Week 1 Day 2

Currently I am writing to you as I finish my last meal for the day: greek yogurt with mango and blueberries, and egg whites. And believe it or not, it’s only 11:44! Haven’t hit that midnight mark yet! (Really, that is sad and something I need to work on. I’m not so good at getting to bed when I should…)

So today was a bit of a rough-to-good day. Let me explain what I mean.

I woke up so tired (lack of sleep problem again…). But I got up, managed to do a load of dishes, put away some clean laundry, shower, walk the dogs, feed my animals, throw food in a bag, get out the door and manage to only make it a few minutes late to work. This actually was awful for me because I’m NEVER late. I’m one of those people that hates to be late for anything. Trust me, this won’t be repeated anytime soon.

The day seemed to go alright, of course with lots to do both for work and home. But what I really want to focus on is the affect food can have on you and what a mix of food and stress did to me today.

Most of you have followed my problems with the government and my husband’s permanent residency. Well, today I wrote in many details in an earlier blog post about my experience today. But to summarize, I had a bad phone call with the government. Not in any trouble or anything, but it ended in huge stress and high anxiety. Now, mix that with the fact that I had been so busy I wasn’t watching how long it had been since I had eaten the previous meal. So my blood sugars were low, my anxiety and stress was high, and I almost had a meltdown.

I’m not normally a person to have a meltdown incase you’re wondering. I’m the optimistic problem-solver. But not at that moment. And the thing is, I know it also had to do with the food because immediately after the phone call, I took a few minutes to try and calm myself down, and then decided to forget all work for a few minutes and get my food ready: sweet potato, cottage cheese and cubed turkey. I may not have felt better about the stress for quite some time, but immediately I could tell a difference with the food. It made me feel more capable, more stable, definitely better.

So I continued my day, absolutely ready for a nap after work. There was simply too much stress associated with that phone call and the surrounding situation.

I did some errands after work, came home, and took a nap. I wasn’t ready to get up when my husband woke me up, but after rising and eating, I was feeling alright. Then I got to the gym and started feeling great. Amazing how that happens.

Now as far as the workout, it was great (minus the burpees). I hate burpees. I don’t know what it is about them, but I feel so uncoordinated like my legs are too long and get in my way. And I may have learned that balance while doing these is super important as I put too much pressure on my already injured wrist which caused me to crash to my knees. Oops. But I can assure you that by the last round of burpees, my form had improved incredibly. I’m trying to heal that wrist, not make it worse!

How I felt when I looked at the workout routine for tonight…

The workout again was a circuit style which I have found to be difficult in the gym when you require certain machines. But it is not impossible.

So I’m waiting currently waiting for that frozen mango and some of those frozen blueberries to thaw a little more before I can finish eating my yogurt. Then I will be getting ready for bed and sleeping the remainder of the night away.

Hope you all have an awesome and healthy night!

I Have A Confession: It’s Not Always That Easy…

So it’s true. I have a confession to make.

I feel as if I come across as very positive, and if I do, that’s my goal. I honestly try super hard to look for the positive in everything. That’s just who I am. I know there is usually a positive side to everything or at least a way through every tough situation. I know that. I’m naturally optimistic. I also am aware of that. And even though I’m really good at showing my optimistic side, I have to admit, it’s not always that easy.

I’m looking at today as an example. It has been weeks since I found out that the government lost my husband’s FBI report. I was mad for a couple days, got over it, and realized we do have enough time to apply for another one because he was at least issued his work permit. But I had never had the chance to call them myself until today.

For starters, there’s always a wait time on the phone. And I was using a spare at work to call so my anxiety was raising a little that they wouldn’t answer by the time my students came back.

Then, I explained my situation quickly to which the guy questioned me as if I was crazy. This didn’t help.

And on top of it all, not only did I wait, got questioned as if I had no idea what I was talking about, I got told he couldn’t do anything without speaking to my husband and he has to be here with me if I am to talk. All of that for nothing.

And after I hung up the phone (the guy offered no apology or anything and said a very quick good-bye), I realized that I had been optimistic about talking to them myself and at least figuring out what went wrong even if we had to apply again. But quite pointedly, my optimism was nothing short of dashed and I was left in a mess of anxiety and completely upset.

You know, it’s one thing to know that everything is going to be ok, because it is. I know it will be, one way or another. But I have to tell myself it’s also ok to BE in that moment, to feel what I feel. I mean, this is something that my entire heart is woven into. This whole process has cost us so much money and time and has tested our faith and strength so much. Then to hear that the man was totally unwilling to help me and not even feel bad about it? For an optimistic person like me, that’s hard to handle.

I’m a problem solver. I’m used to figuring out my own problems, my friends problems, and my students problems. That’s what I do. And to have a problem that means so much to me personally unsolved and nothing I can do about it, that’s almost heart shattering.

The thing is, I’m ok now. But at that moment, I almost had a meltdown. Mix the stress of wondering how his residency is ever going to be done, let alone the thought of citizenship afterwards. Mix that with the 20 children I’m responsible for all day. Mix that with the table full of 4+ hours worth of grading that I need to do. Mix that with the mass amount of paperwork I have to do before the end of the month to meet government deadlines for education. Sometimes it honestly gets too hard to handle.

