved the difficult questions. I felt like a stranger in grade 2. But of course, as time went on, it became easier and I was able to find aspects I liked. But I couldn’t help thinking, is this really where I’m supposed to be? Is this really what I’m still supposed to do?

I can’t really say it’s teacher’s burnout (though I’m sure some things are similar). It’s just the feeling of being “stuck”. No matter how many ways I looked at our situation financially, I could see no better opportunity to survive than where we were. We both hate living in the city, though I’ve come to see good parts about it and don’t hate it as bad as I used to. But when I can hear parts of my neighbour’s conversations, when my neighbours that I strive to be so nice to turn around and stab me in the back, and when I no longer see a way that Canadians are nicer than Americans anymore (sad reality from what I see here in the city), I know we aren’t really happy here. It’s not where either one of us want to be. So that’s when I realized something this weekend.

When we were finally finishing our drive, doing the same maneuvers through the city as we had done for years, we had come to the house, walked in, and I suddenly felt like I was in someone else’s house. I felt like a stranger walking into someone else’s life. It was a strange feeling. My husband did not experience the same thing, but for some reason, it was like I was that “spirit” looking at someone else’s world, an outsider looking in. Of course that feeling is over now, but that wasn’t the only feeling that came.

After driving for 2 days, we absolutely did not have the energy to go grocery shopping. So we went out for supper (our fridge is bare). On the way home from supper, it hit me. This city is no longer my jail. I no longer feel like I strapped to this city, unable to move. I no longer feel like the city is the pit that is going to swallow me whole to keep me here with no escape. I suddenly realized, with options my husband, my mother-in-law, and myself had talked about after Christmas break, the world is at our fingertips. It may not be a fun ride to make change, but to get out of the rut of tiredness, depression, and feeling “stuck”, a few months of painful change would be so worth it. It’s no longer an impossibly large, looming, unattainable vision, it is now a totally possible, difficult but doable task. And taking those chains off was the best feeling I could have ever experienced.

I know this post is kind of vague, but this year is a huge year of change. I cannot leak more information than is timely, but I can assure you this year is going to difficult but good. Stay tuned!

How Much Are We Affecting Our Children?

I saw a commercial tonight that struck me so differently than any other commercials before. All the time we see the World Vision commercials and other organization’s commercials that are reaching out with the dire situations of children all over the world. I support organizations that help others, don’t get me wrong. My father sponsored a child when we were younger who would write us letters with the aid of a translator. She would also send pictures of our money helping to clothe her and send her to school. Helping others is great and we should never become immune to the fact that others need our help. But it also can’t be denied that these commercials are common-day, and we are used to turning past them all the time.

The commercial I saw tonight hit home.

It was a commercial based on North America, on OUR children, on the damage WE do to them. And I just sunk in my chair (couch). It was a commercial that showed the pictures of women on magazines, in commercials, articles of the fastest ways to lose weight, and even a scene where one little girl asked another if she was ready for bikini season.

Wow.

You hear stories all the time of how these things affect women, but to think that they even affect little girls! But when you sit and think of it, how true it is! Many girls are worried about being popular in school, are bullied, are made fun of, etc… and the same thing goes for boys. They grow up seeing these images of what makes a “perfect woman/man” or a “perfect girl/boy” and at earlier and earlier ages, they are striving to look like this.

I have known it’s been an epidemic that girls are maturing earlier and earlier, I see this in school with the passing years and generations. I guess it never occurred to me the depth of diet and appearance on girls even as early as 8 or 9 years old! Possibly even younger! Is that what we want to do to our children?

I think it’s a way of teaching our children to grow up with insecurities. We are setting them up to attain images that are almost always photoshopped while always feeling not good enough.

We need to change this.

We need to raise our children knowing that they are good enough. Now that doesn’t mean feeding them a greasy pizza everyday. Make healthy eating fun. Incorporate as many fruits and veggies as you can daily so kids are not afraid to eat them and don’t grow up thinking they are boring and gross. Make being healthy and active a fun part of everyday life. And most importantly, give them so much love that they will know people’s opinions don’t matter. They are special and important and perfect just the way they are!

