Week 10 Day 7

Well, today did not go exactly as planned. I woke up to my husband vomiting in the bathroom. This occurred several times throughout the morning. I’m going to estimate 10-20 times. He literally had nothing left in his stomach, the poor man.

So I spent most of my day cleaning my house, doing laundry, catching up on some things in life. My husband seemed to be better after lunch, at least not vomiting anymore. He was still very weak and tired and couldn’t handle much of anything in his stomach. He also quite frequently felt like he couldn’t breathe which is by far the scariest part. He battled a headache and fever for most of the day, and his body actually turned red like he had been sunburned! It was seriously the craziest thing I had ever seen!

As the night went on, he seemed to progressively get better. I missed my workout again today, but my car is still not running and I needed to be home anyways to make sure my husband was actually breathing. I checked on him quite frequently as I was very worried about him.

I’m looking forward to hopefully getting in two workouts tomorrow, and hopefully waking up to a much healthier husband.

Week 9 Day 2

This morning was just not a good morning. I woke up unhappy, and just couldn’t seem to lift my own spirits today. My husband didn’t have to go to work until late, and so everything was rushed more than normal this morning. I missed being late by literally a hair, and I just felt such a mess this morning.

To continue matters, our worship today was filled with intense sadness. A brother to one of the teachers at a sister-school lost his wife due to some health complication that they weren’t able to save her from. To make matters more complicated, she was 6 months pregnant with their first child. They managed to save the child which of course is what his full attention is on as of now. He knows that his wife would have wanted him to do whatever necessary to keep their child alive, and so that is what he’s focussed so heavily on now. The baby is just over 2 lbs; very tiny and so very young. The problem is, he’s in the states, and as many of you know, this is not going to be an easy road financially with so many weeks to months of recovery for such a premature baby. I am going to ask that you please keep this man in your prayers. You may have no association to him, but these are people who thought little of themselves. In fact, they actually met while both volunteering for relief services after 9/11. The more I hear about this couple, the more unfair it seems. And the whole thing is that we will have no idea why God allows these things to happen to people that seem so good, the kind of people this world needs more of. But it is in my faith that God will wrap His arms around this man and his tiny son, and that He will help that son grow to a healthy state so that he can go home with his dad.

If you feel moved by this tragedy, I will leave the link to the donation site below. I’ve always been in Canada where we have not had to worry about such extreme health care costs. He needs your help. But most importantly, he needs your prayers.

Anyways, worship left me in a continued saddened state. The next stop was taking attendance and getting my students upstairs for our Remembrance Day ceremony. This assembly allowed me to take a breath, and to really contemplate things in my life, and realize again that I am so fortunate and blessed to have what I have. Even if my car needs work done, even if it’s extremely cold outside, even if my house is so trashed that I’d be embarrassed for anyone to see it, I still have things that other people do not. I need to be more grateful.

I’d love to say the rest of the day went much better, but no amount of reflection could have prepared me for the energy the kids brought today. They did so well containing it during the ceremony, but after finding out it was -25 Celsius outside, and so recess was inside, all of their energy was coming out in my room! Oh the madness! I was so glad when the day was done.

After school, I was not done work. In fact, I stayed at work until 8:00 p.m. I then came home, got ready, and went to the gym. I needed the gym tonight.

Tonight’s workout was supposed to be three circuits for back and biceps, but the gym was so packed! It ended up being supersets instead of full circuits just whenever I could find available machines or benches. I skipped cardio tonight because my mind was not in it. Instead, we came home and I continued to work on school related things until after 1:00 a.m. and even then, only went to bed because I knew I needed to. Definitely looking forward to an uplifted mood tomorrow!

If you’d like to donate to the tragedy described above, please click on the link below. I know he would very much appreciate any bit of help he can get to help his son fight for his life! Thank you in advance!

http://www.youcaring.com/memorial-fundraiser/ashley-picco-memorial-fund/260229

Week 6 Day 4

I finally got it last night on the treadmill. I finally thought up a few examples that really showed me things that were very difficult to forgive, but I have forgiven. As I reviewed my list, I realized these things hurt me more than they have ever made me angry. I narrowed my list to four things as I only wanted to summarize yesterday’s topic before presenting what I had prepared for today. My list consisted of the following: My father did not attend my high school nor my university graduations, my sister almost died due to the doctor’s mistake of putting latex elastics (of which she’s allergic to) in her mouth following jaw surgery causing her to near death, my friends burned down my family’s camp in a drunken stupor one Halloween night which contained years of memories that will never be replaced since my family was in the middle of renewing the insurance, and finally, the one that is still able to make me cry at any moment, is the fact that my grandfather died when an impatient driver went to pass a semi-truck and ran head into my grandparents’ vehicle coming in the opposite direction. Four extremely difficult situations I had to go through.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that yes, these things cause me sadness, but I don’t hold grudges against the people who were guilty. And here is what I figured out:

