Every once in awhile, I believe God allows things to happen to direct me to what I need to do/hear. Last night was one of those times. I was driving from a friend’s house to go home (actually, I was … Continue reading
Journal:
I felt fairly good waking up today, though I was tired. It was time to go back to work, though it would be a short and broken-up week.
Please excuse the language at the bottom of this book.
At first, I thought about starting Day 1 of the Summer Edition of 7 Days of Fruitrition in the ebook, Go Fruit Yourself! by Freelee the Banana Girl. In preparation, I packed a watermelon which was the breakfast. However, I also packed bananas and spinach as I still owed one smoothie from that program. I didn’t even get to start eating the watermelon until lunch, and though it was an alright watermelon, I can definitely tell the difference between the quality now and the quality from the summer. It’s definitely not as good.
After finally finishing this small, 3.5 kg watermelon (the guide suggests an 8 kg one), I never got a chance to eat the rest of the work day and that was a mistake. I was not able to go home until after 9:00 pm meaning I had put in a 13+ hour day. Let’s just say… I did not complete Day 1. I ended up ordering food and though one item was a cooked, vegan pizza, the other was a big, raw salad. It does amaze me that even though I easily am falling back into bad, cooked food patterns, I have enhanced my desire for raw foods. I could not eat the cooked food without mentally knowing I had a big salad to go with it. That part of me has completely changed. I know that I need and my body screams for the raw foods.
As I said, I worked a long night preparing for my substitute tomorrow. I’m going to a Math PD with the other lower elementary teachers I work with, and it isn’t just a normal preparation, it also includes a Remembrance Day ceremony where we each create a wreath of poppies to present at the ceremony. That took up a bit of time to make.
Needless to say, I did not make it to the gym tonight. It was too late by the time I got home. So instead, I stayed up and worked some more (there never seems to be a shortage), and went to sleep.
Review of Symptoms:
-Acne is bad.
-Tired.
-Hair is feeling a little greasy after the water rinse today.
-Hip flexor is feeling a little better but not great.
Weight at the end of the day = 168.7 lbs (up 1.9 lbs from yesterday)
Total Calories = 2111 (68% carbs, 25% fat, 7% protein… too much fat…)
Journal:
Today is National Sandwich Day and I had planned this day to be a sandwich day to see how my body would react to introducing bread. I woke up still not feeling 100% and needing to run to the washroom again. However,it was my hope that the bread would also help with this issue while I was at work. It would either be a success, or a completely bad judgment call. Only time would tell.
Early in the morning, I showered, got ready, and left early. I went and got gas so I wouldn’t have to do it in the evening, and then I hit Subway for their BOGO deal. I got two simple veggie subs on Italian bread (the only vegan bread). For sauces I got mustard and sweet onion sauce. And as for veggies? I got all the fresh veggies with the exception of jalapeño peppers as I didn’t need to put my body through that today.
What was my instant reaction after eating one for breakfast? Blah… not energizing, not “fulfilling”, just blah… I really was hoping this wouldn’t spell doom for the rest of the day.
By snack time, I was hungry again. So I pulled out the other sub and ate half. At lunch, I finished the sub. It amazed me how “empty” my stomach could feel while also feeling so not great. The caloric density of bread is not making up for the normal volume of fruit and veggies I normally eat. I also began to notice how dehydrated my body was beginning to feel.
When the afternoon hit, I was hungry again. I didn’t have any more “sandwiches” with me, but I did have a packet of savoury oatmeal, so I quickly whipped that up and ate it. I actually had never had savoury oatmeal before. Growing up, my favourite oatmeal included lots of brown sugar and dates. I always found that the dates tasted exactly like candy when cooked in oatmeal, so the thought of a savoury oatmeal did not really entice me. However, trying this Masala-flavoured oatmeal allowed me to quickly fall in love; it was so good!