Encouragement When You Don’t Know Which Way To Go

A song came on while on my drive back from a colleague’s birthday supper this evening; a song that I had heard many times but struck me in a different way tonight.

The lyrics are as follows:

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I’m in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He’s holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I’ve tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again, “Boy, you’ll never win!”
“You’ll never win”

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid!”
And the voice of truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a Sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they’d have had the strength to stand

But the giant’s calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I’ve tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again, “Boy, you’ll never win!”
“You’ll never win”

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid!”
And the voice of truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me (Calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don’t seem so high
From on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid!”
And the voice of truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me

I will choose to listen and believe
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the voice of truth
I will listen and believe

Because Jesus you are the voice of truth
And I will listen to you
You are…

What struck me about this song this time is the fact that it’s something very real that happens to so many people everyday. How many times are you stuck in a place where you feel pulled in so many directions and you really don’t know which way to go? I know I feel like that sometimes. There are times I literally have no idea which way to go, and so I end up falling down on my knees, praying for any type of sign, any type of pointblank direction from God. And that’s exactly what this song is talking about.

When you don’t know where to go, when the world is pulling you in every direction, there is on voice you can rely on, and that’s the voice of Truth (God). When the world is telling you you’re wrong, but you’re standing strong in your faith, remember that God is the one who will raise you up to His loving, safe arms in the end. God will remind you that you will win, even if those around you are continuously telling you that you’ll lose. Being bullied? Being verbally abused? Told you are not good enough? Remember that God is sitting there, waiting for you to find HIS voice so He can remind you that you are more than enough and He loves you more than anything. Refuse the distractions, and look for the one who matters.

Look up this song anytime you need some motivation: Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns

Day 15

I felt much better today. I definitely slept better last night!

I didn’t eat anything until after our assembly this morning. I had an organic vegan chocolate coconut granola bar. I am so addicted to them! They are so delicious!

For a snack, I tried these different variations of oranges. They were quite possibly the juiciest oranges I have ever had, but they were almost flavourless, like bursting pods of water. I was not impressed. I waited awhile and then had a coconut cream Larabar.

At lunch, I ate 3 organic bananas. I don’t know if I could ever get sick of bananas.

While running a couple errands after work, I stopped and got a veggie burrito and tater tots. I was craving those tater tots pretty badly actually. I gotta stop craving grease! But on the flip side, I was thinking heavily of burgers and ice cream. Oh some habits die hard! So in a way, my meal was a mental success. I also had my last chocolate coconut granola bar. I told you, they are good!

We were supposed to go to the gym tonight, but that just didn’t happen. I did eat some organic blue corn chips with some salsa and some nutritional yeast flakes sprinkled on top.

Day 12 – An Unplanned Write-Off

This morning I woke up so dehydrated! So right away, knowing I caused damage last night, I drank some water.

But problems started right at breakfast. I actually tried to sit down and eat this red papaya I had. I noticed it smelled a little funny when I cut it open, but went on to eat it anyways. The very first bite, I spit out within two seconds. I don’t know what happened to this papaya, so of course I went looking for something else. I didn’t really feel like eating after the awfulness of last night, but of course, I want that stuff out of my house, then rationalized that I couldn’t waste all that money, so I finished last night’s leftovers. Awful, terrible, don’t even want to talk about it. The biggest key to success is to not even bring it in the house. I’ve gotta learn!

At the gym, I went for a gruelling 35 minute stationary bike ride. I kept raising the difficulty every two minutes and it took so much work. I was so happy when I was finally finished the last 10 minutes. I was beginning to think I should lower the level, but I managed to stick it out! I was so thirsty and drank a ton of water when I was done. But I was happy.

I finished my workout with some lunge stretches, walking high kicks, and my chiropractor’s exercises. It felt good to get things done in the morning for sure.

I don’t even want to speak about my lunch, but to be accountable, I must. Remember those brownies from last night? Well, let’s just say they got finished, topped with some vegan coconut milk yogurt. I should have just eaten the yogurt, but I can officially say all the junk is out of my house again. I just feel awful and need to get to the point of throwing stuff out rather than risking my health, and not ordering it in the first place. It’s back on the proper mental train.