1. My life philosophy: Hate what the person did, but don’t hate the person. The truth of the matter is, if sin did not exist, the person would not have done what they did. God did not design us to be this way, but we all sin because of the fall in the Garden of Eden. When Jesus returns, sin will no longer exist. Therefore, just as we reflect on ourselves being sinful, hate the sin but not the person.

2. Allowing someone to suffer what we choose to be consequences for what they’ve done is a method of passing judgement. We are not the ultimate judge. Yes, Earth has judges for major sins that are here so that hopefully less sin will be created, but who are we to gossip about those who have made mistakes against us? We cannot claim to be the judge that God is, and thus should not carry out such punishments.

3. I thought of the story in John 8 where the people brought forth the prostitute expecting Jesus to agree that she should be stoned. However, Jesus responded in a way they didn’t expect, and that was that whoever had not sinned should be the first to cast a stone. Yet, nobody could because everyone had sinned. In this same way, how are we to again, punish others in such a way yet expect forgiveness for when we do something?

4. In a way, Jesus became the person you are upset at. Jesus did not just die for one person’s sins, He died for ALL of humanity’s sins. Think about that. In order to truly die on the cross for us, He had to essentially become all the bad things that we are. He became the bad in all of us. And I thought if I were to see the face of Jesus in the person I’m upset at, would I really be able to stay upset? This is a hard one to think of…

With that being said, I quickly summarized and prayed that those ideas would stick for anyone having difficulties with forgiveness. I then proceeded to continue with my topic for today.

Today’s School Spirit Week day was Tacky Day. Quite frankly, I hate this day. I don’t find “fun” in dressing tacky. But I do it to support my students. So tacky it was. When trying to think of a topic associated with dressing tacky, it quite easily came to me that the topic should be on how life can get messy. And I had a great personal story about this that I was given permission to share, and that was on my step-sister, Natalie.

Natalie was a child with a free spirit that did not easily get along with my dad. Quite understandably, it is hard for a man to come into your life that in a way seems to be taking place of your dad. I can completely relate to that. But she was encouraged by her true father to move out early. She moved out with her boyfriend at the young age of 15. She then proceeded to get involved with drugs which eventually led to many (I believe up to 15) times of being in and out of rehab. Then, the fearful happened. She became pregnant.

During her pregnancy, she seemed to come clean. She moved back in with her mom and my dad, and although there were still some arguments between my dad and her, she seemed to be doing alright. Several months later, twin boys emerged. They were premature, but healthy. I sing my praises to God that those boys were and still are healthy. So many things could have happened. But as they were now born and she fed from a bottle, it was becoming noticeable that she drank.

One Christmas break, my sister and I were at our dad’s, and our step-mom noticed she was getting an alcoholic drink. And so, my step-mom locked up the alcohol in her bedroom. What came next, none of us were prepared for. She went ballistic. She was pounding on the door, screaming that it was unfair, that they should allow her to drink, and finally that she was going to get her babies and they were going to leave. This got so out of hand that it got to the point, the almost unbearable point for my step-mom, that the babies were in danger and the police needed to be called. Keep in mind, my poor dad is running three things at the same time: apologizing and trying to lighten the mood for my sister and I, trying to console and counsel my step-mom, and keeping my step-sister and her babies in the house while keeping unwanted people out.

When the police came, they gave her the option of going upstairs to say good-bye to her babies. She fought and fought them until they eventually and literally dragged her out of the house. If only I could share with you the nightmare. I have never heard someone scream and yell like I heard her scream and yell that night. If I hadn’t known better, I would have thought she was being stabbed to death. The awful things she was yelling at her mother would definitely be carried for a long time. That’s when I really knew what addictions could do.

She was released the next day, and I expected that when she called, she would at least ask how her babies were. But do you want to know the ONLY question she asked? When her mom could come get her and take her to get her Methodone shot. No joke. I was in shock. To care about a drug replacement shot to help with her previous addictions over the care of her own children.