Now, by the end of the afternoon, my stomach was in an all-right outcry. It already had not been feeling good throughout the day, but I knew it was not good. I had not been successful in my plan of trying to use bread to stop the bathroom issues and that did not work at all. In fact, I think the bread made it worse and my stomach more painful. So this plan was as good as failed.
After work, I drove to a place called Press’d to get another BOGO deal for sandwich day. I ordered two sandwiches called the Beatnik. The original recipe includes ranch dressing and swiss cheese, so I just took those off the sandwich and replaced them with avocado. I then brought them home and put my own sauces on them that I had in the fridge. It was much easier to control what they were putting on my sandwiches this way.
By the time I had eaten both sandwiches, I felt like I was so over-salted in my body, so dehydrated, stomach cramping badly, and just tired and terrible. Oh man… this sandwich day has been awful. I honestly am looking forward to going back to eating raw tomorrow. My body is so unhappy. I’m actually beginning to wonder if I’m truly digesting the food properly or not. I didn’t even go to the gym again tonight because I’m still scared of being away from the bathroom for too long. I want my health back!
Review of Symptoms:
-Stomach is bloated.
-Acne is terrible.
-Tired.
-I can feel the excess salt in my system.
-Still running to the washroom throughout the day.
-Not digesting food properly.
-Craving raw food and water.
-Pulled a groin-area muscle while playing soccer on the frosted grass with students today. Ugh…
Weight at the end of the day = 168.6 lbs (up 3 days from yesterday thanks to bread… ugh…)
Total Calories = 2691 (75% carbs, 12% fat, 13% protein)
A song came on while on my drive back from a colleague’s birthday supper this evening; a song that I had heard many times but struck me in a different way tonight.
The lyrics are as follows:
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I’m in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He’s holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I’ve tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again, “Boy, you’ll never win!”
“You’ll never win”
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid!”
And the voice of truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a Sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they’d have had the strength to stand
But the giant’s calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I’ve tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again, “Boy, you’ll never win!”
“You’ll never win”
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid!”
And the voice of truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me (Calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don’t seem so high
From on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid!”
And the voice of truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the voice of truth
I will listen and believe
Because Jesus you are the voice of truth
And I will listen to you
You are…
What struck me about this song this time is the fact that it’s something very real that happens to so many people everyday. How many times are you stuck in a place where you feel pulled in so many directions and you really don’t know which way to go? I know I feel like that sometimes. There are times I literally have no idea which way to go, and so I end up falling down on my knees, praying for any type of sign, any type of pointblank direction from God. And that’s exactly what this song is talking about.
When you don’t know where to go, when the world is pulling you in every direction, there is on voice you can rely on, and that’s the voice of Truth (God). When the world is telling you you’re wrong, but you’re standing strong in your faith, remember that God is the one who will raise you up to His loving, safe arms in the end. God will remind you that you will win, even if those around you are continuously telling you that you’ll lose. Being bullied? Being verbally abused? Told you are not good enough? Remember that God is sitting there, waiting for you to find HIS voice so He can remind you that you are more than enough and He loves you more than anything. Refuse the distractions, and look for the one who matters.
Look up this song anytime you need some motivation: Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns
As always, when you’re trying to do something new, you will almost always figure out the ways NOT to do it before you find what is successful. Taking a look at famous people of our times, many of them failed even up to hundreds of times before becoming as successful as they are. So you can be sure that I’ve now figured out a failing method on my journey to veganism.
Yesterday, I wrote a post about making my mind up 100%. That was true. But what I didn’t know was that some of the fruit I had planned on eating had gone bad. So it came to the point I ate that pizza well before 4.
The surefire way to fail on the vegan road is to run out of fruit. If it’s not there, you can’t eat it. And if you can’t eat it when you’re hungry, you’re going to reach for things you probably shouldn’t.
Lesson learned: plan the fruit you are going to eat and make sure to have it on hand!
As many teachers will know, teaching can easily consume your life. It’s so much more than being present and teaching children. There is planning, grading, documenting, extracurriculars and so much more than goes into our job. There are so many hours we put into this job that we aren’t compensated for; that take away from our family lives.
