How Much Are We Affecting Our Children?

I saw a commercial tonight that struck me so differently than any other commercials before. All the time we see the World Vision commercials and other organization’s commercials that are reaching out with the dire situations of children all over the world. I support organizations that help others, don’t get me wrong. My father sponsored a child when we were younger who would write us letters with the aid of a translator. She would also send pictures of our money helping to clothe her and send her to school. Helping others is great and we should never become immune to the fact that others need our help. But it also can’t be denied that these commercials are common-day, and we are used to turning past them all the time.

The commercial I saw tonight hit home.

It was a commercial based on North America, on OUR children, on the damage WE do to them. And I just sunk in my chair (couch). It was a commercial that showed the pictures of women on magazines, in commercials, articles of the fastest ways to lose weight, and even a scene where one little girl asked another if she was ready for bikini season.

Wow.

You hear stories all the time of how these things affect women, but to think that they even affect little girls! But when you sit and think of it, how true it is! Many girls are worried about being popular in school, are bullied, are made fun of, etc… and the same thing goes for boys. They grow up seeing these images of what makes a “perfect woman/man” or a “perfect girl/boy” and at earlier and earlier ages, they are striving to look like this.

I have known it’s been an epidemic that girls are maturing earlier and earlier, I see this in school with the passing years and generations. I guess it never occurred to me the depth of diet and appearance on girls even as early as 8 or 9 years old! Possibly even younger! Is that what we want to do to our children?

I think it’s a way of teaching our children to grow up with insecurities. We are setting them up to attain images that are almost always photoshopped while always feeling not good enough.

We need to change this.

We need to raise our children knowing that they are good enough. Now that doesn’t mean feeding them a greasy pizza everyday. Make healthy eating fun. Incorporate as many fruits and veggies as you can daily so kids are not afraid to eat them and don’t grow up thinking they are boring and gross. Make being healthy and active a fun part of everyday life. And most importantly, give them so much love that they will know people’s opinions don’t matter. They are special and important and perfect just the way they are!

Sometimes Your Special Belongings Weren’t Meant to be Yours

Today was primarily a cleaning day. Not of my house, but my classroom. Seriously… you’d think a teacher’s job could be easily conquered and finished right after school’s out, right? Wrong! I’m still not done.

Anyways, I was looking for some cleaning clothing to wear, and decided on jeans and this brown shirt my husband gave me awhile back. On it states, “One Classroom At A Time.” The shirt is actually from a group with a mission of building classrooms in foreign countries, particularly those that have low support of female education, as well as low education ratings overall. It got me thinking about a shirt I once had…

During Christmas Break of my grade 12 year, my sister and I, as well as our youth group went on a mission trip to Peru. We were going to complete a church project, as well as sightsee a little while we were there. We spent months packing little gifts to give to the locals, fundraising, and creating a team name/logo. We called ourselves TYMES (Today’s Youth Missionaries of Edmonton South), and we were fortunate to have a graphic designer as one of our leaders who created these fantastic shirts. It was the only time that name would be used.

Of course we were all very fond of our shirts and took them with us to Peru. We loved our time working on the church and playing with the local children. In fact, we may have gotten in trouble for playing too much… But these kids were the happiest kids. They lived in cardboard lean-tos, knowing they could be kicked off the land at any time. And for the whole community of cardboard living spaces, the children had one ball. That’s it. No extra toys, just one ball. I couldn’t believe it. Rows and rows and rows of these cardboard things, so many children, and one ball. Even the sand had garbage and feces and hair mixed in with it, but these kids still smiled. Wow… that took me a few steps back… You really have no idea how lucky you are until you see firsthand what a third world environment is truly like.

The last day came of our time in this area. The church was completed, and we were attending the very first service with the locals. Of course, our neighbourhood children were there too, sitting on our laps, and just happy for a secure shelter over their heads. Saying goodbye to them was hard. They worked with us, sang with us, played with us, and even taught us a little Spanish. Thankfully, we were able to create big smiles with stickers, pencils, notebooks, lollipops, and little toys. But what really mattered was the extra we decided to give.

