Farmers Do Not Love Their Cows

I apologize that the title of this blog sounds hateful. I can assure you I don’t have farmers. For 2 years of my life, my family had our own farm. My best friend in university’s family had a beef farm, and for two years, my hairdresser and her husband had a beef farm. I don’t hate farmers in the least. But here is an argument I was part of this week.

Now, normally, I’m not such a vocal person. I’m not the kind of person who just looks for a fight or who believes everyone should think the same way I do. In fact, because of my Christian beliefs, I believe that God has given everyone the gift of free choice, and so I am not someone to take that away. Of course this gets bordered when it inflicts pain on others, but that’s a whole other topic. The fact is, in Exodus, God gave permission to eat certain animals, one of them being cows. So if you want to eat beef, I may not agree with it, but you have total right to do that. So that’s not where this argument is coming from.

What I saw this week was a picture of an almost frozen calf in a farmer’s truck. This is a typical appearance. In my two years of farming, we were up in the middle of the night to help our animals sometimes. I get the work it takes. I see the dedication farmers have. But the caption of the farmer is how much they cared/loved their cows. That’s where I had a problem.

Now, this world has problems enough with understanding what love really is. All too often we see people throwing around the “love” word without really meaning it. People date people and still keep their own needs above their partners. People get married, and stop caring for each other. This is an awful view of love. There are so many terrible views of love. One of the pure views of love that are left in the world is when I look at mothers who truly love their children. They will do anything to protect them and give them the best lives possible. That’s what love should be. Fighting for the one you love, willing to die for that person, that’s love.

Now, I know we are talking about animals and not humans, and many people do not consider them on the same level, so that’s fine. Let’s go with that. But love, in no sense of any manner, means killing the thing you love. Think of a child’s favourite toy, or an adult’s favourite car. You love that toy/car. If that object were to “die”, you would be incredibly upset and angry. These objects aren’t even alive. Yet the cows are. (This also goes for pigs/sheep/chickens, etc…)

So these ALIVE things that farmers are claiming they “love” are raised to be killed. Does that still seem like love to you? Is it caring to kill them?

I had someone tell me that ranchers and farmers are different. That’s cool. I can see they are different. That’s not a big deal to me. The ranchers say they are animal rights activists and they do what they can to give the cows the best lives they can. Well, although it does seem like a very nice gesture to give an animal the best life possible for their short lives, do you think they would call it a “good life” to live for a couple years then be killed? Would you call it a “good life” if you were raised to the age of 2 or 18 (2 year old cow = 18 years as a human) to know you would be placed with a bullet between your eyes and then cut apart for others to eat? Would you call that loving? Is that caring? Knowing you were only born to be food? I don’t think so.

I think there is such a disconnect in this world! It’s crazy! If you are willing to put all that care into an animal, taking a cow into your home to warm them up, saying that you “love” them, well, I will agree you are acting that way. But why do you stop loving them? Why does it change from this seemingly “love” feeling to a feeling of “get on my plate! Die!” Is that how you feel about your dog? Is that how you feel about your cat? Is that how you feel about your children? They’re only worth loving for so long before you get rid of them and don’t care what happens to them?

Some of you may be wondering why I have such a big deal over a simple word. But here’s the reason, people are not owning what actually happens. Sure, the cow may have a “good life” before its death date. But here’s what happens to this “beloved animal” on it’s death date. It gets taken on a usually overloaded cow trailer where they are not given water or anything of substance on the way to slaughter. Once they get to the slaughterhouse, they become terribly frightened. They hear other cows expressing their fright and just as a dog has amazing senses in the personality of humans, cows are no different. They can sense fear and know something is wrong. The “beloved” creatures are as scared as a child in the dark except darkness is easy to fix, death is not. So not only are they unloaded to this terrible place, many people abuse these animals while they are still alive, fighting with creatures who are only scared and reacting as such. Do you go in and punish your child for having a nightmare? These cows are LIVING their nightmare and being punished for it.

