I Was Invited Over… – Healing Journey Day 35

Journal:
It felt so nice to sleep in today. I was actually surprised how late I slept in, but did not regret it at all. Since I only have one of my dogs living with me at the moment, I’ve been letting him sleep on the bed with me and every morning, I wake up to him laying directly beside me, head on the pillow and everything! He’s such a cuddle bug. I love him.

So, today was pretty much another write-off day. I had been invited over for supper to a colleague’s house and because I’m only eating fruit at the moment, I knew that there wouldn’t be anything there for me to eat in the way of fruit. However, I did find out they were having haystacks which meant there would be veggies.

If you don’t know what haystacks are, they are a build-your-own dish. You start with some type of chips (usually corn chips) then put beans or chilli on top of the chips, usually some type of cheese on top of the beans, then top with all your favourite veggies (cucumber, tomatoes, olives, lettuce, onions, etc…). The final topping is your sauce and depending on who you are, you may put ranch, sour cream, salsa, guacamole, ketchup, etc. There are many, many different combinations you can do and it is all up to your preference.

For breakfast, I got out my new, electric orange juicer that my husband bought for me. I only had three oranges, but it was enough to make me fall in love with this electric machine. No more hand-grinding for me! Along with the orange juice, I mixed in some organic blueberry juice. Oh my goodness! I wish I could tell you how good it was. It was… a dream. I could have drank that all day! Next time, I need more oranges!

Following my little breakfast, I washed up the dishes, folded a load of laundry, got ready and went to the gym. We were having a bit of a snowstorm and I found out later that between the hours of 11:00 and 4:00, there were 157 accidents in the city. I’m thankful to say that though I saw one accident and watched a truck and trailer slide into the curb and bounce off of it, I was safe and was not a part of that statistic. It was a bit of a mess on the roads.

At the gym, I had a really good workout. I did some squats, chest press, hammer curls, pullovers, EZ-Curl bar bench press, and 3 ab exercises. I then finished up with 30 minutes on the elliptical. I came out of that gym sore and tired but feeling accomplished.

After I got home, I decided that I should use up some of the vegetables that are going ripe too fast since I’m already not going to be eating all fruit later. If I’m going to break my plan, then it needs to be within the same day so I’m not breaking my plan every day.

For a late lunch, I washed and chopped up a whole head of butter leaf lettuce. I then sliced up half of an English cucumber to put in it. I cut up two Roma tomatoes and threw them in. I took a whole head of broccoli, chopped it up and put it in. I also had some raw, fermented beets and their greens in my fridge so I put a couple tablespoons of that in. I then mashed a whole avocado, a tablespoon of raw sesame tahini, some lemon juice and a bit of garlic powder in a bowl to use as the dressing. Though the first few bites were good, it quickly got very bland. I then remembered the BeeFree Honee I had downstairs (honey made from apples, no bees required to do the work). I put a splash of that in and it was ok, but still didn’t do the trick. So I did a dangerous thing (out of control) and found some organic, green sriracha that I put in as well as some Earth Island ranch that I had. It did make it a bit better, but honestly, I shouldn’t have put all that in. I simply sat, looking at my salad, and thinking of how much fat was in this salad. This was definitely not at the same macro levels that I normally eat at and it was honestly making me nervous.

I tried my best to eat the whole salad, but I just couldn’t do it. It was more volume than I’m used to, not to mention all the fat that was in it. Before I hit the stage where I eat fruit all day and a supper salad, I need to figure out how to make a good, raw, fruit and veggies only dressing.

After I ate, I had to quickly shower and get ready to go. By this time, it had stopped snowing and the temperature was half a degree above zero celsius meaning that things were a little slushy and not frozen, so driving was relatively safe.

We honestly had an awesome night at my colleague’s. It was a night of relaxation and laughter.

I made myself a small haystack because I was still a little full from the salad. I used only a few of the small, round, Tostito corn chips (I didn’t want that nasty over-salted feeling again), some vegan chilli, some soy cheese that my hostess had bought just for me (if it wasn’t just for me, I would have left this off to be honest), tomatoes, lettuce, corn, an olive, cucumber, pickles, and salsa. I know it sounds like a lot, but when you consider that I’m only putting about a tablespoon of each topping on the half cup of chilli that I ate, it actually wasn’t that much. Needless to say, I was STUFFED.

When we finally came home, I didn’t do much but go to bed. I was really hoping my digestion would kick in, but it didn’t. It takes so much longer to digest cooked foods – particularly processed foods – than it does the fresh fruits and vegetables. I was almost sure, with all the fat I ate today, that I would be up another 8 pounds like that one day I went up 8 pounds from eating cooked foods. However, I was ecstatic to find what I stated below. To find out how much this day set me back, keep scrolling down!

Review of Symptoms:
-Tongue is clear. 🙂
-Acne still bad; almost thinking it’s worse today.
-First day in a long time feeling stuffed.
-Digestion is delayed… a cooked food/processed food result.
-Hair is not so greasy (will try to explain this finally tomorrow).
-Noticed that my thighs have shrunk A LOT! I was getting to the point I hated my legs and didn’t even want my husband to see them. I couldn’t even look in a mirror with shorts on in the summer or I would take them back off. Now? I am LOVING my legs again! Eating naturally has made such a difference!

