Week 10 Day 4

I woke up this morning so tired. I don’t know if I’m not sleeping at night or what is going on. But as far as I’m concerned, I’m sleeping but not waking up rested. Can’t say it hasn’t happened before, just wish it wouldn’t happen anymore.

Today work went well, though it was very busy. I was making the final changes to our tutoring program’s schedule. And everything seemed to be ready to go, until tutoring actually started after school. Between the tutors who did not show up, and the tutees who had not registered but their parents had simply told them to come and showed up, I was rearranging groups left and right.

To my utmost surprise, the tutors did so incredibly well. I couldn’t believe it. I was so proud of how they took whomever I gave them, some had researched things ahead of time, and did such an amazing job tutoring these other kids. It was mind-blowing! I really think the tutoring program brought out the best in the students.

One student in particular, that regularly gets in fights with other students and causes a whole series of issues almost daily, was supposed to be tutoring with a second tutor since this is part of the three week probation period. The tutor he was supposed to be with did not show up and I had put them with three grade 3 students. I was honestly a bit nervous. But out of all the tutors that had their tutoring topics ahead of time, he’s the only one that had researched educational videos to help the kids not only with math, but spelling as well. And the best part was, they loved him and were interested in what he was doing the whole time. I just was completely blown away.

I didn’t leave work until approximately 7:30 pm. By then, my husband wanted food quickly so we went out to eat. I have been mainly eating fruits and veggies as carbs throughout the day, and so when we ate this higher carb supper, tiredness swept over me quickly. And so we went home, and my husband told me to take a nap. What time did we go to the gym? 12:30 a.m.

I was tired, had to drink a coffee, but my workout went rather well. I still don’t like mountain climbers, and likely never will. But it was mainly a shoulder and triceps workout and despite the circumstances, it went well. I even managed to fit in my 12 minutes of HIIT. I was a happy camper!

We then went home, ate, and I think finally went to bed around 4:00 a.m. Let’s just say tomorrow is going to be a long day!

We Finally Got It… And He’s Happy!

I never knew looking for a truck could be so stressful. It’s been 3 weeks. Two down payments and cancellations. And endless online and offline searching. I cannot even begin to tell you the amount of sleep we’ve lost and the amount of frustration we’ve endured. Truly endless. Or so it seemed.

One thing about trucks is they cost a lot, especially where we live. So the decision either came to 0% interest on a new truck that cost much more money, or be charged some interest on a used vehicle that may not cost as much money, but usually had a fair amount of mileage on it.

To add to the frustration, my husband has owned 3 trucks before and therefore was not willing to settle for something ridiculous. We also deal with a mad amount of winter (snowed the first week of September…) so having 4WD and other features was important. He also wanted a diesel which automatically lifts the price. Oh boy…

Slowly throughout the weeks, we whittled down a few things. One, that he didn’t want brand new because the price was so high. Two, that we were sticking with lower kms on a used truck. Three, that it had to be diesel. Four and almost decided from the beginning, it had to be a Dodge.

The problem came that we had to find a Dodge with low kms that was a diesel and not out of our price range and that was the true struggle. Prices for trucks are simply outrageous. And then one caught his eye online.

There was a silver Dodge, lifted (he likes lifted), rugged brand new tires, nice looking wheels, diesel, 15 000 km, only 2 years old, still covered by all the factory warranties, some cool features, and a very fraction of the price it would have been new. It’s still at the high end of our price range, but doable.

So we went to look at it to make sure it wasn’t just one of those circumstances where the vehicle looks awesome online, but there are tonnes of things wrong with it when we get there. Truth be told, it was exactly as it looked.

The dealer man met us, was incredibly nice, gave us the keys, told us to have fun, and was very friendly and easy to sit with to discuss the truck. It was a small used dealership, very family friendly. I mean seriously, the men were sitting around chewing Double Bubble. Not much more friendly than that!

The truck was great, and made my husband feel so happy. I of course venture on the thoughts of pricing and what it means to dedicate our finances to this vehicle for the next several years, but again, it is doable, and most importantly, it made him happy.

Don’t get me wrong, the truck is nice. Aside from a couple dings in the bed, and the absolutely tiniest bump in the door (the dealership agreed to pay for this), the truck is incredibly unused. My assumption would be that the person who previously owned it could no longer afford it. I mean this truck probably cost upwards of $60000-70000 brand new. But it runs nicely, it looks nice, and it’s huge. Oh my word is it huge! The thing’s a beast! But at least I know my husband will be safe driving around this soon-to-be-frozen-place we call home. It’s his new baby and he loves it and that’s what makes me happy.

Not the best picture, but it was taken late at night when we finally took it home. Makes the Challenger look tiny!

Have you ever experienced extreme stress trying to find a new vehicle? What obstacles did you face?