Later, she did move out into her own apartment with her children, but by that Friday, my dad and step-mom had the boys over for a sleep-over that they would never return from. She was not using her finances for the true care of her children but rather to feed her addictions, and so learned that she could live on her own again while visiting her children as they were kept at my dad’s.

As much as I’d like to say that she got the help she needed, I can’t. I can remember a conversation we had late one night where she was telling me that the worst thing for her was realizing that she had no dreams left. She used to want to be an actress, to be all of these big things in her life. But she realized that her addictions have drained all of these hopes, all of these goals and dreams out of her, and she had nothing left. Perhaps this was one of the most painful realizations for her. Because one night, in winter, I received a phone call from my dad. His voice was shaky, and he sounded as if he was ready to cry. As much as Natalie and him fought, she was still a huge part of his life as his step-daughter. And I believe this is what made it so difficult that the police had shown up on their doorstep the night before asking them to come and confirm the identification of the body they had found under a bridge. Upon investigation, they had come to believe that she had jumped off the bridge as there was only one set of footprints in the snow that led to the railing and thus leading to the body below. What a hard thing to accept. After years and years of drug abuse, of alcohol abuse, and of accepting that you have nothing left to live for in life, I can only imagine the pain she must have been in. She knew that rehab wouldn’t help because it hadn’t in the past. She couldn’t seem to escape the relationship abuses from men, the fact that she couldn’t find the help she needed nor the inability to escape the addictions that had control over her. This was nothing short of terrible.

Of course, the following fear came that child services would take the boys away. But my dad and step-mother fought for custody of the boys and thankfully were awarded it. And to this day, they are doing the best they can while parenting as grandparents. They boys are doing so well, I’m happy to report. But one day, and my father has talked to me about this, he knows the boys will ask where their mother is, and why they don’t have one like all of the other kids. And he fears that conversation. He fears revisiting and telling them that their father has never wanted anything to do with them and that their mother was so involved with such horrible things that she couldn’t take care of them and eventually couldn’t even take care of herself. What a hard conversation to have with children. I can’t even imagine.

I asked the other teachers and staff to think about the children we have difficulties with, to think of the things we don’t know about in their home lives, the burdens they carry to school each day. Because sometimes, it only takes one family member to make life messy for everyone else. And when especially dealing with children, those background messes need to be considered.

I had to rush through this worship a little as you can probably imagine as it got a little long. But I left people crying and with deep thoughts. Because the truth is, sometimes life sucks. Life can be unfair. The devil is at work so much in our lives, trying to tear us away from our Father who loves us, and unfortunately he uses things like drugs and alcohol that have a way of hooking us and can be very difficult to get away from. Things like drugs and alcohol have a way of consuming people and making the gift of life that God has given us seem pointless. And unfortunately, I see the devil in much of Natalie’s life, laughing and smiling at her misery. And yet in the same scene, I see tears running down Jesus’ face as He watches the destruction of His daughter, the one He loves more than anything. It’s a sad scene, not an easy one to grasp and still not the easiest one to talk about. But as my father said, it’s important to use these stories to help prevent others from making the same mistakes and if this story will help someone, then it is worth talking about.

I didn’t workout today as it was a rest day, but I do hope that you reflect on this, especially if you or someone you know is suffering with addictions. Addictions are something so incredibly unfortunate and cause so much pain to everyone. Take intervention now. Pray that the God of healing, the God that has already defeated all evil in this world will help you overcome. Because there is no power greater than God’s.

Week 2 Day 3 : A Hard Day

For the first time EVER, I woke up at 4:30 and went straight to the gym! I completed my circuit training and was able to make it home in time to help my husband get ready for work as well as do some laundry and take care of our animals while still getting ready and making it to work on time! What a morning! I also took delight in cooking and eating my breakfast at home, something that rarely if ever happens.

Of course, once I made it to school, I realized the pit in my stomach. My Jewel was leaving today. I was filled with sadness, anger, and several different emotions. I really am trying to stay positive about my neighbours, but I really have little good to say.

The day turned into an incredibly long day. I was at work from 7:30-6:20 in meetings and not accomplishing half of what I needed to. I estimate there are at least 5-7 hours worth of grading waiting to be done and huge paperwork deadlines for the end of the month that I have not had time to do.

Of course with the longer hours, I did not have enough meals with me to fill that time span and I was extremely hungry and tired.

I then became quickly stressed as I knew we were meeting my dad, my sister, and her boyfriend for her birthday supper and also so that my dad could take my baby. The only bad news is I couldn’t get ahold of my husband who was supposed to be coming with me. It was a couple hours before I could reach him.

