What in the World is Going On? – Healing Journey Day 20

Journal:
Today was actually a pretty good day. Now, when I say it was a pretty good day, I’m reflecting and realizing that my “good” days have taken on a whole new meaning themselves. A “good” day now would have been a “crazy” day to me before. But I firmly believe in celebrating what is good overall, so I will continue to say that today was a pretty good day.

I managed to eat 2 bananas in the morning. This was a feat. I can’t remember the last time I actually managed to eat before the afternoon. The bananas were ripe and sweet and I was thankful. I was not craving any cooked food whatsoever.

At lunch time, we ran into the first big issue: hot lunch was not ready. I, in no way, blame the person in charge. He was doing the best he could with none of his help showing up. In fact, I felt bad. Being the teacher I am, I decided to move our lunch time to after lunch recess so that there wouldn’t be a huge rush and extra time could be provided. After explaining this to my students, they completely understood.

Before my students came back in from recess, I decided to go see if any help was needed. Instead of giving assistance, they told me to call out my orders according to my list and simply gather what was needed for my class. So that is what I did. I had 8 orders for my class and I worked on transporting everything and having everything prepared for my hungry students to eat when they came in. However, because it was such a rush, I didn’t realize that I had also taken the lunch of a student who had been sent home in the morning. Because it had been handled, the hot lunch could not be returned. So I ended up splitting the lunch with another student whose father had not yet shown up with her lunch. This wasn’t even because I really wanted the lunch to be completely honest. But it was because I have a problem with wasting food. The cheese slice they added to the veggie burger? It definitely came off. Since being vegan, I cannot look at cheese the same way. And for anyone who has not read my other posts, I work in a school that does not serve meat whatsoever, so on any hot lunch day, meat is never an option. Everything is either vegetarian (like pizza days) or vegan, often with the option of either.

So, I didn’t end up with a super heavy feeling which I credit to not eating the whole lunch myself. However, I did not feel as “fresh” either. I’m not enjoying cooked food as much as I thought I would. There really is something to eating raw. I think my biggest struggle right now is that I’m limited to a single fruit per day and I just really want some veggies in there too to give me a break from the sweetness. But that day is coming soon. I just have to keep this up a little longer (especially since the past 3 days haven’t been 100%). Tomorrow, I have to clean up and do a full banana island day.

After lunch, my next big event happened during gym class for my students. The student whose parents still had not shown up with anything for her to eat was keeling over in gym. At this point, I asked if I could go into the canteen and pick a couple more things out for her. I sat with her while she ate the two things we selected. After she returned to gym, I looked at the clock and realized I had only about 5 minutes left until it was time to pick my kids up from gym. So I decided to head back into the kitchen to see if any help was needed in the clean up from hot lunch (again, one person doing everything). As I went in to help, the announcement went for what should have been a lockdown drill. However, a small and yet huge mistake was made. In a rush to fit our drills into the day, the script from the emergency paper was read and instead of using the appropriate words to say that it was just a drill, the script that meant it wasn’t just a drill was used. I can’t even begin to explain the stress and panic that occurred following the use of the wrong script. Thankfully, it ended up being just a drill with the wrong words being read. But as soon as everyone was given the all clear, many teachers ran to find out what happened and I think it is safe to say that this mistake will not happen again.

The rest of the day went fairly well, aside from an earthquake drill we had to practice later in the day. It was not the most productive day at work. But I came away from the day proud of my students and how they handled each situation. I am just happy we were all safe.

Though I did have a meeting of sorts again after school, I was actually home by 6:00 pm. It is a record for the past few weeks. It felt so good to just leave my classroom a mess, not worry about prepping for the next day, and not worrying about having to get up early the next morning to do it all again. I was home, I was safe, and for one evening, work could wait.

I would like to say the rest of the evening went well, but it didn’t. Around 7:00, I started wondering why my husband had not messaged me since lunch. He almost always messages me when he gets home around 6:00. And then I found out what happened.

