Week 7 Day 1

Today was a miserable day. We had to wake all too early, my girls didn’t even want to get up. The kids were tired from playing the night before, and yet games started at 9:00 a.m. with breakfast at 7:30 a.m. The poor kids. And to make it completely make it terrible the temperature was completely freezing, and it snowed, wet snow. The kids were tired, soaked, freezing, and the wind made it the worst it could get.

Our students actually made it to semi-finals. But we assured them that if they decided to quit, they would not be letting us down. I mean the weather condition was about the worst it could get. But our kids were troopers, playing through injuries, sliding on the ground, and shivering all the while. Until it got to a point that two of our good players couldn’t run anymore, and they finally understood they would not be letting us down if they quit. So they forfeited, and came inside. Some of the kids even had skin that was turning purple. I sent them immediately to warm up in sauna that was in the locker rooms. The kids were completely done and it wasn’t worth it anymore.

After the kids finished packing up and left, I actually ended up staying at a friend’s house because our staff had meetings in the same location the next day, so it wasn’t worth driving home for the night then driving back. Of course, this was just another day I didn’t see my husband, but we both rather I be safe, especially with the snow on the road.

I had an excellent night with my friend. Of course, those handy meals were still super helpful. But I did splurge and went out for supper with my friend to a restaurant I had never been to before. I had a salad and some Greek appetizers that I split with her. It was very, very good. But I did notice how full I felt afterwards. A little too full.

My friend had not been at the gym in quite awhile, and so I volunteered to go and train her. I didn’t get much of my own workout done, unfortunately, but I was able to show her many exercises for the different body parts so that she could know of some things to do while I was gone. I had so much fun training her!

I thought I had gone to bed at a fairly decent time, until her husband came home. I’ve known them both since high school, so of course I had to say hello to him. I didn’t quite expect it to turn into a few hours of talking about football, but it did. And so it was another very late night.

Week 6 Day 6

This morning was a bit of a rush, trying to get the downpayment for my Invisalign paid, trying to pick up a parcel from the Post Office, trying to get laundry done, trying to pack for the trip, trying to get the bed freshly made and the bedroom cleaned, trying to clean the bathroom, trying to make it on time to my chiropractor appointment, and trying to make sure all the extras, such as my food and vitamins and everything were all in order. I didn’t even get to the dishes like I wanted to! Ah! There is not enough time in a day.

I drove my own car down to the tournament while the rest of the students and the male sponsor (our P.E. teacher) went on the bus. We set up in the gymnasium where the girls slept on the stage and the boys slept on the gym floor below. There was only a drop down curtain on the stage to separate us. And the floor was less than comfortable.

There were only a few introductory activities that evening before everyone was sent to bed, but the kids were too excited to sleep right away and so eventually, they settled down and we were all to bed.

I did manage to get my workout in this morning, somehow. In fact, it was the first thing I did to make sure I got it in. Again, I did 3 circuits with a focus on back and biceps. I finished with 25 minutes of cardio.

And can I just say, having those pre-made meals made it so easy for me to say no to the supper they held for us at this event, and made it so convenient to have the fridge and microwave at my anytime access in the building we were sleeping. I don’t think I would have been able to stay on track otherwise! I may think about pre-ordering my food again when anticipating a trip away.

Week 6 Day 5

As per usual, today was not my worship day but simply an appreciation day which is always nice. As far as Spirit Week goes, each classroom was allowed to choose their own theme for the last day. So my students submitted their choices, I narrowed down a list of five, and they were allowed to vote (an enhancement of our social studies unit learning about democracy and voting by secret ballot). Overall, my students chose Twin Day which is where you and someone else dress the same. We had a lot of fun with this day. I partnered up with one of my students and we decided to dress in blue shirts and black pants. Nothing difficult, but easy and fun!

I was also approached for something I was hoping to avoid this year: Being the female sponsor for the Flag Football Tournament this weekend. I asked to be the last female teacher/staff to be approached, and wouldn’t you know, I had to go. The kids were excited because we had a lot of fun last year, but I also knew my husband was already complaining about all of the meetings and time my job is taking and this would be a complete weekend without seeing him. So I made an agreement. Because I was still getting my meals made for me, I would need access to at least a fridge and microwave. And they met my accommodations. And so I would go.