I ended up packing up the dogs myself, and drove in my car to the restaurant, noticing along the way that I had forgotten some items Jewel needed for the flight and having to make a pitstop.

I was the last one to arrive, and we put the dogs in my husband’s truck with the windows down as people have a habit on calling Animal Patrol on all people, especially with dogs in the vehicle regardless of how they are prepped. In my husband’s tall truck, it is less likely people will climb it to see in the windows.

Supper was good, the food was excellent. I ordered a salad as you can always pick and choose the toppings: get a good chicken breast for protein, a couple nuts for fat, lots of greens and other veggies, and I also had quinoa on my salad for that extra carby protein. The salad was excellent!

We had a good time, but when it came time to say good-bye, I had a hard time. My baby was leaving and this was it. We took pictures, I went through thorough instructions, and did all that I could to say good-bye.

On the ride home, I went alone. My husband had the dogs with him in his truck, and I wept driving in my car. I began reflecting on life and how it seemed such a mess. I thought about how my husband and I are living in a city that we both don’t like, beside unfortunate neighbours, and things seem to be getting ripped away from us without us having any control. We’re both not happy where we are, as busy as we are, with the rules we have to face. The only thing in my life that seems to be somewhat controlled is my diet and the gym. That honestly is all I have control of. The government restricts my husband from school over a paper they refuse to admit they lost. The government restricts me from my babies that I never planned on having but have adapted and made my own sacrifices in order to keep and take good care of them. Those higher than me in my career control the amount of meetings and extracurricular activities I must do which take up more time than I would like to allow with no financial compensation. My husband’s job is controlled by the journeymen he works with and has to work the hours they set out each day. We are stuck in a city where jobs are more abundant to ensure that our bills can be paid since my husband cannot advance in his career without the government papers and thus needs a company that can take him on for now. Everything about my life seems to be controlled by someone or something else. I’m stuck. I’m a mess. The one thing I have is the gym.

And so even though it was late when we got home, we unloaded the dogs, sat for a minute, and went to the gym. The man at the desk recognized me from earlier that morning when he was ending his night shift and mentioned how shocked he was to see me twice in less than 24 hours. I smiled and continued to walk. The gym is the one thing people cannot take away from me. And so my cardio became complete; 12 minutes of HIIT on the stairclimber. And the day was done.

Sad Gym Events: Prayers Requested

Tonight as I was walking into the women’s washroom, I noticed a printed poster on the wall. It was a picture of a woman’s hand with a ring on it. Some poor lady had lost her engagement ring at the gym. My stomach sank.

You see, a little over a year ago, I had stupidly put my wedding ring and engagement ring in my pocket and thought they would be safe while I worked out. You cannot imagine my horror to realize they were no longer in my pocket. Not only that, but to know that my husband was unable to work, and he had worked MONTHS at his last and final job to pay for those rings. I was ready to freak out.

Fortunately enough, I found one of them. It must have rolled out of my pocket and stopped over by another machine where I found it. But I still was missing one of them, and that’s when I told my husband what happened.

To say he was upset would be an underestimate. He was quite devastated. Especially looking upon the fact that my rings were worth several thousands of dollars and there were many people at the gym. How easy would it be for someone to pick it up and put it in their pockets? Way too easy.

I went and notified the front desk, notified the custodians, and continued to look many times over the gym, praying the entire time.

I cannot begin to tell you how blessed I was. A man came over and asked what I was looking for. I told him I had lost my ring. He asked me to describe it, and so I did. And lo’ and behold, he put his hand in his pocket and pulled out my ring. Talk about a huge sigh of relief. How easy would it have been for someone to walk out the door with my ring in their pocket. I can tell you that I’ve never made that mistake again.

So seeing this poster hits home really closely. I feel for this woman. And to know the feelings that come with losing your ring; awful. So I’m going to pray and ask for extra prayer for this woman to find her engagement ring. The power of prayer can do extraordinary things!

We Finally Got It… And He’s Happy!

I never knew looking for a truck could be so stressful. It’s been 3 weeks. Two down payments and cancellations. And endless online and offline searching. I cannot even begin to tell you the amount of sleep we’ve lost and the amount of frustration we’ve endured. Truly endless. Or so it seemed.

One thing about trucks is they cost a lot, especially where we live. So the decision either came to 0% interest on a new truck that cost much more money, or be charged some interest on a used vehicle that may not cost as much money, but usually had a fair amount of mileage on it.