A year or so ago, my mother-in-law was involved in a massive court case as her assistant had embezzled a bunch of money from the company. As she is second under the owner, she was just as much if not more involved with taking this lady to court than he was. While this was going on, my mother-in-law’s house was broken into: the door was kicked down, things were stolen, etc. Police were involved, the door was taken for fingerprinting, and the house was searched. Nothing ever came from this case, though suspicions were strong. She then installed some cameras along the driveway and put an electric gate at the end of the driveway as well. Nothing seemed to happen after that.

Well, yesterday, someone had come along and not only disconnected everything from her electric gate, but had also unbolted and stolen all of the electric gate equipment. To me, that took someone who had premeditated this as the person would have had to have all the right equipment to do it while also trying to be fast so as not to be caught when someone drove by. Though there is still a slight possibility it was someone looking to make some cash, it doesn’t seem likely.

Not only was that bad enough, the reason my husband had not contacted me was because someone had actually broken into the house again. But instead of just kicking in the door and stealing some things, they had turned on her gas burners and left them running. No, they were not ignited; they were simply turned on so the gas would continue to fill the house. Honestly, this is so much like a tv show. These are things you don’t think will ever happen to you. But this is real life and this is scary beyond belief. The worst part of it all is I had two of my dogs upstairs in a kennel. If they had blown up the house or burned the house down, my dogs would not be alive today. I freaked out. The worst part is, they called the cops, they came and took a look but of course could do nothing. The best advice they gave her was to set up cameras, fix the gate, and attach a sign at the beginning of her property saying that it was under surveillance. Even for myself, I find no comfort in this whatsoever. I think I’m still in shock now, even as I write this. This is one of my “homes”. This is my husband, my mother-in-law, and my dogs. If anything happens to them… I just can’t even fathom right now.

So needless to say, I didn’t leave the house. The gym was the furthest thing from my mind. And though I did manage to eat a total of 5 bananas today, only 2 of those were after I got home. My appetite was far from here. I’m on edge. I just can’t even imagine…

Review of Symptoms:
-Tired
-Stressed
-Not so hungry due to stress
-Cooked food is causing me to feel not as great.
-Acne is the same.
-Haven’t “eliminated” in several days…

Weight at the end of the day = 174.6 lbs (still no weight change)

Total Calories = approx. 1237 (78% carbs, 15% fat, 7% protein… much better ratios today)

In Memory of Dolce, My Baby

As I mentioned in my Spring Break post, one of the occurrences was that my little Dolce passed away. So in memory of him, I thought I would share his story.

Originally, I had fallen in love with a different skinny pig. I had gone to the pet store so many times over problems with my fish that eventually my perspective turned from “That is the ugliest thing I have ever seen!” to “I absolutely love him!”. The unfortunate part was that as I walked into the pet store just as this little girl was walking out with my skinny pig. I was devastated. My boyfriend (future husband) at the time was able to send me a list of other pet stores because my heart was too broken to go home without this skinny pig.

I made it to another pet store, and thankfully, there was one skinny pig. I picked him up happily and took him home. This became my Armani.

Armani was an amazing pet, got along well with my dog and everything, but he started screaming at night. Upon some research, I found out they were companion animals and so the reason for his screams was loneliness. Thus began the hunt for another skinny pig.

We just happened to find this “werewolf” skinny pig, about an hour’s drive away. We made that drive. Dolce was a pure black skinny pig. He was less friendly than Armani, but the two got along well. However, it wasn’t more than a few months, and suddenly, we came home and Armani was dead. There weren’t any fight marks or anything, and of course, the pet stores do not record the age of small animals, so I do not know the cause of his death. We watched closely to see if Dolce would be as lonely as Armani was, but he seemed to be fine on his own.

Through our remaining time with Dolce – 4 years – we moved twice, travelled with him to the states several times, and just had such fun with him through everything. He was our little buddy. But as he aged, and as his last week of life came (unknowingly), I was thankful to get to spend some extra time with him before he passed. He will always be my little buddy and I will miss him incredibly.