When the time comes to be killed, a bullet is put between their eyes. Now, according to government regulations, it’s ok if they’re not killed by that bullet as long as they are stunned and unable to move. Now, I don’t know about you, but it’s almost like a totally functioning person in a coma. These people, when out of the coma, are able to tell you things that people said because they were totally there, just not in control of their body. That’s how these cows are except they can’t tell you what people are saying, but they can tell you about the hooks that were painfully shoved through their legs. Would you like to be alive with hooks piercing your body? I’m going to guess not. Of course, the hook is not enough to kill the cow. So the next step is being sliced open down the middle of their bodies and through their neck. Mmm. What an awesome feeling while you’re still alive. So humane. Such a “loved” and “cared about” animal, right?

So here’s the thing. If you can accept what you do, and you have no problem saying cows are just money to you, that you don’t actually love them and don’t care about the violence you put them through, then by all means that’s at least not hypocritical. Again, I don’t agree with it and think it speaks volumes about the kind of person you are, but I at least appreciate the honesty. But if you advertise to the world that you are such a caring and loving person to these animals, you are so hypocritical and maybe even lying to yourself! I’m asking farmers and ranchers to take responsibility for their actions. You’re not really an animal rights activist when you’re still sending them to a bitter death. So that’s the part I have a problem with. Accept the realities of your job. Don’t just pretend that you’re doing something good for them because for all the good you did before, I guarantee the cows would choose a little less cozy life in exchange for keeping their lives. Nobody wants to die, not even animals. They are alive, they have thoughts, they are just unable to communicate to us the way we need to understand. So start thinking and accept what the truth is. That’s it. If you choose to continue to eat meat, like I said, that’s your choice. But know where that meat is coming from and what that animal is going through to get to your stomach when the world over knows a vegetarian/vegan diet is a way to thrive. You don’t need meat, you don’t need dairy products. But make your choice while being educated and not hiding the truth.

Know the truth, own your choice.

Day 3

I am paying for what I did last night. I never want to eat that much deep-fried food again.

I woke up in the middle of the night as dry as the desert. My mouth was so dry and I craved water. I did not get in near enough water yesterday, possibly not even half as much as my goal is. I feel awful.

I chugged down some water and realized as I was laying in bed trying to fall back asleep that I had pains from my neck to my lower abdomen. Greasy food… I strongly dislike you. My body is paying for my stupidity.

After I got up and made lunch for my husband, I took a 4L jug of water, and started drinking. My goal is to have the 4L finished today. My usual goal is only 3L, but I think I owe it to my body, especially after all that unhealthiness last night to give it some extra water to flush the nastiness out. Ugh… hopefully you’re sensing how awful I feel.

After drinking about 1L of water to start off my day, and waiting about a half hour, I ate my breakfast. Today, my bananas from the Organic Box were ripe and ready to be eaten. Remember, when you eat bananas, they shouldn’t just be yellow. They should have lots of dark spots on them. That is when they are the best ripeness. I attempted to eat 6 (I know it would even be awesome to eat 10) but because I’m still getting used to eating so much, I could only get in 5. So a 5 banana breakfast it is!

I had to run to meet a lady at a different mall today. It was good. Got there on time. Found her. Everything went smoothly. But I decided to take a quick run to the health food store there to get some hairspray that I needed. Of course, I walked by the food court, really wanted some Korean potatoes, but since I’m trying to do raw foods until 4 p.m. each day, I continued to walk by. Instead, I picked up some Solar Raw kale chips with my organic, cruelty-free hairspray. Oh they are delicious! You could never guess it’s not cheese on them. Almost completely organic, and the Solar Raw brand is a farm that grows all their own organic products using solar power! Love it! Look up the brand and see for yourself! The only thing was, they are so rich that I could only eat a small handful. I will be snacking on these later (or tomorrow).

kale

As a late lunch, I put together a massive salad. I used some 50/50 Organic Green Mix, 1 organic raspberry (unfortunately one had moulded and spoiled a whole bunch of other ones), organic blueberries, three sliced organic strawberries, some organic cucumber, a yellow rainbow carrot, dried cranberries, sunflower seeds and soya nuts. For a dressing, I mashed 2 small avocados with a teaspoon of vegan cream cheese (not my favourite, so masking it with other things) and salsa. Oh so delicious, and very full!

After my husband came home, he suggested going out for frozen yogurt. It’s a hot day, our first “hot” summer day, so I said, “Let’s go!”

They had two vegan flavours today: blueberry sorbet and peach sorbet. I totally forgot how flavourful sorbet was! So sweet and fruity. Yum! Of course I put some fresh fruit toppings on it, as well as a couple candy embellishments as a treat. This is a late snack/supper. I’m still very full.