To add to the frustration, my husband has owned 3 trucks before and therefore was not willing to settle for something ridiculous. We also deal with a mad amount of winter (snowed the first week of September…) so having 4WD and other features was important. He also wanted a diesel which automatically lifts the price. Oh boy…

Slowly throughout the weeks, we whittled down a few things. One, that he didn’t want brand new because the price was so high. Two, that we were sticking with lower kms on a used truck. Three, that it had to be diesel. Four and almost decided from the beginning, it had to be a Dodge.

The problem came that we had to find a Dodge with low kms that was a diesel and not out of our price range and that was the true struggle. Prices for trucks are simply outrageous. And then one caught his eye online.

There was a silver Dodge, lifted (he likes lifted), rugged brand new tires, nice looking wheels, diesel, 15 000 km, only 2 years old, still covered by all the factory warranties, some cool features, and a very fraction of the price it would have been new. It’s still at the high end of our price range, but doable.

So we went to look at it to make sure it wasn’t just one of those circumstances where the vehicle looks awesome online, but there are tonnes of things wrong with it when we get there. Truth be told, it was exactly as it looked.

The dealer man met us, was incredibly nice, gave us the keys, told us to have fun, and was very friendly and easy to sit with to discuss the truck. It was a small used dealership, very family friendly. I mean seriously, the men were sitting around chewing Double Bubble. Not much more friendly than that!

The truck was great, and made my husband feel so happy. I of course venture on the thoughts of pricing and what it means to dedicate our finances to this vehicle for the next several years, but again, it is doable, and most importantly, it made him happy.

Don’t get me wrong, the truck is nice. Aside from a couple dings in the bed, and the absolutely tiniest bump in the door (the dealership agreed to pay for this), the truck is incredibly unused. My assumption would be that the person who previously owned it could no longer afford it. I mean this truck probably cost upwards of $60000-70000 brand new. But it runs nicely, it looks nice, and it’s huge. Oh my word is it huge! The thing’s a beast! But at least I know my husband will be safe driving around this soon-to-be-frozen-place we call home. It’s his new baby and he loves it and that’s what makes me happy.

Not the best picture, but it was taken late at night when we finally took it home. Makes the Challenger look tiny!

Have you ever experienced extreme stress trying to find a new vehicle? What obstacles did you face?

Sometimes Your World Gets Shaken

I’m sure many of you have seen on the news about the Moncton, NB man that was dressed in camo with military rifles. He’s killed 3 officers and wounded 2 others. This whole epidemic started early yesterday evening and has continued through the night and on through today. A manhunt like the East coast has not seen in a very long time (if ever).

Normally, I understand this happens in the news. I understand that I currently live in a city where crime is a regular thing. But I grew up in New Brunswick. I grew up in the tiny province where we went around without a care. Yes, there were little bad things, but nothing to this extent. So for me, this is huge.

What else makes it huge for me is that my family is still in NB. So naturally, I sat for quite awhile trying to think of anyone that I knew that might live in Moncton. Thankfully, I’m pretty sure all my family live elsewhere, but I do have a friend who is outside the lockdown area, and her husband and daughter are within it. Now that is a stress I cannot imagine.

But out of this whole situation, I’ve come to realize a few things.

#1: He’s not after everyday civilians. He’s after cops. He has a problem with the government, the gun law, the corrupt police. And unfortunately it’s being taken out on all police, without distinction. It seems to me tht cops have a certain place in his mind and all are branded as the evil ones, rather than the few who have shown corruption. This is a sad fact to face 😦

#2: This is what anger can do to you. He’s obviously been angry about these issues for quite awhile. The amount of angry posts that were posted before he went about were numerous and strong. He held in his anger for too long, and exploded in this way. This will not resolve ANYTHING.e#3: This whole situation has brought out the worst in people. From people telling him to kill other people, from people saying that he’s doing the right thing and making him out to be a hero, and from people giving death wishes to the people who support him, almost everyone has shown a dark side. I honestly couldn’t believe the things I was seeing and felt sickened by the whole thing.

#4: Human judgement is more than corrupt. He believes he is doing justice by killing these officers and making a statement. But is it not wrong to murder no matter who you are? Would you not want to attack the people that killed your family regardless of what they’ve done? Is it right to assume that every cop is corrupt when perhaps you’ve just killed some of the only ones who are just?

