The Penalty of Standing Out

I hate the way the world works sometimes. I hate seeing people in pain. I hate watching people getting picked on or bullied. I hate sin and wrong-doings in this world.

When I was going through my university years, completing my education degree, I had a desire to work with special needs children. It wasn’t because I looked forward to the extra work that often comes with special needs children, but because I wanted to make a difference. I knew special needs children were often put down and sometimes stared at as if the were a circus sideshow. I knew I could step up and be the voice of those children, and I knew that I could help those children feel as important as they are. But that’s not what happened.

At first I ended up teaching at a Native School. It took me awhile to learn the different dynamics needed to teach students who come from a history of anger. It was a definite learning curve in understanding the culture, the behaviours, and the thoughts about different things. But one of the things I found is that my classroom was often their safe place. My classroom was the one place they could count on someone being there to love them. I was a safe place for these kids.

Now as much as I loved being in that position, time would have me change again. This time, to a place where I wasn’t such a safe place. These kids did not need me (or at least felt like they didn’t). The attitudes were indifferent, the gratitude was gone. I really struggled at first to see how in the world I could make a difference when my students were convinced they had everything the needed.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t my first year that I figured it out. It was my second and my third that really opened my heart. I realized that maybe I wouldn’t be able to reach all students, even though I try. But there is at least one in each class who needs someone they can trust; someone they can break down their barriers and let them truly see the inside that they keep.

It broke my heart when the first student really let me in their life. The amount of background some of these kids hide is disheartening. It sometimes makes you wonder how they even function. It’s no wonder some of them put up a tough-front at school. Some of them are simply caught in that worldly struggle: the one where they are fighting between being good and doing what they know is right, and doing what the world expects and wants them to do. Absolutely the struggle gets worse as the generations get older. It’s sad in the very least, but it does, unfortunately, exist.

I witnessed something that brought this whole thing up in my mind. A situation that brought up a whole slew of memories.

One of my students is running for class rep in the upcoming school year. She’s an awesome student, wonderful in both academics and her Christianity. Unfortunately, she is one in very few that does not struggle with desires to be popular. She will not swear because others are doing it. She does not talk about inappropriate things because she has no interest. She knows what she believes and she sticks to it. She knows what is right, and that is what she does. And it has made her unpopular in her class.

Today, the vote was completed. And though she almost perfectly fits the description of the position she is running for, more votes were left blank than were voted in favour. My heart sank and my blood boiled a little. If there were legitimately good reasons for not letting her have the position, then I would accept that. But I know it’s because they are upset the one person they wanted to run wasn’t able due to his grades. Whether it’s an expression of bitterness or anger, is it right to decline someone that not only wants the position, but is ready, willing and capable of doing it well?

I don’t know what the right solution is. After all, voting is an expression of your opinion. But my heart aches in knowing that the reasons behind the reactions are wrong. And that bothers me. Someone who perfectly is capable of doing something so well, being held back by unpopularity, is wrong. It takes me right back to my whole philosophy of teaching, and that is that students are capable of more than they are doing, and standing up for those who don’t have as much of a voice.

I grew up in public schools where situations are much worse than I have ever experienced in my years of private school. I have seen “losers” beat up for simply not being good enough for others. I have seen the separation and isolation of those who needed the extra pull-out help and did not think like the others. I have seen students dragged from classrooms because they were acting out in anger about their situations. It’s not pretty.

One year, we did a fundraiser where the boys provided a lunch, and we bid on these “anonymous lunches”. When the bidding was done and every girl had her lunch, then the boys would reveal themselves and we would share lunch with them. I just happened to get one of those classmates that was always taken out for extra help, and who had problems with his anger, reacting from the situations he was in and the way he was treated.

I will forever regret the way I treated him.

I didn’t say anything mean, but that’s simply because I didn’t say anything at all. I was silent the whole time. And now I cannot even go back and apologize for being “snobby” because he was killed in a car accident several years ago (I think I was still in high school). That’s guilt that I have to live with, and guilt that started to change the way I reacted to people.

The one girl that was dragged from our classroom was probably the lowest person in our class. She didn’t always take showers, and she didn’t come from the most well-off family. In fact, I actually don’t know how she was treated at home. But what I do know is that people didn’t like her and daily made fun of her. I will never forget the one day she came up to me and told me that I was her role-model. I didn’t try to be anyone’s role-model, I just tried to talk to her and be nice when others wouldn’t. And look at the difference that made on her life. The simplest of acts I could have done, and it literally changed her world.

Now I’d like to say others followed, but they didn’t. I’d like to say her life changed for the best, but it didn’t. I did manage to get in contact with her again during university, sadly to find out she was pregnant and the baby’s father wanted nothing to do with her as soon as she became pregnant. As a matter of fact, he ran out with another girl and married her very shortly afterwards. And to make matters worse, he called social services claiming she was an unfit mother and had her baby taken away. In no way did her life get better.

