I Threw in the Towel and Regretted It – Healing Journey Day 46

Journal:
This morning was rough. It actually started out good: I woke up early, finished one of the 3 papers that were due today, showered early, got ready on time, and even had enough spare time to make a smoothie for breakfast to take with me! I was so happy.

Then it began. My dog started scratching at the door which is not allowed. So I reprimanded him and went back downstairs to finish making my smoothie. I thought I was all done when no sooner had I finished dumping it from my Magic Bullet blender into my cup had I realized that half of the rubber seal was missing. I hoped that it had just broken from being old and was still intact in my smoothie somewhere, but to no avail. It was gone: disintegrated throughout my smoothie. Ugh. These were my only 3 truly ripe bananas and I don’t even have any spare frozen ones. There went the best smoothie of the day. I had to dump it out. This upset me the most. But then, I went to let my dog in only to find that somehow he unattached his lead again (it’s a chain link so I’m not even sure how he does this) which meant he had run through the muddy, dug-up garden. So I tried to contain him on the mat inside the door. However, the second I turned to grab the towel to wipe him down, he bolted and ran muddy footprints all through the kitchen, down the beige carpet on the stairs, through the hallway, and into my carpeted room. Ugh. What a morning.

You can see the half of the silicone ring that was left… There was no finding it with my knife. It was completely obliterated throughout the whole smoothie.

So after worship at work, I took a few minutes to go to the kitchen and quickly threw another smoothie together. It was simple, spinach and bananas. But I could easily taste the difference of bananas that are not as ripe as the last ones I sampled. And to top it all off, I threw out the equivalent of a banana and a half because they so badly bruised that they were literal mush. But, I had a green smoothie and that’s what day it is today. Three days of green smoothies will hopefully only improve from here.

I didn’t get another chance to make another smoothie until late in the afternoon. I was hungry and couldn’t wait to make a smoothie. I quickly went through my container of spinach, only to find out that an odd amount of moisture had somehow gotten in the container and started to make some of the spinach go bad. So I picked out all the good spinach that I could. Then I peeled the rest of my bananas, only having to throw one out. I also had a bag of peaches that I had been looking forward to. Come to find out, I had to throw out two of the peaches and the others were going bad quickly. However, I saved what I could, threw it in the blender, and blended it up. Words cannot express how terrible this smoothie tasted. Whether it was because of the deteriorating peaches, spinach I saved from the wilting ones, or the definitely unripe bananas, I can only guess they all were a factor. I honestly tried to choke it down. I mean, I discovered I hated rosemary a few days ago and still managed to choke it down. But this… this was awful. Words cannot describe. And as hard as I tried, I couldn’t do it. So there went some more money down the drain. Needless to say, I was frustrated.

So, out of frustration, I left school starving, came home, grabbed an English cucumber and the Daiya ranch dressing that I had left, and ate it down quickly. I then went to get a vegan burrito. Sure, it tasted ok. But to be honest, I would have preferred just a side of rice and beans. My taste has definitely gone more simplistic. But the way I felt while eating this burrito was not worth it. My stomach immediately felt bloated and full. I could not finish the burrito. I may eat that volume of raw foods, but definitely not of cooked foods. My body is not used to it. Ugh. This was a big mistake. If I’m going to rebel in frustration, it NEEDS to be with unplanned raw foods. Though I must confess, a burrito with beans, rice, pico de gallo and salsa is not a huge splurge. In my old days, it would have been all the junk food I could have gotten my hands on. But even so, this is not what I like my body to feel like; I’m missing the raw foods.

I came back home and began working on my sub plans for tomorrow. I’m going to a convention tomorrow and there was a lot of work that needed to be done ahead of time. I was able to get my work done, but my mind was continuing to think about how much better I felt eating raw foods. I made up my mind to be back on track tomorrow, and so that meant a very late drive to two grocery stores to try and find the most ripe bananas I could. Here’s to attempting my 3 days of green smoothies again tomorrow!

Since I didn’t go to sleep until the wee hours of the morning, I ended up grabbing what food I had around me. This included an apple cinnamon fig bar and another English cucumber with Daiya ranch and green Sriracha. What a messed up day of eating.