And that’s what I want you guys to know. I do hope you gain happy influences from my blog; that you learn to hopefully see God’s hands even in the worst of things. But I don’t want to be fake; I want you to know that I’m human and sometimes life does get too much for me in the moment. I know I will pull through, I know God will carry me when I need it, but it’s ok to admit you have too much going on or too much in your head. Breaking down is a way of dealing with all of those emotions you carry, and that’s perfectly ok. Take a walk, watch a show, exercise, or lay down and listen to music. Do what it takes for you to get through that moment because when that moment has passed, however long it takes, you will be able to deal with it later or at least have the mental clarity to get the help you need. You can do it.

So there I go. Now you guys know. Life really isn’t all rainbows and butterflies but much more a cartoon strip of repeatedly falling and getting back up on your feet. The main point is not the falling, it’s about the getting back up. As long as you can do that, you’ve already won the battles you will face.

April 3, Part 1: The Night My Husband Saved My Life

Tonight was unexpected. Tonight was scary. Tonight was the night my husband saved my life.

It all began as my husband was changing the alternator in our Audi. That blessed Audi that has continued to break down on us over and over again. This was the final step to getting it running and ready to be sold! I cannot wait! We’ve had a few people interested in buying it. So excited to sell it! And so he was putting the new alternator in and had our male dog Dwight outside with him. I stayed inside, was cooking a piece of mahi mahi in the oven, and finishing some spaghetti noodles on the stove.

My mother-in-law called and so I began talking to her for awhile. During the conversation, I noticed a tickle in my throat that led me to cough. After about the fourth cough, I figured I just needed a drink and to eat something to get it out of my throat. During this time, I had walked over to the window because I heard the Audi running. I kept my mother-in-law informed as I sat in the window and nervously watched my husband take the jumper cables off the Audi, and the Audi continued to run and the battery light turned off! My husband even looked up at the window to yell at me and tell me the Audi was running which we were all excited for. Of course, during the whole time, my mother-in-law begins to ask me if I’m ok or if I’m fighting my “winter cough”. I told her this definitely wasn’t my winter cough, but I wasn’t sure if it was what I was cooking or what was causing this irritation in my throat. She let me go to get a drink and so I began to sip away.

Meanwhile, my husband has closed up both vehicles and I hear him coughing down the hallway. Upon entering the apartment and quickly shutting the door, he rounds the corner, Dwight coughing and sneezing, and my husband looking like he was deadly ill: coughing horrendously, saliva pouring out of his mouth, tears flowing down his face, and unable to respond to me right away about whether he was ok. I got scared.

After he gathered himself together, he told me specifically, “We need to get the dogs and get out of here NOW!” Of course, I’m sitting here like, “Oh I’ll just stuff a towel under the door, where else would we go anyways? I’ll just open our two windows and air out the place…”

I can honestly say that I’ve never been more thankful for his stubbornness. He told me to immediately shut the windows as it was drawing the air from the hallway in, and that he wasn’t sure what the gas in the air was but that if it was something like natural gas, the building could explode and we needed out right away. I gave in and we put the dogs in their cages, I put our skinny pig in his little cage, grabbed my purse, and opened the door to the hallway. What happened next was entirely awful.

When the air from the hallway hit me, it was like hitting death in the face. That little tickle in my throat became an instant burning. The coughing became constant. The tears rolled freely. Our noses were running incessantly. My husband went behind me, telling me to just head for the front door, to just get to the front door. It was honestly the most awful thing of my life. So awful in fact, that the only things I can remember from going down the hallway, down the stairs, and out the door was just focussing on trying not to breath, trying to go fast without falling or dropping my babies, and the sounds of coughing from my husband, my dogs and myself.

Hitting the outside air was the greatest breath of fresh air I’ve ever had. As soon as we got outside and had a chance to take a breath and gather ourselves from the mess we had turned into, some fellow tenants were coming out on their decks asking about the coughing and if we thought it was better to leave. We advised our neighbours to get out.

My husband went and got the car, we loaded up and drove a few streets away. I called our rental company’s number to report the emergency to which he very concernedly called a landlord and the fire department right away. I also called the fire department to be sure.

The response time was within a minute! It was incredible timing! We had around 10 fire trucks and an ambulance surrounding our building, blocking entrances to the street, and lined up along the road. I took one quick picture before we walked up to see what they had found out.

In this picture, you can clearly see 3 fire trucks, but ahead of this line up was another 2 fire trucks and an ambulance. The rest were on the front of the building, the other entrance of the road, and the back. We were clearly being taken care of and I’m so very thankful for these people.

After we parked on the side of the road (just behind where this picture was taken), we walked up to see what was going on. The firemen were everywhere, many with oxygen tanks on and ready to use in order to enter the building.

For the next little while, little was said about what happened. The tenants were gathered outside with their children and pets (cats and dogs) waiting for news. Many of them just ended up leaving, but some stayed and waited. We spent our time walking back and forth from the car to check on our animals to the apartment to find any updates. Growing up with a fire chief in the house, I knew to avoid when they were obviously busy, but to answer questions quickly and efficiently with plenty of detail when they ask. They came and talked to me once about what had happened, but nothing really came of the whole thing.

Eventually, they brought out their air vacuum fans and put them at both entrance doors to draw the air out. There was no confirmation as to what it was, but they cleared the building and allowed us back in.

It may seem like nothing now, but can you imagine what could have happened? What if it was a natural gas leak and the building did combust? What if it was a poisonous gas and I was too unclear in my thoughts to leave and had done irreversible damage to myself and my pets?

I’m so thankful for my husband who was able to know what we needed to do, and was willing to drag me out if I didn’t comply (he told me this after). His demonstration of protection and care for me was definitely shown tonight. I love this man and have never been more in love with him then now. His care for me surpasses all expectations.

Tonight, he saved my life.