What Life Jackets are You Holding Onto?

Every once in awhile, I believe God allows things to happen to direct me to what I need to do/hear. Last night was one of those times. I was driving from a friend’s house to go home (actually, I was …

Advice to Understand

You know, sometimes, you’re just going to get disappointed by people. Sometimes, you are just going to feel let down. Sometimes, you’re just going to feel like people use you and you get no appreciation for anything. And sometimes, it really starts to weigh on your shoulders despite your greatest attempts to not let it.

I’ve always hated this feeling. The arguments that can come from it. The misunderstandings that blow up out of proportion. The undeniable feeling of horribleness that ensues. Although this feeling is hard to prevent or even eliminate, I came across a saying that has totally changed my view of my feelings, if not helped to change my feelings a little. The saying (paraphrased… can’t remember where I got it from) is as follows:

Sometimes we get so disappointed with others because we have expected them to do for us what we would have done for them.

Think about that for a minute. Why do we really get disappointed in others? Why do we care so much if people don’t appreciate us? It’s simply because we have put ourselves in their shoes, and we know what we would have done. We take it personally, we make it personal. Why couldn’t you ever thank me when I thank you all the time, even for the smallest things? Why couldn’t you just do this one thing that I needed when I would have easily done it for you?

It’s our own expectations that others are failing to achieve. We’ve set our expectations on them, and yet we get disappointed at them when really, it’s on us. We had the expectations, they didn’t. And if you really think about it… is it fair?

The best thing I’ve found to do is to have minimal expectations of people. In fact, I have usually been able to keep my minimal expectations of everyone except my students. Being a teacher is a whole different situation. If you don’t have high expectations of them, they often won’t have high expectations of themselves. They need a standard to live up to, to strive towards. But in general, in marriage, in family, in friends, the disappointment can be avoided if everything is considered an “extra”. Can you always avoid disappointment? Absolutely not. It’s just one of those things you have to learn to deal with in life. But you can better understand it. Above all, understand, that your expectations of others are really the expectations of yourself in someone else’s position. And that can set you up for that ultimate let-down. Lower your expectations. Realize the other person is not you. And see if it makes a difference in your life.