Or… let’s just add fuel to the fire. My husband and I eventually got ready and headed into town. We’re due for our weekly groceries, and he had no food to really eat left. So we stopped to get him food. Instead of not getting anything like I should have, I did make a vegan decision, but a bad decision as far as eating when I wasn’t hungry. I had a green onion cake, and I would have been just fine if I hadn’t had it. Ugh… The moral of all of this is just stop. Just don’t indulge in things you KNOW are going to make you feel awful. It starts a huge train wreck that you have to try and reset yourself from. Learn from my terrible, bloating, sick-feeling, stomach-turning mistakes. I have not done my job in taking care of my body.

So, I’d like to say the rest of the day finally went better. To some minor extent, it did. But honestly, I snacked on Veggie Chips, organic limeade, and that’s about it. I was going to make baked bananas, but found out I had forgotten I was out of tin foil.

Today was a bad day, and a prime example of why the avoidance of eating junk is so important. Because I ate so badly all day, I had huge cravings for candy tonight. That’s a sure sign that I did not eat enough fruit today (or any) and it’s just a wreck. I’m thinking of doing a completely raw couple of days to help flush out my system. Let’s see if I have the mental power to do it!

Day 10

This morning, I woke up at 5:30 sharp. What time was my alarm set for? 7:00. I have so much energy I can’t even finish sleeping in the morning! Seems a little strange…

So the first thing I did was drink a cup of water. Time to start getting the body hydrated!

For breakfast, I had an organic mini seedless watermelon. Almost halfway through the melon, I started wondering how I was even going to finish the thing. It was a beautiful red flesh, sweet flavour, and very little white flesh melon. So delicious. Somehow, I just kept eating and ate the whole thing!

I got ready, went to my chiropractor and acupuncture appointments, and then starting thinking those food thoughts again… I wanted so bad to stop and get sushi. Oh my goodness, it took the whole drive home for me to talk myself out of going. Not that it’s not vegan (cucumber rolls, avocado rolls, etc…), but it’s definitely not rawtill4 and I really don’t need to spend the extra money.

Somehow, I did it again! I beat my mind, came home, made a sandwich with Silver Hills Squirrely bread, an avocado, some lemon juice, cucumber, this raw ranch dip, and some salsa. I then had another fifth of my fresh mango cake with some vanilla coconut yogurt on top. Not the best raw meals, but it did stop me from spending extra money and it will tide me over for now.

For supper tonight, I’ve asked my husband to go to our stir fry place where I can get different fruits and veggies that I want, served with rice and noodles. I can’t believe I’m craving rice! I used to dread eating it. I have such a craving for it today!

After my husband came home, we got ready and went to our stir fry place. Oh, it was so good! I made a mix of carrots, bean sprouts, cauliflower, chick peas, tofu, mini corn-on-the-cob, pineapple, dried cranberries, peanuts, kale, noodles, and coconut rice. I use sweet and sour sauce and coconut milk as a topping. Oh it was so delicious. I even indulged and had a green onion cake. It was just so good and so filling! I couldn’t eat it all.

After we came home and let the food digest a little, we got ready and went to the gym. I did 30 minutes of treadmill cardio, followed by some variations of lunges, walking high kicks, stretches and the chiropractor exercises. It was a good energizing workout.

When I got home, I finished that fantastic stir fry. In fact, I wished I had more. Maybe next time I’ll make my stir fry bigger! 🙂

That was basically it for the day. I’m feeling good!

Day 9

I woke up several times through the night last night, each time feeling like I was ready to get up and start my day. Something is going on with my sleep and somehow I need to get down to the bottom of it.

I had a later breakfast this morning, well after I got to work. I drank 1.75L of pulpy orange juice.

The juice ended up being both my snack and lunch. I was handed back my students’ PATs to grade for myself, something I had not done in past years. If you can imagine my students writing stories and newspaper articles for 2-3 hours each, and then me trying to get these graded… it’s taking forever!

As an afternoon snack, I ate my last mini red banana, two small tangerines, and two small apricots.

