The title of this blog post can seem rather… well, bad. But I am using it to describe non-other than myself. You see, as a child of divorced and remarried parents, I’ve learned that relationships can be hard. And although I’ve seen some of the difficulties in marriage, I really didn’t know all of the reasons or details until I became older and got married myself. Once you’re married, you learn firsthand. And hopefully able to avoid or improve upon the mistakes you’ve learned from those before you. But some things, I’ve learned, can never be truly taught ahead of time without learning a little on your own. One of these things, is miscommunication.
I strongly believe that communication can be the best thing, but it also has the capabilities to be the worst. It all depends on what is involved in your communication, and sometimes the clarity of it. As a teacher, I know I’m constantly having to rethink things that come naturally to me in order to communicate it at a level my students understand. Sometimes I get frustrated when I think they should understand something, but they don’t. I always have to set myself back afterwards and reflect upon the fact that although it means something to me, it may have no experience or background behind it to them, so how could they really know?
Put that into the perspective of a relationship with your spouse. Frustrated that the person who is around you the most just doesn’t seem to get it. Frustrated that you are for sure they should understand, they should know you by now, but they don’t. I make this mistake all the time. And I know sometimes, the miscommunication, trying to explain feelings and trying to make the other person understand, it just doesn’t work out right. Miscommunication is the worst, and I read a blog today that really made me rethink this.
I am incredibly guilty of taking control of things if my husband takes “too long” (in my mind of course). I consider myself to be a fast-thinker, a problem-solver, and experienced with many different situations in life, and thus sometimes better able to make the decisions. I never understood why my husband could not just be happy with the decisions I made since essentially I was saying I knew better. But the blog I read today has made me feel the guilt that I’m worthy of. I’ll share a little of what it said.
( The link to this blog post is here: http://timewarpwife.com/?p=3361 )
She goes on to explain how she had spent time studying in France while she was younger and single. She knew France pretty well. Later in life, she was married and returned to France. And a specific incident (trying to decide which trains to take on the metro) led her to discover the role she was stealing from her husband, a role that caused tension between them that she had never noticed before. And that was the fact that after 10 minutes of her husband trying to figure out the metro, she jumped in with the route that she knew how to get there, thus making the decision for him.
Now I know that this may cause some strife. That yes, women are equals to men and the whole works. But the thing is, I believe God did make man to be the leader. God made man first. And when He saw that Adam was lonely, He said it is not good for man to be alone but to have a helper, and thus created the woman. Even later in the Bible, it speaks of the fact that women need love from their husbands, but husbands need respect from their wives. Of course they need our love, but they feel it most when they know we respect them.
I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I’ve jumped in and made the decision, on a plethora of different things. And I know my husband has tried to tell me the same message before, but it took this blog post today to make me truly realize the damage I’m doing. I’m belittling my husband. I’m telling him that I’m better than him. I’m truly awful.
Now I’m not sure about you, but I know, right now with all my heart that I need to improve. I can’t keep doing this to him. I need to let him lead me, even if I know it’s wrong. I have the worst part holding back my tongue sometime to prove how I’m right, but sometimes, I just need to bite it back. What an unhealthy relationship partner I’ve been. I haven’t even made it home yet today (at work), but when I do go home, I have a large, sincere apology to make.
Life is about growing and learning, and I’m so thankful for the opportunities God has given me to improve, to reshape who I am, to learn the lessons I need to learn. Sometimes I wonder if I would wander the earth in a daze, ignorant of the things I do wrong. Sometimes life hurts, and sometimes it needs to in order for you learn what you need to learn. Today is one of those days, for me.
Calm in Christ and Fitness 