Weight at the end of the day = 172.2 lbs (only up one pound from yesterday!!!)

Total Calories = 2051 (58% carbs, 36% fat, 6% protein… way too much fat!)

Farmers Do Not Love Their Cows

I apologize that the title of this blog sounds hateful. I can assure you I don’t have farmers. For 2 years of my life, my family had our own farm. My best friend in university’s family had a beef farm, and for two years, my hairdresser and her husband had a beef farm. I don’t hate farmers in the least. But here is an argument I was part of this week.

Now, normally, I’m not such a vocal person. I’m not the kind of person who just looks for a fight or who believes everyone should think the same way I do. In fact, because of my Christian beliefs, I believe that God has given everyone the gift of free choice, and so I am not someone to take that away. Of course this gets bordered when it inflicts pain on others, but that’s a whole other topic. The fact is, in Exodus, God gave permission to eat certain animals, one of them being cows. So if you want to eat beef, I may not agree with it, but you have total right to do that. So that’s not where this argument is coming from.

What I saw this week was a picture of an almost frozen calf in a farmer’s truck. This is a typical appearance. In my two years of farming, we were up in the middle of the night to help our animals sometimes. I get the work it takes. I see the dedication farmers have. But the caption of the farmer is how much they cared/loved their cows. That’s where I had a problem.

Now, this world has problems enough with understanding what love really is. All too often we see people throwing around the “love” word without really meaning it. People date people and still keep their own needs above their partners. People get married, and stop caring for each other. This is an awful view of love. There are so many terrible views of love. One of the pure views of love that are left in the world is when I look at mothers who truly love their children. They will do anything to protect them and give them the best lives possible. That’s what love should be. Fighting for the one you love, willing to die for that person, that’s love.

Now, I know we are talking about animals and not humans, and many people do not consider them on the same level, so that’s fine. Let’s go with that. But love, in no sense of any manner, means killing the thing you love. Think of a child’s favourite toy, or an adult’s favourite car. You love that toy/car. If that object were to “die”, you would be incredibly upset and angry. These objects aren’t even alive. Yet the cows are. (This also goes for pigs/sheep/chickens, etc…)

So these ALIVE things that farmers are claiming they “love” are raised to be killed. Does that still seem like love to you? Is it caring to kill them?

I had someone tell me that ranchers and farmers are different. That’s cool. I can see they are different. That’s not a big deal to me. The ranchers say they are animal rights activists and they do what they can to give the cows the best lives they can. Well, although it does seem like a very nice gesture to give an animal the best life possible for their short lives, do you think they would call it a “good life” to live for a couple years then be killed? Would you call it a “good life” if you were raised to the age of 2 or 18 (2 year old cow = 18 years as a human) to know you would be placed with a bullet between your eyes and then cut apart for others to eat? Would you call that loving? Is that caring? Knowing you were only born to be food? I don’t think so.

I think there is such a disconnect in this world! It’s crazy! If you are willing to put all that care into an animal, taking a cow into your home to warm them up, saying that you “love” them, well, I will agree you are acting that way. But why do you stop loving them? Why does it change from this seemingly “love” feeling to a feeling of “get on my plate! Die!” Is that how you feel about your dog? Is that how you feel about your cat? Is that how you feel about your children? They’re only worth loving for so long before you get rid of them and don’t care what happens to them?

Some of you may be wondering why I have such a big deal over a simple word. But here’s the reason, people are not owning what actually happens. Sure, the cow may have a “good life” before its death date. But here’s what happens to this “beloved animal” on it’s death date. It gets taken on a usually overloaded cow trailer where they are not given water or anything of substance on the way to slaughter. Once they get to the slaughterhouse, they become terribly frightened. They hear other cows expressing their fright and just as a dog has amazing senses in the personality of humans, cows are no different. They can sense fear and know something is wrong. The “beloved” creatures are as scared as a child in the dark except darkness is easy to fix, death is not. So not only are they unloaded to this terrible place, many people abuse these animals while they are still alive, fighting with creatures who are only scared and reacting as such. Do you go in and punish your child for having a nightmare? These cows are LIVING their nightmare and being punished for it.

When the time comes to be killed, a bullet is put between their eyes. Now, according to government regulations, it’s ok if they’re not killed by that bullet as long as they are stunned and unable to move. Now, I don’t know about you, but it’s almost like a totally functioning person in a coma. These people, when out of the coma, are able to tell you things that people said because they were totally there, just not in control of their body. That’s how these cows are except they can’t tell you what people are saying, but they can tell you about the hooks that were painfully shoved through their legs. Would you like to be alive with hooks piercing your body? I’m going to guess not. Of course, the hook is not enough to kill the cow. So the next step is being sliced open down the middle of their bodies and through their neck. Mmm. What an awesome feeling while you’re still alive. So humane. Such a “loved” and “cared about” animal, right?

