I Hope One Day My Students Understand

It has been such an emotional week for me this week. After an incident that occurred last week, the decision was brought down from Academic Standards Committee as to what would occur as punitive and redemptive actions in this situation. Of course, I had to write the e-mail, and then answer the questions that later ensued as to what had actually occurred as well as the details of the final decision.

So far, parents have seemed understanding and supportive. It’s the students that I worry about the most.

I hope one day my students understand
The reasons why I had to do what I did
The amount of punishment I suffered with them
The fact that I wanted to erase the event and the consequences with it
The reasons why I couldn’t
The reasons why I had to follow through even when I didn’t want to
The reasons why I can seem so harsh
Only because I want them to see their own potential
I hope one day my students understand
How much I cared and wanted them to succeed
The tears I’ve cried and the time I’ve spent
The lasting effects of memories
I hope one day my students understand
That I tried to do the best I could
A year is short in the grand scheme of life
There is no time to waste
I have to do what I can each day
Even if it means correcting mistakes
I hope one day my students understand
That it wasn’t just to “get them in trouble”
My care is genuine, much deeper than that
I hope one day they’ll see it.

To any other teachers reading this blog: Do you ever feel this way? I’m finding truth in the fact that it’s usually the more difficult students, the ones you spend so much time trying to “fix” or “correct” that grow on you the most. Since I have no children of my own, these students essentially are my children. And I think that just makes it worse when things go wrong.

I know I’ll get through this, it’s just another bump in the road. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. It’s so hard not to reach out and want to take all of their pain and hardships away. It’s hard to watch them learn the difficulties of life. But you have to, or they’ll never learn the difference between what is right and wrong. And so it is my prayer each night, that no matter what happens, they’ll someday understand and see how much I care. I hope one day my students will understand…

Week 10 Day 3

Well, to say I was tired when I woke up was an understatement. I don’t know what is draining me so badly, but it’s obviously something.

I don’t think I was quite prepared for this school day either. I had about a million things going on at once. Aside from regular teaching, I had student glueing tables, glueing chairs, getting the computer cart when I did not even ask anyone to get it or that we were having computers right away, received word that my parents would gift us the trip of going home so I have to find a place for my animals to stay for the two weeks, trying to get a tutoring schedule ready for our new program so that the tutors can at least prepare for the topics they will be tutoring, signing the report cards so they could be ready to go already a day late, and the myriad of other things. Oh boy. What a day.

And to top it all off, we had an InReach meeting (Social Committee) that went 1 1/2 hours overtime. We did get some things settled which was great, but wow. I got home late today!

After I got home, I ate. Then my husband suggested I could take a nap. Then he suggested that he would take a nap with me. And that walkless sleepwalk that I sometimes have came back, and I apparently shut off the alarms again. Meaning that we didn’t get to the gym last night. I was not happy, my husband was not so happy. But you can be sure we will be there tomorrow, rain or shine, tired or not.