The world cannot and should not run like this. Can you imagine, if every time someone gets mad, they went around shooting everyone? The world would have no people left. Anger causes such horrible judgement, and for what gain? The gun law won’t be lessened. In fact, as many are predicting, it will be tightened. His cause has not been accomplished, other than publicity and a dead end to life. I wish the world would cease these incidents, but the sad fact of reality is that this is all part of the end times of which God speaks of in Revelation. But the promise I hold ever so tightly is that Jesus will return; He will come and take us home with Him in Heaven. A place where there will be no more tears, no pain and no suffering. A place where incidents like this will cease to exist. A place where love is the way in which life is constantly lived. A selflessness of service to each other instead of a selfishness of wanting our own ways, especially enough to kill others. I pray for this world and for the people in it. I pray for the people in Moncton that are still locked in their homes. And I pray for the RCMP that are trying to find him, for their rest, their endurance, and their skill that they will find him and end this soon.

Until then, my heart and prayers go out to those who are in Moncton. Stay safe and know that prayers are being sent for your safety and especially for the families of the fallen soldiers. This war needs to end soon.

A Wife That Needs To Improve…

The title of this blog post can seem rather… well, bad. But I am using it to describe non-other than myself. You see, as a child of divorced and remarried parents, I’ve learned that relationships can be hard. And although I’ve seen some of the difficulties in marriage, I really didn’t know all of the reasons or details until I became older and got married myself. Once you’re married, you learn firsthand. And hopefully able to avoid or improve upon the mistakes you’ve learned from those before you. But some things, I’ve learned, can never be truly taught ahead of time without learning a little on your own. One of these things, is miscommunication.

I strongly believe that communication can be the best thing, but it also has the capabilities to be the worst. It all depends on what is involved in your communication, and sometimes the clarity of it. As a teacher, I know I’m constantly having to rethink things that come naturally to me in order to communicate it at a level my students understand. Sometimes I get frustrated when I think they should understand something, but they don’t. I always have to set myself back afterwards and reflect upon the fact that although it means something to me, it may have no experience or background behind it to them, so how could they really know?

Put that into the perspective of a relationship with your spouse. Frustrated that the person who is around you the most just doesn’t seem to get it. Frustrated that you are for sure they should understand, they should know you by now, but they don’t. I make this mistake all the time. And I know sometimes, the miscommunication, trying to explain feelings and trying to make the other person understand, it just doesn’t work out right. Miscommunication is the worst, and I read a blog today that really made me rethink this.

I am incredibly guilty of taking control of things if my husband takes “too long” (in my mind of course). I consider myself to be a fast-thinker, a problem-solver, and experienced with many different situations in life, and thus sometimes better able to make the decisions. I never understood why my husband could not just be happy with the decisions I made since essentially I was saying I knew better. But the blog I read today has made me feel the guilt that I’m worthy of. I’ll share a little of what it said.

( The link to this blog post is here: http://timewarpwife.com/?p=3361 )

She goes on to explain how she had spent time studying in France while she was younger and single. She knew France pretty well. Later in life, she was married and returned to France. And a specific incident (trying to decide which trains to take on the metro) led her to discover the role she was stealing from her husband, a role that caused tension between them that she had never noticed before. And that was the fact that after 10 minutes of her husband trying to figure out the metro, she jumped in with the route that she knew how to get there, thus making the decision for him.

Now I know that this may cause some strife. That yes, women are equals to men and the whole works. But the thing is, I believe God did make man to be the leader. God made man first. And when He saw that Adam was lonely, He said it is not good for man to be alone but to have a helper, and thus created the woman. Even later in the Bible, it speaks of the fact that women need love from their husbands, but husbands need respect from their wives. Of course they need our love, but they feel it most when they know we respect them.

I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I’ve jumped in and made the decision, on a plethora of different things. And I know my husband has tried to tell me the same message before, but it took this blog post today to make me truly realize the damage I’m doing. I’m belittling my husband. I’m telling him that I’m better than him. I’m truly awful.

Now I’m not sure about you, but I know, right now with all my heart that I need to improve. I can’t keep doing this to him. I need to let him lead me, even if I know it’s wrong. I have the worst part holding back my tongue sometime to prove how I’m right, but sometimes, I just need to bite it back. What an unhealthy relationship partner I’ve been. I haven’t even made it home yet today (at work), but when I do go home, I have a large, sincere apology to make.

Life is about growing and learning, and I’m so thankful for the opportunities God has given me to improve, to reshape who I am, to learn the lessons I need to learn. Sometimes I wonder if I would wander the earth in a daze, ignorant of the things I do wrong. Sometimes life hurts, and sometimes it needs to in order for you learn what you need to learn. Today is one of those days, for me.