Tomorrow we are back on track with some mostly ripened bananas, kale and spinach. Let’s do it!

Review of Symptoms:
-Acne is better along my neck line, but worse on my cheeks.
-Digestion is so-so.
-Hair is actually doing alright. Washed with only water today.
-Energy is good.

Weight at the end of the day = 171.2 lbs (up 3.2 lbs from yesterday)

Total Calories = 2350 (68% carbs, 25% fat, 7% protein… totally blew my macros today…)

This is What Happens When You Don’t Plan… – Healing Journey Day 27

Journal:
I knew smoothies were going to take a little more effort than everything I had done so far. It would mean getting a blender to blend my fruit anytime I needed to consume one. This generally works out alright as I have a blender at work and at home. Although it worked well yesterday, today was a different story.

I started out well. I brought a large watermelon and two small watermelons to work with, as well as the last bottle of that pear juice that tasted like liquid honey. I figured if these watermelons were a little less sweet like the last ones, the pear juice would perk it up.

When I cut into the big watermelon, water literally started pouring out of it. In fact, it flooded the cupboard and then the sink. I had a funny feeling this wasn’t a good thing. I then discovered that I could squeeze the two halves of the watermelon and the water would just continue to pour out. So needless to say, I lost my big watermelon.

I then cut into one of the small ones and it seemed to hold up like normal. So without tasting it, I scooped it out, put it in the blender, and poured in some of the pear juice. Then I blended it up. If I could only describe the taste of this smoothie to you. It was literally the worst watermelon thing I have ever tasted. Even so, I managed to drink down half of the smoothie. But the other half, well, I just couldn’t do it anymore;  I ended up pouring it down the sink. It literally was like drinking grass with a slight taste of pear. It was terrible. The pear juice did not do its job. I was so sad because it even looked so pretty… but I guess it’s another example of how looks can be deceiving!

Now, normally, I would have enough time after school to make a smoothie before doing anything else, but because I am flying out first thing in the morning, I had to run home immediately after work to take my dog to the sitter and still make it back in time for our staff/board social tonight. I literally had to fly to get this done in time. Somehow I managed.

Because I didn’t have time to go back home to make a smoothie, and because there was nothing there to make a smoothie with, I caved and ate some food. After a rough day, stress of getting things done in time, and literally living on a couple hundred calories of food, I was hungry to say the least. And this wasn’t a night I could just go to bed hungry and be fine because I knew I still had to stay up and do laundry and pack. Oh my goodness… I would really rather go back and change what I did. But since I’m keeping you guys updated on my progress, here’s what I ate: cauliflower, broccoli, hummus, rice crackers, samosas with chutney, Tostitos with salsa, baguette with a red pepper spread, quinoa salad, and juice (all vegan of course). Even now as I’m writing this, I’m cringing. My stomach is so heavy; it right away started feeling bloated. It even went as far as making my head feel taken aback (not quite headache status, but almost like a pre-headache). Oh man. I wish I could take it all back. The food tasted decent, and I’m really loving cauliflower and broccoli on its own, but the way I feel is not worth it. And thankfully, going back on smoothies will provide my body with enough fibre that it should clean out within a day or two. But even this should be an interesting venture because I’m not sure all the airports I’m going to have only fruit smoothies. Typically there is a sorbet or ice cream that is mixed in with them, but we will see what I can do.

Anyways, I finally came home after a bit of visiting at the social and now I’m just signing off on here for the night while I wait for my laundry to finish and finish packing. I won’t be eating anymore tonight, but will be drinking water for sure! I may make an early morning mango smoothie before I leave, but I’m leaving at such an early hour that I’m not sure that will even happen. I shall keep you posted tomorrow!

Review of Symptoms:
-Acne the same.
-Noticing that my hair has grown so much in the past year since going vegan… wow! Even past students are beginning to comment.
-Cooked/high fat foods leave me feeling yucky; feeling bloated.
-Energy decent.
-Tongue actually looked like a brand new tongue this morning! So impressive!