I don’t remember who started it, but I’m thinking it wasn’t me. Somebody in our group gave his/her shirt to one of the kids. As I said before, a shirt we were fond of, that would never be printed again. But I knew in that moment, that as special as that shirt was to me, it would mean so much more to these children. Yes, because they were poor and a new, good quality shirt would be wonderful to them, but also because they would always be able to remember the people who came and brought them gifts, even though we had no idea who they were.

It was then that I realized the truth: Everything in this world shall pass. God tells us so. We won’t be taking that shirt to Heaven. I won’t be taking my diamond rings to Heaven. Everything in this life will not be going to Heaven (objects… let me clarify!), but for the time we are here, we can make the most of what we have. Sometimes it will hurt out pride, absolutely. Sometimes, we may never get another chance at whatever item we give away. Sometimes, it may not even change a person’s life like we may have thought it would, but we can only do the best we can with what we have and what we know.

I don’t know if giving my shirt away made a world of difference in the child’s life. I have no idea. But I do know that at that moment, the smile and laughter and hugs I got in return were all that I needed to know for sure my shirt was going to the right place.

The Penalty of Standing Out

I hate the way the world works sometimes. I hate seeing people in pain. I hate watching people getting picked on or bullied. I hate sin and wrong-doings in this world.

When I was going through my university years, completing my education degree, I had a desire to work with special needs children. It wasn’t because I looked forward to the extra work that often comes with special needs children, but because I wanted to make a difference. I knew special needs children were often put down and sometimes stared at as if the were a circus sideshow. I knew I could step up and be the voice of those children, and I knew that I could help those children feel as important as they are. But that’s not what happened.

At first I ended up teaching at a Native School. It took me awhile to learn the different dynamics needed to teach students who come from a history of anger. It was a definite learning curve in understanding the culture, the behaviours, and the thoughts about different things. But one of the things I found is that my classroom was often their safe place. My classroom was the one place they could count on someone being there to love them. I was a safe place for these kids.

Now as much as I loved being in that position, time would have me change again. This time, to a place where I wasn’t such a safe place. These kids did not need me (or at least felt like they didn’t). The attitudes were indifferent, the gratitude was gone. I really struggled at first to see how in the world I could make a difference when my students were convinced they had everything the needed.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t my first year that I figured it out. It was my second and my third that really opened my heart. I realized that maybe I wouldn’t be able to reach all students, even though I try. But there is at least one in each class who needs someone they can trust; someone they can break down their barriers and let them truly see the inside that they keep.

It broke my heart when the first student really let me in their life. The amount of background some of these kids hide is disheartening. It sometimes makes you wonder how they even function. It’s no wonder some of them put up a tough-front at school. Some of them are simply caught in that worldly struggle: the one where they are fighting between being good and doing what they know is right, and doing what the world expects and wants them to do. Absolutely the struggle gets worse as the generations get older. It’s sad in the very least, but it does, unfortunately, exist.

I witnessed something that brought this whole thing up in my mind. A situation that brought up a whole slew of memories.

One of my students is running for class rep in the upcoming school year. She’s an awesome student, wonderful in both academics and her Christianity. Unfortunately, she is one in very few that does not struggle with desires to be popular. She will not swear because others are doing it. She does not talk about inappropriate things because she has no interest. She knows what she believes and she sticks to it. She knows what is right, and that is what she does. And it has made her unpopular in her class.

Today, the vote was completed. And though she almost perfectly fits the description of the position she is running for, more votes were left blank than were voted in favour. My heart sank and my blood boiled a little. If there were legitimately good reasons for not letting her have the position, then I would accept that. But I know it’s because they are upset the one person they wanted to run wasn’t able due to his grades. Whether it’s an expression of bitterness or anger, is it right to decline someone that not only wants the position, but is ready, willing and capable of doing it well?

I don’t know what the right solution is. After all, voting is an expression of your opinion. But my heart aches in knowing that the reasons behind the reactions are wrong. And that bothers me. Someone who perfectly is capable of doing something so well, being held back by unpopularity, is wrong. It takes me right back to my whole philosophy of teaching, and that is that students are capable of more than they are doing, and standing up for those who don’t have as much of a voice.