By the time the day was done, I was drained. And yet I looked at my grading table (overloaded), and I looked at the PATs that were only half-graded, and my pile of ESL papers I was returned to also grade. There’s no way I should leave it like this. So I spent an hour and a half finishing the PATs, grading Bible books and Spelling tests. I even managed to get Handwriting books graded. But after that, I left knowing my mental capacity was seriously about to break.

Meanwhile, as I was dying mentally, I started thinking of all the fast food places I could go. I started thinking of Wendy’s, of Subway, of tonnes of places. I even started thinking some ice cream and a nice big burger would be so good right now. I must have spent a good 20-30 minutes grading and trying to talk myself out of going somewhere and just eating at home. My mental exhaustion was getting a bit extreme.

Somehow, I drove myself straight home. I defeated all of those tempting thoughts I had. I sat down to some corn chip crumbs mixed with some salsa. I also took out the fresh mango cake I made last night and ate about a quarter of it. I also had got this Natur-a Cappuccino Soy Beverage. Oh my goodness. So good. I’m going to finish this thing tonight! I also wanted something not so sweet, and there weren’t enough chips left to satisfy me (literally crumbs left), so I made some popcorn with salsa on it. This is when I realized how hard it is to give up dairy. That was the only reason I couldn’t do vegan before. I like butter and cheese. But I’m doing it for my health and the welfare of animals, so I have to keep my mental battle going.

I went to the gym and did an awesome circuit of jump rope, overhead squats, walking lunges, push-ups and planks. I did my chiropractor’s exercises and left feeling amazing.

After returning home, I finished that Natur-a Cappuccino Soy Beverage. Oh yum! Wish I had one of these every day!

As a last meal, I blended up my last 4 organic bananas from my first Organic Box. They were pretty much as ripe as they could be before they started going bad. I blended them with some unsweetened almond milk, 2 medjool dates, and a tablespoon of organic coconut palm sugar. It was a yummy, filling way to end the night.

Day 8

Today was a different day. Today was a busy morning, getting my husband’s clothes ready for his new job that he’s currently stressed about (in school this week, doesn’t have a chance to start making money until next week), as well as making sure I had everything and was ready for my students’ PAT today.

I did not eat breakfast, and pretty much snacked on bananas, apples, Bolthouse Vanilla Chai (which is vegan!), apple juice, and other school-approved snacks that I had bought. I snacked pretty much for the first 5 hours of the day. Oh boy… not the best food, but not necessarily the worst.

Because my students missed their gym time and morning recess, I gave them a 45-minute recess after lunch. They were such troopers, and I was proud of them. After all, they were writing for 2-3 hours straight. It gave me an opportunity to not only get some fresh air, but also to soak up some good vitamin D!

When I came home, I was so happy to find my new Organic Box! It’s like opening a present every time to find these beautiful organic fruits and vegetables. This time, I also ordered some organic seaweed chips for my husband and I to try. They were DELISH! We ate the whole bag (my husband ate more than I did, but I still had a fair share!).

Before heading to the gym, I had two pieces of Silver Hills Squirrely bread with peanut butter and peach jam made with xylitol. I also had some rainbow carrots with a vegan ranch dip I also ordered in my Organic Box. The dip was ok, but I have to be honest when I say the rainbow carrots are not particularly my favourite. Maybe I’ve become so out-of-touch with the taste of real carrots again. We’ll see.

At the gym, I was on the treadmill for 30 minutes, then did some lunges, walking high kicks, some stretches, and my chiropractor exercises. I felt so good and energized the whole time.

When I came home, I took a look at those mangos I still have done nothing with (should have done something with them yesterday. They are really going to go bad soon!) So tonight, I took out the blender, cut all of the good flesh off of them, and pureed it with a little vanilla and macadamia oil. I then took out a bowl and mixed some flour with baking soda, cinnamon, and a pinch of salt. I then mixed the two together, put it in a shallow baking dish, and waited for my fresh mango cake to cook.

While I was waiting, for tonight’s supper (really need to fix my whole eating raw until 4, cooked after 4), I blended 4 bananas (also need to be used asap) with some unsweetened vanilla almond milk and 5 medjool dates.Talk about filling!