Day 9

I woke up several times through the night last night, each time feeling like I was ready to get up and start my day. Something is going on with my sleep and somehow I need to get down to the bottom of it.

I had a later breakfast this morning, well after I got to work. I drank 1.75L of pulpy orange juice.

The juice ended up being both my snack and lunch. I was handed back my students’ PATs to grade for myself, something I had not done in past years. If you can imagine my students writing stories and newspaper articles for 2-3 hours each, and then me trying to get these graded… it’s taking forever!

As an afternoon snack, I ate my last mini red banana, two small tangerines, and two small apricots.

By the time the day was done, I was drained. And yet I looked at my grading table (overloaded), and I looked at the PATs that were only half-graded, and my pile of ESL papers I was returned to also grade. There’s no way I should leave it like this. So I spent an hour and a half finishing the PATs, grading Bible books and Spelling tests. I even managed to get Handwriting books graded. But after that, I left knowing my mental capacity was seriously about to break.

Meanwhile, as I was dying mentally, I started thinking of all the fast food places I could go. I started thinking of Wendy’s, of Subway, of tonnes of places. I even started thinking some ice cream and a nice big burger would be so good right now. I must have spent a good 20-30 minutes grading and trying to talk myself out of going somewhere and just eating at home. My mental exhaustion was getting a bit extreme.

Somehow, I drove myself straight home. I defeated all of those tempting thoughts I had. I sat down to some corn chip crumbs mixed with some salsa. I also took out the fresh mango cake I made last night and ate about a quarter of it. I also had got this Natur-a Cappuccino Soy Beverage. Oh my goodness. So good. I’m going to finish this thing tonight! I also wanted something not so sweet, and there weren’t enough chips left to satisfy me (literally crumbs left), so I made some popcorn with salsa on it. This is when I realized how hard it is to give up dairy. That was the only reason I couldn’t do vegan before. I like butter and cheese. But I’m doing it for my health and the welfare of animals, so I have to keep my mental battle going.

I went to the gym and did an awesome circuit of jump rope, overhead squats, walking lunges, push-ups and planks. I did my chiropractor’s exercises and left feeling amazing.

After returning home, I finished that Natur-a Cappuccino Soy Beverage. Oh yum! Wish I had one of these every day!

As a last meal, I blended up my last 4 organic bananas from my first Organic Box. They were pretty much as ripe as they could be before they started going bad. I blended them with some unsweetened almond milk, 2 medjool dates, and a tablespoon of organic coconut palm sugar. It was a yummy, filling way to end the night.

Day 8

Today was a different day. Today was a busy morning, getting my husband’s clothes ready for his new job that he’s currently stressed about (in school this week, doesn’t have a chance to start making money until next week), as well as making sure I had everything and was ready for my students’ PAT today.

I did not eat breakfast, and pretty much snacked on bananas, apples, Bolthouse Vanilla Chai (which is vegan!), apple juice, and other school-approved snacks that I had bought. I snacked pretty much for the first 5 hours of the day. Oh boy… not the best food, but not necessarily the worst.

Because my students missed their gym time and morning recess, I gave them a 45-minute recess after lunch. They were such troopers, and I was proud of them. After all, they were writing for 2-3 hours straight. It gave me an opportunity to not only get some fresh air, but also to soak up some good vitamin D!

When I came home, I was so happy to find my new Organic Box! It’s like opening a present every time to find these beautiful organic fruits and vegetables. This time, I also ordered some organic seaweed chips for my husband and I to try. They were DELISH! We ate the whole bag (my husband ate more than I did, but I still had a fair share!).

Before heading to the gym, I had two pieces of Silver Hills Squirrely bread with peanut butter and peach jam made with xylitol. I also had some rainbow carrots with a vegan ranch dip I also ordered in my Organic Box. The dip was ok, but I have to be honest when I say the rainbow carrots are not particularly my favourite. Maybe I’ve become so out-of-touch with the taste of real carrots again. We’ll see.

At the gym, I was on the treadmill for 30 minutes, then did some lunges, walking high kicks, some stretches, and my chiropractor exercises. I felt so good and energized the whole time.