So here’s the thing. If you can accept what you do, and you have no problem saying cows are just money to you, that you don’t actually love them and don’t care about the violence you put them through, then by all means that’s at least not hypocritical. Again, I don’t agree with it and think it speaks volumes about the kind of person you are, but I at least appreciate the honesty. But if you advertise to the world that you are such a caring and loving person to these animals, you are so hypocritical and maybe even lying to yourself! I’m asking farmers and ranchers to take responsibility for their actions. You’re not really an animal rights activist when you’re still sending them to a bitter death. So that’s the part I have a problem with. Accept the realities of your job. Don’t just pretend that you’re doing something good for them because for all the good you did before, I guarantee the cows would choose a little less cozy life in exchange for keeping their lives. Nobody wants to die, not even animals. They are alive, they have thoughts, they are just unable to communicate to us the way we need to understand. So start thinking and accept what the truth is. That’s it. If you choose to continue to eat meat, like I said, that’s your choice. But know where that meat is coming from and what that animal is going through to get to your stomach when the world over knows a vegetarian/vegan diet is a way to thrive. You don’t need meat, you don’t need dairy products. But make your choice while being educated and not hiding the truth.

Know the truth, own your choice.

Life Update: School, Veganism, Gym, Dogs, Neighbour, New Car, My Niece

It has been so long since I’ve written, and I am so very sorry. Life has a way of getting away from you, that’s for sure!

There are so many things to cover in my update, but I will try to keep them short!

School

The school year started in a rush. I still wasn’t settled in my new position of grade 2 teacher (I’ve been in grade 6 for 4 years). I wasn’t able to move into my classroom officially until the day before school started. So it was a whirlwind of a set-up and start to the year. Books didn’t come in on time, I wasn’t able to go through all of my resources during the summer because everything was boxed to move and then my classroom had work done. What a crazy, crazy start to the year.

Fast forward to now, and I finally feel settled in. Of course, it’s a new curriculum, and teaching grade 2 is nothing like teaching grade 6, but I appreciate it now. I am so much busier than I was in grade 6, I never have a spare minute for anything, but I like my new place and I love my students, so I am happy for the change.

Veganism

I’m still a vegan. However, with the crazy start to the year, the deadlines and all of that teacher-related stuff, my diet became one of convenience. I buy the pre-made vegan pizzas and all of that pre-made junk. I have gained way too much weight just for convenience. I hate it. I don’t like the way I look. I hate that my clothes are tight. I hate the way I even feel after eating the junk. I’m in the transition to a much better vegan diet. I’m cleaning it up by going back to more veggies and fruit, trying to get in one juice every morning. I just feel better when my food is fresh and I am in control of all the additives that is in my food. Fresh is best people!

Gym

My husband and I fell off the gym wagon. We just didn’t go when we should have, we got lazy, we just didn’t do what was good. So, this past week I’ve start going to bed earlier and waking up earlier. I did buy 2 ellipticals (used), but I don’t have room in my house yet (working on it!). So I still drive to the gym in the mornings to do 20 minutes of cardio. I then sneak in the afternoon/evening to the gym to do weight lifting. Unfortunately, that means I don’t really workout with my husband so much anymore, but he is not a morning person, and quite frankly, I do so much better in the mornings. So this is what works!

Dogs

I’m still dreaming of a yard that my dogs can play in. We haven’t moved yet. But a friend of mine introduced me to a part of one of our city’s parks that has an off-leash dog area! My dogs bark so much at others at first, but the more we go, the better they do. The last time, they would barely look at dogs while they were walking past them. I’m so proud and it’s so good for them to get their energy out with the freedom of being off leash. I love it. I’m not sure what we’re going to do when winter hits (since their legs are so tiny), but we will have to figure out something.

Neighbour

It’s been awhile since I posted about neighbour issues, but a long time ago, our neighbour caused us to send 2 of our dogs to live with my family. They said the dogs were barking too much (on a day I was home), and all that wonderful jazz. Recently, my neighbour has been very helpful. When people were trying to break into my husband’s truck one night, she called the police. She warned me about people stealing things out of vehicles, she congratulated me on my new vehicle, and we’ve had some decent conversations. I think my neighbour has warmed up to me! Which is awesome! I actually enjoy having my neighbours now!

New Car

So, with the problem my car was having (anytime it was put in reverse, it accelerated and would almost run into the neighbour’s place or whatever was behind me), it was time to get a safer, new vehicle. I have loved the Mazda CX-5 for years, and so we went to see that first. I absolutely LOVED it and ended up getting it right away. I cannot tell you what a blessing it is to have a nice, safe, good vehicle. I am thankful every time I drive it.

My Niece

I’m so excited to announce that my sister gave birth 2 days ago to my niece! I am so smitten, totally in love, and wishing flights were cheaper so I could fly home to see her in person. I’ve been so excited as this is my first biological niece, my father’s first biological grandchild, my one grandmother’s first biological great grandchild, my other grandmother’s first great granddaughter, my step dad and mom’s first grandchild, etc… It’s such a special child and everyone got to be there! Ah! I’m so happy, I can’t even tell you. The second I get to see her, I’m not going to let her go!