I Remain Humbled…

So, here’s a little story of what happened last week, not once but unfortunately twice, that has taught me a monumental lesson.

At Outdoor School with my students (school in the wilderness for 4 days), I was chosen to instruct a class called River Rush. River Rush teaches the students about finding an average, volume, and depth. The goal is to learn these things well, then to go to the river and calculate the amount of water flowing down the river every second. It’s actually a pretty easy class to teach, except it decided to rain everyday this year. But our last day was the worst. An absolute downpour. So of course, we had arranged for a bus to come sit by the river so that it was warm for the kids to get in and warm up. No chances of hypothermia were going happen if we could help it!

So anyways, this camp is designed for grades 5-6. We have our regular school kids, but then we also invite homeschool kids as well. These kids come with their parents since they technically have no teacher. And one of these homeschool kids came down the bank in a pink poncho with La Vie en Rose on it. For those of you who don’t know, that’s the name of a lingerie store, and this was a boy. I couldn’t believe that a mother would send her son down in that. He was already a homeschool kid, and to put that on top? My immediate thoughts went to him getting bullied. I felt so bad for this kid.

I made a point to reach out to him, got to know his name, and figured I’d keep an eye out for him just incase. But what happened set me back in my place. This kid not only seemed not to care what he was wearing, but 3 times that day we almost lost our rubber duckies down the river. And 3 times this kid suddenly appeared down river to catch all 3. No other kid even attempted that. This was one hardy kid who received several applauses for not only his courage but his pure skill. I don’t even think I could have gotten down the river that fast. Needless to say, I was reminded of my puny knowledge and judgement in a God-created world.

Second instance happened that same day, the night I got back. It’s almost as if God thought I needed more than just the one reminder I had gotten, and I took it.

My husband and I had been out late taking our one dog to the airport for my step dad. So on our way back, we went to Denny’s for something to eat. Directly behind us sat a woman and a man probably in their later 20s. She was obviously drunk (he was not) and she was saying some of the strangest things: “Oh foooooood! You know sometimes food makes me happier than sex!” for example. “I’m not being loud am I? No I don’t think so!” Yes, she was. But that’s beside the point.

I couldn’t help but think of how loud and obnoxious she was being, and how much quieter of a time my husband and I could have to eat. I grew up with drinkers, but myself don’t drink. I was used to the behaviour, but did not understand how people could enjoy making themselves look ridiculous like that. But then I got put in my place again.

After awhile, she began to speak her heart. She was continuously asking the man if he was mad at her to which of course he said he wasn’t. These two were obviously not in a relationship, but he was simply someone she knew and could lean on in a time of need. She said how she had been drinking since Sunday (it was Wednesday), and that she was meant to love. That some “idiot” had told her she wasn’t (or wouldn’t?) ever have children. That she was meant to have children and to love them with all the love she could.

Talk about eating my thoughts. I had judged this poor woman to be another obnoxious drinker with the things she had been saying before, and yet out comes the pain that is on her heart, and it all of a sudden makes sense to me. I wanted to turn around and tell her God loves her and He knows that she is meant to love, but the situation was just not right for that. The man was trying to get her to hurry with her eating and contain her the best he could. I do give him kudos for the nice and yet firm way he was handling her. It’s necessary when you’re that drunk. But at the same time, I wish she could have felt as loved as she sounded like she needed to feel.

My husband told me later that at one point, when I had gotten up to use the washroom, she did speak of God to the man. She did believe in Him and that gave me some assurance. God can find a way into her heart and hopefully He’ll show her a better way. I hope to see this woman in Heaven, and I pray that she experiences the love she seeks.

Until then, I learned a double lesson that I needed. I am not a judge, and the only true judge is God. I cannot take His place for my judgement’s are wrong. I always considered myself to be slow to judge others, but twice in one day I was proved wrong. I am quick to defend some people, and yet I create my own thoughts about some people too, sometimes without noticing. That’s something I need to work on, and maybe you do too. I’ve always admired the quote, “Don’t judge a person until you’ve walked in their shoes” and yet was I really applying it 100%? Obviously not.

Don’t judge others.

Matthew 7:1-5 speaks loud and clear when it comes to this topic:

Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Ouch. I’m human, and I make mistakes, but nothing will stop me from trying to overcome my judgemental side. I expect people to have no idea of the past from which I come, and yet here I am judging others without knowing theirs. I remain humbled as I’ve learned from a God who loves us all so much that nobody can do what He does, and nobody knows what He knows. I place my trust and renew my faith within Him because I know that He will make no mistakes, and His judgements are just. I continue to look forward to the day of His return so that I can be by His side and learn from His ways to live the joy of life that was originally created to be. A life free of my mortal judgements.

