Rawsome Healthy Day 3/5 – Healing Journey Day 54

Journal:
I wasn’t as prepared for today as I wanted to be. I was exhausted, my stomach was hurting a lot from having junk food two days in a row, I didn’t sleep very much because I had so much to do, and I didn’t even prep my grapes for today. However, after reviewing the whole diet plan again, I decided the best place to start again was with the grapes breakfast because the only two breakfasts that are left include persimmons (of which mine are not ripe yet), or a smoothie of which I had no time to blend. So I chose to do Day 1 today, packed some grapes, spinach and bananas, and went off to school.

I got to eat breakfast around 10:00 am as my students were outside at recess which gave me some time.

In the afternoon, I was not able to make my smoothie because our school kitchen is not set up for me to do so at the moment as a lot of people have been using it. So, this meant that I ate a banana instead to tide me over. It’s still on the meal plan, just whole instead of blended. It was a way better option than eating more junk again today. I am breaking away from the bad habits I’ve developed in the past few days. I hate feeling miserable. Raw foods are definitely the way to go.

After I got home, I had to quickly get set up because I had a webinar to watch. So, I took my dog outside for a bit, then came in and cut up some kiwis as that was the “pre-dinner” snack. I could have made my smoothie, but sorting through spinach would have taken way longer than just slicing up some kiwis. So that’s what I did. In fact, I didn’t make the smoothie all day.

Now, after the webinar, and perhaps even during the webinar, I fell asleep. I was so exhausted. I’m literally sleeping like 5 hours a night because I stay up working so much. I keep saying I need to balance things out, but the truth is I really do. Perhaps this weekend I’ll actually draw up a schedule for every day.

After I woke up from my nap, I immediately had a huge stomach cramp and had to run to the bathroom. Three times today this happened, and it has been painful. My stomach is finally in a full rebellion of the junk food I ate and is starting to cleanse itself. Hopefully this is short-lived and my body can do its job efficiently because I didn’t even go to the gym tonight in fear of being too far away from a bathroom for too long.

I didn’t feel like eating again for the longest time, but did end up making a salad before bed. However, the salad didn’t taste the greatest (it’s very hit and miss with the dressings), so I only ended up eating about half of it. But because my stomach was fairly empty, I was so hungry and couldn’t even go to bed without eating something else. So, off the meal plan but still predominately raw, I sliced up some banana, drizzled some apple honey (honey consistency but made from apple, no bees required), and put a few vegan chocolate chips. Now, I’m not sure what was wrong with my kiwis earlier, but they were very “zingy” and it left what almost felt like some stinging in my mouth which made the late night dessert not so good. Perhaps my kiwis were not fully ripe; I really don’t know. I don’t have any food allergies and have never reacted to kiwis before, but perhaps there is more to the story than I know.

Now, tomorrow is National Sandwich Day and it is a planned, off-course day. It will still be vegan with tons of raw veggies, but I am intrigued to see how my body reacts to bread. I do suspect that bread will help stop the immediate bathroom needs which would be nice while I’m at work since the staff only have one washroom to split amongst us all, but I’ve also heard people discover their gluten intolerance when trying gluten after so long of not eating it. So this will be an experiment to see how my body reacts. Then I’m back on course with the last two days of the Rawsome Healthy Diet Plan. I’m still trying to decide where I want to go after that, but stay tuned and you’ll find out.

Review of Symptoms:
-Stomach is in an all-out war, cleansing mode!
-Tired/exhausted
-Acne is the same.
-Hair is so soft, but still a little static-y.
-Muscles are finally less sore today. Aiming for the gym tomorrow.
-Tongue/mouth seemed to react a little to the kiwis (not swollen, just like a “sting”).
-Hungry

Weight at the end of the the day = 165.6 lbs (down 4.8 lbs from yesterday)

Total Calories = 2087 (83% carbs, 10% fat, 7% protein… good macro ratio!)

The Penalty of Standing Out

I hate the way the world works sometimes. I hate seeing people in pain. I hate watching people getting picked on or bullied. I hate sin and wrong-doings in this world.

When I was going through my university years, completing my education degree, I had a desire to work with special needs children. It wasn’t because I looked forward to the extra work that often comes with special needs children, but because I wanted to make a difference. I knew special needs children were often put down and sometimes stared at as if the were a circus sideshow. I knew I could step up and be the voice of those children, and I knew that I could help those children feel as important as they are. But that’s not what happened.

At first I ended up teaching at a Native School. It took me awhile to learn the different dynamics needed to teach students who come from a history of anger. It was a definite learning curve in understanding the culture, the behaviours, and the thoughts about different things. But one of the things I found is that my classroom was often their safe place. My classroom was the one place they could count on someone being there to love them. I was a safe place for these kids.