When I came home, I took a look at those mangos I still have done nothing with (should have done something with them yesterday. They are really going to go bad soon!) So tonight, I took out the blender, cut all of the good flesh off of them, and pureed it with a little vanilla and macadamia oil. I then took out a bowl and mixed some flour with baking soda, cinnamon, and a pinch of salt. I then mixed the two together, put it in a shallow baking dish, and waited for my fresh mango cake to cook.

While I was waiting, for tonight’s supper (really need to fix my whole eating raw until 4, cooked after 4), I blended 4 bananas (also need to be used asap) with some unsweetened vanilla almond milk and 5 medjool dates.Talk about filling!

Day 7

I had the laziest morning ever. My husband’s new job is somewhat shift work, so he doesn’t work until 2:30 or 3:30 today. I set my alarm way too early (was thinking I’d be more ambitious this morning), and thus laid in bed for forever. Even so, I was still up, ready, and out the door 10-15 minutes earlier than the average day in the past two weeks. It was awesome!

For breakfast, I ate the last 4 pieces of my Korean potatoes. I totally broke the RawTill4 rule, but I was salivating just thinking of them. They are so good.

As an earlier morning snack (4 pieces of Korean potatoes was not a big meal), I had another ripe mini red banana, and about 6-7 medjool dates.

I did horribly at lunch. I just don’t, for some reason, want to eat the mangos I brought at all! I think I’ve been eating too many mangos and not enough other varieties lately. I gotta fix that. The weird thing is, I want to juice them. I could see myself drinking mango juice, but just can’t be bothered to eat them. So for an awful lunch, I had two snack-size bags of chips, and a can of orange juice. This is not good nutrition…

After school, I quickly went home to do a few things, then went to the more local mall to meet a woman. While I was there, I was so hungry and tempted to buy so much junk! I was even thinking of all the dairy items I could enjoy. My head was NOT in a good place. But I am proud to report, I got a veggie burrito with beans and rice, some tater tots, and an iced tea. I could have done without the tater tots and iced tea, but to be quite honest, by the time I was done eating these, I was satisfied. I didn’t go after any dairy treats that I was thinking of, I didn’t buy that creamy frappuccino with whipped cream that I was thinking of, I simply stuck with my meal. Now that says something!

I did a lot of grocery shopping for my students who were writing PATs the next day, and went to the gym, both without buying anything else to eat. I call this success!

Later at home, I had a lot to do, and a very little amount of time before my husband would be home. So I quickly ate some tortilla chips with salsa, and some popcorn. Total junk food, I know.

I did not eat anything else after this, but simply went to bed.

Week 10 Day 2: You Are Capable Of More Than You Realize

Well, this morning was nothing short of a little rushed. My car has not been looked at yet, so my husband had to drop me off at work on his way. This was not a big problem, except he underestimated how much I have to get done in the morning. It was truly my fault we weren’t out the door sooner because I didn’t sleep last night. Honestly, this teaching thing has a way of consuming you. I need to get a grip on this thing!

School went fairly well, but I did notice my shoulders were very tired/sore. I was simply lifting papers out of the huge stack I had graded, and handing them back to the students. They must have gotten a good back workout yesterday (shoulders must have taken a brunt of it).

My students were fairly good today, though they did seem a little more active than normal. Then again, we did a practice for our language arts PAT today (2+ hours of writing), so I guess I can expect the pent-up energy.

After work, I had to wait for my husband to come pick me up, which was totally fine because I was able to get some more things done at work, and when he finally came, I absolutely refused to take work home with me tonight. After taking over my life so much, I needed a night off. This was a phenomenal feeling.

At home, my husband straight-up told me that I had to take a nap before the gym. I chose not to argue, and simply told him I need to eat first, because in the rush of the morning, I had not packed food, and therefore was only able to eat the organic and natural carrot/curry/coconut soup that was in my fridge, as well as two containers of Greek yogurt. I was not running on anything much for fuel.

Strangely enough, this is where it hit me: I was craving healthy food! In fact, with all of the things in our house, I wanted fruit, cottage cheese, and pumpkin spice Nuts n’ More peanut butter. Seriously! I was in love and so happy this is what my body was craving.

My nap turned into a 4-hour sleep. And I felt awful when I woke up. My body ached so badly, my limbs barely functioning to move, and my eyes could barely stay open. But this is when my body hit autopilot, and somehow, I changed my clothes and made it downstairs.