I grew up in public schools where situations are much worse than I have ever experienced in my years of private school. I have seen “losers” beat up for simply not being good enough for others. I have seen the separation and isolation of those who needed the extra pull-out help and did not think like the others. I have seen students dragged from classrooms because they were acting out in anger about their situations. It’s not pretty.

One year, we did a fundraiser where the boys provided a lunch, and we bid on these “anonymous lunches”. When the bidding was done and every girl had her lunch, then the boys would reveal themselves and we would share lunch with them. I just happened to get one of those classmates that was always taken out for extra help, and who had problems with his anger, reacting from the situations he was in and the way he was treated.

I will forever regret the way I treated him.

I didn’t say anything mean, but that’s simply because I didn’t say anything at all. I was silent the whole time. And now I cannot even go back and apologize for being “snobby” because he was killed in a car accident several years ago (I think I was still in high school). That’s guilt that I have to live with, and guilt that started to change the way I reacted to people.

The one girl that was dragged from our classroom was probably the lowest person in our class. She didn’t always take showers, and she didn’t come from the most well-off family. In fact, I actually don’t know how she was treated at home. But what I do know is that people didn’t like her and daily made fun of her. I will never forget the one day she came up to me and told me that I was her role-model. I didn’t try to be anyone’s role-model, I just tried to talk to her and be nice when others wouldn’t. And look at the difference that made on her life. The simplest of acts I could have done, and it literally changed her world.

Now I’d like to say others followed, but they didn’t. I’d like to say her life changed for the best, but it didn’t. I did manage to get in contact with her again during university, sadly to find out she was pregnant and the baby’s father wanted nothing to do with her as soon as she became pregnant. As a matter of fact, he ran out with another girl and married her very shortly afterwards. And to make matters worse, he called social services claiming she was an unfit mother and had her baby taken away. In no way did her life get better.

I’m sad to say I’ve lost contact with her. My only method of contact no longer seems to work. I do pray for her, that things work out and she’s able to have her baby back in her life. I know she was fighting hard for him. But I pray God’s love surrounds her and God-willing, I will be able to connect with her again.

I truly, truly do hate the world treats people that are different – people that stand out from everybody else. I had the position of popularity and I misused it once. But I promise to do my best to never misuse it again. When a situation arises where someone needs a voice, I wish to be that voice for them, to stand up on their behalf. Just because you don’t think the same as everyone else or do the same things everyone else does is not a reason to be treated so badly. Stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves. Make a difference in someone’s life. Even if it’s just one person you’ve helped, you’ve literally just changed a person’s entire world. Do what you can and don’t delay. You never know the good you can leave behind.

Celebration of Learning

I’m not sure how many other schools do this, but every year, our school hosts what we call a Celebration of Learning. It is essentially student-led conferences, but rather than staying in a stationary place, the students have stations with either activities, projects or discussion places set up in order to demonstrate to their parents or families what they have been learning.

The tables I included in my room this year were:
Table 1 – Welcome Table – Take the piece of paper that has the activities and tables outlined as you travel around the room.
Table 2 – French – Play a memory match game using the cards which contain the French and English days of the week.
Table 3 – L.A. – Show your parents the textbook “Volcano” and describe what you have learned about Mount St. Helens. Then look at the Slideshow to show your picture with your volcano project.
Table 4 – Art – Show your parents your Huichol Yarn Painting and describe the method you are using to complete it.
Table 5 – Math – Get your bag of Skittles from the teacher and complete the written ratios.
Table 6 – Science – Using the materials provided, demonstrate the experiment we performed in class to prove that air takes up space (big, clear tub filled with water, clear glass, blank paper).
Table 7 – Spelling – Give your parents a spelling test using any lesson we have studied.
Table 8 – Social Studies – Share your plan with your family to help a problem in your community.
Table 9 – Bible – Using the Bibles provided, share one thing you have learned since studying Revelation.

This night does take a large amount of time to plan and set up, but the effects of it are awesome. There is little for the teacher to do, other than the set up and preparations. Instead, you get to sit back, make sure everything is running smoothly, and watch how the students interact with their own parents. You get to see parents smiling and laughing with their children. It’s really amazing to watch the relationships that get strengthened in a night like this.

I also like it because it causes busy parents to set extra time aside to sit and be interested in what their children are doing. I think the extra time alone, with the spotlight being on them in their classroom makes the night that much more special.