After school, I had two meetings scheduled for this day (not a good way to say good-bye to my husband…). A couple of my colleagues and I are working on starting up a tutoring group in our school. This of course meant a lot of looking at policies that other schools formed, and creating a set of forms and policies of our own. Throughout this meeting, that started late and went twice as long as it was supposed to, we finally had a plan with some final revisions to complete. But of course, this meant our next meeting started later too.

Our second meeting was a Core Group meeting where we meet and talk about issues that need to be talked about within our group and our plans for during the year. Our group is the downstairs group, the middle core, grades 5-8. And so these conversations took a very long time, and needless to say, I came home to a very unhappy husband.

We did make it to the gym, and I completed 3 circuits of focus on chest and triceps followed by 12 minutes of HIIT. It was a later night than I expected because I also tried to spend a bit of time with my husband before I left. But he still had to work the next morning and I had a ton of things I wanted to get done before I left. So to bed we went.

Week 6 Day 4

I finally got it last night on the treadmill. I finally thought up a few examples that really showed me things that were very difficult to forgive, but I have forgiven. As I reviewed my list, I realized these things hurt me more than they have ever made me angry. I narrowed my list to four things as I only wanted to summarize yesterday’s topic before presenting what I had prepared for today. My list consisted of the following: My father did not attend my high school nor my university graduations, my sister almost died due to the doctor’s mistake of putting latex elastics (of which she’s allergic to) in her mouth following jaw surgery causing her to near death, my friends burned down my family’s camp in a drunken stupor one Halloween night which contained years of memories that will never be replaced since my family was in the middle of renewing the insurance, and finally, the one that is still able to make me cry at any moment, is the fact that my grandfather died when an impatient driver went to pass a semi-truck and ran head into my grandparents’ vehicle coming in the opposite direction. Four extremely difficult situations I had to go through.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that yes, these things cause me sadness, but I don’t hold grudges against the people who were guilty. And here is what I figured out:

1. My life philosophy: Hate what the person did, but don’t hate the person. The truth of the matter is, if sin did not exist, the person would not have done what they did. God did not design us to be this way, but we all sin because of the fall in the Garden of Eden. When Jesus returns, sin will no longer exist. Therefore, just as we reflect on ourselves being sinful, hate the sin but not the person.

2. Allowing someone to suffer what we choose to be consequences for what they’ve done is a method of passing judgement. We are not the ultimate judge. Yes, Earth has judges for major sins that are here so that hopefully less sin will be created, but who are we to gossip about those who have made mistakes against us? We cannot claim to be the judge that God is, and thus should not carry out such punishments.

3. I thought of the story in John 8 where the people brought forth the prostitute expecting Jesus to agree that she should be stoned. However, Jesus responded in a way they didn’t expect, and that was that whoever had not sinned should be the first to cast a stone. Yet, nobody could because everyone had sinned. In this same way, how are we to again, punish others in such a way yet expect forgiveness for when we do something?

4. In a way, Jesus became the person you are upset at. Jesus did not just die for one person’s sins, He died for ALL of humanity’s sins. Think about that. In order to truly die on the cross for us, He had to essentially become all the bad things that we are. He became the bad in all of us. And I thought if I were to see the face of Jesus in the person I’m upset at, would I really be able to stay upset? This is a hard one to think of…

With that being said, I quickly summarized and prayed that those ideas would stick for anyone having difficulties with forgiveness. I then proceeded to continue with my topic for today.

Today’s School Spirit Week day was Tacky Day. Quite frankly, I hate this day. I don’t find “fun” in dressing tacky. But I do it to support my students. So tacky it was. When trying to think of a topic associated with dressing tacky, it quite easily came to me that the topic should be on how life can get messy. And I had a great personal story about this that I was given permission to share, and that was on my step-sister, Natalie.

Natalie was a child with a free spirit that did not easily get along with my dad. Quite understandably, it is hard for a man to come into your life that in a way seems to be taking place of your dad. I can completely relate to that. But she was encouraged by her true father to move out early. She moved out with her boyfriend at the young age of 15. She then proceeded to get involved with drugs which eventually led to many (I believe up to 15) times of being in and out of rehab. Then, the fearful happened. She became pregnant.

