This is What Happens When You Don’t Plan… – Healing Journey Day 27

Journal:
I knew smoothies were going to take a little more effort than everything I had done so far. It would mean getting a blender to blend my fruit anytime I needed to consume one. This generally works out alright as I have a blender at work and at home. Although it worked well yesterday, today was a different story.

I started out well. I brought a large watermelon and two small watermelons to work with, as well as the last bottle of that pear juice that tasted like liquid honey. I figured if these watermelons were a little less sweet like the last ones, the pear juice would perk it up.

When I cut into the big watermelon, water literally started pouring out of it. In fact, it flooded the cupboard and then the sink. I had a funny feeling this wasn’t a good thing. I then discovered that I could squeeze the two halves of the watermelon and the water would just continue to pour out. So needless to say, I lost my big watermelon.

I then cut into one of the small ones and it seemed to hold up like normal. So without tasting it, I scooped it out, put it in the blender, and poured in some of the pear juice. Then I blended it up. If I could only describe the taste of this smoothie to you. It was literally the worst watermelon thing I have ever tasted. Even so, I managed to drink down half of the smoothie. But the other half, well, I just couldn’t do it anymore;  I ended up pouring it down the sink. It literally was like drinking grass with a slight taste of pear. It was terrible. The pear juice did not do its job. I was so sad because it even looked so pretty… but I guess it’s another example of how looks can be deceiving!

Now, normally, I would have enough time after school to make a smoothie before doing anything else, but because I am flying out first thing in the morning, I had to run home immediately after work to take my dog to the sitter and still make it back in time for our staff/board social tonight. I literally had to fly to get this done in time. Somehow I managed.

Because I didn’t have time to go back home to make a smoothie, and because there was nothing there to make a smoothie with, I caved and ate some food. After a rough day, stress of getting things done in time, and literally living on a couple hundred calories of food, I was hungry to say the least. And this wasn’t a night I could just go to bed hungry and be fine because I knew I still had to stay up and do laundry and pack. Oh my goodness… I would really rather go back and change what I did. But since I’m keeping you guys updated on my progress, here’s what I ate: cauliflower, broccoli, hummus, rice crackers, samosas with chutney, Tostitos with salsa, baguette with a red pepper spread, quinoa salad, and juice (all vegan of course). Even now as I’m writing this, I’m cringing. My stomach is so heavy; it right away started feeling bloated. It even went as far as making my head feel taken aback (not quite headache status, but almost like a pre-headache). Oh man. I wish I could take it all back. The food tasted decent, and I’m really loving cauliflower and broccoli on its own, but the way I feel is not worth it. And thankfully, going back on smoothies will provide my body with enough fibre that it should clean out within a day or two. But even this should be an interesting venture because I’m not sure all the airports I’m going to have only fruit smoothies. Typically there is a sorbet or ice cream that is mixed in with them, but we will see what I can do.

Anyways, I finally came home after a bit of visiting at the social and now I’m just signing off on here for the night while I wait for my laundry to finish and finish packing. I won’t be eating anymore tonight, but will be drinking water for sure! I may make an early morning mango smoothie before I leave, but I’m leaving at such an early hour that I’m not sure that will even happen. I shall keep you posted tomorrow!

Review of Symptoms:
-Acne the same.
-Noticing that my hair has grown so much in the past year since going vegan… wow! Even past students are beginning to comment.
-Cooked/high fat foods leave me feeling yucky; feeling bloated.
-Energy decent.
-Tongue actually looked like a brand new tongue this morning! So impressive!

Weight at the end of the day = 178.6 lbs (up 4 lbs from yesterday… not bad for eating a ton of cooked foods again!)

Total Calories = approx. 2213 (72% carbs, 22% fat, 6% protein… this is my best guess!)

Sometimes Life Doesn’t Go The Way You Think

It’s without a doubt you’ve had some experience with this. It could be that everything seems to be going great one minute and then falls apart the next. It could be that everything is aligned to go a certain way and still it derails before your very eyes. Whatever the case may be, I’m sure you’ve experienced something like this at least once in your life.

Tonight I had one of these experiences and unfortunately I’m not up to sharing it right now. But it blind – sided me; totally took me by surprise.  It literally broke my heart and sent me into a downward spiral. And incase you’re wondering, no my husband and I are not getting a divorce. I wouldn’t have the strength to write you if that was the case. But this event that happened tonight reminded me that no matter what, I can’t live this life on my own. I have to be in close contact, holding the hand of my heavenly father every step of the way. I get blind – sided,  but He doesn’t.  I fall down and break apart but He doesn’t.  I sometimes feel like giving up on everything,  not seeing the point in anything. But God never gives up. And He sees the point in everything.  And therefore, I am reminded that I need Him daily, hourly, and each second.

I had a friend talk to me for the first time in a few weeks and she asked how I’ve been. So I updated her on the events of only the last week. Her question that followed was the same I get from many people,  “Is your life ever boring?”. It’s so true! I don’t have a chance to be bored. My life is either actively going in the right direction or I’m left scrambling to pick my life back up and put the pieces together enough to function again. I don’t get a break. It NEVER ends.

The more I sat and thought of this, the more I was reminded of things people have told me and things that I believe.

