Have you ever felt the pressure to answer the question, “How are you?” with “I’m ok”? Have you ever felt like giving any less of an answer, regardless of what you’re actually feeling, would just be a burden to society? … Continue reading
A couple years ago, I was invited by a friend to join a group of Facebook. Upon reviewing the group, I found that it was indeed Christian focused and designed specifically for women. I thought, “Great! Another way to get … Continue reading
I finally got it last night on the treadmill. I finally thought up a few examples that really showed me things that were very difficult to forgive, but I have forgiven. As I reviewed my list, I realized these things hurt me more than they have ever made me angry. I narrowed my list to four things as I only wanted to summarize yesterday’s topic before presenting what I had prepared for today. My list consisted of the following: My father did not attend my high school nor my university graduations, my sister almost died due to the doctor’s mistake of putting latex elastics (of which she’s allergic to) in her mouth following jaw surgery causing her to near death, my friends burned down my family’s camp in a drunken stupor one Halloween night which contained years of memories that will never be replaced since my family was in the middle of renewing the insurance, and finally, the one that is still able to make me cry at any moment, is the fact that my grandfather died when an impatient driver went to pass a semi-truck and ran head into my grandparents’ vehicle coming in the opposite direction. Four extremely difficult situations I had to go through.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that yes, these things cause me sadness, but I don’t hold grudges against the people who were guilty. And here is what I figured out:
1. My life philosophy: Hate what the person did, but don’t hate the person. The truth of the matter is, if sin did not exist, the person would not have done what they did. God did not design us to be this way, but we all sin because of the fall in the Garden of Eden. When Jesus returns, sin will no longer exist. Therefore, just as we reflect on ourselves being sinful, hate the sin but not the person.
2. Allowing someone to suffer what we choose to be consequences for what they’ve done is a method of passing judgement. We are not the ultimate judge. Yes, Earth has judges for major sins that are here so that hopefully less sin will be created, but who are we to gossip about those who have made mistakes against us? We cannot claim to be the judge that God is, and thus should not carry out such punishments.
3. I thought of the story in John 8 where the people brought forth the prostitute expecting Jesus to agree that she should be stoned. However, Jesus responded in a way they didn’t expect, and that was that whoever had not sinned should be the first to cast a stone. Yet, nobody could because everyone had sinned. In this same way, how are we to again, punish others in such a way yet expect forgiveness for when we do something?
4. In a way, Jesus became the person you are upset at. Jesus did not just die for one person’s sins, He died for ALL of humanity’s sins. Think about that. In order to truly die on the cross for us, He had to essentially become all the bad things that we are. He became the bad in all of us. And I thought if I were to see the face of Jesus in the person I’m upset at, would I really be able to stay upset? This is a hard one to think of…
With that being said, I quickly summarized and prayed that those ideas would stick for anyone having difficulties with forgiveness. I then proceeded to continue with my topic for today.
Today’s School Spirit Week day was Tacky Day. Quite frankly, I hate this day. I don’t find “fun” in dressing tacky. But I do it to support my students. So tacky it was. When trying to think of a topic associated with dressing tacky, it quite easily came to me that the topic should be on how life can get messy. And I had a great personal story about this that I was given permission to share, and that was on my step-sister, Natalie.
Natalie was a child with a free spirit that did not easily get along with my dad. Quite understandably, it is hard for a man to come into your life that in a way seems to be taking place of your dad. I can completely relate to that. But she was encouraged by her true father to move out early. She moved out with her boyfriend at the young age of 15. She then proceeded to get involved with drugs which eventually led to many (I believe up to 15) times of being in and out of rehab. Then, the fearful happened. She became pregnant.
During her pregnancy, she seemed to come clean. She moved back in with her mom and my dad, and although there were still some arguments between my dad and her, she seemed to be doing alright. Several months later, twin boys emerged. They were premature, but healthy. I sing my praises to God that those boys were and still are healthy. So many things could have happened. But as they were now born and she fed from a bottle, it was becoming noticeable that she drank.
One Christmas break, my sister and I were at our dad’s, and our step-mom noticed she was getting an alcoholic drink. And so, my step-mom locked up the alcohol in her bedroom. What came next, none of us were prepared for. She went ballistic. She was pounding on the door, screaming that it was unfair, that they should allow her to drink, and finally that she was going to get her babies and they were going to leave. This got so out of hand that it got to the point, the almost unbearable point for my step-mom, that the babies were in danger and the police needed to be called. Keep in mind, my poor dad is running three things at the same time: apologizing and trying to lighten the mood for my sister and I, trying to console and counsel my step-mom, and keeping my step-sister and her babies in the house while keeping unwanted people out.