During her pregnancy, she seemed to come clean. She moved back in with her mom and my dad, and although there were still some arguments between my dad and her, she seemed to be doing alright. Several months later, twin boys emerged. They were premature, but healthy. I sing my praises to God that those boys were and still are healthy. So many things could have happened. But as they were now born and she fed from a bottle, it was becoming noticeable that she drank.

One Christmas break, my sister and I were at our dad’s, and our step-mom noticed she was getting an alcoholic drink. And so, my step-mom locked up the alcohol in her bedroom. What came next, none of us were prepared for. She went ballistic. She was pounding on the door, screaming that it was unfair, that they should allow her to drink, and finally that she was going to get her babies and they were going to leave. This got so out of hand that it got to the point, the almost unbearable point for my step-mom, that the babies were in danger and the police needed to be called. Keep in mind, my poor dad is running three things at the same time: apologizing and trying to lighten the mood for my sister and I, trying to console and counsel my step-mom, and keeping my step-sister and her babies in the house while keeping unwanted people out.

When the police came, they gave her the option of going upstairs to say good-bye to her babies. She fought and fought them until they eventually and literally dragged her out of the house. If only I could share with you the nightmare. I have never heard someone scream and yell like I heard her scream and yell that night. If I hadn’t known better, I would have thought she was being stabbed to death. The awful things she was yelling at her mother would definitely be carried for a long time. That’s when I really knew what addictions could do.

She was released the next day, and I expected that when she called, she would at least ask how her babies were. But do you want to know the ONLY question she asked? When her mom could come get her and take her to get her Methodone shot. No joke. I was in shock. To care about a drug replacement shot to help with her previous addictions over the care of her own children.

Later, she did move out into her own apartment with her children, but by that Friday, my dad and step-mom had the boys over for a sleep-over that they would never return from. She was not using her finances for the true care of her children but rather to feed her addictions, and so learned that she could live on her own again while visiting her children as they were kept at my dad’s.

As much as I’d like to say that she got the help she needed, I can’t. I can remember a conversation we had late one night where she was telling me that the worst thing for her was realizing that she had no dreams left. She used to want to be an actress, to be all of these big things in her life. But she realized that her addictions have drained all of these hopes, all of these goals and dreams out of her, and she had nothing left. Perhaps this was one of the most painful realizations for her. Because one night, in winter, I received a phone call from my dad. His voice was shaky, and he sounded as if he was ready to cry. As much as Natalie and him fought, she was still a huge part of his life as his step-daughter. And I believe this is what made it so difficult that the police had shown up on their doorstep the night before asking them to come and confirm the identification of the body they had found under a bridge. Upon investigation, they had come to believe that she had jumped off the bridge as there was only one set of footprints in the snow that led to the railing and thus leading to the body below. What a hard thing to accept. After years and years of drug abuse, of alcohol abuse, and of accepting that you have nothing left to live for in life, I can only imagine the pain she must have been in. She knew that rehab wouldn’t help because it hadn’t in the past. She couldn’t seem to escape the relationship abuses from men, the fact that she couldn’t find the help she needed nor the inability to escape the addictions that had control over her. This was nothing short of terrible.

Of course, the following fear came that child services would take the boys away. But my dad and step-mother fought for custody of the boys and thankfully were awarded it. And to this day, they are doing the best they can while parenting as grandparents. They boys are doing so well, I’m happy to report. But one day, and my father has talked to me about this, he knows the boys will ask where their mother is, and why they don’t have one like all of the other kids. And he fears that conversation. He fears revisiting and telling them that their father has never wanted anything to do with them and that their mother was so involved with such horrible things that she couldn’t take care of them and eventually couldn’t even take care of herself. What a hard conversation to have with children. I can’t even imagine.

I asked the other teachers and staff to think about the children we have difficulties with, to think of the things we don’t know about in their home lives, the burdens they carry to school each day. Because sometimes, it only takes one family member to make life messy for everyone else. And when especially dealing with children, those background messes need to be considered.