It has become an issue with my husband several times. There are weeks I’m home late every night not because of grading but because of meetings and other things I was asked/told to be involved with which then leaves time at home where I’m tired, have housework to do and grading on top of trying to spend time with my husband. And when report card times come around, forget trying to talk to me the whole extended weekend. There is always so much to do.
An opportunity came up that I said I wouldn’t miss again four years ago. Work would be sending me for free. Spouses are also allowed to come, provided they pay their way. It’s an awesome opportunity. So naturally I signed up myself and my husband. The problem came up that my husband still does not have his papers and as we discovered last time, if he leaves the country again, he may never be allowed back and the years of work we’ve done so far will be thrown out. We just can’t take that chance again.
My husband would rather I didn’t go without him. I would be in a foreign country and he could not live with himself if something happened to me and I didn’t come back. I can say that I was mad at him for awhile. I was mad that he didn’t want me to go. I was mad that he couldn’t see this as the opportunity that I did. I was mad at him for being selfish. I was so mad.
But then I remembered and thought about (for a few days until it sunk in) that two mentors of mine, from the beginning of my teaching career, warned me: God first, family second, work third. It also struck me about a worship conversation we had at work one time where another teacher brought up about a marriage seminar where it was discussed that what God has brought together, let no man pull apart. I also thought back to the many marriage books and people I follow that have provided excellent, Christian (and for non-Christians as well) marriage advice where the best thing you can do is to respect your husband because in doing so, it will – whether now or eventually – show him how much he means to you and often will reflect a change in his behaviour towards you as well. Needless to say, I shouldn’t be mad.
I chose to undergo a mini-lecture about cancelling our reservations (work-related). I chose to take on the cancellation fees though I still haven’t heard how much that is yet. I chose to eventually be questioned over and over about why I didn’t go on the cruise (nobody aside from who needed to know, knows yet) and I will choose to defend my husband over the situation because he is simply my husband. I choose to respect his wishes. I know it is out of his heart that he wants to do as much as he can to protect me. Maybe I won’t get to travel. Maybe this may knock me out of my social-related situation at the school. But at the end of the day, my first mission is and always will be my marriage and if I can’t be a good steward of that, then I have already failed in a mission given from God. I’m not willing to do that. I need to be a witness for God to my husband and that is what I’m going to do.
I love my job, but I love my husband more. And so I do not hold a grudge but I choose to respect him. Although anxiety may come when I know the others are leaving for this trip, I will choose to remember that he was only saying it out of love, and pray for the patience and understanding that I need. God is the ultimate provider of that all-encompassing peace. ❤
Ok, so not really. But I did walk in and said that I felt like quitting.
Today was one of those days. Those days where you wish you had never gotten out of bed, that you called in sick, that anything would have happened except what did. Teachers, I’m sure you know the kind of day I’m talking about.
Today I had to deal with something I hoped to never deal with; something that totally broke my heart. Since I don’t have kids of my own, those school kids are so much more like my own children. They are the kids that I try to protect. And when something happens, I immediately attack myself that I did not do a good enough job training and guiding them in life. When something happens, I immediately feel like a failure.
Today was probably one of the worst things I’ve ever had to deal with. So immediately my thoughts were I had failed as a teacher, I had failed as a guide in the life of my student, and I wasn’t fit for my job. What a hit!
Teaching is such a large, tough responsibility. Parenting is a huge responsibility. Any career in which you work with children and youth is a huge responsibility. When working with children, you have to realize that everything you do, they are watching. Anything you do or say, they will carry with them the rest of their lives. What a scary thought!
And as a teacher, you are being entrusted with someone else’s child which carries an extra burden in itself. You strive to be a good influence in their lives. You strive to teach them such great morals in such a small time and when something happens (and it honestly only has to be one thing), you feel as if you’ve failed altogether. Nevermind the fact that you have so many other kids in the class. All it takes is one student, one incident, and you immediately begin to judge yourself.