I’m curious to hear if your school does anything like this. Leave a comment below! I’m always up for new ideas!

Priorities: They Can Be Hard

As many teachers will know, teaching can easily consume your life. It’s so much more than being present and teaching children. There is planning, grading, documenting, extracurriculars and so much more than goes into our job. There are so many hours we put into this job that we aren’t compensated for; that take away from our family lives.

It has become an issue with my husband several times. There are weeks I’m home late every night not because of grading but because of meetings and other things I was asked/told to be involved with which then leaves time at home where I’m tired, have housework to do and grading on top of trying to spend time with my husband. And when report card times come around, forget trying to talk to me the whole extended weekend. There is always so much to do.

An opportunity came up that I said I wouldn’t miss again four years ago. Work would be sending me for free. Spouses are also allowed to come, provided they pay their way. It’s an awesome opportunity. So naturally I signed up myself and my husband. The problem came up that my husband still does not have his papers and as we discovered last time, if he leaves the country again, he may never be allowed back and the years of work we’ve done so far will be thrown out. We just can’t take that chance again.

My husband would rather I didn’t go without him. I would be in a foreign country and he could not live with himself if something happened to me and I didn’t come back. I can say that I was mad at him for awhile. I was mad that he didn’t want me to go. I was mad that he couldn’t see this as the opportunity that I did. I was mad at him for being selfish. I was so mad.

But then I remembered and thought about (for a few days until it sunk in) that two mentors of mine, from the beginning of my teaching career, warned me: God first, family second, work third. It also struck me about a worship conversation we had at work one time where another teacher brought up about a marriage seminar where it was discussed that what God has brought together, let no man pull apart. I also thought back to the many marriage books and people I follow that have provided excellent, Christian (and for non-Christians as well) marriage advice where the best thing you can do is to respect your husband because in doing so, it will – whether now or eventually – show him how much he means to you and often will reflect a change in his behaviour towards you as well. Needless to say, I shouldn’t be mad.

I chose to undergo a mini-lecture about cancelling our reservations (work-related). I chose to take on the cancellation fees though I still haven’t heard how much that is yet. I chose to eventually be questioned over and over about why I didn’t go on the cruise (nobody aside from who needed to know, knows yet) and I will choose to defend my husband over the situation because he is simply my husband. I choose to respect his wishes. I know it is out of his heart that he wants to do as much as he can to protect me. Maybe I won’t get to travel. Maybe this may knock me out of my social-related situation at the school. But at the end of the day, my first mission is and always will be my marriage and if I can’t be a good steward of that, then I have already failed in a mission given from God. I’m not willing to do that. I need to be a witness for God to my husband and that is what I’m going to do.

I love my job, but I love my husband more. And so I do not hold a grudge but I choose to respect him. Although anxiety may come when I know the others are leaving for this trip, I will choose to remember that he was only saying it out of love, and pray for the patience and understanding that I need. God is the ultimate provider of that all-encompassing peace. ❤

I Hope One Day My Students Understand

It has been such an emotional week for me this week. After an incident that occurred last week, the decision was brought down from Academic Standards Committee as to what would occur as punitive and redemptive actions in this situation. Of course, I had to write the e-mail, and then answer the questions that later ensued as to what had actually occurred as well as the details of the final decision.

So far, parents have seemed understanding and supportive. It’s the students that I worry about the most.

I hope one day my students understand
The reasons why I had to do what I did
The amount of punishment I suffered with them
The fact that I wanted to erase the event and the consequences with it
The reasons why I couldn’t
The reasons why I had to follow through even when I didn’t want to
The reasons why I can seem so harsh
Only because I want them to see their own potential
I hope one day my students understand
How much I cared and wanted them to succeed
The tears I’ve cried and the time I’ve spent
The lasting effects of memories
I hope one day my students understand
That I tried to do the best I could
A year is short in the grand scheme of life
There is no time to waste
I have to do what I can each day
Even if it means correcting mistakes
I hope one day my students understand
That it wasn’t just to “get them in trouble”
My care is genuine, much deeper than that
I hope one day they’ll see it.