I’m sad to say I’ve lost contact with her. My only method of contact no longer seems to work. I do pray for her, that things work out and she’s able to have her baby back in her life. I know she was fighting hard for him. But I pray God’s love surrounds her and God-willing, I will be able to connect with her again.

I truly, truly do hate the world treats people that are different – people that stand out from everybody else. I had the position of popularity and I misused it once. But I promise to do my best to never misuse it again. When a situation arises where someone needs a voice, I wish to be that voice for them, to stand up on their behalf. Just because you don’t think the same as everyone else or do the same things everyone else does is not a reason to be treated so badly. Stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves. Make a difference in someone’s life. Even if it’s just one person you’ve helped, you’ve literally just changed a person’s entire world. Do what you can and don’t delay. You never know the good you can leave behind.

Week 9 Day 6

As one can only imagine, I felt awful when I woke up today. After having so many dreams last night, I felt like I had lived several nights in one. But I got up, ate some breakfast, then took care of my babies, took a shower and got ready for my chiropractor and acupuncture appointments that I was really looking forward to today. After this week, I needed the relaxing and adjustment times. But that’s when the problem began.

My car would not start. I don’t think it was just that the temperature was almost -30 Celsius, but something that won’t even allow the motor to really turn over more than once. The biggest thing is that I remember my car doing this last winter, I just don’t remember how we fixed it. But what really stressed me is that I missed my appointments. I called in of course, but this week I could have really used those appointments, so I was very upset.

I came in, and decided that since my car wouldn’t work, I should at least try to finish my work. But to no avail. My eyes were burning, my body just in a hateful mode, and my head had the worst headache I’ve ever had. So really I had no choice but to try and keep sleeping it off.

But wouldn’t ya know, this would be the day my dogs would decide to be whiney. I walked them twice as much as normal, even though I felt terrible, and I was just miserable with my body begging me to sleep.

I eventually did sleep and went through several more dreams as my brain continued to try and filter through the last few days, and as much as I hoped I would get rid of the headache, it was still there when I was woken up by my husband coming home.

He took me out for supper, and he graciously took me to the gym, even though it was his designated day off. I powered through as much of my workout as possible, and had to quit half way through. My body wanted to workout so badly, but as much energy as my body had, my head pounded harder with each exercise I did. I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t stop, but I also knew how unhappy I’d be if I didn’t get at least something done. I hated it. My body was going through the exercises with ease, only being stopped by the pain in my head. I just want to workout!!!

So I’m back home now, and laying in bed with my pounding head. Medicine doesn’t seem to touch it. I will be back at the gym tomorrow. I need to workout. My body needs the energy release and is tired of being dormant, and sitting, and grading. But for tonight, sleep in on the agenda. Hopefully, I’ll finally feel like a normal person again.

The Truth About Cheat Meals…

Good morning everyone!

I hope you are warm as you read this. We have been experiencing extreme cold lately. Since I’m not sure where in the world you are as you read this, extreme cold for us is -40 C (-40 F) to -52 C (-62 F). Sometimes I wonder how we survive these temperatures!

Anyways, I just wanted to write a blog to tell you a little about my experience with the famous cheat meal.

As most fitness people, and under my personal training right now, I am allowed one cheat meal a week and only on my high carb day (I’m doing carb cycling… more about that later). This week, that day happened to be last night.

Usually, my husband and I go out for our cheat meal so that we don’t have any leftovers to tempt us the next day. However, knowing that I had a low carb day the next day, and restricting the amount of food we could order, we decided to stay in. This decision may have also been influenced by the lack of wanting to venture into the cold.

We each ordered a medium pizza, some cheesy garlic sticks, and I ordered a small chocolate lava cake. I have to be honest. I do not regret that lava cake. You gotta eat something that deliciously good once in awhile! But the pizza/garlic fingers? I’m lying in total regret this morning.

I find this happens quite often when my cheat meal consists of “junk food”. After eating so clean, my body is in a total upset state that I would put junk into it. Did I gain even a single pound from last night’s feast? Not a one! But I feel miserable.

See that’s the thing about cheat meals. They are good every now and then to allow you body the extra calories so you don’t end up on a plateau. But there are so many times that I’ve indulged in healthier options for my cheat meals and I’ve felt fine the next day. Some examples are things like a quesadilla, nachos (homemade), Extreme Pita (love their stuff), East Indian Food, and so many other things that can be made to be so much healthier than greasy pizza.

I’ve also noticed that when I wake up in the morning, after washing my face before bed, I have grease sitting on my face. It literally seeps through my pores. I have to admit, it’s gross. I hate the feeling, I hate knowing it’s there, but what can I expect. I treat my body with such good food all week, and then I give it this nasty food and all my body wants to do is get rid of it. Talk about regret.

Now I’m not saying all pizza is bad. By all means, making a homemade pizza can be a great option! But I’m referring to the pizza that you order in like we did. Unfortunately you have no control in the ingredients and amount of grease is used.

So take a lesson from me. Go ahead and have a “cheat meal” once a week, but don’t make it the worst food you can find. Find something that is relatively not that bad for you and indulge. In the end, you’ll be thankful for it!