It’s without a doubt you’ve had some experience with this. It could be that everything seems to be going great one minute and then falls apart the next. It could be that everything is aligned to go a certain way and still it derails before your very eyes. Whatever the case may be, I’m sure you’ve experienced something like this at least once in your life.
Tonight I had one of these experiences and unfortunately I’m not up to sharing it right now. But it blind – sided me; totally took me by surprise. It literally broke my heart and sent me into a downward spiral. And incase you’re wondering, no my husband and I are not getting a divorce. I wouldn’t have the strength to write you if that was the case. But this event that happened tonight reminded me that no matter what, I can’t live this life on my own. I have to be in close contact, holding the hand of my heavenly father every step of the way. I get blind – sided, but He doesn’t. I fall down and break apart but He doesn’t. I sometimes feel like giving up on everything, not seeing the point in anything. But God never gives up. And He sees the point in everything. And therefore, I am reminded that I need Him daily, hourly, and each second.
I had a friend talk to me for the first time in a few weeks and she asked how I’ve been. So I updated her on the events of only the last week. Her question that followed was the same I get from many people, “Is your life ever boring?”. It’s so true! I don’t have a chance to be bored. My life is either actively going in the right direction or I’m left scrambling to pick my life back up and put the pieces together enough to function again. I don’t get a break. It NEVER ends.
The more I sat and thought of this, the more I was reminded of things people have told me and things that I believe.
#1: God has me in my life for a reason and as much as I may not like it, it’s because He knows I’m the one who will somehow battle through it and develop the strength from previous events to tackle the increasing grandeur of future events. I seriously look over my past, the fears, the unknowns, and through God’s grace, I made it through stronger than before. But shortly after comes an event of larger size that once again breaks me down until through God’s grace once again, I build greater endurance and strength to overcome again. I mean I’m only in my early twenties, and through the small amount of stories I share with my students at school, I have parents that have come to tell me I’ve been through more things that most people twice my age. I’m always scared of sounding like a know – it – all because I’ve moved so much, travelled some, been through extensive amounts of situations I can give info on so many different things. Students often come to my classroom to talk or to get advice because they know I’ve got something. And maybe that’s part of the purpose, so that I can counsel others. But it’s still an excruciatingly painful process with many scars that unfortunately get carried along.
#2: The devil attacks those He’s afraid of. Quite often, I’ve been reminded that the devil doesn’t waste his time on those who already deny God. His goal is to get us as far away FROM God as possible, so he would only spend his time attacking those who try to regain for Christ’s kingdom, those who love God and try to follow Him the best they can. I’ve been told that when life is going seamlessly great, you have to question why the devil is not after you. Again, not great news, because it basically guarantees life is going to be rough. But at the same time, God never guaranteed an easy life. He simply promised that those who endure on Earth will be rewarded in Heaven. He promised that whenever we asked, He would help us. And that’s how we get through the worst parts of life, with God carrying us part of the way.
Tonight has not been the easiest night, but I know that God is here with me and is holding His hand over my heart, whispering that everything will be ok because He has this whole world in His hands. And I will cling to His embrace knowing that He is the reason I’m here and the reason I continue to survive through each thing I encounter. God is literally my all.
Calm in Christ and Fitness 