I had to rush through this worship a little as you can probably imagine as it got a little long. But I left people crying and with deep thoughts. Because the truth is, sometimes life sucks. Life can be unfair. The devil is at work so much in our lives, trying to tear us away from our Father who loves us, and unfortunately he uses things like drugs and alcohol that have a way of hooking us and can be very difficult to get away from. Things like drugs and alcohol have a way of consuming people and making the gift of life that God has given us seem pointless. And unfortunately, I see the devil in much of Natalie’s life, laughing and smiling at her misery. And yet in the same scene, I see tears running down Jesus’ face as He watches the destruction of His daughter, the one He loves more than anything. It’s a sad scene, not an easy one to grasp and still not the easiest one to talk about. But as my father said, it’s important to use these stories to help prevent others from making the same mistakes and if this story will help someone, then it is worth talking about.

I didn’t workout today as it was a rest day, but I do hope that you reflect on this, especially if you or someone you know is suffering with addictions. Addictions are something so incredibly unfortunate and cause so much pain to everyone. Take intervention now. Pray that the God of healing, the God that has already defeated all evil in this world will help you overcome. Because there is no power greater than God’s.

Week 2 Day 4

I slept straight through the night last night; a total of about 9-10 hours. I think I made the wise choice by not going to the gym last night for sure.

I went to work today. Something I debated, but it was a field trip day and I wanted to make sure my kids had the most fun they could while still learning at the same time. So it wasn’t really a debate. Feeling awful or not, I got up and got ready.

Food again was not on track. I took a fresh fruit smoothie with me, a banana, and again just simple, simple dietary foods. I just needed to make it through the day.

The field trip went really well. The students really enjoyed seeing the satellite images of the surfaces of various planets and moons. They enjoyed learning and being able to touch meteorites. And they definitely loved using light-splitting glasses to analyze various lights and gasses around them. It was such a cool experience!

But by the end of the day, I was so weak and tired. It was a lot of walking for someone that was sick. But I really, really wanted to go to the gym. I can’t even begin to explain it to you, but I will try. Because going to the gym is such a way of life for me. Mentally, I knew if I could do the field trip, then I could go to the gym. But my weak body just wanted to sleep. The thing is, mentally, I knew it wasn’t an option. I just had to convince my body of it.

I don’t think I would have been able to do it if it wasn’t for my husband. He knew I needed to go. The gym is just as important for him as it is for me. He’s the one that got me into it and it has turned into such a huge passion for me. I honestly couldn’t imagine my life without it. And so he was there, gently, kindly coaxing me to get up. It wasn’t an easy job, but props to him for getting me up.

Now to say my time at the gym that night was easy or a wonderful time would be a little exaggerating. It was hard. Being sick and coming back to the gym to do a circuit workout is not the easiest thing I’ve ever done. And I definitely didn’t do cardio. My lungs wouldn’t have handled it. But the point is that I did do what I needed to do, and I got it done, and mentally was content.

I think its needless to say, but I went straight to bed as soon as we came home.

Week 2 Day 1

Today was an incredibly busy day. My husband and I had to get ready, get our four dogs ready, and make a couple stops before driving the 45 minutes to make it to a softball tournament hosted as a fundraiser for my school. We spent most of the 2 hours we were there monitoring kids as they loved our dogs and wanted to walk them and play with them. Thankfully, our dogs love attention and love kids so for the most part this went well (except the kid that starting trying to empty his water bottle on my dog… I was not happy).

I managed to pack some already cooked rice that I had set aside and a package of beef jerky to take with me. Lesson learned: cold rice is awful! But do what you can to eat healthy.

We left the tournament and dropped by our house to leave three of them at home. We took the fourth (Jewel) to her grooming appointment.

While she was being groomed, we went to Home Depot looking at tools, and then to H&W Produce to pick up some veggies.

After we picked Jewel up, we brought her back home with the others.

We then headed to the other side of the city to go to Shoppers Drug Mart, then ate at the Mongolie Grill. We chose this restaurant because it is very macro friendly. It’s basically a salad bar but for stir fry. You pick and choose what you want for veggies, proteins, sauces, etc… and they grill it up for you. Easy way to get in good food while you’re out.