On the way to the gym, I did something I never do, nor do I usually advise doing. I had my usual iced coffee, but also a doughnut. I researched ahead of time, and picked a doughnut that was lower in fat, and mediocre in carbs. The reason for my decision was the simple fact that my body was in need. It needed a carb that would energize me quickly (gym was only 2 minutes away). The truth is, I didn’t even want a doughnut. I try to avoid a lot of sugar like that. I wanted to stop eating it after two bites, but I knew it would help. So yes, I ate a doughnut.

We got to the gym, and I expected to feel worse than yesterday; the mental battle, the lack of ability, but I was totally wrong. Tonight was legs, and I normally hate, no, despise leg workouts. But today, I loved it! I don’t know where the energy and motivation came from, but it was undeniably there. I killed my workouts, things seemed easier, I felt stronger and I was smashing my records. Here are some of the things that were different:

1. I normally struggle with 70 lbs on prone leg curls. It seemed so semi-easy tonight!
2. I was mentally thinking that 90 lbs was the weight I used for seated leg curls last time, curled it, found it easy, only to find that the most I had used was 85 lbs in the past!
3. For the first time ever, I did smith machine lunges. Wow, these killed me, but I could tell were working my legs well.
4. I normally hate barbell walking lunges, and tonight my coach wanted us to drop the back knee twice each time instead of the normal once when walking. I dreaded them before I did them, did them and LOVED them!
5. Normally, I find leg press heavy. I don’t know how else to describe it than that. I completed my regular presses with 120 lbs, thinking that was bigger than normal. But for some reason, I was in a stellar mood and decided to do another set with 180 lbs. I ALMOST got my husband to spot me, in fact I even walked over to him, but then decided I need to do this on my own. Well, let me tell you, I did it! Every single rep, and it was not as hard as I thought. So I decided to do more. And I raised it to 230 lbs. And you know what? I did it for 10 reps! Oh my goodness! I was so happy, so ecstatic. Almost double the weight I’ve been using to train, and yet I am so much more capable. I was SO happy!

And again, we went home, and what did my body crave? Cottage cheese, fruit, raw veggies, and pumpkin spice Nuts’ N More peanut butter. Honestly, what more could I ask for? I crave a healthy diet, I’m growing increasingly stronger, and I feel great. My body may not be losing the fat I want, and as a matter of fact, quite a few of my clothes seem to be fitting tighter, but when I consider the shape my body is taking, the progress I’ve made both mentally and overall personally, I’m so happy! I’m obviously going to keep my fat in check, and will be monitoring it, but this strength is such a boost in self-esteem; I’m loving it!

You Just Never, Ever Know…

I had already written this blog post once, believe it or not. As I sat crying, I poured out my heart on this computer. But just as I was finishing, my computer decided to glitch and it was all lost. I didn’t have the heart to write it again. Except this time, I’m not crying my heart out and writing in a different manner.

You see, normally I don’t work on Fridays. Well, I do, but from home. Last Friday was different as my grade 6s and I had a PAT scheduled for Friday morning. So therefore, we had to be there.

The PAT went alright, and most of the students had rides to leave right after, the others had soccer practice. I had a few of my students from last year come to visit me and study for their upcoming exams. I was able to make practice questions for them so that I could help them if necessary.

While they were studying, I received the most unexpected message from my mother. It was news that one of my friends had just died. By “just”, I mean within the half hour. It hit me like a deer in headlights. I didn’t believe it for a second.

This girl and I were on the same basketball game in high school, were in the same classes, and even though it had been awhile since I had seen her, we had been very good friends.

I maintained control as my mother began to tell me more details of the car accident, the head on collision, the fact that her baby and her were in the one vehicle, and a woman in the other. Both the baby and the other woman had been sent to the hospital as code 1 which means the ambulance is travelling fast with flashing lights as the passengers have serious injuries. However, my friend went code 2, which meant deceased and nothing they could do, so no rush, no flashing lights.

I just couldn’t believe it. Even now, the emotions are starting to rise again, but for the first hour, I just couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t think of anything else, but I managed to have a small conversation with a cousin of mine who also know my deceased friend. We discussed how the tiny town (population around 100-200) we came from never has anything like this happen. We discussed how we take it for granted that everyone we know will just be there when we go back to visit. We discussed how we really need to realize that anything can happen anywhere. And that’s when it really started to sink in.