Sometimes It’s Only Going to Be You

This post comes after a difficult day. I’m not going to go into many details, but I’d just like to reflect upon something that I think many of us struggle with; some of us daily.

The thing is, you can’t please everyone. There is no way possible you can do that. There is always somebody that is going to be upset with the way you do something or the way you think about things. Even when you think you are doing your best, there are people who will pick apart all of the little things that they consider wrong.

To me, the worst part is that sometimes these are the very people you love, the very people that are in your family, even your closest friends. It’s unfortunate that the people closest to us are sometimes the ones that abuse the power they hold of being able to uplift or destroy you. What makes it the absolute worst is when they don’t even see it; when they see nothing wrong with what they are doing. Can you think of someone in your life who is like this? Someone whom you feel you love so completely and yet you can’t understand why they choose to hurt you over and over again? Someone whom you try so hard to please but seem to always fall short of their expectations?

Maybe you have support of great friends and family. If you do, I completely commend you to grasp these resources. Just be sure to filter through your resources and have pre-arranged support that will view from a fair and just perspective because as we all know, every story has two perspectives, whether we see it that way or not.

Some circumstances request minimal resources, sometimes none. Sometimes you have nobody to run to, no support to back you up, and that’s how I’m feeling tonight. If you ever feel this way, please know that you are not alone. When the horrible words, the wrecking ball that tirelessly slams itself into your heart, beating you over and over again waiting for you to crumble, please know that you are not alone. If you need to cry, do it. If you need to walk away, do it. Find the place where you can be totally vulnerable and alone, and pour your heart out. Pour your heart out to the Man who has never left you once, who’s sitting with you in these moments of deepest pain, holding you in His arms, telling you that everything is going to be ok.

You see, sometimes nobody will be there to support you. Sometimes nobody will be there to pick you back up, and that’s when it becomes up to you. And sometimes, it really is only going to be you. You, alone, to make the choice whether you are going to keep fighting or give up. You, alone, to choose whether or not you will rise above the ashes or fall to dust. Even if you don’t have the strength to do it alone, you just have to make that choice. You see, God doesn’t actually promise that He won’t give us more than we can handle. In fact, that verse (1 Corinthians 10:13) actually says,

“No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able…”

The famous verse that people always refer to as “God will not give you more than you can handle” actually only speaks about temptations. If you’re anything like me, your burdens are not simply what you’ve been tempted by but rather situations that seem to have placed themselves upon you; little to no temptation at all. The type of situations that most people would look at you and say, “It’s just a rough time, you’ll get through it”.

Knowing the truth, that God does not actually promise we won’t be burdened with more than what we can handle alone, it’s easy to see that God actually has never intended us to handle these burdens alone. When you sit there, cry, bearing your heart and your problems, it’s what you’re supposed to do. You need to, even have to let God know that you need His help. He wants you to ask Him to help you. He wants you to expose your pain freely to Him and open your heart completely, allowing Him the freedom to enter it and help you. God wants to carry your burdens. When you’re tired, worn out, not sure where to go, God has made you a promise. Isaiah 40:31 has this promise and is a verse I refer to all the time. It says,

“…but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Wow. What a promise. In the moments of our deepest despair, when we have nowhere left to turn, God provides us with that promise. We won’t be left in our darkest hole, we won’t be left with our bleeding hearts. He evens goes further to give us another promise just as powerful as that one. In Matthew 11:28, Jesus says,

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Did you know that? God doesn’t want you to carry your burdens. He wants you to realize that sometimes you have too much to handle. Sometimes the pain and suffering you are experiencing actually are too much for you. The people around you that are filling your head with the ridiculousness that you’re not good enough, you’re work isn’t good enough, you’re not working hard enough, you’re not pretty enough, you’re not strong enough, whatever it may be. All of those daily burdens and the pain that goes right along with them really is too much to bear, despite the fact that people in your life will sit there and openly tell you that you’re making a big deal about it and you can handle. God, Himself has said that you can’t always do that. He knows you will grow tired trying to accomplish everything that others want you to do. He knows you will be weary from trying to please everyone. He knows your load will sometimes become too heavy for you, and He, Himself wants to carry that load for you. What an awesome God He is to love us that much!

I’m going to leave you with a quote. A quote that quickly became my background on my computer and I have not changed it yet. I would also like to leave you with a prayer that I found so powerful I have placed it on my wall as a note. These things are always there so whenever I need a reminder that I am not alone and that God will help carry my burdens, it’s there. I encourage you to write it down and keep it available for yourself. You never know when you need the extra encouragement.

Quote – “When you’ve done everything you can do, that’s when God steps in and does what you can’t.”

Prayer – “Dear Righteous Father, I will not forget Your benefits as daily You help bear my burdens. Though I’m facing seemingly endless difficulties, I will not throw in the towel. I will set my eyes upon the hills and look forward with confidence of the future You have prepared for me; through Jesus Christ your Son our LORD. Amen.”