We went to the gym, and I had a good workout. I focused on different variations of squats, push-ups, and some planks. I did a variety of stretching, my chiropractor’s exercises, and 25 minutes of quick-paced walking. It all went very well.

For supper, I finished off the little bit of kale chips my husband left, ate 3 mangos, and then sat around with my husband trying not to fall asleep (sometimes I’m a night owl, sometimes I’m not). However, my husband mentioned that he wanted pizza, so we ordered pizza, non-cheese breadsticks (for me), Coke Zero, and Cinnamon Sticks. I was so proud of myself that I did not even look at the pizza (cheese, chicken and beef), and I didn’t even take one gulp of that Coke Zero! Not that Coke is not vegan, but of all the chemicals that are inside that thing. I did eat my cheese-less breadsticks with marinara sauce (normally would be so unhappy that there was no cheese on them… talk about cheese-addicted!), and I ate a couple of the cinnamon sticks (could have definitely gone without these). But overall, not bad with all the temptation around me!

Just before I went to bed, I finished my 4L of water. Definitely the most I’ve ever drank in a day, and I was so happy!

Day 2

This morning, I was very tired when I woke up… mainly because I went to bed after midnight… way too late! This is something I need to work on!

I was rushing around this morning, and only took my multivitamins and green chews.

After I got to work, I then drank a bottle of water and took my other supplements. I began to feel very nauseous, with nothing in my stomach and already being awake for a few hours. The mixture of supplements in my empty stomach were also not a great idea. So I opened up some organic medjool dates and ate away. I forget how many I ate (in the 8-15 range) and felt much better.

I’ve been pretty busy all day and have not been eating as much as I know I should, but at lunch, I ate two organic apricots that I got in my Organic Box yesterday, and 2/3s of a container of organic blackberries that I also got in my Organic Box yesterday. Fresh, juicy, and delicious!

For an afternoon snack, I had a Larabar in the flavour of coconut cream (it’s vegan, no dairy!). It’s basically a blend of nuts, dates and coconuts. Maybe I’m going a little “nutty” today! 🙂

At the end of school, we had a serious mix-up that caused me to not even allow my students to leave for an extra 10 minutes after the final bell. My students are singing for IMPACT 2015 (a huge outreach event, saving souls for Jesus) on the weekend, and our principal ordered shirts for them to wear. However, when she was handing them out, the different shirts got mixed up somehow. The grade 3/4 Choir is singing Saturday morning for church service. The boys are wearing white short-sleeve dress shirts. The grades 5-8 Choir is singing Saturday evening for the evening service and are supposed to be wearing white long-sleeve dress shirts. 11/13 of my boys had short-sleeve, and only 2 had the proper long-sleeve, so I had to go up to grades 3/4 to switch the shirts as they were given ours. Oh what a mix-up! Chaos at the end of school.

After that was finally sorted out, and the kids were sent on their way, I had to quickly clean up my desk, pack up my stuff, and be on my way to meet some people at the mall. I ended up being at the mall for a half hour. And as I was there, meeting the two different people and mailing a package, I was STARVING! I was considering buying something to eat at the mall, but decided I would rush home to my husband who was waiting for me. But then I made a mistake…

My husband is starting a new job on Monday, and I wanted to celebrate with him. Since we were both super hungry, I decided we should celebrate by going out. The problem was, we decided to go to a restaurant we used to have so many fun dates going to. What I didn’t realize was that the vegan options were minimal (their garden salad quality is not that great to me), and so I decided I would just suck it up and have a bit of dairy for the night. I knew I would be paying for this later…

For background knowledge, we were so hungry that we were at the point of feeling sick – a bad place to be when ordering food. We ate deep-fried jalapeño bottle caps, cheese quesadilla, and pancake puppies (deep-fried pancake balls). I had a veggie burger (not bad) with some seasoned fries. My husband had a beef burger with regular fries, chicken strips, and a piece of cheesecake. Now, we did not finish everything, but we did eat a lot. I could tell afterwards I was going to pay for what I ate. I never wanted to touch another piece of deep-fried food again!

We didn’t even go to the gym. Instead, we just spent some time together and went to sleep. We definitely “party” when we celebrate… lol. Neither of us drink or dance, so that’s almost as exciting as it gets for us. 🙂

Why Go Vegan?