Weight at the end of the day = 178.6 lbs (up 4 lbs from yesterday… not bad for eating a ton of cooked foods again!)

Total Calories = approx. 2213 (72% carbs, 22% fat, 6% protein… this is my best guess!)

The Write-Off Day – Healing Journey Day 23

Journal:
So, today was a planned write-off. Yes, I planned it as a write-off. Now that the day is over, am I regretting it? Yes, actually I am. I feel like I just started cleansing the little bit of cooked food out of my system thoroughly with my banana day and my juice day, and I’ve filled myself with stuff that may stuff-up my digestion all over again. And since today was a planned write-off day, I made a few mistakes that I will explain.

This morning, I had to get up at 6:00 am to get a shower and get ready to leave. I received four pears in my latest Organic Box that looked ready to go. So I figured they would be an easy breakfast to eat quickly. However, I don’t think they were ripe enough because the one pear that I did eat was not good. So I only managed to eat half before throwing it out. That did not work. I did manage to pack some red grapes and a plum for the drive, but between being tired and talking, I only managed to eat about a cup of grapes before arriving for our day-long meeting.

So why didn’t I just take juice with me on this day? Well, being that the meeting was in a church, I didn’t feel right taking a large bottle of juice in with me. That being said, I only have one small water bottle to take with me and that would not last me the day. Yes, I could have left juice in the car, but if it was hot, the juice could have gone bad. And not just that, I didn’t take my own car as I carpooled with someone else so I would have had to bother them for the keys each time I needed to refill my bottle. So that is why I allowed myself a write-off day. Again, if I could go back, I would have put in the extra effort to take the juice, but we live and learn… right? I’m making these mistakes for you so you can learn from me. That’s the whole purpose of sharing this journey with you.

So during the meeting, I started getting hungry. They had given us a new bottle of water, but I didn’t eat enough in the morning to concentrate for four hours until lunch. So I dug around in my bag and found a crunchy peanut Clif bar. Was it good? It was alright. It actually was probably just like I remembered them: good but with a zing that is not my completely favourite part. However, it held me over until lunch.

For lunch, they had a catering company come in. I actually have had the food from this company before during one of our conference-wide teacher’s meetings. I had bean sprout salad, tomatoes, cauliflower, broccoli, rice-filled cabbage rolls, corn, steamed veggies, sautéed veggies (could have done without this one), a whole-grain bun and some vegan meatballs in a sweet and sour sauce. There were no vegan desserts, so I did not indulge in that. I mean, the food was an awesome break from the sweetness of juices. It was definitely a savoury meal. BUT I lost interest about halfway through the meal and wished I had my juice. Man, it’s so weird learning how my body has changed. It really is. I was not tempted whatsoever by the non-vegan items there (again, they don’t serve meat but a lot are vegetarian so dairy is an issue). And even though I’ve been wanting savoury things for such a long time, a little goes a long way.

Following lunch, we had another four and a half hours of meeting. Thankfully, I got a lot of work done while the meeting was going on as I had brought work with me. So really, it was not a total waste of a day. I at least was being productive! Naturally, I was not hungry whatsoever as this food was heavy in my stomach. I didn’t even finish the plate… I honestly couldn’t. I can’t eat what I used to!

When the meeting was finally over, we headed over to what used to be the ABC store. They recently changed the name of it and I honestly can’t remember what it is! But either way, they sell all kinds of vegan and vegetarian food items as well as books and all kinds of music and kid’s things. It’s one of my favourite stores. Since we didn’t have a lot of time and I was also catching up with a friend in the store, I grabbed a quick treat of vegan jerky for the trip home. Now this is something I shouldn’t have done. I didn’t really need it. This is when I discovered that old habits die hard! Even when I have a “write-off” day, I need to remember that just because I can have something doesn’t mean I have to. It’s better not to stuff yourself with junk that you will regret later. Really decide if it’s worth it instead of just doing it. Again, learn from me.