When the police came, they gave her the option of going upstairs to say good-bye to her babies. She fought and fought them until they eventually and literally dragged her out of the house. If only I could share with you the nightmare. I have never heard someone scream and yell like I heard her scream and yell that night. If I hadn’t known better, I would have thought she was being stabbed to death. The awful things she was yelling at her mother would definitely be carried for a long time. That’s when I really knew what addictions could do.
She was released the next day, and I expected that when she called, she would at least ask how her babies were. But do you want to know the ONLY question she asked? When her mom could come get her and take her to get her Methodone shot. No joke. I was in shock. To care about a drug replacement shot to help with her previous addictions over the care of her own children.
Later, she did move out into her own apartment with her children, but by that Friday, my dad and step-mom had the boys over for a sleep-over that they would never return from. She was not using her finances for the true care of her children but rather to feed her addictions, and so learned that she could live on her own again while visiting her children as they were kept at my dad’s.
As much as I’d like to say that she got the help she needed, I can’t. I can remember a conversation we had late one night where she was telling me that the worst thing for her was realizing that she had no dreams left. She used to want to be an actress, to be all of these big things in her life. But she realized that her addictions have drained all of these hopes, all of these goals and dreams out of her, and she had nothing left. Perhaps this was one of the most painful realizations for her. Because one night, in winter, I received a phone call from my dad. His voice was shaky, and he sounded as if he was ready to cry. As much as Natalie and him fought, she was still a huge part of his life as his step-daughter. And I believe this is what made it so difficult that the police had shown up on their doorstep the night before asking them to come and confirm the identification of the body they had found under a bridge. Upon investigation, they had come to believe that she had jumped off the bridge as there was only one set of footprints in the snow that led to the railing and thus leading to the body below. What a hard thing to accept. After years and years of drug abuse, of alcohol abuse, and of accepting that you have nothing left to live for in life, I can only imagine the pain she must have been in. She knew that rehab wouldn’t help because it hadn’t in the past. She couldn’t seem to escape the relationship abuses from men, the fact that she couldn’t find the help she needed nor the inability to escape the addictions that had control over her. This was nothing short of terrible.
Of course, the following fear came that child services would take the boys away. But my dad and step-mother fought for custody of the boys and thankfully were awarded it. And to this day, they are doing the best they can while parenting as grandparents. They boys are doing so well, I’m happy to report. But one day, and my father has talked to me about this, he knows the boys will ask where their mother is, and why they don’t have one like all of the other kids. And he fears that conversation. He fears revisiting and telling them that their father has never wanted anything to do with them and that their mother was so involved with such horrible things that she couldn’t take care of them and eventually couldn’t even take care of herself. What a hard conversation to have with children. I can’t even imagine.
I asked the other teachers and staff to think about the children we have difficulties with, to think of the things we don’t know about in their home lives, the burdens they carry to school each day. Because sometimes, it only takes one family member to make life messy for everyone else. And when especially dealing with children, those background messes need to be considered.
I had to rush through this worship a little as you can probably imagine as it got a little long. But I left people crying and with deep thoughts. Because the truth is, sometimes life sucks. Life can be unfair. The devil is at work so much in our lives, trying to tear us away from our Father who loves us, and unfortunately he uses things like drugs and alcohol that have a way of hooking us and can be very difficult to get away from. Things like drugs and alcohol have a way of consuming people and making the gift of life that God has given us seem pointless. And unfortunately, I see the devil in much of Natalie’s life, laughing and smiling at her misery. And yet in the same scene, I see tears running down Jesus’ face as He watches the destruction of His daughter, the one He loves more than anything. It’s a sad scene, not an easy one to grasp and still not the easiest one to talk about. But as my father said, it’s important to use these stories to help prevent others from making the same mistakes and if this story will help someone, then it is worth talking about.
I didn’t workout today as it was a rest day, but I do hope that you reflect on this, especially if you or someone you know is suffering with addictions. Addictions are something so incredibly unfortunate and cause so much pain to everyone. Take intervention now. Pray that the God of healing, the God that has already defeated all evil in this world will help you overcome. Because there is no power greater than God’s.