To any other teachers reading this blog: Do you ever feel this way? I’m finding truth in the fact that it’s usually the more difficult students, the ones you spend so much time trying to “fix” or “correct” that grow on you the most. Since I have no children of my own, these students essentially are my children. And I think that just makes it worse when things go wrong.

I know I’ll get through this, it’s just another bump in the road. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. It’s so hard not to reach out and want to take all of their pain and hardships away. It’s hard to watch them learn the difficulties of life. But you have to, or they’ll never learn the difference between what is right and wrong. And so it is my prayer each night, that no matter what happens, they’ll someday understand and see how much I care. I hope one day my students will understand…

Week 6 Day 4

I finally got it last night on the treadmill. I finally thought up a few examples that really showed me things that were very difficult to forgive, but I have forgiven. As I reviewed my list, I realized these things hurt me more than they have ever made me angry. I narrowed my list to four things as I only wanted to summarize yesterday’s topic before presenting what I had prepared for today. My list consisted of the following: My father did not attend my high school nor my university graduations, my sister almost died due to the doctor’s mistake of putting latex elastics (of which she’s allergic to) in her mouth following jaw surgery causing her to near death, my friends burned down my family’s camp in a drunken stupor one Halloween night which contained years of memories that will never be replaced since my family was in the middle of renewing the insurance, and finally, the one that is still able to make me cry at any moment, is the fact that my grandfather died when an impatient driver went to pass a semi-truck and ran head into my grandparents’ vehicle coming in the opposite direction. Four extremely difficult situations I had to go through.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that yes, these things cause me sadness, but I don’t hold grudges against the people who were guilty. And here is what I figured out:

1. My life philosophy: Hate what the person did, but don’t hate the person. The truth of the matter is, if sin did not exist, the person would not have done what they did. God did not design us to be this way, but we all sin because of the fall in the Garden of Eden. When Jesus returns, sin will no longer exist. Therefore, just as we reflect on ourselves being sinful, hate the sin but not the person.

2. Allowing someone to suffer what we choose to be consequences for what they’ve done is a method of passing judgement. We are not the ultimate judge. Yes, Earth has judges for major sins that are here so that hopefully less sin will be created, but who are we to gossip about those who have made mistakes against us? We cannot claim to be the judge that God is, and thus should not carry out such punishments.

3. I thought of the story in John 8 where the people brought forth the prostitute expecting Jesus to agree that she should be stoned. However, Jesus responded in a way they didn’t expect, and that was that whoever had not sinned should be the first to cast a stone. Yet, nobody could because everyone had sinned. In this same way, how are we to again, punish others in such a way yet expect forgiveness for when we do something?

4. In a way, Jesus became the person you are upset at. Jesus did not just die for one person’s sins, He died for ALL of humanity’s sins. Think about that. In order to truly die on the cross for us, He had to essentially become all the bad things that we are. He became the bad in all of us. And I thought if I were to see the face of Jesus in the person I’m upset at, would I really be able to stay upset? This is a hard one to think of…

With that being said, I quickly summarized and prayed that those ideas would stick for anyone having difficulties with forgiveness. I then proceeded to continue with my topic for today.

Today’s School Spirit Week day was Tacky Day. Quite frankly, I hate this day. I don’t find “fun” in dressing tacky. But I do it to support my students. So tacky it was. When trying to think of a topic associated with dressing tacky, it quite easily came to me that the topic should be on how life can get messy. And I had a great personal story about this that I was given permission to share, and that was on my step-sister, Natalie.

Natalie was a child with a free spirit that did not easily get along with my dad. Quite understandably, it is hard for a man to come into your life that in a way seems to be taking place of your dad. I can completely relate to that. But she was encouraged by her true father to move out early. She moved out with her boyfriend at the young age of 15. She then proceeded to get involved with drugs which eventually led to many (I believe up to 15) times of being in and out of rehab. Then, the fearful happened. She became pregnant.

During her pregnancy, she seemed to come clean. She moved back in with her mom and my dad, and although there were still some arguments between my dad and her, she seemed to be doing alright. Several months later, twin boys emerged. They were premature, but healthy. I sing my praises to God that those boys were and still are healthy. So many things could have happened. But as they were now born and she fed from a bottle, it was becoming noticeable that she drank.