A Maritime Way of Life

Recently, I have returned from my vacation visiting my family in New Brunswick for almost two weeks. I love returning home. There truly is no place like home. ❤

Going home is so important to me each year because it’s a break away from my daily “big city life”. Home, is a wee bit of redneckville mixed with a slow-paced existence. It’s the perfect combination.

In New Brunswick, it is totally and regularly possible that you may be the only car on the highway at any given time. Let me repeat that: At any time, you may be the only vehicle on the highway. That NEVER happens in the city.

Famous Hartland Covered Bridge. The longest one left standing!

New Brunswick is full of trees and rivers. Not just any trees either. New Brunswick is called the “Picture Province” for a reason: it has the most BEAUTIFUL variety of autumn colours you’ll ever see. And since the forests are everywhere with gorgeous lakes running through the province, the view is breath-taking. One day my mom and I even played “tourist” in our own province because it was such a beautiful day and the scenery along the drive overwhelmed us. It’s amazing when your own province can cause those awe-inspired feelings inside of you. I can tell you certainly the city does not do that for me at all.

In New Brunswick, nobody ever seems in a hurry. I’m sure people may be rushed for appointments or work in the morning, but honestly, you never feel a sense of rushing around. There seems to be so much time, so much laid-backness that you don’t get that crazy time-strapped feeling. Can you imagine life that way? I think it’s definitely something I used to take for granted when I lived there. I would give anything not to feel that way here in the city… the city that never has enough time for all that you need to do. And maybe that’s just the point…

In a smaller province, you don’t see as many people working themselves to death. New Brunswickers know how to have fun and how to get work done in a smaller amount of time. Families have time for families. Now, granted, a lot of people are on welfare because the economy is not the greatest, but even the people who do work still get together in LARGE groups of friends and spend time with their families every day. I can tell you as a big city teacher, this is something I don’t see often.

Now, why did I put LARGE groups of friends above? Well, when you live in smaller places, you know more people, and generally, in smaller places, all of the people get together. If someone’s having a party at their house, feel free to stop in. It’s an open door policy. Everybody knows everybody, and if you don’t know someone, know that you will be going through the stages of figuring out whether you’re to be trusted and accepted in the group or not.

It truly is an open door policy. People have less places to be, and more time to be home. So if you feel like visiting anyone, there is rarely a chance you need to call before going over. In fact, people LOVE when you stop in to visit. All the time I just go over to whoever’s house and knock on the door and never once will you be turned away unless of course someone is busy which of course, as stated above, doesn’t usually happen. And even if they are busy, they will stop to talk. It’s just the way they generally are.

Four-Wheelers (also known as ATVs or Quads) and snowmobiles are accepted methods of transportation and are regularly used. Due to the economy in the Maritimes, New Brunswickers use four-wheelers and snowmobiles as cheap methods of transportation. Most places in the country areas or small towns are accessible by these methods, and thus save on money. Gas is also more expensive in NB so it saves on gas as well. They are also a form of recreation. I basically grew up on a four-wheeler; it was the first real thing I learned how to drive on my own. I LOVED when my entire family would go on day trips. We’d make a stop at the local convenience store for gas and some snacks (all 8 wheelers of us) and then head out for the day. Most of NB’s railways have been dug up, so the trails that are left are super easy to travel on, not to mention the off road trails we’d venture out on. In the city, you don’t even have a chance to do this unless you have a truck to haul your machine outside the city to some acceptable place. In NB, go out into your back yard and begin.

There is rarely a person who will walk by without saying hello to you, nor a car that will drive by without waving at you. The reason for this? Most NBers are just friendly people. Definitely not a city thing…

Snowmobile parking lots truly exist in the winter.

New Brunswickers aren’t worried about the newest and greatest things. They could care less if they owned everything designer or if their house was brand new. In fact, that’s one thing I love about New Brunswick. They maintain houses that are hundreds of years old, some that are still cared for and lived in by families. You don’t get sick of seeing the same house after the same house as you do in the city. You actually get to see real architecture, large mansions of houses from people of old, molded tin ceilings, stained-glass windows, etc… The houses are simply beautiful! And even some houses that aren’t as grand that are 50+ years old are still loved and lived in, in New Brunswick. People (mostly) have respect for items. It’s not a “Oh I’ll just wait until the next one comes out… ” or “I need a new _________ that’s bigger and better.” They simply live for what they can afford and don’t lay around complaining about what they don’t have. I mean, here in the city, people complain, there are massive line-ups for items to come out the next day, people are throwing away perfectly functional items just because they’ve become “outdated”. It’s such a breath of fresh air to go to somewhere that people aren’t completely consumed with consumerism. People know and can appreciate a good find at the DollarStore. People know how to hunt for bargains that will keep them going. Brand new cars? Aside from my mother, my step father and myself, I can’t really tell you anyone else in my family who has ever bought a new car. They always buy used because it’s cheaper and it gets them by. I love the whole mindset. In fact, in this recent trip, my father quoted me this, “I don’t look at things as how long I can afford them; I look at things as how long can I keep them.” Amazing.