What a day! Just another insane day to add to list of burdens to carry on my shoulders. Ugh.
Throughout all the stress, and changing my day plans, etc… I managed to stay proper with my nutrition. Not necessarily the times I normally would have, but no stress-eating food choices for me! My water intake was also slower today, but I’m still getting it all in regardless.
I also had a chiropractor and acupuncture appointment today. Of course your body undergoes a lot of bad changes with stress, and this week had a high dose. But she was also concerned about my embarrassing but damaging fall at Wal-Mart the weekend before. So thankfully, my acupuncturist also targeted my stress points. Funny enough, when I was done, my wrist no longer hurt, but the pain had gone into my hand which is what I’m guess the needles have done. I am kind of glad the pain has left my wrist, but the aching pain in my hand is still not great.
I want to just take a moment and fill you in on a couple goals I had for this challenge. Aside from excelling in the workouts and staying on track with diet, I also wanted to increase my water to 3L (12 cups) a day. I know I don’t get enough water, so by purposely adding it to my challenge, I have been able to do this successfully each day. As a side note, try going from little daily water to that much water, and be prepared to run to the washroom 10+ times a day. I honestly was wondering if our secretary thought I must be pregnant… Promise it was just the increase in water!
My second challenge I added on was sleep. Now this week has SUCKED for getting in sleep. But next week is always a new week, and that is another that I plan to work on.
So that’s basically it for today. The workout was awesome and again in a circuit style. I finished up with 12 minutes of HIIT on the stairs. I was a sweaty mess!
I’ve just about finished up my nutrition and I’m ready to surrender to my bed. My body needs the rest and the break from everything, so on that note, have a good night everyone!
You will never believe this. I can hardly believe it!
So this week started with the extremely awful government call I had to make.
Then I had a student incident that has not been easy to deal with.
Then I had another incident with another student that also not been easy to deal with.
Then as I’m home getting ready to leave, I get a knock on the door. I’m immediately questioning who it could be because nobody ever comes to visit us and it is hours too early for any delivery vehicles.
Two words: Animal Patrol
Apparently, my neighbours did not stop at calling the landlord months ago. They called Animal Patrol a week ago. Seriously? I was shaking so bad.
I have never been happier to know that one of our dogs is going to live with my grandmother in New Brunswick on Tuesday. I don’t understand these people.
I live in a townhouse. I have my own outside doors. I only work 4 days a week. Prior to this, I lived in an apartment, surrounded by more people, with the same dogs, for almost 2 years without EVER having animal patrol called for any reason. Does this not tell you something?
I’ve only lived at this place for not even half a year yet. We came just before the summer. And yet my dogs have already had Animal Patrol called without ever coming to talk to me personally? Even though I’ve had many more people live around me for 2 years and never had problems? It’s not like I changed dogs…
And then come to find out, the officer asks me about the neighbour’s dog. The one that I’ve noticed has been gone for almost a month. I was immediately filled with a little bit of rage. Why do I have to be beside some of the worst neighbours?
Honestly, it takes A LOT to make me not like someone. I may get a little frustrated with people, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like them. But I really don’t like my neighbours. I don’t like that it’s ok for them to have a ton of people out of their deck having a little party on a week night when others have to get up and go to work, but it’s not ok for me and my other neighbour to have dogs. This is a dog area. Most of the people who live in this section of townhouses have dogs. If you don’t like them, then you are in the wrong place.
So frustrated!
**As a side note, I know that I can’t stay this angry forever as it will only do damage to myself. Thus I am repeating and focussing on the prayer and verse below to help get rid of it. This is not easy…
Dear Righteous Father, I will not forget Your benefits as daily You help bear my burdens. Though I’m facing seemingly endless difficulties, I will not throw in the towel. I will set my eyes upon the hills and look forward with confidence of the future You have prepared for me; through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord. Amen.
Psalm 103:2
This blog is definitely geared more towards teachers, but I’m sure many of you can relate to this as well.
Sometimes it seems like everything changes, all at once. And sometimes that’s ok, but sometimes it’s overwhelming. Most of the time, you’re just not sure how to take it. For me this year, there are a few new things hitting all at once.