Hello everyone!

This is a huge decision, as you can imagine. I want to explain myself as to why I’m choosing this venue. Let me explain my history.

My father was very young when his family went from Quebec to New Brunswick. Speaking little to no English, they struggled for awhile to because accustom to the new province. My grandfather was a woodsmen complete with a team of horses and later big machinery. My father quit school after grade 9 to work with my grandfather. And so the lifestyle of “meat and potatoes” began. Whatever they shot was their meat, and whatever my grandmother grew in the garden was their produce. A very simple, carnivorous life.

Naturally, I grew up eating A LOT of meat. Not because we didn’t go shopping, but I was still a hunter’s daughter, and meat was a regular, every-meal thing. When I was young, it would be no big deal for me to sit down to a pound of bacon myself. It’s a miracle I wasn’t obese!

When I met my first vegetarians in grade 8, I was amazed. This concept that I believed to only belong to celebrities belonged to real life people! I was the only vegetarian in my area, and the lack of knowledge was evident in a quick trip to a hospital with extensive stomach pains. The doctor then informed me of some vital nutrition I was missing, and instead of telling me to eat meat again, told me some vital vegetables I needed to be sure I ate daily.

I was vegetarian for around 10 years. I quit meat cold turkey. My grandfather of course was convinced I was going to die, and was continuously trying to feed me meat. My only family was shocked, but my grandmother on my mother’s side, who has always had an interest in health, was happy. She basically went vegetarian with me! (She never was much of a meat eater).

When I met my husband, he was vegetarian and had been his whole life. My university graduation had led my brother to convince my future husband to try the “real stuff”. From then on, he was hooked.

Eventually, it was the smell of beef jerky that won me back. That smell in my very house all over again won me in. In fact, it opened up the whole new realm of macro counting with my interest in fitness peaking too. With the high levels of protein “needed”, it seemed as if I couldn’t survive without meat. And so I ate meat again for roughly 4 years.

Now, I’ve done so much research. And to keep it short, there is so much evidence that a plant-based diet is the way to go. I would like to think of myself as “getting back to the basics”, naturally. The world of fitness and diet will continuously battle itself. All information can be conflicting. But nothing can deny the way you feel both mentally, physically, and spiritually. Mentally, I’m not hating my food, I’m not worried about going over my “macros”, and I’m not worried about having to stop myself from eating while still feeling like I’m starving. Physically, I feel better. I don’t have to worry about eliminating things to figure out what’s wrong with my body, I get to look forward to younger, more flawless skin. And spiritually, I can feel good about being accountable for selecting the best foods that I can. I can also feel good about my choice not to inflict pain on animals that I myself could not kill. If I couldn’t do it, why do I take part in the process at all?

Some things I’m going to be doing are:
-Trying to buy as much organic as I can
-Continuing my workouts
-Drinking 3L of water a day
-Learning more about, and sticking to food combining rules
-Cutting processed sugar 95%
-Eating mostly fruit until supper
-Eating raw 90% of the time
-Eating until I’m full!

I will keep you posted on my journey! I’m excited for this new phase 🙂

My New Experiment: Fruit

I think it’s time for a little background:

I grew up a hunter’s daughter. My father grew up a lumberjack’s son. He learned quickly in life that there was not a ton of money, and so my grandmother grew a vegetable garden, and whatever my grandfather was able to hunt was the meat they served (rabbits, deer, moose, partridge, etc…).

Thus, I grew up a heavy meat eater. In fact, stews or beans with biscuits, and the typical “meat and potatoes” were quite frequently a supper meal. Of course with the younger generations and slightly more money, pizzas and junk foods made their way in the diet as well. But it would not be uncommon for me as a child to sit down and eat a pound of bacon myself. That’s just the way it was.

I remember when I met my first vegetarians. They were like celebrities to me because the only people I ever knew of that would even think of not eating meat were celebrities. Nobody in the “real world” would ever think to live without eating meat. It must surely be a way to die!

However, seeing these people live, and healthily, gave me a spark that continued to grow. One morning, in my teenage years, I simply woke up, and told my mother never to make meat for me again.

Did I exactly know what I was getting into? Absolutely not. In fact, eating some vegetarian junk food without learning the proper way to eat healthily vegetarian landed me with intensive stomach pains and a visit to the hospital where the doctor informed me of some key staples I should be eating to be healthy. Oops. Learned that lesson the hard way.