We didn’t get home until 7:00 pm. It truly was a late day. In my e-mail, a few days ago, I received a coupon for a free 6″ sub at Subway. So I decided that I would get supper from there. I had a 6″ veggie sub with almost all the veggies, a bit of mustard and some sweet onion sauce. I know it may sound weird, but it’s actually good. It was much lighter than lunch so it sat a little better in my stomach. Still, I’m looking forward to my juice day tomorrow. How weird is that?

The weird thing about coming home after Subway though was my spurt of energy. I just had so much energy that I went out to my stairs and did 2 sets of 10 step ups for each leg on them. Random energy bursts to exercise? I support this! And I wasn’t even done yet…

I went and sat down for a few minutes, but decided I still had some more energy to go. So I put on some good music and did a “Fight Club Workout”. It went something like this:
1. Warm-up: 5 minutes of a basic left and right punch
2. 12 Lunges with Front Kicks (each side)
3. 1 minute of the warm-up
4. 12 Turn, Block, and Punches (each arm)
5. 1 minute of the warm-up
6. 12 Head Crushers (each side)
7. 1 minute of the warm-up
8. 12 Push-Ups (on my knees)
9. 1 minute of the warm-up
Repeat circuit one more time.

Man, it was such a fun workout. I was a bit worried as I heard quite a bit of “snapping” as I threw punches (I’ve had absolutely no training in this area) but I don’t think I injured myself so it’s all good!

After the fun workout, I made a mango smoothie. Oh my goodness! I wasn’t going to take a picture today because I try not to encourage eating the food that shouldn’t be eating yet (aka I should be on juices and thus should only show juice pictures) but these mangoes were DELICIOUS! I bought these 14 mangoes about a week ago and they were hard as a rock. Only 4 of them have softened so I’m still waiting for the others. But these 4 were so good and made such a delicious drink. Now these I could eat all day. I’m really beginning to think that if I had properly ripened fruit in the right seasons, this journey would be going a lot better than it is. But we do the best with what we got! I mean, do you see the colour of this thing? So good…

After drinking my super satisfying smoothie, I got ready for bed. It has been a long but good day. I’m hoping this will be the start of a slightly easier work week!

Review of Symptoms:
-Acne is the same.
-Digestion on hold… again…
-Heavier stomach feeling from eating so much.
-Thick saliva again.
-Hair is so-so greasy feeling today. Still a little better than normal.
-Energy was awesome today.
-Very productive.

Weight at the end of the day = 182.6 lbs (up 8 lbs from yesterday! Woah!)

Total Calories = approx. 2560 (56% carbs, 21% fat, 23% protein… I ate a lot today! I’m actually surprised the macro split isn’t worse than this!)

Macklemore Calls Out Pharmaceuticals

I have seen, many times, people who refuse to go to doctors or take medication unless necessary, called freaks. They have been blamed for wanting to be in pain, wanting to be sick, and in some very sad severe cases, wanting to kill their own family and children.

I’m a person that doesn’t believe in going to the doctor unless I absolutely need to. I’m a person that doesn’t believe in taking medication unless I absolutely have to. I don’t believe in NEVER going to a  doctor. I do believe they have their time and place, but that time and place is when absolute necessary.

See, the thing is that I spent a lot of time at the doctor’s and at the hospital as a child. We were sick a lot, always on some form of medication, and quite frankly, I got sick of it.

Not only did I get sick of it, but I also began questioning things, part of which led me to veganism. I know there is an increase of sin in the world, but it did not make sense to me at all that Christians were called to spread the message of God’s love throughout the world, but that our bodies would be constantly plagued with every illness going around.

Another thing that inspired me was the simple fact that there are people who seem to hardly get sick! What were they doing that I wasn’t? Was it really just that I had no immune system left?

What I discovered, through veganism and thoughtful reflection/prayer was that the way we treat our bodies is the way our body treats us. If we feed it absolute crap food, our body cannot be expected to defend us. Just as a bricklayer knows that you have to have quality product to build a strong house, we need quality food to build up our bodies. I kid you not, there are some vegans who have not been sick in years! Did they somehow live in a bubble and avoid the outside world? Absolutely not! Vegans are known for being out in the world, fighting for animal rights. But they’ve treated their bodies well with the healthiest food, plenty of water and sleep, and exercise, the building blocks of a healthy body.