One Christmas break, my sister and I were at our dad’s, and our step-mom noticed she was getting an alcoholic drink. And so, my step-mom locked up the alcohol in her bedroom. What came next, none of us were prepared for. She went ballistic. She was pounding on the door, screaming that it was unfair, that they should allow her to drink, and finally that she was going to get her babies and they were going to leave. This got so out of hand that it got to the point, the almost unbearable point for my step-mom, that the babies were in danger and the police needed to be called. Keep in mind, my poor dad is running three things at the same time: apologizing and trying to lighten the mood for my sister and I, trying to console and counsel my step-mom, and keeping my step-sister and her babies in the house while keeping unwanted people out.

When the police came, they gave her the option of going upstairs to say good-bye to her babies. She fought and fought them until they eventually and literally dragged her out of the house. If only I could share with you the nightmare. I have never heard someone scream and yell like I heard her scream and yell that night. If I hadn’t known better, I would have thought she was being stabbed to death. The awful things she was yelling at her mother would definitely be carried for a long time. That’s when I really knew what addictions could do.

She was released the next day, and I expected that when she called, she would at least ask how her babies were. But do you want to know the ONLY question she asked? When her mom could come get her and take her to get her Methodone shot. No joke. I was in shock. To care about a drug replacement shot to help with her previous addictions over the care of her own children.

Later, she did move out into her own apartment with her children, but by that Friday, my dad and step-mom had the boys over for a sleep-over that they would never return from. She was not using her finances for the true care of her children but rather to feed her addictions, and so learned that she could live on her own again while visiting her children as they were kept at my dad’s.

As much as I’d like to say that she got the help she needed, I can’t. I can remember a conversation we had late one night where she was telling me that the worst thing for her was realizing that she had no dreams left. She used to want to be an actress, to be all of these big things in her life. But she realized that her addictions have drained all of these hopes, all of these goals and dreams out of her, and she had nothing left. Perhaps this was one of the most painful realizations for her. Because one night, in winter, I received a phone call from my dad. His voice was shaky, and he sounded as if he was ready to cry. As much as Natalie and him fought, she was still a huge part of his life as his step-daughter. And I believe this is what made it so difficult that the police had shown up on their doorstep the night before asking them to come and confirm the identification of the body they had found under a bridge. Upon investigation, they had come to believe that she had jumped off the bridge as there was only one set of footprints in the snow that led to the railing and thus leading to the body below. What a hard thing to accept. After years and years of drug abuse, of alcohol abuse, and of accepting that you have nothing left to live for in life, I can only imagine the pain she must have been in. She knew that rehab wouldn’t help because it hadn’t in the past. She couldn’t seem to escape the relationship abuses from men, the fact that she couldn’t find the help she needed nor the inability to escape the addictions that had control over her. This was nothing short of terrible.

Of course, the following fear came that child services would take the boys away. But my dad and step-mother fought for custody of the boys and thankfully were awarded it. And to this day, they are doing the best they can while parenting as grandparents. They boys are doing so well, I’m happy to report. But one day, and my father has talked to me about this, he knows the boys will ask where their mother is, and why they don’t have one like all of the other kids. And he fears that conversation. He fears revisiting and telling them that their father has never wanted anything to do with them and that their mother was so involved with such horrible things that she couldn’t take care of them and eventually couldn’t even take care of herself. What a hard conversation to have with children. I can’t even imagine.

I asked the other teachers and staff to think about the children we have difficulties with, to think of the things we don’t know about in their home lives, the burdens they carry to school each day. Because sometimes, it only takes one family member to make life messy for everyone else. And when especially dealing with children, those background messes need to be considered.

I had to rush through this worship a little as you can probably imagine as it got a little long. But I left people crying and with deep thoughts. Because the truth is, sometimes life sucks. Life can be unfair. The devil is at work so much in our lives, trying to tear us away from our Father who loves us, and unfortunately he uses things like drugs and alcohol that have a way of hooking us and can be very difficult to get away from. Things like drugs and alcohol have a way of consuming people and making the gift of life that God has given us seem pointless. And unfortunately, I see the devil in much of Natalie’s life, laughing and smiling at her misery. And yet in the same scene, I see tears running down Jesus’ face as He watches the destruction of His daughter, the one He loves more than anything. It’s a sad scene, not an easy one to grasp and still not the easiest one to talk about. But as my father said, it’s important to use these stories to help prevent others from making the same mistakes and if this story will help someone, then it is worth talking about.