It’s so much more family-oriented. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but it’s rare for a family not to spend regular time together. And I’m not talking just the parents and kids, I mean aunts and uncles, grandparents, cousins, etc. Everytime I go home, I spend the majority of my time visiting relatives because that’s who I grew up with and was close to. My great aunts and uncles, my aunts and uncles, my grandparents, my parents and siblings, my great grandmothers, everyone. I grew up in a close but large family, and I wouldn’t have traded it for anything in the world. From what I gather from most of my students, many of them rarely see their extended family. In fact, it’s usually only for family reunions. I love that I don’t have to wait for a reunion. I just get up and go, knock on the door, and then sit for hours talking. It’s seriously the best.

I’m sure I could keep writing on this topic and all the things I love about the Maritime life. And of course, these won’t apply to everyone. But being born a small-town, Maritime (NB) girl, I still feel this way about my province every time I go home. In fact, my dad commented how I still call NB home, but that’s because it always will be. I love the way of life there and it will always be my breath of fresh air.

When I Realized My Grandfather Really Wasn’t Coming Back

Something happened today that really jarred my memory and brought me to write this post. I saw the following picture on Facebook and it got me thinking about my grandfather.

It took me right back to the moments where I can remember thinking about him and instantly started crying. Even now writing this, I can feel the water filling up in my eyes. I know many of you will say that you have/had an awesome grandfather to, but I’d like to take a minute to tell you about mine, and how special he truly was.

I guess it starts when my mother became pregnant with me. My parents were not married. I guess my grandfather liked my dad, but he was very upset about the whole situation and didn’t talk to my mother for days. However, being the man that he was, he still bought her a crib and everything she would need for me, even though he wasn’t talking to her. He was always that way, taking care of things even when he was upset.

Of course, as soon as I was born, he was completely smitten. My mother is a child of two, but lived very much a single child’s life. She never met her brother as he died on a surgery table a few months after he was born. That meant, I was the first and only grandchild.

My parents didn’t stay together very long. They did get married after I was born, but separated when I was about 4, officially divorcing when I was around 5. Where do you think we went back to? My grandparents. In fact, their home was very much “home base” my entire life.

My grandfather always spoiled me (and later my other siblings). I have pictures where my toys barely fit in the picture with me. My father told me that I would get tired of opening gifts because there were simply so many. I had this 6″+ man wrapped around my tiny finger. There’s no denying he loved me.

My grandfather was a used car salesman. In fact, it was my mother’s company that he worked for her since she dropped out of college to be home with me. The company was even named after my sister and I. But eventually he took over the company and changed its name since he did become the only one running the business.

I used to love visiting him at his office. My grandmother and I would get lunches for him, he would let me sit in his office chair, I would be called his “Number 1 Dudette”, and I loved the fact that everywhere we went, people always knew and respected my grandfather, and thus treated me as if I was a special person. I had never met anyone who didn’t know or like my grandfather.

If you could imagine the biggest realistic playground in the world, that would be my grandfather’s car lot. He gave me access to all the keys and vehicles in his lot. I can still remember the amount of fun we had pretending to drive the cars, and especially in exploring the only RV I remember him having. Only once did he ask me to backup a truck into a corner spot. My mother sat in the passenger seat with me, and I remember learning really quick to use my mirrors. I was so scared I would mess up his vehicles in this tight spot. But I did it! I still can’t believe he trusted me…

If I could compare him to anything, it would very much be the godfather. I’m not joking when I say that everyone seemed to know who he was. He was an amazing man when he was happy, but he was always a man you feared when he was unhappy. I don’t remember him every getting mad at me, but it was a general rule that when he came home, the remote control to the television had to be in the right spot for him to lay on the couch and watch what he wanted. He became upset if the remote went missing. There were just certain things you knew not to do.

Sometimes, my grandmother and him would fight. I’m sure there’s not a couple in the world who has not at least had one argument. Sometimes, or maybe more than sometimes, this meant he would stay at his office for the night. It was a conveniently built, small building that contained 3 rooms and a tiny hallway. One room was “the office”. The second room was of course a washroom. And the third room was his bedroom. It contained only a tv, a bed, and a mini fridge. It pretty much had everything he needed if he needed a night away. So it was a fairly normal occurrence for him not to come home sometimes.

The best thing about my grandfather was that he was always there for us. There was a time when we didn’t have the most money, and work was slow. My grandfather always provided what we needed, and then some. Most of you know that I have moved like 20 times with my family, not including on my own. The one person who was always there, regardless of where we were, was my grandfather. He never missed an opportunity to come and stay with us. (Of course I should say my grandmother always came with him as well, but I will dedicate a post to her another day.) He was honestly one of the biggest constants in my life.

When my family made the official decision to move from the east coast to the west coast, my grandparents offered to bring my sister and I out at the end of summer so that we could spend the extra time with our father. It was a fair bit of a long drive, but even then my grandfather trusted me with reading the map (before GPS systems). I almost think his belief in me helped me grow to the independent woman I am today. I have a lot to credit him for.