My little Dolce’s last bath, drying under a nice towel with his most favourite food in the world: carrots!

Locker Control

At our school, students get their first lockers in grade 5. Which means, by grade 6, when they come to me, they should theoretically be well aware of the proper use of a locker, mainly knowing the proper use of a lock.

Our school rents locks to the students. If they return them at the end of the year, they get their money back. It’s honestly a wonderful system. However, many students seem to forget the fact that locks are supposed to be locked when you’re not at your locker. Locks that are simply hanging there are not protecting your personal belongings. Now, I don’t expect my students to have extremely valuable things in their lockers as I have a classroom safe to keep electronics and other items of high value, but just to ensure their stuff does not go missing, they should keep their locks locked.

It has been such a problem, and students do not let the reminders “sink in”, I have been personally forced to come up with a solution to this problem, and I’m thinking my solution is genius (of course only time will tell).

I am choosing to collect the locks each time I see one that is unlocked. Every locker contains the belongings of two of my students and thus I only have 11 lockers to check. I take the locker, write down the number of the locker, and when I have time while other students are working, these students must show me they can open their locks 30 times. I tell them when they can start, and assure them that if they do not hold up the lock for me to see that it is opened, and I do not write a tick, it did not count.

So far, this seems to be working very well. They seem to almost make a game of it at first, but as some become frustrated and slow down to concentrate, the point seems to be getting across. When one partner is done, the other locker mate must come do their 30 turns as well. It takes awhile, but they sit across from my desk and I make sure to have a piece of paper and a pencil handy and am able to watch my class working and record “tick marks” at the same time. I am also sure to say to the students afterwards that they have now proven to me that they are truly capable of locking and unlocking their locks. So far, I love it.

Only once have I had students leave it unlocked twice, and the result was to do the same thing 40 times. I asked afterwards if he would forget again. He told me no, and so far I have always seen it locked. I will keep you posted on how well this goes!

Week 10 Day 6: A Bad-Happy Day

It was so nice to wake up and feel the relief of parent-teacher interviews being over. In a way, I felt free.

I had a chiropractor and massage appointment today, but my car is still not running. So I booked a taxi ahead of time, something I haven’t done in a very long time.

Because I booked my ride ahead of time, and had not fallen back asleep after my husband left for work, I noticed I actually had a bit of time to play with! Something I haven’t had in months! So I did a couple loads of laundry and took the time to call my French grandparents, my father, and my mom, stepfather, and brothers. I feel like I accomplished so much in that short amount of time.

I went to my appointments and got surprising comments from my massage therapist (chiro I think was a hair worse than normal). During the massage, the only tight place she encountered was actually in my arms, as surprising as that was. But she was not overly concerned about that.

After the massage, she asked me if I had been doing the stretch routine we had designed over the summer, and I told her that I had to be honest, and that I haven’t been as much as I should. She then asked if I had been working my legs hard, to which I told her yes especially after PR’ing my leg press this week. She looked at me strange and mentioned how this is the least tight I have been since starting my massages several months ago.

Together, we figured that my body was in fact being overstretched, even though I was almost religiously doing a 15 minute stretch routine everyday. Sometimes my body would regress rather than progress, and since I’ve given it a break, it’s actually progressed more. As strange as it sounds, that’s honestly what has been happening, and so she encouraged me to keep doing what I was doing while making sure to listen to my body. She was sincerely impressed.

I came home (another taxi ride) and shortly after received a phone call. Those neighbours that called about my dogs before to both our landlady and Animal Patrol? Well apparently they called our landlady again, but this time saying we slam our doors all hours of the night. Um, I’m a Christian school teacher who doesn’t drink, doesn’t party, quite honestly doesn’t have many friends in the area whom I go out and do things with ever, and realistically, the only thing I do is go to the gym. But slamming my door? And all hours of the night? I honestly don’t know what I ever did to these neighbours. I know this building is 50+ years old, and there have been several times where I’ve run to open our front door when it was only people knocking on our neighbour’s door. You can honestly even hear every time they run up and down the stairs. One time, we could hear the tv through the wall at 3 in the morning. I don’t call on them because I get it. I don’t expect perfection when the building is this old. But I am wondering if this is the same thing they’re calling me on. And my biggest thing is why they never even say hello let alone ask me about it.