That’s what I went through today. I wanted to cry. I wanted to quit. I wanted to go home. I wanted to just curl up in a ball and go to sleep so that I could forget about the world around me at that moment. But instead I took deep breaths and did what I needed to do to deal with the situation.
Today was a really hard day.
Fellow teachers, a lot of you have probably dealt with something similar. I feel your pain, I feel your stress. Please know that you are not alone. The devil’s presence is ever near to us and our students, which makes our job ever increasingly important in showing them God’s light and guiding them away from the devil’s tactics and creating their own personal relationships with a Saviour that will be with them always.
Do the best you can and be the role model those kids need. Pray for your students and the choices they will make. It’s the best thing you can really do.
One day, my principal was driving me to work as my car was broke down (I know, surprise, surprise…). On the way to school, we had the discussion of how teachers can be like parents to the students. Of course, there was the Sandy Hook event where the teacher protected the students and she ended up being killed. Or there is the fact that there are some students who don’t spend much time with their parents and have very little support and guidance at home. There are a lot of ways that teachers can be like parents to students.
I remember being at a district education meeting several years ago, and it was stated how teachers are the “stand-in” parents while during school hours. Of course, we can’t call the parents over every little decision for their children, so it is us who make the decisions and influence their behaviours, and of course deal with discipline at school.
Continuing on with our conversation, my principal said something that I had never considered before. Of course most teachers, to some extent, consider the students “ours”. However, the teachers that do not have children of their own, their students become much more “theirs”. They have no other children to worry about, to try and “raise” to become their best, but their students at school. And thus the motherly instinct enhances so much more.
This is only my second full year of teaching, but I can easily agree with this statement. Every mistake my students make, every rebellious moment they take part in, I can’t help but feel like I have failed “as a parent”. I have tried to figure out why I feel like this, but I can only come to the conclusion that I am trying to teach them how to better themselves, how to become the best they can be by making the right choices and knowing the appropriate times for the different behaviours. And when they have failed to meet my expectations, I feel as if I have failed. It’s a dangerous trap that we as teachers have to decide to take each year when we are presented with new students. Each year, we have to say good-bye to the children we’ve worked so hard with, cried with, laughed with, and grown with. Already we are down to less than two months left of school. Of course, we have a lot of work to accomplish still, but the day is coming when I will have to tearfully say good-bye again.
Just this past week, I have had some of the hardest situations I have ever had to deal with my students; situations that have reached a level of high authority. When I first found out, I can’t express the amount of disappointment I had with these particular students. I felt sick, and scared. Thankfully, our principal is very supportive in these situations and has helped an immense amount. As much as my students have been torn up about their consequences, so I have cried several times for them.
There is a fine line between being a friend with your students, and being the firm hand that they need. Sometimes it is a struggle, but it is a necessity. Children need a firm hand, yet they also need to know that they are being disciplined from someone who cares. Discipline has no affect if they already think you hate them. It is so important to make some kind of connection with each student (I know the time restraints… and difficulty of student needs), so that each student at least knows that they can trust you as a teacher. Or as I teach my kids in Health class, a “Safe Adult”.
Nobody will ever know the difficulties teachers go through, unless they are a teacher themselves. As a teacher, we are counsellors, parents, accountants, supervisors, coaches, nurses, advisors, food/clothing providers (oh yes, students who come to school with no lunches and no appropriate clothing for the outside weather) and so much more. Instead of having children of different ages who can help each other, we have many children of the same age, and most times have to take care of and deal with these children on our own. I appreciate all teachers who take the time and emotional effort to care for their students. These students will benefit from your love, care, and discipline so much more than you can ever imagine. I know many times, you may wonder as the child leaves your classroom if you ever really did anything to better that child. You may not see it now, or ever, but just be faithful in knowing that you have. If you have given that child your best, his/her best will show up in time.
To all the teachers, past and present, thank you.
Calm in Christ and Fitness 