All to often, we do not credit our bodies with the ability it was designed with to save us from sickness. When treated properly, our bodies really can fight off the germs and bacterias around us. But we have to build that ability up as described above.

So what happens when people don’t believe in their bodies and don’t take care of themselves? Hi ho, hi ho, off to the doctor we go.

Here is my problem with going to the doctor. Most doctors get kickbacks from selling pharmaceutical drugs. Most doctors feel so overwhelmed that they cannot spend the appropriate amount of time to properly diagnose you and give you a healthier treatment. Most doctors do not even get nutrition training, and thus will feel inadequate about giving nutrition advice. Most doctors know that patients want quick remedies. Unfortunately, what most patients don’t understand, is that these drugs are usually treating symptoms, and not the actual problem.

The other danger of most of these pharmaceutical drugs is the side effects and addictions they cause. I shake my head when I see commercials for different pills, and the side effects list takes up half of the commercial. Why are we consuming something so dangerous? And not only that, think of the huge drug market for the addicting drugs. Think of people coming off of these drug addictions. I’ve seen it first hand. My step sister ended up jumping off a bridge because she couldn’t handle her life anymore. I’ve seen her scream bloody murder while being drug away by the police because she just needed one more drink after she finally broke away from drugs but replaced her addiction with alcohol. I saw her weeping in complete devastation when her drug dealing boyfriend was banging his head against the wall and cutting his wrists. I’ve seen her begging outside of grocery stores, and caring about her daily methadone shot more than her own children. Yes, this can be street drugs too, but a lot of addictions start from pharmaceutical addictions. Once you can no longer obtain your addiction, it’s just a matter of finding something else to fill its place. It’s a vicious cycle.

I know, I know, some people may call me delusional, I’ve been called many things for my beliefs before. But if you don’t want to believe me, or do the research I’ve done, then maybe you’ll listen to someone who also has caught on to this misled, multi-billion industry. Here is Macklemore’s song, Kevin, a stand against the world’s pharmaceutical companies.

So what do you think? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.

And… Patience is Tested Again!

So we got up nice and early, prepared everything necessary for the Immigration interview, and even landed a perfect downtown parking spot and made it inside the building half an hour early. We took the elevator to the second floor only to be shocked that there were approximately 30 other people in line ahead of us. Oh well, we’re here, this is the day, we’re going to get it done no matter how long it takes!

Once they finally opened, it took awhile for them to reach us in line. We finally reached the window after at least an hour and were able to register that we were there. Everything went well except my husband’s pictures were a little too big. This turned out to be alright though because they had another photographer on the first floor and there was obviously ample time to go get them done.

We took the elevator back downstairs, and got his pictures done. This only took a few minutes. In our stress throughout the morning, we did not eat anything. Knowing how big the wait was (or estimating), we went to the basement food court for some breakfast. My husband had a fresh cinnamon bun and I had a delicious chicken and pecan salad with a hard-boiled egg. This helped my stomach sit a little better going back upstairs.

We got back upstairs, and quickly found that all of the seats had been taken, and we resorted to sitting on the floor with others. We waited for quite awhile until a woman came out and announced that their computer systems went down and they weren’t able to get them back up. So they were calling people in one-by-one to get phone numbers to arrange for an appointment later on.

At first, I was so frustrated. It was in fact, my husband who put it back in perspective: we now get to spend a day together! So I snapped out of it, and after he gave them his phone number, we headed off to the mall.

We didn’t buy anything, but we just enjoyed some leisure time, walking around the mall and ate lunch at Moxie’s.

After we came home, we discovered a message on his phone. Immigration had called saying they were starting to interview people again at 1:00 but that they wouldn’t be able to take everyone since obviously they were trying to fit a whole day’s worth of appointments into a couple hours. We didn’t go.

I was a little upset, except my husband explained to me again that the end of the message also said “or we will arrange an appointment hopefully next week”. So on Friday, we got another letter saying that we have an appointment this Thursday again. Oh boy. Here go the nerves again. But this time, we will be an hour early. Praying that God continues to hold this whole situation in His hands.