I didn’t workout today as it was a rest day, but I do hope that you reflect on this, especially if you or someone you know is suffering with addictions. Addictions are something so incredibly unfortunate and cause so much pain to everyone. Take intervention now. Pray that the God of healing, the God that has already defeated all evil in this world will help you overcome. Because there is no power greater than God’s.

Today I Walked in the Office and Said “I Quit!”

Ok, so not really. But I did walk in and said that I felt like quitting.

Today was one of those days. Those days where you wish you had never gotten out of bed, that you called in sick, that anything would have happened except what did. Teachers, I’m sure you know the kind of day I’m talking about.

Today I had to deal with something I hoped to never deal with; something that totally broke my heart. Since I don’t have kids of my own, those school kids are so much more like my own children. They are the kids that I try to protect. And when something happens, I immediately attack myself that I did not do a good enough job training and guiding them in life. When something happens, I immediately feel like a failure.

Today was probably one of the worst things I’ve ever had to deal with. So immediately my thoughts were I had failed as a teacher, I had failed as a guide in the life of my student, and I wasn’t fit for my job. What a hit!

Teaching is such a large, tough responsibility. Parenting is a huge responsibility. Any career in which you work with children and youth is a huge responsibility. When working with children, you have to realize that everything you do, they are watching. Anything you do or say, they will carry with them the rest of their lives. What a scary thought!

And as a teacher, you are being entrusted with someone else’s child which carries an extra burden in itself. You strive to be a good influence in their lives. You strive to teach them such great morals in such a small time and when something happens (and it honestly only has to be one thing), you feel as if you’ve failed altogether. Nevermind the fact that you have so many other kids in the class. All it takes is one student, one incident, and you immediately begin to judge yourself.

That’s what I went through today. I wanted to cry. I wanted to quit. I wanted to go home. I wanted to just curl up in a ball and go to sleep so that I could forget about the world around me at that moment. But instead I took deep breaths and did what I needed to do to deal with the situation.

Today was a really hard day.

Fellow teachers, a lot of you have probably dealt with something similar. I feel your pain, I feel your stress. Please know that you are not alone. The devil’s presence is ever near to us and our students, which makes our job ever increasingly important in showing them God’s light and guiding them away from the devil’s tactics and creating their own personal relationships with a Saviour that will be with them always.

Do the best you can and be the role model those kids need. Pray for your students and the choices they will make. It’s the best thing you can really do.

I Have A Confession: It’s Not Always That Easy…

So it’s true. I have a confession to make.

I feel as if I come across as very positive, and if I do, that’s my goal. I honestly try super hard to look for the positive in everything. That’s just who I am. I know there is usually a positive side to everything or at least a way through every tough situation. I know that. I’m naturally optimistic. I also am aware of that. And even though I’m really good at showing my optimistic side, I have to admit, it’s not always that easy.

I’m looking at today as an example. It has been weeks since I found out that the government lost my husband’s FBI report. I was mad for a couple days, got over it, and realized we do have enough time to apply for another one because he was at least issued his work permit. But I had never had the chance to call them myself until today.

For starters, there’s always a wait time on the phone. And I was using a spare at work to call so my anxiety was raising a little that they wouldn’t answer by the time my students came back.

Then, I explained my situation quickly to which the guy questioned me as if I was crazy. This didn’t help.

And on top of it all, not only did I wait, got questioned as if I had no idea what I was talking about, I got told he couldn’t do anything without speaking to my husband and he has to be here with me if I am to talk. All of that for nothing.

And after I hung up the phone (the guy offered no apology or anything and said a very quick good-bye), I realized that I had been optimistic about talking to them myself and at least figuring out what went wrong even if we had to apply again. But quite pointedly, my optimism was nothing short of dashed and I was left in a mess of anxiety and completely upset.