Sometimes, You Just Don’t Know…

One of the most important lessons I learned growing up was never to judge a person from what you see. The old adage, “Never judge a book by its cover” was something I heard over and over again. I always believed that once you had an interaction with someone, you had a basis to judge something about them. Everyone older than me insisted I was wrong. They were right.

I cannot tell you how easily it is to fall into the judgement phase. Someone cuts you off in traffic, someone sits for an extra 30 seconds when the light just turned green, someone brushed off your conversation quickly, and many more that you can probably think of. It’s so easy for us to come to conclusions about others. Think about the people that seem to have it all. Do they really have it all? Was it always easy for them to get what they have? Are they really happy or do they long for something just like we do?

So many questions. So many thoughts. So many quick judgements without knowing the whole story.

Another phrase that comes to mind is, “Don’t judge others until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes”. How true this is!

Aside from documentaries of people pretending to be homeless, and yet go home to mansions with the money they’ve collected for the day, sometimes we may never know the other side of someone. We cannot afford the time, let alone the impossibility, of getting to know everyone. That lady that doesn’t seem to calm down her kids while in the grocery store line? How do you know that she’s had horrible day, the kids may even be acting out less than what she deals with at home, she could be a single mother who has found everything difficult on her own. That man that cut you off in traffic? How do you know his child isn’t being born? How do you know his child had a severe accident or a parent is suffering a heart attack? How do you really know?

Or what about the girl that smiles all the time? She must have it perfect… right? All the money she wants, the biggest house, the nicest clothes… How do you know what her home life is like? Or what about that rich boss you have? Isn’t the nicest, doesn’t talk a lot, kind of seems to shut everyone out and cares only about himself. How do you know he isn’t depressed? How do you know he isn’t having marriage problems, his child is sick and the doctors aren’t sure what to do?

There are so many things, I can’t even begin to make a dent in the list. But the point of all this is that we have no idea. So don’t be so quick to judge.

The Bible tells us so many things about being judgemental. Some of it is a very strong wake-up call. Here are some of those verses for you:

Matthew 7:1-2 “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.

Matthew 7:5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Luke 6:37 “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;

Romans 2:1-3 Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things. We know that the judgment of God rightly falls on those who practice such things. Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God?

And a good summary verse:

James 4:12 There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?

Honestly, who are we? Who am I? The only person who has the right to judge is the very ONE that is perfect. That’s not us. We cannot claim to be perfect, and unless we can claim to be perfect, we cannot have the right to judge. What an unsettling piece of knowledge: to know that the very words that come out of our mouths, our harsh judgemental words, will be the very words used against us in the only judgement that will matter in our lives. I’m not sure about you, but it makes me think. What have I done, what have I said, what have I assumed? Who have I hurt, who have I avoided, who have I placed in a certain “department” in my mind?

I challenge you to take an extra look at your thoughts towards others. Take a second look, take a second glance. Things may not be as they seem.

What do you see? (Poem created by me)

The girl who sits in her seat
Smiling, quiet
Do you see the tear she’s hiding?
The fighting she endures at home?
What do you see?

The man with the expensive car
Always taking vacations, wearing brand name clothes
Do you see his broken heart?
The wife he can’t seem to please?
What do you see?

The woman who can do it all
No task seems too big, no time too short
Do you see her sadness, the family she hardly sees?
Have you seen her aging from her stress of trying to please?
What do you see?

When you look at the boy who seems to laugh
The boy who has too much fun, getting into trouble
Do you see his loneliness, his yearning for friends?
Do you see the brokenness coming from home?
What do you see?

The man who sits on the side of the road,
Asking for money, says he has no home.
Do you see his job loss? His unpaid disability?
Do you see the effects from his loss of family?
What do you see?

A man upon the cross.
Bleeding and praying, he must have done something wrong.
Do you see his love for each and everyone?
His desire to die for the ones that He loves?

Tell me, what do you see?
When you look at me.
Do you see a sinner, someone who’s done wrong?
Or do you see me as happy, thriving in life?

Judgements will be made, opinions will surely come,
But to only one I owe my life, and that is the ONE.
The ONE that people accused, the ONE that calls me home
I know what He sees, He sees His chosen ones.