And so it began. A somewhat healthier 10-11 years of being a vegetarian. Cold turkey. No going back.

It wasn’t until I met my husband, and found out he had grown up vegetarian that I went back to eating meat. Sounds weird, I know. But he met my family at my university graduation weekend, and my stepfather is notoriously known for his bbqing skills. My brother convinced him to try a “real” burger, and he was hooked. Of course, eventually it got to me, and I began eating meat again.

Of course, since I had been studying the Bible more and learning about healthier ways of eating, I still did not eat pork or animals considered “unclean”. I stuck with the basics of chicken, turkey, beef, and some fish. I am an Atlantic girl, and fish (specifically Atlantic Salmon) has always been a favourite.

Now recently, I’ve been reading and studying more into health. I’ve been looking at vegan diets, raw vegan diets, the details of what is going on with the meat that is served to us these days, the packaging, the handling, the processing, all of these things that are completely vital for us to know truly what we are putting in our bodies. And I’ve come to a conclusion: I need to get rid of the meat and animal products.

I could go on forever and ever about the toxins, poisons, and everything that is being put into animal products. I could tell you all about the fact that the majority of the meat we buy in stores has already gone bad and we don’t even know it. I could go on and on about how safety inspections are unrealistic, and how really, at the end of it all, we can only do the best we can with what we’re given. A hot topic, especially for someone who works out is of course how you get in enough protein.

But I’ve decided, the only true way to convince people is not a lecture, but to simply be a living example. And that is what I’m going to do.

Now, my husband is not quite on board with me on this, and I have promised to never ask him to change. If my life leads a perfect example, I figure that should be proof in and of itself. But little by little, he seems to be a little more supportive, though maintaining zero interest in it for himself, which is totally fine.

My plan is to still workout, to still continue researching how to eat properly, and to still continue on with everything else the same, except for how I eat. One difference. I’m getting the junk out of my system!

If you’re interested in this topic and wanting to know more yourself, the following are some of the links that I refer to frequently:

1. http://thebananagirl.com (she has other links from this site as well)

2. http://veganbodybuilding.com (some athletes even provide examples of their daily meals in their profiles)

3. http://www.thefrankmedrano.com (a man who chose to become vegan)

There are many more, but those are just a few to get started. I will keep you posted on how this goes!

#onajourneybacktoEden

Week 5 Day 7

Today, I’m not hungry again. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Someday my appetite has to come back… I already went to bed without fulfilling all of my macros yesterday, I’m not going to do that today!

This was my rest day, but we had a morning full of drama with family issues. And yet, somehow, we still managed to get ready and make it to church on time. I’m really not sure how we pulled this off, but I was so happy we did. It was a great service about opening our spiritual eyes. Excellent sermon!

We then came home and basically did nothing for a few hours. We did take a nap, so that was nice.

Later, we decided to go out after sunset (when Sabbath ends). We got ready, made sure our animals were taken care of, and left. We stopped at Mac’s for my husband to get energy drinks (to get out of his sleepy slump), and I made a stop at Tim Horton’s for a quick pumpkin spiced ice coffee. I love pumpkin everything!

We then went to Bulk Barn where my husband picked up some candy and treats. Oh how I used to love picking stuff up at Bulk Barn too, but I fought the desire better knowing I had a snack in my purse that I had packed to fill me later. Planning ahead is a great idea!

We then went to Chapters. Oh how we both love books! We actually had to stop going to bookstores for awhile because we were spending way too much money on books. It was honestly like an addiction. Obviously it’s not a bad addiction other than it was taking our finances, so tonight was a real treat. We allowed ourselves to go through the entire store and pick a couple books. We probably won’t be back at the book store for at least another month or more so this was budgeted and allowed.

After some time at the bookstore, we sat in the car while I ate my snack (picture of it later). It really helped when we went to the theatre, and my husband got popcorn and chocolate for the movie. I wanted some of that stuff so badly. But I kept telling myself that one piece would break me so I needed to stand strong against even the smallest piece. And I did it! Yahoo!