#1: God has me in my life for a reason and as much as I may not like it, it’s because He knows I’m the one who will somehow battle through it and develop the strength from previous events to tackle the increasing grandeur of future events. I seriously look over my past, the fears, the unknowns, and through God’s grace, I made it through stronger than before. But shortly after comes an event of larger size that once again breaks me down until through God’s grace once again, I build greater endurance and strength to overcome again. I mean I’m only in my early twenties,  and through the small amount of stories I share with my students at school, I have parents that have come to tell me I’ve been through more things that most people twice my age. I’m always scared of sounding like a know – it – all because I’ve moved so much, travelled some, been through extensive amounts of situations I can give info on so many different things. Students often come to my classroom to talk or to get advice because they know I’ve got something.  And maybe that’s part of the purpose, so that I can counsel others.  But it’s still an excruciatingly painful process with many scars that unfortunately get carried along.

#2: The devil attacks those He’s afraid of. Quite often, I’ve been reminded that the devil doesn’t waste his time on those who already deny God. His goal is to get us as far away FROM God as possible,  so he would only spend his time attacking those who try to regain for Christ’s kingdom, those who love God and try to follow Him the best they can. I’ve been told that when life is going seamlessly great, you have to question why the devil is not after you.  Again, not great news, because it basically guarantees life is going to be rough. But at the same time, God never guaranteed an easy life. He simply promised that those who endure on Earth will be rewarded in Heaven.  He promised that whenever we asked, He would help us. And that’s how we get through the worst parts of life, with God carrying us part of the way.

Tonight has not been the easiest night, but I know that God is here with me and is holding His hand over my heart, whispering that everything will be ok because He has this whole world in His hands. And I will cling to His embrace knowing that He is the reason I’m here and the reason I continue to survive through each thing I encounter. God is literally my all.

Week 9 Day 3

Today I woke up with a much better mindset. I got the sleep I needed, didn’t have to wake up to an alarm clock (the best feeling ever!) and I had no rush to go anywhere.

When I woke up, I did some school work and went to the gym for my first workout. This one was just 25 minutes of cardio but it was also my second time using my Sweet Sweat belt! I love that thing. I’ll continue to keep you updated about what I think about it.

I then came home, ate, and basically worked on school things while also taking some moments to read about the soldiers and reflect on what Remembrance Day is really all about.

My husband was not feeling good, so I ended up going with him to the doctor, then to get some winter clothing for his work, then to Wal-Mart for odds and ends, then to Shoppers for his prescription, and finally to Safeway for groceries. This took a chunk of time from my grading, but I’d rather know my husband was safe, especially since the roads are nice and icy now.

After we came home, I finished some more grading, and we got ready and went to the gym. Tonight was a heavy leg workout, but it was different than the others. Tonight, I prayed before I worked out and while I worked out, dedicating every fight I had with the weights to little Lennon’s fight for his life. If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, please read yesterday’s post. With every struggle I had, I prayed it would somehow be me helping to fight his fight with him. Please continue to pray for him.

I’m now back at home and it’s past midnight, but I have still more grading to do. I haven’t even started writing my report cards yet. I’m not sure how this all added up. I’ll be so happy for sleep this coming weekend.

Hope you have a good night everyone!

Week 8 Day 6

I’m hungry. In fact, my body feels like it’s starving. I can’t say that I’ve been hitting my macros the past few days as I’ve been happy just to ingest any liquid anything, which has been mainly fruit, veggies, and some protein powder. I have been trying to get some BoltHouse smoothies from the grocery store to drink (I know they aren’t the cleanest), and so in that way have been getting in some extra nutrition, and I’ve also been keeping up with my multivitamins and supplements. But I still can’t chew. My teeth are too tender. I tried chewing a Breton mini cracker today, the super soft, melt in your mouth type of cracker, and I could only chew one before my teeth were very sore. Still on that liquid diet today!

Definitely got some of this because “Tis’ the Season!”

I had a chiropractor appointment this morning that went well. I planned on going to the gym to split up my workout with my husband again but instead ended up going to sleep and quickly found out that I just wasn’t getting rest. I’d wake up, and wake up, and wake up, and wake up, all the while sleeping in between but never feeling any different when I woke up. I don’t get it. I’m really not sure what’s going on.

When my husband came home from work, he was too tired to go to the gym right away. So he stayed home and took a nap while I went to the gym because I knew my workout would take a long time tonight. I came back and woke him up about half way through my workout, drank a protein shake in order to help my starving body continue, and went back to finish my workout.

It was a long workout, finishing the ab exercises from yesterday, combined with legs today (90 squats!!), and of course the cardio I had to catch up on. We also had to do dropset to burnout leg extensions. I swear my quads were about to break apart. I definitely wasn’t able to walk the greatest after!

I tried something new today: Sweet Sweat! I had been given product samples of it a long time ago, but had never tried it because I always worry about chemical reactions ruining my clothing. Thankfully, my wonderful hubby picked up a Sweet Sweat belt under which you apply the Sweet Sweat so that it doesn’t touch your clothing! Boo yah! Let me just say, the results shocked me. I never knew I could sweat that much, seriously. And yet I didn’t feel overly warm like I thought I would. It obviously worked though. So I’m going to wear it for a few weeks to see if it makes a true difference and I’ll keep you updated!

Sweet Sweat! Try it out!