They stayed with us at our new place for a few days. Early in the morning, him and I would get up and drive to a hotel or another homey restaurant to eat. He was not a chain-restaurant type of person. Even back in the town he worked, he had one particular restaurant he preferred to eat at, and everybody knew his specials and what he enjoyed eating. He always preferred the homestyle cooking. In fact, he met my grandmother while she was waitressing at such a type of restaurant. My family and I have visited that restaurant a few times and imagined what it must have been like. They still have the juke boxes and the old stools. Sometimes it’s nice to preserve history rather than to embrace change.

We then took a trip to the “big city” so my grandparents could see it before they left. We had a lot of fun. At one point, we lost my grandfather in the big mall. I’ll never forget him driving around on those motorized scooters for people who can’t walk well. He had even gotten an orange smoothie and I guess spilled it all over the machine. If you knew my grandfather like I did, you would picture him using colourful language for the time he was mad, then acting like nothing ever happened.

I don’t remember how we ever found him, but I can tell you it was one of the hardest good-byes of my life.This wasn’t just moving a few hours away, this was a four day drive across the country. Of course they would come visit again, but the visits would never be as frequent as before. What I didn’t know was that my tears would get worse before they ever got better.

Literally two or three days after we returned to our new home, I got a call from my grandmother. It sounded like her for sure, but something was a little different. She asked to speak to my mom pretty much right away, so I gave my mom the phone and sat on the landing of the stairs. My mother took the phone into her room which was at the top of the stairs. The next words I heard told me pretty much everything I didn’t want to hear. She said, as she began crying, “Oh Mom!”.

My grandparents had been involved in a car accident on their journey home. An impatient driver went in their lane to pass a semi-truck and didn’t see my grandparents van coming at them. My grandmother was in the hospital, a little bruised but otherwise ok (she would later need nose surgery to correct the alignment). My grandparents’ friend who was helping them drive home had so many broken bones, including ribs and shoulder, and would also need counselling for what happened (he was driving at the time – completely not his fault). But my grandfather didn’t make it.The speed they were traveling on the highway, and the impact of a completely head-on hit left the vehicle in shambles and took my grandfather with it.

Immediately, we packed and drove back to the city. I thankfully had a great aunt and uncle who lived just outside the limits and welcomingly invited us in until we could all make arrangements to fly home. My mother was able to fly right away to be with my grandmother, but there were 4 more of us to fly, and we had to wait for a cheaper ticket to afford it.

It was so strange when I got home. Being in my grandparents house seemed so normal. I mean, I was only at my “new home” for less than a week. I had no attachments to it and didn’t even have to act like it was supposed to be my new home. I had come home and it felt like life should be normal again.

I know I cried a few times, but I remember just having the attitude and thoughts of “My grandfather is just at his office, staying the night like he usually does. Sometime he’ll come home.”

I still remember it as clear as yesterday: My mother and I were sitting in the living room, on separate couches, not talking much as we didn’t for a while, and her saying the exact same thing that I felt – that Grampy was just at his office and sometime he would come home. And it hit us right then that we had to realize it was wasn’t true, that Grampy really wasn’t coming back. I broke down (just like I am again now) because he was always there, for everything! How could he not come back this time! How could the one stable thing in my life not come back! It was so hard to accept.

Sitting in his house, seeing all of his old stuff, going to his office, it was all so hard to do when you realize the person who has always been there for you, the person who has loved you your whole life was suddenly gone. My nickname would never be used again, except when telling stories of him. My promise from him of giving me my first car would never come true. My life was drastically left with an empty hole that I’m not sure was ever filled again. Nobody could take his place, and I could never have been prepared for that instant change in time.

Life is not fair, and it never will be. The devil is waiting for any opportunity to attack and make a mess of things. He knows which strings to pull and he knows how to make things hurt you more than anyone else. He knows he can damage us and take away everything that means the world to us, which is why it’s so important to turn to God when you’re hurting, to let Him hold you and tell you that everything is going to be ok, because one day, it will. One day, when Jesus returns and we are taken to Heaven with Him, there will not be anymore pain, there will not be anymore death, there will not be anymore tears. I don’t know what my grandfather’s relationship with Christ was like. I know he sort of had a falling out at one point, but he insisted my mom make sure she took us to church. So I only hope and pray that he had a good relationship with God, because it would be so nice to run into those loving arms I miss so dearly, the loving arms that were missing during both of my graduations and my wedding, the loving arms that were taken away from me way too soon.

I miss this man more than anything, and truly just thinking of how much I miss him brings me to tears almost instantly. Hold your loved ones close and make sure you let them know how important they are to you. You never know which instant will take them away.

Angel at the CarWash

Something happened this weekend that can only be explained with God’s intervention. Read on to see for yourself.

My husband and I took his truck to the carwash. We had a free coupon, so we ended up at a carwash where you pay for tokens and then manually wash the vehicle yourself in one of the bays inside the building. Of course, we luckily didn’t have to pay for the tokens since we had a free coupon for some.

Washing the truck went fine, and it looked much better afterwards.