Now, being at work was not the place I should have been. But I managed to hold it all back while the students were still there. It was when they decided to leave that the tears started to fall. I didn’t full out cry just yet, but managed to keep it still mostly contained. My husband showed up early from work to pick me up. I kept it in until I let him in the door and we got back to my classroom. I couldn’t even answer him what was wrong without starting to bawl. It sunk in so deep.

I cried and cried and cried, my husband not really knowing what to do. He helped me to pack, and took me home. I continued to cry and cry and be upset and wonder why these things had to happen. I knew I’d deal with this whole situation, but I didn’t want to have to deal with it. I went through the deep of emotions of how life is unfair and how her 8-month old baby is left without a mom. I was in a deep, dark, painful place. And that’s where I was originally writing this blog.

You see, just like I knew in my head the whole time, I would learn to deal with it. Loss is a thing that unfortunately occurs in life, sometimes way too frequently. You can’t avoid it. But you can learn to deal with it. And that’s what I had to do.

I cried myself to sleep. I slept for quite awhile. When I awoke, I had a huge headache, and had the eyes of an alien. But my husband asked if he could take me to a funny movie, just to help any he could. I agreed, and in order to not rush me, we planned on going to the late movie, and he went out to the gym for a quick workout so I had time to get ready at my own pace.

Fortunately with an extra application of some good Mary Kay make-up, and a good hair tease, I was able to mostly hide those alien eyes and the fact I had cried for hours. My husband and I went out, he was very caring, and made sure I had the best time possible at the movie.

We came home, I went straight to bed, and was able to wake up this morning (still with a headache), but ready to begin again. The tears may be gone, but the pain I feel for my friend and her family is not. A life is not something that can be replaced. This sweet smile will not be seen again. But the memories we hold of her, the pictures that capture the moments of her life, and the baby that will forever be a reminder of her are left behind. I don’t know the update on her baby. He’s still alive and I’m assuming he’s stable. The extent of his injuries are something I don’t know. But what I do know is that he has an extensive, caring family that will be there to raise him and to remind him of the wonderful mom he had.

You just never know what will happen. A life that could be here one minute may not be here the next. Really, there is no time to fight, there is no time to hate, there is only time to focus on making sure the people you love know that you love them. Make sure you’ve made them a priority in your life. Love them, spend time with them, and go to bed each night knowing you’ve done your best. You honestly just never, ever know.

A Yearly Grade 6 Ritual

Last week was a big week for my class. They had their first PAT (provincial achievement test). This first one is known as Language Arts Part A. In this test, the students have 2 hours to complete a story (based on a picture that was provided), and a newspaper article (based on information provided). It’s not hard, but it does require 2 hours of complete and quiet focus, and many cramped hands.

In order to help my students do their best on these days, I always provide food. Of course, they have 4 more PATs at the end of the year, but these are much shorter, and therefore require a shorter duration of concentration. But for this first one, I provide food.

Studies have showed that hungry children do worse on their work. Hunger can be a great distraction, and I want them to be at their peak. These tests are also written in the morning, and I know some students come to school without eating breakfast. So I need them to have food.

Because my students know that I’m bringing food, it also “lightens” their moods for the upcoming test. It’s amazing what food can do!

Now, when I went shopping, I realized that I had forgotten how difficult it can be to get food. There are a few things I have to consider:

#1: It has to be nut free. Our school has a nut sensitive policy, and because of an incident, it has become even more so. All goods have to have the peanut free symbol. This severely limits some healthy options.

#2: I don’t want to just get them junk food. I’d like something somewhat healthy.

#3: It can’t be messy. Can you imagine, sending the Education Department of the Government dirty pages of testing? I think I would hear about it… SOMEONE would end up like this:

Ok… maybe not quite that bad. But the paper might look like that!

And so I shopped. With all these restrictions, I came out with water bottles, Bear Paws (3 different types), Granola Bars (3 different types) and fruit cups. Not perfect, but not bad.

The kids enjoyed the day, did very well (I think…I’ll get the results later), and at least did not have to worry about being hungry and trying to focus! These little things are what make the difference.