Our final stop after the Mongolie Grill was Wal-Mart for some groceries.

It was a hectic, busy day but I managed to eat on track and succeeded in accomplishing a lot today. By the time I was done my workout (hard workout, 7 exercises in circuit format, pushed really hard with a little Olympia motivation) I felt so sick. Sick enough that I didn’t know whether my body wanted to vomit/sleep or what it wanted; sick enough that my husband almost made me pull over and let him drive the 5 minutes home. I was in rough shape.

Even though I felt so awful, I got it done and to me that is what matters. Can’t be successful if you don’t do the work!

Today I Walked in the Office and Said “I Quit!”

Ok, so not really. But I did walk in and said that I felt like quitting.

Today was one of those days. Those days where you wish you had never gotten out of bed, that you called in sick, that anything would have happened except what did. Teachers, I’m sure you know the kind of day I’m talking about.

Today I had to deal with something I hoped to never deal with; something that totally broke my heart. Since I don’t have kids of my own, those school kids are so much more like my own children. They are the kids that I try to protect. And when something happens, I immediately attack myself that I did not do a good enough job training and guiding them in life. When something happens, I immediately feel like a failure.

Today was probably one of the worst things I’ve ever had to deal with. So immediately my thoughts were I had failed as a teacher, I had failed as a guide in the life of my student, and I wasn’t fit for my job. What a hit!

Teaching is such a large, tough responsibility. Parenting is a huge responsibility. Any career in which you work with children and youth is a huge responsibility. When working with children, you have to realize that everything you do, they are watching. Anything you do or say, they will carry with them the rest of their lives. What a scary thought!

And as a teacher, you are being entrusted with someone else’s child which carries an extra burden in itself. You strive to be a good influence in their lives. You strive to teach them such great morals in such a small time and when something happens (and it honestly only has to be one thing), you feel as if you’ve failed altogether. Nevermind the fact that you have so many other kids in the class. All it takes is one student, one incident, and you immediately begin to judge yourself.

That’s what I went through today. I wanted to cry. I wanted to quit. I wanted to go home. I wanted to just curl up in a ball and go to sleep so that I could forget about the world around me at that moment. But instead I took deep breaths and did what I needed to do to deal with the situation.

Today was a really hard day.

Fellow teachers, a lot of you have probably dealt with something similar. I feel your pain, I feel your stress. Please know that you are not alone. The devil’s presence is ever near to us and our students, which makes our job ever increasingly important in showing them God’s light and guiding them away from the devil’s tactics and creating their own personal relationships with a Saviour that will be with them always.

Do the best you can and be the role model those kids need. Pray for your students and the choices they will make. It’s the best thing you can really do.

God Only Knows…

So the weirdest thing happened to me this week, and it can only be explained that God was providing me with what i needed before I knew it, and it happened in the strangest way. Here’s what it was:

As far as the dynamics of the school, grades 5-8 are all downstairs. Because we are all together, we share in our options classes. Junior High had an outdoor adventure this week, and so it was simply grade 5 and my grade 6s in our area.

Options happen every Tuesday and Thursday and prior to this year, we have ALWAYS cancelled Options during the week that Junior High was gone. And that’s why this year was so strange.

The grade 5 teacher came to me on Monday saying that he knew I needed a break and was considering teaching a his Choir class so that he would have both grades 5 and 6 and I would have a spare. Normally this would not be a spare for me anyways because I teach the Junior High French at the same time. And as much as he seemed to stress that I needed a break, I could not figure out why!

Tuesday came, and he told me he had decided to teach Choir that day and went out of his way to tell me that he would keep them as long as he could so I could have a break and was just making sure that everything was ok and convenient for me. I was in total disarray trying to figure out what I did to require such a break!

I knew Choir class was almost an hour, and decided to use my time wisely: hence the government call that I have blogged about earlier.

The best part is, not only was Choir scheduled for just shy of an hour, but he kept the kids overtime!

Now picture this: just gone through the worst, most frustrating call I’ve ever had with the government over such a huge issue in my life, got treated incredibly rudely on the phone, was left so emotional afterwards, and yet had the spare time to regroup myself. eat some food and manage to level out before my students returned. Now tell me that isn’t God’s timing!