When we came home, we basically had enough time to eat and go to bed. I wasn’t hungry, but the food was good and I managed to shove it in. So here was my food for the day:

Meal 1

I didn’t take a picture because we were in a rush to church. But this was the protein muffin I had several days ago, just chocolate flavoured instead of oatmeal. They are really good!

Meal 2

Tuna Salad Snack with celery, tomatoes and rice crackers.

Tuna Salad Snack with celery, tomatoes and rice crackers.

Meal 3

Spaghetti Bolognese using lean ground beef.

Spaghetti Bolognese using lean ground beef.

Meal 4

Oatmeal Bake with Strawberries.

Oatmeal Bake with Strawberries.

Meal 5

Cinnamon Cottage Cheese with finely chopped honeydew and cantaloupe. Took this with me and ate it before the movie.

Cinnamon Cottage Cheese with finely chopped honeydew and cantaloupe. Took this with me and ate it before the movie.

Meal 6

(I normally don’t eat 6, but I had to make-up for the previous day and it all fit my macros.)

Sirloin Steak (I finished cooking to well done), potato mash and veggies. This was really delicious.

Sirloin Steak (I finished cooking to well done), potato mash and veggies. This was really delicious.

Week 5 Day 2

What an awesome day today was! I woke up so happy and excited to go get my first load of Fresh Fit Foods. Today’s delivery was the 10 meals that will cover today and tomorrow. It’s so exciting to go pick up a bag with your name on it! I’m so excited!

Before I talk about the meals, I just want to update you on the workouts. Once again, today was still circuit training, but today was focused on back and legs. I felt so much stronger today which made me so happy. I also am starting to see the division line at the top of my abs. That makes me super happy! But a problem arose when I was doing supermans. I have this one rib muscle on my right side that pops out between my ribs sometimes. It hasn’t been aggravated in a long time, but today seemed to be a terrible day. I ended up getting my husband to help tie a flat-edged resistance band around my ribs to hold them together. I was able to finish the exercises requiring my abs this way. Definitely need to go make an appointment about this… I then finished my workout with 12 minutes of HIIT on the ArcTrainer. Definitely a solid workout!

So back to the meals… I decided to take pictures of the meals so you guys can share in my excitement. However, one didn’t make the camera… apparently I was too hungry to think of the picture until after it was gone. You’ll quickly see which one that is.

*Side note: My phone was dead, so I tried to position my laptop to take these pictures. Sorry for the bad quality. I’ll get better pics tomorrow!

Meal #1

Quinoa and Oatmeal with Cranberry Relish

Quinoa and Oatmeal with Cranberry Relish

Meal 2

Oatmeal Protein Muffin = Delicious!!

Oatmeal Protein Muffin = Delicious!!

Meal 3
(Oops.. must have eaten this one too fast…)
Ranch Land Chili (beans, lean beef, rice, etc… with yams)

Meal 4

Apples, Celery and Almond Butter

Apples, Celery and Almond Butter

Meal 5

Grilled Basa and Vegetables

Grilled Basa and Vegetables

These meals were so tasty, you could tell the products are completely wholesome and homemade, and they’re so convenient to grab out of the fridge and heat up. I’m so glad I’ve started this and look forward to the next 20 days! Off to bed for the first time in months ON TIME. Today has been a phenomenal day!

Gas Station Foods… Be Careful!

So tonight, I needed a quick pick-me-up before my workout and I was on a quick time budget as the gym was closing early for Labour Day. So I did the dreaded stop at a gas station. 

I got a Rockstar Light Vanilla Latte. I’m not one to promote energy drinks, nor to consume them often. But I have found that this one seems to have less of a fleeting heart feeling, while tasting good and not killing the macros. Again, this is definitely not something I do all the time. I don’t believe energy drinks are healthy.

Also, I just took a quick walk around the store. And what I found was awful.

Of course, gas stations offer some healthier options such as beef jerky (watch for preservatives), some veggies/fruits and protein bars. Sometimes they also have hard-boiled eggs. But most of the food is absolute junk.

I picked up a raisin butter tart out of curiosity. Did you know that ONE tart was 490 calories? More than a quarter of my daily caloric intake? I was in total shock. There is no way that one tart could fill in a meal for me. Totally not worth it. Not to mention, most of that tart is guaranteed to be sugar and butter. Incredible.

What do you do in a pinch? Every once in awhile, we will always find ourselves in that gas station scenario. So what do you look for? I’m curious to know!