You know, it’s one thing to know that everything is going to be ok, because it is. I know it will be, one way or another. But I have to tell myself it’s also ok to BE in that moment, to feel what I feel. I mean, this is something that my entire heart is woven into. This whole process has cost us so much money and time and has tested our faith and strength so much. Then to hear that the man was totally unwilling to help me and not even feel bad about it? For an optimistic person like me, that’s hard to handle.

I’m a problem solver. I’m used to figuring out my own problems, my friends problems, and my students problems. That’s what I do. And to have a problem that means so much to me personally unsolved and nothing I can do about it, that’s almost heart shattering.

The thing is, I’m ok now. But at that moment, I almost had a meltdown. Mix the stress of wondering how his residency is ever going to be done, let alone the thought of citizenship afterwards. Mix that with the 20 children I’m responsible for all day. Mix that with the table full of 4+ hours worth of grading that I need to do. Mix that with the mass amount of paperwork I have to do before the end of the month to meet government deadlines for education. Sometimes it honestly gets too hard to handle.

And that’s what I want you guys to know. I do hope you gain happy influences from my blog; that you learn to hopefully see God’s hands even in the worst of things. But I don’t want to be fake; I want you to know that I’m human and sometimes life does get too much for me in the moment. I know I will pull through, I know God will carry me when I need it, but it’s ok to admit you have too much going on or too much in your head. Breaking down is a way of dealing with all of those emotions you carry, and that’s perfectly ok. Take a walk, watch a show, exercise, or lay down and listen to music. Do what it takes for you to get through that moment because when that moment has passed, however long it takes, you will be able to deal with it later or at least have the mental clarity to get the help you need. You can do it.

So there I go. Now you guys know. Life really isn’t all rainbows and butterflies but much more a cartoon strip of repeatedly falling and getting back up on your feet. The main point is not the falling, it’s about the getting back up. As long as you can do that, you’ve already won the battles you will face.

A Teacher’s Joy

Some of you fellow teachers will be able to relate to this, but it definitely was a euphoric moment for me yesterday.

Since I work in a smaller school, with an odd design, there are 4 select classrooms in my area that are very close together. In fact, we’re the only 4 classrooms in “the basement”. And as the second youngest classroom in the basement, I have the privilege of seeing my old students from time-to-time. The problem with this is that as they pass on from my grade, their schedules change and so our times for breaks do not line up. I do not see them as often as I’d like.

You see, every once in awhile, you get “that” class. The class you don’t want to get rid of. The class you want to teach forever. Don’t get me wrong, no class is perfect! But the dynamics of each class are different, and that’s what makes the total and complete difference. 

I had a great class last year. I really had a hard time letting them go. I was worried that my class this year wouldn’t be as personable, as attentive, or as connectable. But I have been blessed greatly with another good class. It is only the third week of school, but these kids have been great so far. I don’t feel completely connected to all of them yet, but this is a process that takes time. I do look forward to a great year.

But what hit me last night was being at my desk, after the dismissal bell, watching the students in the hallway get ready to go home. And it hit me. 

This is a teacher’s joy.

Being able to watch the students you struggle with, the students you work so hard for grow. You watch these big steps in their lives take place over the course of many years and you know that you had a part in that. And maybe this is just more sentimental to me because I don’t have my own children, but my students are my children. It’s hard to get to know these kids for so many days a year and have to say good-bye. I now can understand better, though to a lesser extent, parents that let children go to university or other places. It’s hard. But it is my joy to help them succeed and to pass them on to other teachers that will continue to help them succeed until they hit the time in their lives where they will be making their own decisions and choices. And it truly is a joy to watch them grow and become more the people they were meant to be. 

If you’re a teacher that is struggling, just remember that you were given this opportunity to make a difference in the lives of these kids. It may not be easy but you do have the chance to make a difference, even if it is a forced smile in the morning. Sometimes all these kids need is a smile and pat on the back. Even if you have to compliment them on how proper they are sitting in their chair, find something to compliment them on each day. There are enough things in the world telling them that they are inadequate, be the person that makes them feel important. 

We, as teachers, have such an important role as teachers in the lives. We all need to take it seriously. These kids are not just the future leaders of the world, but in many ways are the leaders of the world, and there is no better time to help them than now.