As my husband was backing out of his bay, his truck stopped and simultaneously started revving very high. He tried to hit the brakes (as it was still in reverse), then tried shifting it to neutral and then park but the truck did not stop revving high. He then quickly shut off his truck.

Upon a small inspection, sitting in the middle of the building, somehow the gas pedal had gotten stuck on the mat, and so it was thankfully an easy fix.

But let me ask you a question: If the truck was continuously in reverse, why did the truck stop instead of hitting the red truck directly behind us, possibly crushing the man washing it?

It’s things like these that remind me God is still here. His angels are here. There is no reason that truck should have stopped. Theoretically we should have continued going backwards and doing the awful damage mentioned before. I am still getting a fast heartbeat just thinking about it. But God is the God of everything, and I will never cease to be thankful for what He did, has done, and will do.

My Rib is Injured… Again!

Several summers ago, I got sick. The worst part of getting sick for me is always this nasty cough that I get. This particular summer, the cough was so bad that I heard a “snap” following a hard cough. I didn’t notice anything at first though I had a huge feeling that something was terribly wrong. It wasn’t until later that I figured it out.

I jumped in my father’s truck that he had let me borrow while working away. And as soon as I had jumped up into the seat, I felt it. It was a tight feeling at first, but then quickly developed into a bad pain. I could barely turn the steering wheel. In the short 5 minute drive to the trailer I was renting, I knew I had to call my mother to come drive me to the hospital. I had to wait a fair time for her as I was about 45 minutes away, but she quickly came and took me to the hospital.

The hospital was about another 30 minutes from where I was, and the wait at the hospital was about 2 hours. The problem was, by the time I was registered and sitting in the waiting room, I was having a hard time breathing. All I can remember is intense pain and focussing on low and shallow breaths.

We waited for awhile until my mother decided to check where we were on the list, only to find out that we had been bumped down rather than up and the wait from that point was longer than 2 hours. It hurts to breathe but I’m not a serious case? My mother was mad to say the least.

We hopped in the car, and headed to the next hospital an hour away. It was a shorter time than I would have had to wait at the first hospital, and this hospital took me in right away. The only problem was, I had popped a rib muscle, which the doctor promptly told me hurts as much as breaking a rib (crazy pain), and there was nothing they could do except give me Tylenol 3.

Now some people I knew would have gone crazy over Tylenol 3. My mother had a mini freak-out session about how I might become addicted to it, but after telling her everything would be fine, I got my prescription and was on my way.

It was a painful summer. The T3s didn’t touch the pain hardly at all. I always walked around with one hand putting pressure on that rib area. It was awful. Nothing but time was able to heal that wound.

Once again, I was sick a few weeks ago and the cough has mostly gone but not completely. I know my body has suffered a little more than normal (didn’t help when my chiropractor asked what happened except I had been doing nothing but sleeping and sitting on the couch, trying to get better), but my body still seemed in decent shape. I worked out this week and everything seemed good.

Last night was a chest workout, and even though I warmed up and stretched, in the very first exercise (bench press), my rib started to hurt. I can’t remember if it is the same side or not, but I’m pretty sure I popped a stupid rib muscle again. It hurts so bad and I have to put pressure on the area to even try to take a deep breath. My abs are also starting to hurt because of the way I have to modify my body when I need to cough. It’s miserable.

I had just gotten well enough to start back in the gym and this is what happens! Ah!

To be honest, I wasn’t going to complete my workout last night because of the pain. But as I sat in the locker room, looking at my open locker as I was going to change, I got mad, closed and locked my locker, and went out and did the incline dumbbell press. I’m pretty sure it was a very dumb idea. I’m pretty sure I made it worse. I had written down to do 4 sets of 12, but after 3 sets, I knew I was being ridiculous. I shouldn’t be mad, although it was hard to not at least be disappointed.

So here I am with heat packs and taking it easy. I would much rather be in the gym but I’ve done my damage and I should know better. Injuries are something to take serious and it’s very important to know when to quit. So learn from my mistake and save yourself some pain. I’m all about lifting heavy and “sucking-it-up” in most situations, but I felt the pain and knew I should have quit. Next time, I will.

Week 11 Day 5

Winter is truly here, and it’s here to stay. We woke up to a snowfall that would later turn into a huge snow storm. We still had school, and school itself went fairly well, but it was definitely inside recess due to the cold and miserable conditions.

Due to the amount of snowfall we received, my husband came and picked me up from work. His truck handled the snow so well. But it did get to the point that emergency crews were overwhelmed and advising people to stay off the highways. It was a mess.

What did my husband and I decide to do on this blizzard night? Go out to eat and watch a movie of course! Nothing like being spontaneous when you have a large truck that can handle the snow fall.

We went to see the new Dumb and Dumber To in honour of the Dumb and Dumber movies I watched as a kid. We laughed and laughed, It had a couple disgusting parts that I don’t understand why they were even put in the movie. I hate when directors do that.

We didn’t actually make it to the gym tonight. After the movie, fighting the storm and the cold, we stayed in and got a little bit of extra sleep. Staying warm and cozy was important!

Week 11 Day 3

I battled between being mentally happy and mentally unhappy in regards to missing my workout last night. However, I decided to remember my body needed some rest to recover. There was just no way I was going to miss the gym tonight!