At our school, when a parent has a problem, the principal directs them directly to us before she’ll step in. Why can’t a landlord do the same? I have never heard boo from either of my neighbours, except once to find out if we knew anything about the car being broken into, and once about the first flood we had. Not even when we’ve seen parties on their deck at early hours of the morning. I don’t understand…

This little incidence kind of shut down my progress with the house cleaning for awhile. And so when my husband got home, the only thing I wanted to do was to sit and cuddle with him for a bit. It was actually nice because I haven’t felt this free from school work in so long to completely dedicate my attention to him, rather than only half-listening to him while I’m working.

We went to the gym, and I’m telling you, I didn’t even have my regular coffee before the gym, but I smashed every back record I have! My single arm dumbbell rows went up by 5 lbs a side, my t-bar row went up by 10 lbs (husband encouraged me), and my reverse lat pulldown went up by 5 lbs. I was loving it!! And I even found my side planks significantly easier than normal. Oh how happy I was! Although I was burning from the inside, hoping that was the fat burning off! 😉

I went to bed fairly satisfied last night, just somehow need to tackle this neighbour issue and maybe consider moving…

Just Enough

Patience. Often something we lack. I’m not talking about the kind of patience where you take deep breaths when you’re struggling with something or waiting for someone who is running late. I’m talking patience when you’re waiting for an answer to something and it never seems to come. That’s the patience I’m talking about.

This whole immigration thing with my husband frustrates me to no end. Now they’ve lost his FBI record that took us almost 3 months to get. I know they had it because I sent it in the same envelope as the Work Permit application. He got his work permit, meaning they got the FBI record. Yet they don’t have any record of it? I have a funny feeling I’m going to be waiting more than another 3 months… 

But this whole situation really got me thinking. What if for right now, the work permit is enough? What about those nasty snow storms we had last winter, and yet we had a vehicle that sporadically ran. But wasn’t that enough to get us through all the days we desperately needed a car? It was a pain to have my basement flood and the endless disgust that came with the duties of pumping it all out, but wasn’t it contained just enough to not destroy many expensive things? I hate my washer and dryer. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if the washer blows up one day. But isn’t it just enough that I have a washer and dryer that I didn’t have to pay for and that get the job done for now? My husband may not have his residency yet which does put some of our plans and decisions on hold. But isn’t it just enough that he does get to be here with me and can legally work? And maybe the time they told him to leave the country and then said he shouldn’t have left the country, and then got stopped at the border for two hours almost to not be let in the country, wasn’t that enough that they at least let him through the border with a visitor visa? 

Funny enough, as coincidental as this is, I’m currently sitting in the car, my husband has just come out from looking at other vehicle options, and our car won’t start. And I’m not quite frankly sure how this is going to end. But the one thing I do know is that it is just enough that I have options.

It is just enough that we can ask someone to boost us and hopefully that will work. It is just enough that if necessary, I pay yearly for AMA coverage which includes a few tows if I need them. It is just enough that I even have a car that has gotten me around this long. It is just enough that although we couldn’t do it for long, we do have the money to pay for a taxi to go home. And it is just enough to know that we were already planning on another vehicle – although we were hoping for it to be a second vehicle – so that if need be, we can get another vehicle fast. 

Praise God that He knows what we need and gives us JUST ENOUGH ❤

I’m not going to stay long because I do need to be with my husband at this frustrating moment. But I write to you so that you know, even if things don’t quite turn out the way you want or the way you expect, God will provide you with just enough to get through whatever it is, and just enough to keep you going. 

Sometimes everything we think we need is so far from what we actually need, and that’s where trusting in God and being patient upon His answers can be so hard. But I challenge you today. Look at the things He’s given you that are just enough, and go from there.