#1: New principal. Now, this is where teachers will better relate. We have a new principal that we did not know of at the end of last year and are just now meeting her for the first time (2-5 days before the first day of school). There are a ton of things that are unsettled and school is starting soon. This one is huge.
#2: We have 3 new teachers. Now this happens regularly at our school because it has been expanding. This is expected. But with new teachers comes new input and with new input comes new scheduling and of course disruptions occur. This is something we’re still working on.
#3: (A little less school related). My husband and I need a second vehicle. Winter is coming, and he has to leave for work at 6:15 each morning. I don’t have to be here until 7:30. As much as I’d love to say it’s not a problem, I see teacher’s burnout coming much more quickly if I have to be here at 6:15 each morning. This is a huge problem. But of course, being back to work now, it becomes much more difficult for us to find the right vehicle. Problems.
So there are a lot of things to deal with; a lot of things to sort out. Life is never promised to be easy, but we are promised to get through it. I pray regularly to my Heavenly Father as I look at this situation because it is a lot of stress to hold on my shoulders. But I know He tells to lay my burdens at His feet, and that I am trying to do.
If you are feeling overwhelmed or heavy-laden, lay your burdens down at God’s feet. He’s there for you. He’s there to help you. And let Him give you His peace that will help you endure all difficult situations. There’s honestly no better way. ❤
This post comes after a difficult day. I’m not going to go into many details, but I’d just like to reflect upon something that I think many of us struggle with; some of us daily.
The thing is, you can’t please everyone. There is no way possible you can do that. There is always somebody that is going to be upset with the way you do something or the way you think about things. Even when you think you are doing your best, there are people who will pick apart all of the little things that they consider wrong.
To me, the worst part is that sometimes these are the very people you love, the very people that are in your family, even your closest friends. It’s unfortunate that the people closest to us are sometimes the ones that abuse the power they hold of being able to uplift or destroy you. What makes it the absolute worst is when they don’t even see it; when they see nothing wrong with what they are doing. Can you think of someone in your life who is like this? Someone whom you feel you love so completely and yet you can’t understand why they choose to hurt you over and over again? Someone whom you try so hard to please but seem to always fall short of their expectations?
Maybe you have support of great friends and family. If you do, I completely commend you to grasp these resources. Just be sure to filter through your resources and have pre-arranged support that will view from a fair and just perspective because as we all know, every story has two perspectives, whether we see it that way or not.
Some circumstances request minimal resources, sometimes none. Sometimes you have nobody to run to, no support to back you up, and that’s how I’m feeling tonight. If you ever feel this way, please know that you are not alone. When the horrible words, the wrecking ball that tirelessly slams itself into your heart, beating you over and over again waiting for you to crumble, please know that you are not alone. If you need to cry, do it. If you need to walk away, do it. Find the place where you can be totally vulnerable and alone, and pour your heart out. Pour your heart out to the Man who has never left you once, who’s sitting with you in these moments of deepest pain, holding you in His arms, telling you that everything is going to be ok.
You see, sometimes nobody will be there to support you. Sometimes nobody will be there to pick you back up, and that’s when it becomes up to you. And sometimes, it really is only going to be you. You, alone, to make the choice whether you are going to keep fighting or give up. You, alone, to choose whether or not you will rise above the ashes or fall to dust. Even if you don’t have the strength to do it alone, you just have to make that choice. You see, God doesn’t actually promise that He won’t give us more than we can handle. In fact, that verse (1 Corinthians 10:13) actually says,
“No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able…”
The famous verse that people always refer to as “God will not give you more than you can handle” actually only speaks about temptations. If you’re anything like me, your burdens are not simply what you’ve been tempted by but rather situations that seem to have placed themselves upon you; little to no temptation at all. The type of situations that most people would look at you and say, “It’s just a rough time, you’ll get through it”.
Knowing the truth, that God does not actually promise we won’t be burdened with more than what we can handle alone, it’s easy to see that God actually has never intended us to handle these burdens alone. When you sit there, cry, bearing your heart and your problems, it’s what you’re supposed to do. You need to, even have to let God know that you need His help. He wants you to ask Him to help you. He wants you to expose your pain freely to Him and open your heart completely, allowing Him the freedom to enter it and help you. God wants to carry your burdens. When you’re tired, worn out, not sure where to go, God has made you a promise. Isaiah 40:31 has this promise and is a verse I refer to all the time. It says,
“…but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
Calm in Christ and Fitness 