School went well. We started watching one of my favourite video sermon series by Louie Giglio, where he shows the grandeur of God in comparison to astronomy. It’s absolutely amazing and I highly recommend it!

We were supposed to finish our Planets presentations today, but instead only completed 5. Unfortunately, these were students that did not put as much time into their presentations as others, and we had to have a conversation about plagiarism, as most of the students were stumbling over the words on their presentations, some words more sophisticated than I would use in our Science study. This unfortunately made for a long end of the day.

Following the end of school, the teachers quickly dismissed and met at Moxie’s to celebrate one of our coworker’s upcoming wedding. It was a great time of just getting away from work, being able to socialize and celebrate. As usual, I looked up the food before I went. I couldn’t believe how much fat was in EVERYTHING at the restaurant! I did find a side menu they had to give healthy hints. So I followed one of the healthy hints, and ordered the fish tacos with grilled fish instead of fried, and had a small green salad as my side. This restaurant did seem to be pretty compliant with anything you requested of them, so in that way it was very nice.

After quite a bit of extra time (oops), we came back to the school, and I waited for my husband to come get me. He hadn’t had time to finish my car because he was putting his new mirrors on his truck! It’s so exciting to have mirrors again, and not just new mirrors, but brand new tow mirrors that he got for a third of the price since they were considered new after someone had purchased them and then exchanged them. It is my suspicion that God knew ahead of time our mirror would be broken, and provided these incredible mirrors just for us. I love a God that can see ahead.

I don’t know if it was the rush of trying to get some things caught up at work or what, but my eyes bothered me really badly today. They were watering, painful, almost doing that blurry thing they sometimes do, and I had to resort to wearing my glasses for the first time in two months. So when I went home, and could sit and be mentally awake, but physically had to close my eyes, my husband told me to go rest in bed while he made his food, ate, and changed the battery in my car. He didn’t have to tell me twice today. My eyes had said enough.

When he woke me up, I did not want to get up. In fact, it was the last thing I wanted to do. But I knew I had to workout. I couldn’t miss again. So somehow, with my husband’s persistence, I made it out of bed and got changed to go to the gym.

I had a coffee, which helped some. But I was just plain tired.

I had a back workout tonight, and I cannot contain how happy I am. My weights keep rising every week, my strength is increasing all the time. I’m so in love with my body’s reaction right now. No, I’m not seeing the fat necessarily disappear like I’d like. No, my clothes don’t fit me as loose as I’d like. But the number on the scale is not rising either! In fact, it has been in the exact same place for at least two weeks. And for someone who hasn’t been counting macros, and instead have just been listening to my body’s needs, that’s amazing!

Someday I will cut again to get rid of the fat, but for now, I will go to bed content that my body is the strongest it has ever been, and perhaps the healthiest as well. My mental state is in one of the best places it has ever been and my relationship with food is one where food no longer controls me (for the most part). And that’s much better to me in this moment. I’m happy.

Week 10 Day 5

This morning, I absolutely did not want to get out of bed. I don’t know what’s going on. Maybe it’s the dread I have for parent-teacher interviews this evening. No matter what, I always get nervous. But either way, they must be done!

The work day was short, and even further shortened by the fact we had our Student Association speeches and elections today. It went very well, and I believe the students selected very good representatives for our school.

After the students left, instead of going out to lunch with my colleagues, I stayed at the school to prepare. Preparing for parent-teacher interviews is not easy. You have to re-read your comments, review the student’s work, select examples of student work to show, etc. I also like to have pen and paper ready to go in order to write down notes of what we talk about and suggestions that were made.

When it finally came time for parent-teacher interviews to start, I felt better but as always, like I couldn’t be prepared enough. Either way, the 13 interviews I had scheduled all in a row began. I was surprised how well the parents accepted some hard information, and how willing they were to work as a team on their students. As any teacher reading this will know, it’s a very relieving feeling to know that you can work as a team with parents and that you can support each other for the betterment of the students; something I appreciate so much!

It was a long evening, and I didn’t end up leaving the school until after 8:00 pm. I also hadn’t eaten much as I didn’t have any breaks since 2:00 pm when the meetings started. When I came home and ate, the carbs hit my system and I started fighting to stay awake. I didn’t want to take naps anymore as they always seem to make me feel worse instead of better. But when I’m sitting and trying to talk to my husband, yet my eyes keep shutting on me, I know I might even fall asleep on the 2 minute drive to the gym, and who knows if I might fall asleep at the gym? It hasn’t happened before, but it may.

So, we took a nap. But when the alarm went off, my husband looked at me and said he was too tired to get up. I can’t drive his truck and my car is still not running. So unfortunately, this meant no workout. But on the other hand, I got extra sleep. I will be playing catch-up with my workouts, but I can do that. My husband’s health is equally as important as mine and so I wasn’t going to argue, though I felt like it. I know love is not just said, but must be shown, and I’m not always good at that part. But tonight, my husband slept and I will definitely catch-up in the gym when he’s awake and ready to go!