You see, I didn’t plan on that call. I definitely didn’t plan on that spare! Yet for some reason, somehow, God impressed upon my co-worker that I needed that particular time that particular day with the right amount of time to deal with something I needed to deal with. I had no idea. I had no idea why things were going the way they were, and yet it all made sense in the end. God had this planned and provided me with what I needed to do it.

I cannot sing God’s praises enough. The very fact that He sees everything – the beginning and the end – and knows everything in between just humbles me. My God has it all under control before I even realize it. My God provides everything I will need when the time comes. My God is more powerful than I could ever imagine. My God is truly the God of Love.

It’s Getting Close to the End…

Teachers, it’s almost that time. And for some of you, it may be that time. It’s almost the end of the year!

You would think that since there is little to be done at the end of the year (once you get the final grading done and report cards ready), it would be an easy finish. NOPE.

There seems to be this underlying rule that the kids climb a hill of good behaviour throughout the year, and then manage to slide down the other side in the last few weeks. I mean seriously, we’re going until the VERY END of June. Vacation should start right now. Plus, for many who don’t know, teachers work does not stop when the kids stop. We have a “work week” that we must attend the week after (and also the week before school starts for the kids), plus quite often we have professional development or school of our own to do throughout the summer. You even have planning to do to get ready for the next year. It’s not as glorious as it all sounds.

My biggest stress this week came from our PATs. We have one more to go on Monday, but for some reason, my 3 students that came during the year were not registered for the PATs. And so, I was sent too few. This is a huge deal. It’s illegal to photocopy them, I can’t just have one kid not write a PAT, it’s just bad.

Thankfully, a colleague in our school sensed my problem (principal has been away for PD out of country) and took it upon herself to contact the head of testing in our province. Due to the time pressure, we were granted permission to make copies of the test for the sole reason that the tests would be over by the time they couriered us extra tests. Talk about a HUGE weight off my shoulder. I’m so thankful to her for that!

My students don’t want to be taking tests. Despite how many times we review in class, they don’t want to study. They’re done for the year before I’m ready for them to be. But you just gotta do what you gotta do!

Teachers, if you’re struggling with that end of the year, kids going crazy too early thing, I’m with you. I feel your pain. But just remember the work, the passion, the patience and discipline you’ve provided these kids with over the year. The dedication you had/have to their learning, the progress you’ve seen. Celebrate those things. You’ve invested a large amount of your life in the past year to these kids and you deserve to celebrate along with them.

Have a good end of the year, and an awesome summer! Take a vacation with the time you have or at least get away from everyday life and relax. You deserve it!

A Childish Lesson We Can All Benefit From

If you were like me, you always accompanied your parents to church. You were always told that Jesus loves you, even singing the very song. As you got a little older, you were told to always stand up for Jesus, stand up for your beliefs. You are told to fight your temptations, to say “No” in the face of Satan, to constantly ask yourself, “What would Jesus do?”.

I didn’t go through this next stage, but I watched many of my friends, many of the people I knew go through this next stage, and that was the rebellion. Friends that were tired of being told the same things over and over again. People that felt forced into religion, not accepting Christ as their own Heavenly Father. This stage unfortunately can last a little too long, especially with the wrong guidance and relationships at this time.

I am thankful to say that quite a number of my friends who started in the church have returned to the church. Although they may have deviated for awhile, the verse holds true. Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it”.

Sometimes I look at little children and admire their naivety; their ability to know black and white what is wrong. The kids who are EXCITED to go to visit Jesus in His house that they’ve learned He’s preparing for us. Kids are excited about Jesus, excited about His miracles, excited about getting to live with Him. What happened to us adults? Where did our excitement go? I don’t know about you, but I want to be excited about Jesus like that! I want to just look forward with absolute impatience of going to my Father’s house. I want to scream that I love Jesus from the top of my lungs while jumping on my bed (well, maybe I’m too old to jump on the bed… but still). I want to stand up for Jesus in the face of Satan no matter what! I want Satan to grow tired from my lack of response to his old tactics. I want to be an indestructible child of God, just as I watch the little children fearlessly love Jesus with all their hearts. Sometimes we need to learn from them!