Now as much as I loved being in that position, time would have me change again. This time, to a place where I wasn’t such a safe place. These kids did not need me (or at least felt like they didn’t). The attitudes were indifferent, the gratitude was gone. I really struggled at first to see how in the world I could make a difference when my students were convinced they had everything the needed.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t my first year that I figured it out. It was my second and my third that really opened my heart. I realized that maybe I wouldn’t be able to reach all students, even though I try. But there is at least one in each class who needs someone they can trust; someone they can break down their barriers and let them truly see the inside that they keep.

It broke my heart when the first student really let me in their life. The amount of background some of these kids hide is disheartening. It sometimes makes you wonder how they even function. It’s no wonder some of them put up a tough-front at school. Some of them are simply caught in that worldly struggle: the one where they are fighting between being good and doing what they know is right, and doing what the world expects and wants them to do. Absolutely the struggle gets worse as the generations get older. It’s sad in the very least, but it does, unfortunately, exist.

I witnessed something that brought this whole thing up in my mind. A situation that brought up a whole slew of memories.

One of my students is running for class rep in the upcoming school year. She’s an awesome student, wonderful in both academics and her Christianity. Unfortunately, she is one in very few that does not struggle with desires to be popular. She will not swear because others are doing it. She does not talk about inappropriate things because she has no interest. She knows what she believes and she sticks to it. She knows what is right, and that is what she does. And it has made her unpopular in her class.

Today, the vote was completed. And though she almost perfectly fits the description of the position she is running for, more votes were left blank than were voted in favour. My heart sank and my blood boiled a little. If there were legitimately good reasons for not letting her have the position, then I would accept that. But I know it’s because they are upset the one person they wanted to run wasn’t able due to his grades. Whether it’s an expression of bitterness or anger, is it right to decline someone that not only wants the position, but is ready, willing and capable of doing it well?

I don’t know what the right solution is. After all, voting is an expression of your opinion. But my heart aches in knowing that the reasons behind the reactions are wrong. And that bothers me. Someone who perfectly is capable of doing something so well, being held back by unpopularity, is wrong. It takes me right back to my whole philosophy of teaching, and that is that students are capable of more than they are doing, and standing up for those who don’t have as much of a voice.

I grew up in public schools where situations are much worse than I have ever experienced in my years of private school. I have seen “losers” beat up for simply not being good enough for others. I have seen the separation and isolation of those who needed the extra pull-out help and did not think like the others. I have seen students dragged from classrooms because they were acting out in anger about their situations. It’s not pretty.

One year, we did a fundraiser where the boys provided a lunch, and we bid on these “anonymous lunches”. When the bidding was done and every girl had her lunch, then the boys would reveal themselves and we would share lunch with them. I just happened to get one of those classmates that was always taken out for extra help, and who had problems with his anger, reacting from the situations he was in and the way he was treated.

I will forever regret the way I treated him.

I didn’t say anything mean, but that’s simply because I didn’t say anything at all. I was silent the whole time. And now I cannot even go back and apologize for being “snobby” because he was killed in a car accident several years ago (I think I was still in high school). That’s guilt that I have to live with, and guilt that started to change the way I reacted to people.

The one girl that was dragged from our classroom was probably the lowest person in our class. She didn’t always take showers, and she didn’t come from the most well-off family. In fact, I actually don’t know how she was treated at home. But what I do know is that people didn’t like her and daily made fun of her. I will never forget the one day she came up to me and told me that I was her role-model. I didn’t try to be anyone’s role-model, I just tried to talk to her and be nice when others wouldn’t. And look at the difference that made on her life. The simplest of acts I could have done, and it literally changed her world.

Now I’d like to say others followed, but they didn’t. I’d like to say her life changed for the best, but it didn’t. I did manage to get in contact with her again during university, sadly to find out she was pregnant and the baby’s father wanted nothing to do with her as soon as she became pregnant. As a matter of fact, he ran out with another girl and married her very shortly afterwards. And to make matters worse, he called social services claiming she was an unfit mother and had her baby taken away. In no way did her life get better.

I’m sad to say I’ve lost contact with her. My only method of contact no longer seems to work. I do pray for her, that things work out and she’s able to have her baby back in her life. I know she was fighting hard for him. But I pray God’s love surrounds her and God-willing, I will be able to connect with her again.

I truly, truly do hate the world treats people that are different – people that stand out from everybody else. I had the position of popularity and I misused it once. But I promise to do my best to never misuse it again. When a situation arises where someone needs a voice, I wish to be that voice for them, to stand up on their behalf. Just because you don’t think the same as everyone else or do the same things everyone else does is not a reason to be treated so badly. Stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves. Make a difference in someone’s life. Even if it’s just one person you’ve helped, you’ve literally just changed a person’s entire world. Do what you can and don’t delay. You never know the good you can leave behind.